12

A/N: I hope you like this. It is getting psychologically very interesting for me to write. I am as curious as anyone to see what happens next. Thanks for the support. It feeds me and keeps me going.

Sheila

Control

Chapter 10

Logan saw him coming and waved him down the hall frantically. "Where have you been? I've been calling all morning."

Goren trotted up to him, face unshaven. "How the hell did this happen! He's already had a bond hearing."

"Carver had to amend the indictment when we found Alex alive. And since we have no statement from her yet, the only relevant charges are your attempted murder."

"What Judge do we have?"

"Carlin. Big civil liberties guy. Carver's got his hands full in there."

They reached the ornate, wooden doors to the courtroom and entered quietly. Logan purposefully stood in the aisle until Goren found a seat next to Deakins. Then he followed him, effectively boxing him in.

Carver was on his feet before the bench ahead of them, his voice betraying the frustration he felt. "Frankly Judge, I am concerned about Detective Eames' civil rights in this matter. We found her less than two days ago. She is so badly traumatized and ill from her experience that we have not been able to effectively interview her. Putting James Ross back on the streets before we have a chance to do that is…foolhardy at best."

Ross' Lawyer chimed in. "My client has been charged with a crime that he is willing to make a plea on. There is no reason for him to be remanded on charges which have not even been filed. It is a violation of his right to due process."

Looking bored, Judge Carlin leaned in. "Mr. Carver, do you have a reasonable expectation that these charges will be amended soon?"

"Yes, your honor. We are working on the forensics, and giving us a few more days will no doubt allow us opportunity to interview Detective Eames."

"Your honor, I don't think Mr. Carver is giving you the whole picture here. The detective was drugged heavily during her ordeal. Hallucinations have been the most they have been able to get out of her. There is no guarantee that her memories will be real events or more hallucinations. Gabiano vs. Hawkins tells us that testimony of someone who was as drugged as she was is suspect at best, and shouldn't be admitted into evidence. You will have a brief to that effect on your desk this afternoon. My client has not been proven guilty, and yet he is being unlawfully detained. Surely your honor can see the wrongness of this action."

Carlin looked at Carver. "I didn't know that Detective Eames had been subject to hallucinations."

"Your honor, she is recovering. We have no reason to believe that she won't recover relevant memories. To put this man back out on the streets is irresponsible." Carver could no longer hold his emotions.

"That's enough, Mr. Carver. I can't let your personal feelings impact my decision. I hereby set Mr. Ross' bail at one million which is far above what I would be setting if this was any other case. Mr. Ross, you are restrained from having any contact with Detective Goren or Detective Eames. If you are found within five hundred yards of either individual, you will be remanded without bail for the remainder of these proceedings."

The gavel sounded like a shot. Carver whirled around, biting a comment at the tip of his tongue. Goren was on his feet and Logan was standing in front of him. Logan pushed him into Deakins, and bolted after the lawyer and Ross. He caught them out in the hallway. Circling around so they had no place to escape, he put his finger in Ross' face. "This isn't a warning or a threat; merely a promise. You better lock yourself inside your home until this trial because I am instituting my own restraint boundaries. If I see you in the same borough as any detective from this squad, I'll be on you like white on rice. I'll crawl so far up your ass, you'll be singing for the Vienna Boy's Choir."

The lawyer spotted Carver trotting toward them. "Ron, would you like to be a witness to the threats your city's finest is throwing at my client?."

"Detective!" Carver frowned at him. "Please! Let's not give them any ammunition."

There was a commotion at the door, and Goren came out, with Deakins literally hanging off him. Deakins let go in exasperation, and the big man plowed down the hall until he was in front of Ross. Logan looked ready to tackle him, but Goren warned him away with a look. He stepped up to Ross who seemed too paralyzed to react. "I have only enough sanity left to not want to spend the rest of my life in prison for a pre-meditated crime, but that's all. If you provoke me, and believe me there's a long list of items that qualify, I will snap and you will pay with your life. I welcome the witnesses to this particular threat. I won't hide it. I would rather spend the next 20 years in prison than let you terrorize one more person." He turned to the lawyer. "Did you get all that? I want you to be able to remind your mentally ill client just in case he forgets to take his medication."

The man only nodded at the large man looming above him. Goren turned on his heels, and walked away. Logan took a look at his captain and trotted after him. Carver raised an eyebrow at the retreating detectives and then turned to Jimmy Ross. "I am never in favor of threatening defendants, but I have to say, Mr. Ross, that you've been warned. You have spent too much of my time making a mockery of our judicial system. My patience is gone. There will be no deals. I will prosecute to the full extent of the law. You can count on that."

