Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Dick Wolf and NBC.

A/N: Hi! I've been struggling with plot. Ideas only came together in the last day. Here is a nice long chapter for you. Please enjoy! Thanks to those who are taking time to review. It's nice to have a community interested in your stories.

Sheila

Control

Chapter 13

Deakins slammed the paper down in front of him. Goren looked at it and groaned.

"In my office." Deakins glared at him, his face red and then stalked off to wait for him.

Logan saw the exchange and ambled over. He saw the front cover of the evening Post. There was no Jimmy. This time there was a picture of Goren leaning into Eames' face.

"Shit!" He exclaimed.

Goren ignored him. He picked up the paper and headed in after Deakins.

Logan sat down at his desk and watched as Goren closed the door behind him. The shouting started almost immediately. Deakins grabbed the paper and began waving it in Goren's face. Logan groaned. Deakins was going to let the whole squad watch him tap dance on Goren's ego. Bobby sat there, saying nothing. Finally Deakins calmed down enough to take a seat. Logan knew he should have left it. They certainly weren't asking for his intervention, but he had spent the last five days sitting on his instincts, and it was wearing thin. He got up and went straight for the door. He didn't hesitate or give time for any doubts or common sense to intrude. He walked in and closed the door behind him. Deakins looked up at him. "You better be here to report a police emergency on par with 9/11."

Logan sat down and immediately began to stumble over his words. He felt like a school kid who had just walked into a drug deal on the corner. "I…feel like I have some perspective here. I realize…that I was not invited, but I know that Bobby here has not been having a…thing with his partner."

"Really," Deakins cocked his head. "Are you here to tell me that you know this because you're Goren's one and only true love or doesn't Goren know this yet?"

Goren dropped his face into his hands.

"Come on, Captain. Ease up on the guy. He's been under a lot of pressure. Hell, I know what the media is all about. They camped out on my doorstep for almost four weeks. I was misquoted on a daily basis. I'm surprised the department didn't just close a couple of cases on me and send me off to Sing Sing for the next twenty years."

Deakins nodded, a dangerous glint in his eye. "That's good, Logan. You're bringing perspective. And if this was just about Bobby, then I'd say, 'wonderful, tell us all about the media, Mike,', but this is not about Bobby. This is about Alex. And I don't give a good God damn how connected the two of you feel like you are to her, I have known her longer, and I have known her since her husband died and she was nowhere near as stable as she is now, and I will not allow her character to get bounced around just because one of you has an itch."

Logan looked at both of them. "Well, I don't know what you're talking about. I see Alex merely as a—"

Bobby shook his head. "Save it, Mike. That speech was for me."

Deakins turned his attention to Logan. "Let's go back to the part where you provide evidence of Bobby's innocence."

Logan looked at Goren who shrugged. "I don't know what he's talking about."

Logan took a deep breath. "It was before we found her, and we were at the bar, and you and I got drunk. Well, I got drunk and you got destroyed and you did a little confessing."

"Fantastic." Goren looked down at the floor.

"He's never done anything. I think he's in love with her, but hell, who wouldn't be?"

Deakins eyes widened. "Going to give him a little competition there?"

"Uh, no, that's not…what I'm saying," Logan stuttered. Goren gave him a hard look.

Deakins leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he leaned forward. "How do I explain this to you two clowns?" He pointed at Goren. "I don't care what you feel for your partner." Then he turned to Logan, "And Lord knows what you feel about anything. I just know I don't care. Now is not the time. She's vulnerable. She needs our discretion above all else. At the end of this, when Jimmy's in jail, maybe it's a different story. I don't need to know details about anybody's personal life. We got a policy around here, and I'm not about to encourage people to disregard it, but things happen and as long as people keep their business out of the squad room, I'm good."

"That's good to know. Right, Bobby?" Logan looked at him.

Bobby looked at Logan, "Shut up, Mike." He returned his attention to Deakins, "I'll do whatever's necessary to keep her safe."

"You gotta stay away from her, Bobby." Deakin's voice had softened.

