Chapter 5
She sat silently in the bed, her hands resting lightly in her lap as she waited for the doctor to enter. She knew what was wrong with her. She had known for a few days now, she just couldn't admit it. If she did admit it she would have to tell them, and she wasn't ready for that, she couldn't. She was still afraid, scared that her world would fall apart, that they would leave her in the cold as so many before her had.
Tears began to fall from her eyes, as there was a soft knock on the door, looking up, as the door was cracked open she was greeted by the face of her doctor. He had a slight smile on his face as he walked next to her.
"So I have a few questions for you before I tell you what you found." His voice was soothing and soft as he looked down at her.
"Sure," Her voice was a whisper as she looked to the white sheets.
"When was the last time you had something to eat?"
"Um, well the smell of food has been making me sick lately. I had some crackers a few hours ago."
"And before that?"
"A piece of bread last night. Though it didn't taste very good."
"Well you really need to start eating better, especially when your…"
"So I really am." Her eyes went up to meet the doctors.
"Yes, and it's important that you eat right. I've talked to Dr Meadows and she says you should set up an appointment, until then she gave me some pre natal vitamins. You need to take them, especially if your not eating right. You still need to eat, and rest, but the vitamins will be needed as well."
"How soon do I need to see Dr Meadows?"
"As soon as possible. I'm sending her in today since you fainted, but you still need to see her for regular check ups, it's very important."
"Okay, thank you doctor."
"Keep a bandage on your head, change it twice a day for a few days then you can just remove it. Let the air get to it. I'm going to go talk top your family."
"You won't tell them will you?"
"No, I'll leave that to you." He walked out of the room and turned to shut the door, "Congratulations Mrs. Quartermaine. I'm sure your husband will be thrilled."
She frowned as it hit her. She had forgotten to check with Sonny on how her divorce was coming. She wasn't sure they were ready for this, that any of them were ready for it. She couldn't help but think she had just ruined all of their lives.
-.-
Her dark brown hair was strewn across the pillow. With the sun gleaming in her bedroom window it looked lighter, like a golden brown. She flipped over roughly on her bed to look at her alarm clock. One eleven. She had slept till one in the afternoon. It's not like it really mattered much anymore, she had nothing to do, no were to go. She could have started college up again this semester, but depression ate at her. Ever since the explosion, ever since her mother, her aunt, she couldn't bring herself to do much. She could hardly bring herself to say it.
From her position on her stomach she could clearly see her open bedside drawer. She had been debating whether or not to look at it all night, all week, hell, the past three weeks. She wanted to see it. She really did, she needed to, but she couldn't. If she looked it would be real again and she would cry again, and she was so sick of crying, so sick of being sad, mad, angry, with them all. She was mad, angry, upset, disappointed. She was disappointed in them all, her cousins, and her brothers, her Mother, her Aunt, in herself. What was sad, it was unavoidable. The events. They would have happened no matter what.
She sat up and looked in the drawer it still sat there, sealed and unopened. Why couldn't she open it? It had been weeks since she left, months since their deaths, and she couldn't open it. She new what it said, she had known for weeks. It was the reason. It would tell her why the one person holding her together had left. Why she couldn't stay, and what had happened to make her leave in the middle of the night.
She felt them coming again, the tears they were going to fall. She knew they would, they always did when she looked in the drawer. She couldn't help it. It was just a tear-stained piece of paper. When the letter was opened it would hold her curly girly hand writing, it would have her tears on it most likely, and it would be covered in her scent, the soft scent of strawberries. She had a thing for spraying her stationary with her the Strawberries and Champagne body spray they had bought shopping.
Her hand slipped into the dresser as she reached for the letter. Grabbing it with one hand she pushed herself up with the other. He folded her legs under one another as she sat Indian style on the large king sized bed. She held the letter in her hand as she felt her eyes cloud over. She would do it this morning. She had to. If she waited another day it could kill her, but if she opened it she could loose just as much.
The tears slipped from her eyes as she slipped the letter back into the door and ran from the room. She ran out the door and down the stairs, towards her brothers. She couldn't do it. Not now. She needed more time. She had to have more time. More time to understand, to grasp, that what she read could make, or break her in the state she was.
She entered the study. She saw him there, all three of them, and as much as she hated them all, they were all she had left. She needed them now, she had needed them for a while and they didn't leave. They couldn't leave her like Melissa did, like her mother, or her aunt. They would stay with her forever, because if they didn't she wouldn't make it.
The three men stopped what they were saying when they door smashed open and the crying girl ran in. She went right to her oldest brother, to Brad. They were never the closest, but he was always there to protect her. He was the strong one, the one who her mother said reminded her most about Sonny. Another man she couldn't help but hate. She stayed wrapped in his arms as she cried. She cried for all of them, for their loss, for the pain, for the hurt. She had to cry, none of them did. They learned to fast that tears meant pain, meant weakness, and in their world they couldn't show weakness.
Looking down at the now sleeping girl in his arms he sighs. She only got sadder, he didn't like it, none of them did. They were never sure what to do about it either. She just cried and slept. Sometimes you could get some soup in, but not as often as one would like. Pushing the chair out he stood with her in his arms walking up the stairs to her room quietly, silently. Setting her in her bed, covering her as he sat to watch her for a second before turning to the drawer and opening it. The letter still sits there, Melissa's curly writing spelling his sisters name, spelling Madeline. It's unopened as he lifts it to his nose smelling the faded scent that his cousin wore. He wished she had stopped running, that she had broken the pattern that her grandmother, his great Aunt had started. He wished they could be happy, that they could find piece. They couldn't.
Walking back into the office he looked at them, his brother and cousin. Their eyes held worry and he wasn't sure what to say. It was always Melissa that held them together. The glue that made them all stick as one these last few months, yet she was the first to run and they weren't sure why. They weren't sure of anything anymore. Only that they needed to find her before she did something they would all regret.
"She's okay," Brad spoke trying to sound reassuring to them all, he didn't.
"Which one," The curly blonde haired man asked, his tone unbelieving.
"I wish it were Maddie. She hasn't been doing well Brad." The dark haired man responded.
"I know that, but at least she's here, and we can watch her. Melissa, we don't even know where she is." Brad responded.
"She's strong."
"I have no doubt that she is Logan. I know she's strong. She's her mothers daughter. What worries me is what she knows, what she'll do."
"She didn't hear us."
"Morgan you can't know that. None of us can," Logan's raised voice held anger, but spoke the truth. They couldn't be certain that she hadn't heard one of their many conversations.
"We just have to hope we find her before she finds trouble."