Disclaimer: Of course, GMM is MGM and Nyson is Sony :)) the owners of our favorite show (unfortunately :P)...meaning I don't own the show .. you would have noticed if I did coz then it would be long over with season 7 and maybe a few movies in sight
I do not own BB (as in Big Brother) nor any other reality shows or any shows, songs or anything I have ever let slip from my hand through the keyboard to the screen ;).
AN: Here it is, the Real Conspiracy...It's insane, impossible and so idiotic :D in short so like something coming from me :)))...The basic idea I mentioned in the first chap is now revealed and is from, of course, the best cartoon ever: South Park (the second best ever is Simpsons ;) )
Now a heck of a lot of talking coming up without much happening but it worth reading ;)...It's funny aaaaand I hope it makes you all think!
Season: Finally figured thatthe whole story plays around the end of season 7 it's kinda full of spoilers for the next seasons (8-9) (not major ones coz I don't watch those seasons that much :( ) so beware!
------ Big Blue Planet (The Real Conspiracy) ------
"So they are all asleep now."
"Indeed." Teal'c bowed his head towards the camera and the reporter standing next to it with an unusually big smile for an Asgard playing on his lips...ahm, well that thing we humans would call lips. Anyway, end of the cosmic biology lesson back to the story.
"Our friends in the galaxies close and far away from Earth you have seen the 36,500,000,000th episode of Big Blue Planet please join us in our discussion about recent security breaches by hardcore BB fans and also President of this galaxy our beloved Argatur wishes to speak to you about the new norms of greeting the stars of BB if they visit your planet." The small Asgard flashed another tiny smile into the camera then it was gone with a flash of light. "I spoke with the Fan Police" the skinny gray alien started the conversation with Teal'c sitting down on Jack's comfy sofa flipping off the cap of a beer the Jaffa brought in.
"It was not the first occasion when humans could see their fans." Teal'c stated shaking his head in disapproval.
"Yeah, tell me about it. At least the police could more or less cut down on the number of 'kidnappers' who stole their favorite human character to thoroughly examine them." A controlled but still loud burp left the reporter's mouth then he carried on, "I know that the concept was a blast millions of years ago. We gotta admit it was fun to put thousands of different species on one planet and watch them evolve and interact but lately it is starting to be a bit more difficult. The logistic department had to appoint another hundred Bureauc'Rats in order to keep up with the SGC's explorations and the technical developments Earth is going under due to the tech gadgets accidentally left on planets visited by SG teams. And on top of everything the Jaffas started to ask for bigger payment because of the major role they play in this show. But let me tell you a secret," Teal'c leaned closer to the alien who had similar capabilities as Daniel when it came to drinking. "They say that the Big Heads found a cheaper race ... some Ore Eyes or Oy Byes or who...anyway they could play the role of evil for the next few seasons so I think the 'Jaffa Freedom' is close."
"This means my role will change too" Teal'c concluded with a hint of sadness in his usually passive voice.
"Oy, I know, buddy, they are so adorable – guess that's why the action figures' selligns' are higher than before with other humans. Anyway, I know it'd be hard to just leave them behind. But I think the creative department will come up with a solution letting you spend as many time here as you would wish so."
"Well, saying that it'd be hard to leave them behind would be an understatement, my friend. They are my life. I mean, since I was a little kid I watched Big Blue and always dreamt to be part of it. I've spent half of my life attending that damn Drama School in order to get in and finally I have a major role. And yes, I'll admit I love SG-1. They are dear friends."
Another bright flash of light signed that another alien arrived to join the discussion.
"Welcome, Chairman Thor!" The other Asgard greeted the freshly beamed one with a cheeky tone and raised the beer bottle to Thor's honor who bowed his tiny head then turned to Teal'c.