He sighed deeply. "Yeah, I know."

All right. Get out of here, both of you." Deakins picked up some paper and a pen and returned to work.

……………………………………………………………………………

Alex sat at the window and looked down on the street. It was surreal. There were three vans that she could identify as TV or print media. A few reporters were hanging out in a bus shelter across the street. The only good news is that there was a cold March rain coming down, and she could be fairly certain they were all pretty miserable right now.

Carolyn came in with two steaming mugs of peppermint tea. She set one down next to Alex and took a look out the window herself. "I say we get out some blankets, find an old movie, and forget about those jerks out there."

"Carolyn, did you know that I was a widow?"

"No." She sat down on the other end of the couch.

Alex smirked. "No reason you should, I guess. I never felt like much of a widow. I was young when we were married. He was a beat cop in The Bronx. I was finishing school. We only lasted 9 months before he was gunned down when he responded to a domestic."

"I'm sorry." Barek's forehead creased in concern.

"It's weird. I'm thinking about that today. It was my first big trauma. I was 22 years old and too young to be married. We were really impulsive. We fought a lot; he was busy cultivating a serious drinking problem and I was frantically hiding my birth control because I knew getting pregnant was not the answer. When he was killed, I was hysterical, completely at a loss as to how to handle everything. My mother had to come and stay with me because I was drinking so much; I think I might have been suicidal although I don't remember being purposeful about it."

"Is this similar to how you're feeling now?"

"I don't know. It must be. Otherwise, why would I be thinking about it? I really don't think much about that time anymore. It was 16 years ago. I feel so much more grounded in my life now."

Barek put her cup on the table. "Are you feeling suicidal?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm tired but I'm not done fighting. I just remember how powerless I felt. The whole world was spinning around me, and I couldn't find any relief."

"This is going to get better, Alex."

"There's this feeling in my gut that I got when I knew I had lost him. He was lying cold in the morgue and I went to identify him. I couldn't touch him. He was no longer human, he was a homicide. It was that moment when I realized that it was no longer theoretical. He was there in the flesh, and there was no story or fantasy that would ever erase the truth; I was gripped with this ache that was bottomless. It held me hostage for years. More than any other, it's the memory of that ache that follows me."

Barek looked out the window for a moment before responding. "I'm not sure I understand. Do you feel like that now? Do you feel like you're losing someone? Is it metaphorical? Perhaps, it's the loss of your safety that you're experiencing. Or is this about Bobby?"

Alex stared at her as if also trying to understand, and then shook her head. "I'm sorry. I think I'm rambling. I don't know what I mean."

"The tabloids aren't going to destroy your relationship with him. You've been partners too long. You take care of each other. The rest of us are sort of in awe of the connection you two have."

"It feels really fragile right now, under the microscope. I hope it can survive all of this scrutiny." Alex leaned against the window sill and got silent.

Carolyn gave her a couple of minutes before interrupting her reverie. "Alex?"

"I feel that ache again like he's going away and there's nothing I can do."

Carolyn reached over to stroke her arm and the door bell sounded. Alex sighed and Carolyn jumped. "I got it."

Alex let out a deep breath and threw a little levity at Barek. "Don't get so colorful about their mamas this time. I suspect that some of these reporters have long memories."

Carolyn flashed her a grin before checking the peephole on her door. The grin quickly faded at what she saw. She opened the door to two large detectives with sour looks. "What's going on?"

They strode past her into the living room. "Detective Eames, I am Detective Frawley and this is my partner, Detective Grady. We're with IAB. We would like you to come down with us to the station for a little chat."

Eames frowned. "IAB? What does Internal Affairs want with me?"

"The Chief of D's thinks it's a good idea for us to look over this case. We've had our share of embarrassments this year, and don't want it to turn out that Jimmy Ross has got a leg to stand on with his allegations. It's for your protection as well."

Carolyn walked in. "The hell it is. She doesn't need to go anywhere with you."

The bigger one looked at Eames. "You want the first thing on this report to say you're hostile about speaking to us?"

