Chapter 3

She sat in back. She was behind them all. She didn't want to impose. After all it wasn't about her. It was about him, and his wife. It wasn't like he loved the brunette. He didn't and she knew that. She knew that he loved her. He had told her over and over again in bed last night, and she had said it right back. She had said that she loved him, and she did. She was just afraid of what her brother and wife would say if they ever found out about the two of them.

The voices in her head shut up as the sound of a gavel swept through the room. She looked up to see Jason flying at some man as the judged yelled for order. She knew this wasn't helping as she stood to go to him. She needed him calm. She needed him with her. She wanted them to be together, she needed them to be together. She wasn't sure she could live with out them.

The entire courtroom was in a riot as Sonny tried to help the guard hold Jason back. Everyone was standing around trying to get the situation under control. The brunette stood off to the side with a look of horror on her face as Carly screamed for Sonny to stop Jason.

Courtney placed her hands at her sides as she pushed herself off the chair. She didn't care what they thought, if Sonny yelled, she was going to go to him. She was standing on her own two feet as she slowly walked to the end of the row and into the aisle. Just as she was about to walk up the aisle a wave of nausea hit her. She went to grab for the bench support to her side as she started to lean towards them. She felt extremely dizzy. Her hand hit the support and bounced off as she went tumbling down. As her hand went past the bench she knocked her head on it and fell to the ground unconscious.

-.-

She searched all of the rooms before she looked out on the porch. The sun was rising and the person she was searching for was resting on the porch. Carly stepped out on the deck and walked up behind the person. They were both going through a rough time and they needed comfort. They had both lost children on this day.

She leaned down as she wrapped her arms around her best friend. She felt her friend lean back and let a breath escape her lips. They both needed something, the same thing actually. They needed their sons, their babies. They had lost so much that day. They lost their son's, their homes, but most importantly, they lost who they were. They lost the part of themselves that saw the good in the world, the part of them that could handle the life. They had left, driven away, because they couldn't chance loosing anymore.

"You okay," Carly asked as she released her friend and went to sit next to her in the hammock.

"You'd think I would be. It has been years, but I just can't seem to forget it. I don't want to forget," Courtney said in a sad voice as she looked out at the rising sun.

"I know what you mean. I keep thinking I'll wake up and he'll be there, smiling at me with his front teeth missing," Carly said in a whisper as she leaned her head on her friends shoulder and tucked her feet up next to her, "When will it get easier?"

"I'm not sure it ever will," Courtney replied as she rested her head on top of Carly's and the two sat in silence as the sun rose and the memories returned.

-

He stood watching the sunrise as a pair or stringy limp arms wrapped around his stomach. He let out a sigh knowing it wasn't the same, it wasn't her. He also knew that it helped him forget. That when he was with her he didn't have to remember all the good times he had with her.

He felt the woman loosen her grip some as he turned around to face her. This wasn't that time any longer. He couldn't dwell on the past. She was gone. He knew that. He had moved on long ago, but something about this day got to him. He had lost so much, yet gained so much. A child he thought was dead was returned to him, while three people he knew his world needed perished. It wasn't a fair trade, but he knew that she wouldn't want it any other way.

He looked down at the brunette. He had settled for what he could after she left. He had married a woman who could handle what he did, who understood his need to do what he did, but no one knew what to think when he got out, when they went legit. They had said it was for their own good, but everyone knew that it was for them, for the fallen women that would always hold a special place in their hearts. Of coarse the brunette had never been happy that he got out. She always said it's what he needed to do, he wasn't sure of that.

"You okay," She asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Why wouldn't I be," Jason asked.

"Don't give me that," She whined.

"What do you want me to say? That's it's okay, that I'll never think of what this day means," Jason said in a bit of anger. "Sam I can't do that. Carly's gone, Morgan is gone, Cou…"

"Courtney is gone. I know we go through this every year. They're gone, and you don't even have your work to take your mind off of it. You needed that job. I know you did. So just go back to it."

"Sam I won't do it. It put too may people at risk, and I can't do it. Not any more," Jason spoke as he loosened the grip she had on him and walked off the porch.

Sam watched as he walked away. She was sick of it. Once a year he would mope around the house and get all sad, not wanting to do a thing. Sam was sick of it. It had been years since those bitches had died, years since they had started a family together. They had three Kids. Why couldn't he focus on them? Why did he have to be so consumed with the dead?

-

Sonny shifted in bed as his current wife rolled in his arms. Times were different. She had left him; she had disappeared leaving him alone. He would have waited, he was positive had they still been married that he would have waited, but they weren't. So he had moved on.

He kept his hopes up that she was alive, that his youngest son was alive, but it wasn't possible. He saw the explosion, the building going up in smokes. He lost his son, his sister, and the love of his life all in one foul swoop. He didn't think he would ever feel whole again, but somehow he had gotten over it. He had moved on, and know had a wife, a family. Kristina loved him, and Michael would never leave his side. He had wanted to run out and tell Carly the second he found his son, and he was so close to it, when the building exploded.

He had been devastated, but she had been there the entire time. He loved her. She saved him from it all, but mostly from himself. He would have drowned in his sorrow had she not swooped down and saved him. Reese had saved him.

"What are you thinking about," Reese said in a sleepy voice as she looked up at the man.

"Nothing," Sonny said as he looked at his wife, "Go back to sleep."

"No, I need to get up. Sam and I have an interview at the club. That and a liquor shipment coming in."

"You hiring there again. Can't you two ever keep a bartender, or whatever it is you two are looking for this time," Sonny asked with a laugh.

"Not funny," Reese commented as she lightly hit the man, "We need another cocktail waitress. I think Sam keeps scaring them off."

Sonny just laughed as he watched her walk into the bathroom. Yes, without Reese his life would be nothing.