"I've got the fresh news for you Teal'c." He sat down in one of the armchairs with a coke in his hand then carried on, "I've spoken with the head of marketing, creative and logistics departments and they had some good news. First of all, our marketing manager reported significant changes in selling lately. It seems that SG-1 is getting popular in another 5 galaxies. Our costumers seem to like inferior races solving difficult situations and started to idealize them. Also our ratings went up a great deal although as I have heard the Joint Chiefs of the country designated USA tries to change a few things including the position of O'Neill's which we think would be a very bad idea but we cannot interfere until they make a huge mistake like positioning him to another base. The Big Heads decided on a non-stop monitoring and guarding of SG-1 in fear that another kidnapping attempt like that of Loki's would ever occur again. The second subject I wanted to mention was that the creative department could sign a new 1 year contract with the jaffas but they will play a bit reduced role this year then in the end of the season they will break free and then comes the Oris who will luckily bring in some new cool effects into the show but, honestly, I'm afraid that effects won't keep the real SG-1 fans in front of the visionmonitors if the team falls apart we might get ready for some significant lessening in the number of our viewers."
The other Asgard found his disappearing voice and suddenly his eyes opened wide open when he could digest the information Thor has given them. "You mean it is possible that SG-1 will fall apart and we cannot do anything about it?"
"Unfortunately yes. The new rules do not let interference just to raise the number of viewers since that little incident around 1940 Earth year." Thor winced at the memory of WWII when one renegade Asgard from the creative department decided to create some action down on the Big Blue Planet in order to get more viewers."
"But it's not just about the stats! They belong together for cryin out loud!" The inebriated Asgard argued.
"I know, but you must learn that humans do stupid things in the name of various stupid values they held in honor. They still did not realize that what is most important is friendship, family and love."
"It is indeed sad that they let rules, military and other people stand in the way of their relationships" Teal'c joined after getting another bowl of cheesy puffs from the kitchen and handing a bowl to each Asgards.
"Anyway, the third news is from the logistics department. They said that they are ahead of schedule so we do not have to worry that any SG teams would end up on a planet which was not previously prepared, regulated, secured and of course given a god – by the way we managed to recruit a few new Goa'ulds in spite of the fact they said they didn't like the fact that they had to die every time they encountered SG-1. That Ba'al guy is back also and since he was the cheapest I guess he will play a major role this year with that half 'ascended' guy...what's his name...Anubis."
"So this year is gonna be the year of major changes" Teal'c concluded again not sure to like this fact or not.
"Yeah. Huuuge changes" The small drunk Asgard exclaimed notso cheerfully.
"Oy, I remember the old times when our biggest problem was who wanted to play which nation's god on Earth. It was most entertaining and now it's a big business that slowly loosing its values it has represented for so long." Thor sighed reminiscing about the times when he was the god of thunder for the Norse and his biggest problem was whether to do a wonder or not. Now it was all different. They had to appoint hundreds of creative writers from all around the universe to create the history of Earth's and aliens' connections and feed it with the ones working in the SGC and all involved carefully not to give away any sign of the truth. He had to attend meetings with heads of various departments and just lately he woke up to the fact that the whole thing what started off as just a little show to entertain every race turned into a mass of business.
"Indeed, this state is sad. But as times change interests change too and seeing that this was the most successful reality show of all the times it was just a question of time when a big company like Nyso would buy it and form it to get more money from it not caring about the quality anymore."
The reporter Asgard hiccupped then interjected his not so favorite but true saying, "Well, money makes the universe go around." The other two just bowed their heads in agreement sad about the fact that not just the saying was too true but that they couldn't do a thing about it. They knew what the future held if SG-1 would fall apart but they knew that the new owners would give a damn until they can get profit from the show.
"Well, Anubis will attack next month. Bra'tac will soon come and alert Earth. My guess is that they will try that 'Ancient repository' we have accidentally left behind and Jack will do the download. This way I hope he will realize that his life is about action and not a behind the desk job." Thor tried to grasp the last piece of hope but deep down he knew Jack, his buddy, more and knew that he would do anything for his country in the name of duty even if it was a damn desk job.