Eames unfolded herself and walked past the detectives. She disappeared into the bedroom and came out with her coat. Carolyn walked over to her. "You shouldn't go with them now. Get a lawyer. At the very least, get your union rep."

Eames shrugged her off. "I have nothing to hide. My story is what it is. I just want to tell it and get it over with."

She followed the detectives out the door. Carolyn grabbed her coat and fished out her cell phone. She immediately began punching numbers as she trotted down the hall after them.

………………………………………………………………………….

IAB was located in 1PP just a couple of floors up from Major Case. Deakins got Barek's phone call, and began dialing the numbers of colleagues trying to find out where they were taking her.

Barek sat on her phone call to Goren or Logan. Neither of them had the detachment to do anything but run at it like a bull at a red flag. She got to 1PP a few minutes after IAB, and headed for Major Case. She hoped Deakins had gotten his nose deep into this one. Logan and Goren looked up as she walked by. She didn't stop to explain, but gestured with her head and they followed.

Deakins looked up when they entered and shook his head. "Let's not turn this into a circus act. It's an interview, nothing more."

Goren looked at Barek sharply. "What's going on?"

"IAB picked up Alex. They say they're taking over the case. They want to make sure her story adds up."

"The department has had too many goof-ups this year with scandals. They don't want this to go to trial, and then find out that Eames was lying about parts of her story. I just got off with the Chief of D's. It came straight from him."

"Sounds good," Goren said. He turned and headed for the door.

"Goren!" Deakins yelled. "It's only a God damn interview!"

Goren kept moving.

"I swear to God! I will bust you down to maintenance engineer! Don't go up there!" Deakins turned to Logan and Barek, and gestured frantically. "Get him!"

………………………………………………………………….

They started to question her before she was even seated. It left her with a feeling of helplessness. They each took turns, one firing off a question, and then the other throwing another one out before she even had a chance to answer the first one.

Frawley dropped the latest issue of the Post in front of her. "So tell us what we're looking at here."

She sighed. "He was only going to kiss me on the cheek. It was a gesture of support."

"Damn, Grady, how come you never peck me on the cheek?"

"Cause you know I would start to vomit out my nose." They both guffawed and then Grady sat down across from her. "Partners don't kiss each other, not in the NYPD they don't."

"What does it matter? When did IAB get in the business of spying on relationships?"

"Because Eames, it gives you a credibility problem. Ross says you were sweet on Goren, and this is why you dated him. You say you're not sweet on your partner, but we got a newspaper which would suggest otherwise. It makes us wonder what else you're lying about."

Frawley sat down beside her. "We still can't figure out how he found you at the pier. You said you didn't call him, but there he was. This is another one of those credibility problems we're having."

"You got to think of the department, Eames. We're coming off a rough year: sex scandal in Narcotics, no less than three high profile police brutality beefs, and then we got this. What if we get knee deep into this trial and find out that you've been handing out stories. We know most of this is the truth, but it screws the rest if it turns out you've been mixing and matching your stories."

Eames sat between them, rubbing a spot on her forehead where throbbing pain was building. There was something about their proximity and the verbal intimidation that was bringing her to a small and frightening place. She was using every ounce of strength left in her to deny them any sense of her vulnerability. She put her hand down and started to respond when the door swung open. Big Bobby Goren bounced into the room stopping short in front of the table.

Frawley and Grady were on their feet, fingers pointed at him, yelling for him to clear the room. Bobby had as much fire, and within seconds was nose to nose with Grady, yelling back with as much volume. Eames got up to mediate when Logan and Barek barreled through, and Logan found himself a combatant with Frawley. Eames shimmied in between Grady and Goren, and began pushing on his chest. She got him against the wall. "This is not helping! This is not helping!"

Bobby stopped yelling and closed his eyes, breathing heavily against the concrete wall. Barek took her cue from this, and dragged Logan away from Frawley.

For a moment, silence ruled as everyone regarded each other with wariness. Alex stepped in the middle. "Am I being charged with something?"