The lawyer tried to respond, but Carver put up a hand and walked away from the two men.

……………………………………………………………………..

Goren sat forward in his chair watching her breathe. Already the color was returning to her cheeks. He was careful not to sit too close or else be again bewitched by her. She hadn't made any movement in the half hour since he had arrived, but he was content with that. He just needed her to breathe and rest.

An eye opened and looked at him. He braced for whatever state of lucidity she might be in. But when her eyes settled on his, she did nothing more than smile.

"Hey Eames," he said softly.

She lifted her tousled head from her pillow and tried to sit up.

"Take it easy." Bobby was on his feet, leaning over her. "You don't need to sit up."

Alex brushed him away. "Leave me alone, Bobby, I'm not an invalid."

The independent ferocity in her voice was very familiar and he backed away. She finished pulling herself up.

Returning to his chair, he looked intently at her. "How do you feel?"

She grimaced. "I feel weird, fuzzy…weak."

"You've been through a lot. It will still be a few days before you're going to feel right again."

She smirked at him. "Thanks Doctor Goren."

He shifted in his chair. "Do you have memories?"

She nodded.

"We're going to have to interview you soon."

"I'm ready when you are."

He shrugged. "Maybe we'll wait another day. You're probably still a little unclear."

"Did you bring your tape recorder?"

"Yeah."

"Then we'll do it now."

Bobby was suddenly seized with anxiety. "Are you sure? Maybe it would be better if..uh, Carolyn did this with you?"

"Whatever makes you comfortable, Bobby." The intensity of the look on her face didn't waver.

"No, Alex, it has to be whatever makes you comfortable." Bobby could feel his agitation growing, and it was all he could do to stay in his chair.

"I'm not comfortable with any of this. But it has to happen, and I choose you to be the one to hear my story. I don't want to have secrets from you. Our trust in one another has always been so important to me."

Bobby nodded and dug in his pocket for is micro-recorder.

She watched him fumble about for the recorder, his notepad, and a pen. "At what point were you going to tell me that he was out on bail?"

Bobby looked up, startled.

"I overheard the nurses talking about it. They were talking about ordering in special meals in case, he hired someone to poison me."

"I don't know. I was trying to think of a way. I'm sorry."

She chewed on her lower lip. "Well, I guess, we'd better do this interview as soon as possible then so that Carver can amend the indictment."

"I won't let him near you. I promise you that."

She nodded and looked away for a moment. "Let's start, Bobby. Okay?"

He put the recorder on the bed beside her, and then pulled his chair up until his knees touched her bed. Then he turned it on. "This is Detective Robert Goren interviewing Detective Alexandra Eames. Detective, please identify yourself and tell me what you remember about being kidnapped."

Alex sighed and leaned toward the recorder. "This is Alexandra Eames, Detective First Grade, Major Case Squad, Manhattan…Okay…Bobby, remind me what the date was of my kidnapping."

"It was on January 14, 2006."

She nodded. "I remember that this was the morning that Detective Barek was attacked in her apartment. I was there, and I had became worried about how my presence might impact the safety of my colleagues and so I left."

"Where did you go?"

"Central park. I walked through the park for a few hours trying to decide if I was going to call Jimmy Ross and arrange to meet him."

"What did you decide?" Bobby kept his questions brief and crisp. It would make for a good interview that way, and it would also keep him from wandering into territory with his questions that might be needlessly painful for both of them.

"I took a cab to the pier. I realized that I couldn't call him. It was impulsive. So I called my part-- I called you instead."

"What happened then?"

"I heard a noise and then I saw a shadow. I went to investigate and that's the last I remember."

"What's your next memory?"

"I woke up in a room. I don't know how long it was after I was taken. I remember that my mouth was dry and my head hurt something awful. I had trouble focusing my thoughts. It was a bedroom, and I was tied to the bed. The ties were silk, Jimmy's idea of spoiling me I suppose."

"What do you remember next?"

"Jimmy would come in every day and sit with me. He would let me eat, and use the bathroom. Then he would talk to me about my new life." Her voice cracked and she put her head down for a moment to compose herself.

"What did he tell you?"

She rubbed her nose and looked up, blinking hard. "He prides himself on not having to 'rape' his women as he says. He was courting me, talking to me softly, trying to joke with me. He would tell me about all of the wonderful things we were going to do together once I came to understand his intentions."

Bobby winced before asking, "Was he physical with you?"