"Let's hope it!" The reporter raised his now almost empty glass of bear Teal'c and Thor mimicking his movements with their fizzies. "To SG-1!"
An hour later the sun began to set and Thor gave out the order to switch on the cameras in 10 minutes.
"Goodbye, Teal'c!" Thor bid his farewell dragging the other Asgard with him into the backyard from where they could beam up faster. Seriously, beaming through walls was still a bit too much for him.
"So long, and thanks for all the beer, T!" The other Asgard waved his itsy hand excitedly then let himself pulled outside.
It was 6 am when Jack woke up with a headache the size of the whole galaxy plus. He went to the kitchen where Teal'c, as always, was waiting for him with a mug of coffee. Five minutes later Sam appeared in the kitchen strolling toward the coffee like it was a black hole.
Meanwhile Jack went to the bathroom to freshen himself up a little bit. He was standing in front of the sink splashing some cold water on his face then stood to look himself in the mirror just to see a shadow standing in the shower. Carefully he reached for the sliding door of the shower. What he saw there made him blink several times. An Asgard was standing there with its eyes glowing a few times before it disappeared in a bright flash of light just when Sam stepped into the bathroom for her splash of cold water.
"Carter, I swear there was an Asgard hiding in my shower!" he said firmly not letting doubt split behind his lines. He wanted to sound clear and honest because he was damn clear and honest but it seemed Sam still did not want to believe in him after last night's happenings.
"Sir, please stop it already or I gotta call Colonel MacKenzie."
Meanwhile on GMM-007
"Our friends in galaxy stay tuned Big Blue Planet is Coming up next! SG-1 had a team night yesterday! For pictures on the night and the day after stay with us! We promise you a Drunken Daniel Jackson, Two Tipsy Air Force Officers and our favorite Teal'c and his best performance ever! Also we will show you original footages of the fans who again broke the rules and went down to Earth and also a paparazzi who got caught in Jack O'Neills shower!
"Jan! Another fan broke into Colonel O'Neill's place! Come down, you gotta see this!" Charlie Kowalsky yelled from his sofa in front of the huge plasma TV he ordered from the Asgard Teleshop a week ago after getting fed up of the standard universe visionmonitor. Doc Fraiser was down in the living room in record speed catching the first pictures of the new episode of BB the only way she could still know about her friends who all believed her to be dead just like the other's sitting around her: Henry Boyd and his late SG10 and a few other SGC personnel. In short their little fan group.
On the black screen a new notification appeared and they all read it in awe knowing it was written because of them to let the other fans know that they don't exactly die.
The humans, aliens and any other characters who passed away during the show are all taken care by Oma Desalla Inc. providing them a new place to live similar to that of they lived before.
The phone next to Janet rang and she cheerfully noted that it was their little friend Thor who was asking whether they liked the new note which they all agreed they did.
"Hey, Thor, I spoke with Oma by the way" Janet started, " she said she would be more than happy to let Daniel 'ascend' again if he dies just, you know, 'to keep SG-1 together as long as we can'. My guess, is that she is just a hardcore Daniel fan." She giggled finding it so funny that Daniel had so many girls who would give their life to be able to touch their object of admiration just like she had a chance to touch him when she was his doctor but of course the same applied to the Sam, Jack and even Teal'c fans too.
"This is a good idea. I'll call her first thing tomorrow to sign a contract with her company. Thank you for the idea. Goodbye!"
"Bye!"
Vége. It's Hungarian. It means Finito. Finito means Die Ende. Koniec. Is ten Einde. Which all, very loosely translated, means...The End
AN: Well Campers that was all! Hope ya all got the double meanings and liked the story as a whole!
This was a kind of peaceful protest from me against where the show is heading lately :(
The South Park Idea was: aliens put different species on Earth for the sake of creating a reality show. I've just loved it, it was hilarious like all the other South Park eps of course :D.