Frawley shook his head. "Like we said, it's an interview. There are inconsistencies."

She put her hands on the table top to steady herself. "This is not my problem. My original statement stands. I did not date or manipulate Jimmy Ross. I didn't call him from the pier the day of my disappearance, and I was not trying to make Detective Goren jealous. I have nothing further to add."

Grady stepped forward. "Ross' lawyer is going to take you apart on the stand."

"Well, Gentlemen, welcome to my world." She wondered if they could tell that her legs were feeling loose and weak beneath her.

Bobby spoke in a low voice. "Who told you to come and get her at her apartment? Who told you to take her down in front of the media? Huh? Who told you to treat her like a suspect rather than as a fellow officer who had just survived a terrible ordeal?"

"We had no intentions of harming her," Grady defended.

"Besides we got questions for you too, Goren." Frawley walked up to him. Logan strained against Barek's hold and she had to hiss threats into his ear.

Goren stood feet apart and motioned toward him. "Bring 'em on. Ask me your questions."

Frawley shook his head. "Did you ever consider that she played you, Man?"

Goren threw back his head and laughed. "Jesus, Frawley, you're a joke. Are you programmed only to assume guilt? You're not even making sense. Look at her jacket, for Christ sake. She's decorated. It's spotless. She doesn't play games."

"We're not trying to hurt her."

Goren was in his face. "You pulled her out in front of the media! What do you call that? Somebody wanted this done, and I want to know who."

Grady spoke quietly. "Your suspect has deep pockets. He's had pictures taken with all the right people. I suspect that bringing her down is a lot less damaging to some of the folks upstairs than having their connections to Ross exposed."

Frawley wheeled in his direction. "Shut up, Grady!"

Grady wouldn't meet his partner's eyes. "We were told that she was hiding information. We were assured that she was only telling half a story. We were told to catch it before she ended up on the stand. We were told that her lies would make a mockery of the department."

Goren stepped back. "This is my fault."

Eames frowned. "Bobby!"

He shook his head. "We've been reacting to Ross. We wait for him to make a move and then we react. We're not on our game. We're not being proactive. We should've anticipated all of this. Of course, he would play his connections. He has the money, he has the prestige. We should've known all of this."

"He's been unpredictable," Logan offered.

"It's not an excuse. We're playing catch up all the time. We have to focus. We have to know what he's going to do before he does it."

"We shouldn't have pulled her like that," Grady said.

"Shut up, idiot." Frawley's face was red and angry.

Goren steered Eames toward the door. "Stay away from her now. What you were told to do to her has been done. Now you need to leave her alone."

Frawley slammed the table with his fist and cursed. Goren didn't turn to acknowledge him. He walked behind Alex, careful to give her space, but unwilling to leave her side while she was in this squad room. Logan stopped at the door and pointed at Frawley, a steely look in his eyes. Then he gave him a shit-eating grin and backed away. Barek took him by the arm and pulled him out of the squad.

…………………………………………………………………………

Deakins was red in the face as he stood before his boss. "There was no reason for them to treat her as they did. It was wrong."

Chief of Detectives Sorenson shrugged. "Frawley and Grady are a little rough around the edges. They didn't mean anything."

He leaned over the desk. "I know her. This wasn't necessary. She deserves better from this department."

"For Christ sakes, Deakins, she didn't come down in cuffs. Now drop it."

"Well, he might, but I won't," came the cultured tones of ADA Carver.

Sorenson leaned forward, his fleshy cheeks shaking. "You don't know how to knock, Carver?"

Carver moved up to the desk. "It's my case and she's my witness. You had no right to go near her."

Sorenson snorted. "What do you think the gold bars are all about? I sure as hell have the right to question any suspect in this department."

"She's not a suspect." Carver was talking in precise, clipped tones. "She's a witness, nothing more, and if you go near her again, I will personally deliver photos of you shaking hands with Jimmy Ross to the Post."

"Don't threaten me, Carver. I outrank you, and I got a direct line to your boss."