She chuckled, shaking her head. "He wanted me to give in and allow him to 'have sex with him.' That was the game. So at first, he gave me space, but as days passed, and my pleasant nature didn't emerge, he got more physical. The first time he assaulted me was after 10 visits. I counted. He had become impatient and so he pushed me, but I wouldn't cooperate. We wrestled although since I was restrained, it wasn't much of a match, he started hitting me when I wouldn't be still, and I don't remember the rest."

Bobby sat there, eyes closed. "How did you know you were raped?"

"When I woke up, I had a lot of pain. I don't have any questions about what happened after he knocked me out."

"What happened with Jimmy next?"

She sighed deeply. "He was very impatient. He said that he had never had a woman be this 'savage' with him. I was the 'savage' one, Bobby. Can you believe that?"

Bobby nodded, remembering Ross say that very thing to him in interrogation.

"The next visit, he raped me again. And then he told me I had a choice. I could give in or I could die. He said he had no more time for a 'little beast like me'."

Bobby didn't realize he was on his feet until he saw her looking up at him. "I'm sorry. I'll be fine. Please. Just give me a minute." He turned to the window.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm an idiot. I figured it would come out anyway, and if we dealt with it together, then our…working relationship wouldn't suffer…as much. I wasn't thinking. Call Carolyn. I'll wait for her."

Still looking out the window, he shook his head. "I'm going to finish this with you. Just give me a minute."

Finally he turned around, a forced smile on his face. "You're absolutely right. We are facing this together. I'm focused. Tell me what happened after he gave you the ultimatum."

"He disappeared for another day. When he came back, he asked me again to make the choice. I told him I would rather die. He said that could be arranged, he raped me again, and that was the last I saw him."

His head jerked. "You chose death."

"In a manner of speaking I did. Of course, as a captive, I didn't really get to choose anything."

"You must have wondered if we would ever come for you." He cocked his head in her direction, his breathing sounded ragged.

"I knew you would if you could, but I…wasn't going to wait and be his…thing."

"How angry did you get with me…with all of us? It was weeks, and no one came for you."

"Knock it off, Bobby. I was tired, malnourished, drugged, dehydrated. I didn't have room for anger, it was too much energy. And I never doubted you were looking."

"We didn't stop…ever, but it didn't matter because we…couldn't find you." He was no longer able to make eye contact.

"I wasn't afraid forever, Bobby. I really wasn't. Most of the time, I was too drugged and exhausted. I stopped caring."

He threw his hands up into the air. "This is supposed to make me feel better?"

She leaned over to protest, but her elbow didn't support her weight and she tumbled off the bed on top of him. He grabbed her and pulled her to him. "Are you okay?"

She breathed hard against his neck. "Not even close, Goren. Not even close."

"Here, let me get you back in bed." He all but launched her back onto the mattress.

She lay sprawled there for a moment, and looked up at him. "I really thought you'd be different. I thought you'd see who I still am, and everything would be okay again. I am still who I always was. I'm not that different."

"I didn't say—"

"Let's just finish, okay. We were at the point where I was telling you that I had stopped caring, and you assumed that I was speaking to your failure to find me, and I'm telling you that it wasn't anything that dramatic. I was just done…is all. It happens."

Bobby ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm the shaking in them. "This was a test, Alex. This…interview, doing it now…so spontaneous. This was a test. You wanted to see how I would handle this, didn't you?"

"No," she shook her head. "I just want someone to see me as Alex Eames, not as a poor kidnap, rape victim. I thought you would be that person."

"It looks like I failed you again."

She lay on her back and looked up at the ceiling. "When I fell on top of you, I could feel it. Touching me was too much for you. You're disgusted or you feel pity. Part of me understands, but—"

He was on his feet. "No, Eames, you don't understand. I do not feel those feelings. That is not what I am feeling!"

She pulled the blanket up over her shoulder and turned away from him silently.

He stopped and made a face. He walked around to where she was facing and knelt in front of her. "I'm sorry. I didn't need to get so loud. It…it startled you a little, didn't it? Jimmy got loud the last few times. He started yelling, and you couldn't do anything because you were tied up, but it's okay because he's not here and you're free. I'm…not myself. You're right. I feel guilty…angry. I don't understand how we didn't find you earlier…I thought about you every minute of every day, but it wasn't enough and I didn't get it right in time."

She breathed into the blanket slowly, and watched him. "In time for what? I'm alive, Bobby. I'm safe. You found me."

Bobby ignored her question. "I just want everything to be as it was. It's so complicated. I want us to be what we were."

Her forehead creased. "That ship has sailed. I will be fine, I will be me, but I will not be the same. I need you to be able to deal with that."

"But I don't want it to change this."

She frowned more deeply. "I don't understand. Do you not want to work with me? I'll need time, but I won't lose my nerve. I promise you that."