"I urge you to use it. Arthur Branch and I spent most of the last hour discussing this very case. He would love to give you his perspective on the situation."

Sorenson pointed at Deakins. "You heard him blackmail me."

Deakins took a deep breath. "I heard him clarify with you what actions he would take if you continued to harass my detective."

"Jesus, Deakins, you really want to pick this moment to grow a pair."

Deakins shook his head. "You know…there's a lot going on back in the squad. Sorry to take up your time. I feel like I leave here with the understanding that Detective Eames be treated with a good deal more dignity than she has been. And I appreciate the counselor's reminder that this is his case, and we should run all ideas through him."

Carver looked at him out of the corner of his eyes. "I'll walk you out."

The two men left without waiting for any acknowledgment from the Chief of D's. They figured it was safest to give him the space and time to construct his own revision of the day's events.

………………………………………………………………………………

Logan drove her home. As he neared the corner to her apartment, he saw the number of news van and personnel had doubled since the morning. Eames cursed and slid down in her seat. Logan looked at her and looked at them, and made a decision. He backed the car up, drawing the attention of the media who started to converge in his direction. Then he wheeled around as fast as he dared and roared down the street away from her apartment. Reporters stopped in the street and then turned, running to their vans. Eames squeezed her eyes shut and huddled under the dash. Logan looked down at her. "We'll figure it out, Alex. Don't worry. We'll figure it out."

………………………………………………………………………………

It was opulent in a way that left her uncomfortable. She toured the bedrooms down the hallway, and came back into the living room, her arms folded tightly across her chest. "This is really ridiculous, Mike."

Logan looked up from the long sectional couch located in front of floor to ceiling windows looking out on Central Park. "Relax. This is from Arthur Branch himself. He says the city owes you and he's right."

"This apartment was seized from whom?"

He shook his head. "Carver told me the Feds did it. I have no clue. He said that Branch made a phone call, and half an hour later, some kid in a suit was giving him the keys. You have it for a week."

"It feels weird."

"Enjoy it. Carver says the cable's still hooked up and look at that big screen. If this was for me, they have to pry me out of here with a SWAT team." He got up reluctantly and reached for this overcoat.

"Jeez, Mike, you're going to leave me here alone."

"Carolyn's coming in the morning with your stuff, and I gotta get back to the squad. We got to do some better homework on Jimmy. Someone will stop by later with some takeout."

She nodded and walked him to the door. After he left, she felt a pang of fear in her gut. She hadn't wanted to tell him, he was so excited by the acquisition, but this place reminded her of Jimmy. It had all of the impersonal, expensive touches that his apartment did. She went back into the living room, and looked at the plasma screen on the wall. It was inconceivable to her that someone would want something that garish in a personal living space. She wandered over to the window, and looked out onto the evening skyscape. Even here, her awe was interrupted by a feeling of vertigo as if one step would launch her into a long fall. The bedrooms seemed especially foreboding with their many mysteries. In a closet, she found a wonderfully soft cashmere throw. She went back into the living room, and curled up on the couch, keeping one eye on the front door

She was sleeping when she felt the presence of another. She tensed her body, and prepared to spring. She had no intention of being anyone's captive ever again. A large hand landed on her shoulder and she yelped, throwing herself to the floor, and trying to scramble to her feet.

Then he was on the floor with her, saying her name over and over in that particularly soft voice of his, and her body deflated into his. "Hey, hey, hey. I should have warned you I was coming. I should have called your cell. My fault. I'm sorry I scared you."

She breathed heavily into his suit coat, letting him pull her to her feet and deposit her back onto the couch.

"I brought takeout: all your favorites." He gestured at the containers on the table.

She pulled the throw around her shoulders. "I'm not really hungry, Bobby."

"You probably haven't eaten all day. You eat half a plate of chicken with black bean sauce, and an eggroll, and I'll leave you alone." He returned with a plate and fished chopsticks out of a bag. Without waiting for a reply, he started scooping chicken onto a plate for her. He pulled a bottled water out of another bag, and then pushed all of it toward her. She looked down at it and then at him. She seemed to make a decision because she picked up the chopsticks and began to pick at her food. He smiled, and then piled his own plate with food.

For awhile, they ate in silence. He kept glancing up at her, but she didn't return the looks. Finally, he put down his chopsticks. "Are you mad at me that I barged into the interrogation?"

She pushed food around on her plate before answering. "I don't know. I don't think it helped any."

"Yeah, I haven't really been in control of myself. You might have noticed." He grinned a little, but she was still focused on her plate.

Finally she pushed her food away. "It's all slipping away. You can feel it, can't you?"

"No, it's a moment in time, Alex. It'll get better."

She smiled wistfully looking everything like a girl. "But we'll never be the same. All of this…pummeling, this interference at who we are with one another; it'll destroy what we have, our friendship, our partnership, our feelings."

He got up and moved toward her. "We have to stay focused. What we feel is only about us. No one else has any right to control that." He sat next to her on the couch.

"I feel pretty overwhelmed right now," she said.

He pulled her toward him, and let her head come to rest on his chest. "I know. I only want what you can give."

Her fingers traced lines around his shirt. "You could make love to me."

He smiled and pulled her in more tightly. "You haven't been back that long. We have plenty of time for that."

She reached up and nuzzled his neck, slipping her hand into his shirt. Bobby closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Her lips traced a line to his mouth and he turned into her. Alexandra Eames tasted a little like Chinese food, but there was also something warm and tropical about her as if she was a pina colada on a warm day. He was gentle with her, taking time to let her explore, playing with her lips, her tongue. His hands were quiet as he concentrated on the art of seducing her mouth. She moaned her pleasure to him, sliding over until she was straddling him. She pulled at the buttons on his shirt, slipping her hands through and wrapping her arms around his big torso.

"Alex," he said, breaking the kiss momentarily. "Let's take it slow."

She shook her head, reaching for his mouth again, talking as she chewed on his lower lip. "No more waiting, Bobby. I'm ready."

He relaxed into her kiss, letting the urgency build within him. She began tugging at his belt, and he could feel his reason drifting away. He leaned sideways, and pulled himself to his feet, her petite body still in his arms. "Where's the bedroom?"

She snorted into his neck, wrapping her legs around his waist. "I don't know. Any of them will do."

He kicked open the nearest door. The light from the hallway illuminated a bed in the middle of the room. He laid her down and crawled on top of her, turning his attention to pulling her shirt up and out of her waistband. He started at her waist and began kissing his way up her body. She shivered, the scruff of his beard creating sensations on her skin. He pulled her shirt over her head, and settled back into exploring her chest, licking her nipples through the cotton of her bra. She moaned and pressed herself into him. He pulled himself up on his knees and pulled at the zipper to his pants. Then he started to work on the button to her jeans. She tensed slightly, and he looked up at her. She gave him a smile, urging him to continue, but when he tried to pull jeans down past her thighs, he felt the hesitation in her again. He stopped what he was doing and moved back to her face. Her eyes were wet, and she was biting at her lower lip. He laid down beside her and let out a deep breath. "Honey, you're not ready for this."

She rubbed at her eyes. "I want to be."

His hand brushed her chest lightly and settled on her waist. "We need to wait."

"I'm so sorry." Her chin began to tremble.

"Shhh! I'm not. We take it slow. I don't want this until you're ready. I mean it."

"I got you all hot and bothered."

He looked down at the tent created in his boxers. "It's okay. You give me a few minutes, and I'll be just fine."

She put a hand over her eyes, and a smile slowly grew on her lips.

"What!" He demanded.

She was giggling through her tears. "I don't know. It's just ridiculous. Everything is so comic. You and I just can't seem to catch a break."

He propped his head in his hand and looked down at her, his brown eyes warm and affectionate. "I've missed your humor."

She peeked out from under her hand. "Well, that's good because it may be the only entertainment you're getting out of me for some time to come."

………………………………………………………………………………..

TBC