He ran a hand across his face. "I don't know what I'm saying, Alex, but I know that I want to work with you. You'll always be my partner. I don't want that to change."

She nodded into the blanket. "You were right, Bobby. It may have been too early to do the interview. I'm exhausted. Do you think you have enough to get to Carter?"

"Yeah, I do."

She forced a smile. "I should probably sleep."

"We have guards on the door and cars on Jimmy. I am going to come back just as soon as I get this to Carver."

She closed her eyes. "I think it would be better if my mom came back. It's…just better for right now. You still need your rest, and I need to get stronger."

He closed his eyes. "Alex, I'm a mess right now. I see that, but please don't misinterpret what I feel. It's gotten complicated, that's all. I need…to feel less anger, less guilt, less…everything."

"Its okay, Bobby. Go home. We'll talk tomorrow."

She reached out to touch his hand, but he jerked it away quickly.

"You need to sleep. I'm sorry for everything. I'll come by later. I'll just check with your mom and let you rest." His words jumped about like stray bullets as he got up and backed out of the room. When the door closed behind him, her face screwed up and she spit out all of the anguish she had trapped inside.

……………………………………………………………………………..

Logan camped out in the lobby of Jimmy Ross' co-op. A heated discussion with Reynaldo resulted in him dragging out a comfortable chair for the detective and turning the TV such that Logan could see the game. Reynaldo did some grumbling about how this would look to the other tenants, but Logan told him to go screw himself. He put his feet up on a glass table and settled back into the chair. Everyone once in a while, he would throw a barb in the doorman's direction.

"I'm pulling your sheet, Reynaldo. No, no, don't deny it. I know you gotta sheet. I can see it in your eyes. You and I are going to get real close. See I'm operating with a theory here that all doormen know something they should have told police at some point. It's natural. You see things. But you sit there as innocent as a lamb like there would be no reason in the world for me to jbe erking your chain. I know you know something. But what you don't seem to understand is that you don't win by holding it in. Jimmy's going down. It's a fact. I'm waiting for the paperwork that says I can walk up there and arrest his ass for kidnapping, rape, and attempted murder. In a few hours, Jimmy's only going to be a memory. All those nice Christmas gifts; you've seen the last of that. Now it's about your soul. You really want to sit there every night knowing what you know, and knowing that I know that you know something?"

Reynaldo's face screwed up as he worked to decipher it all.

Logan rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You'll come clean to me, but take your time. I'm sort of enjoying myself here. In fact, I really enjoy the Rangers…even more than the Nicks. Why don't we switch over to hockey? You not a hockey fan? Too bad. The league could use some Hispanics. Do you want to change the channel or should I?"

……………………………………………………………………………..

Bobby felt pressure on his chest and let his eyes flicker open. She was there laying on his chest, staring into his soul. He jerked back, "Alex, please. I need space."

She only smiled. "Push me off like you did earlier today."

"I didn't mean anything by that. It was complicated."

She opened her mouth and licked his left nipple. Bobby felt ready to explode. She teased him. "Make me go away. Push me away."

"I don't want to hurt you. Alex. Please! I can't do that to you; not after all this."

"I'm stronger than you think." Her eyes gleamed like a cat's.

"Why are you doing this? Don't you understand that it will destroy both of us?"

She encircled this same nipple with her teeth and nipped it, sending sensation through him. "I told you I didn't care. I'm ready to be destroyed. Remember?"

"No," he shook his head violently. "You said that to Jimmy not me. That's over. You're not backed into a corner anymore. You're going to be okay. We can make this work. We can make everything be normal again."

She planted her hands on either side of his torso and raised herself up. "Okay, let's do that. Let's go back to the way it was."

His body screamed for her attention as her skin lifted away from his. She could see his struggle and a grin grew on her face. She started to roll away from him when he grabbed her around the waist, rolling over until he was on top of her. He breathed hard as he regarded her small frame. "I can't get you out of my system. God knows I want to."

"Then get it over with. Do what you've always wanted to do. Maybe then you'll get it out of your system." She lay beneath, raising her hands to rest on his chest.

Bobby finally stopped struggling with his emotions. He reached for her mouth, lowering himself onto her, pulling her body tightly into his.

Bobby's head jerked forward and he almost toppled over. He found himself in a chair in the waiting room, only feet away from her door. His overcoat as blanket had slid onto the floor. He looked around, terrified that someone had seen him in this state. The policeman on the door was walking the other end of the hallway. The clock said 3 a.m., and the hallway was deserted. He leaned forward, dropping his face into his hands.

………………………………………………………………….

TBC