Mar 29, 2006
A/N:
Hey guys, it's me again. Still alive, to be sure. All I can say is school will be the death of me. And that's all the reason you need. But anyways.
This here is a one shot that I wrote many months ago. I was browsing my files and found it, read it and went "eww". I revised it, changing every single sentence. I wanted to leave it to sit for another few months and read it again then, but I don't want to wait that long. So here it is.
Again, keep in mind that I do NOT like this pairing. But I think that it's important to be able to write something you don't necessarily support, and I enjoy playing Devil's Advocate once in a while.
Disclaimer, blah blah blah…enjoy ) And pardon the spelling. I felt too lazy to look up the exact spelling of Ginevra Weasley.
---
Ginny, I Love You
(By TasteOfCinnamon)
Once there was a little girl with flame red hair and bright blue eyes who lived in a castle in a land far away. She had a sprit and a soul that burned with passion, and she loved the boy with the forest green eyes and the smile that sang.
Here Lies Ginevra Weasley.
Year One.
It was the year she met him, and it was the year she fell in love. She was only eleven, but she knew what love was and she knew that he was the one. She longed for him to look into her eyes and tell her Ginny, I love you.
It was also the year she almost lost her soul to the darkness.
There was a boy, a mean nasty boy who had pretended to be her friend. And he used her to kill and terrorize and she was hurt. But when she was lost and alone in the darkness he had come and he had healed and rescued her. He rescued her from the mean boy within the diary and that was the moment she knew. She took one look at his flaming sword and his deep green eyes and she knew.
But he had no idea how she felt, because to him she was just the best friend's baby sister who wasn't smart enough to know good from bad. But that didn't matter. She could wait, and so she did.
Year two.
She became even more of a nobody than she had been.
She stood quietly on the sidelines as he fell in and out of like with the girl with the raven locks. She felt small, inconsequential, and when she was alone in the washroom she gazed at herself in the mirror and cried because she knew she could never be as pretty as Cho. She pulled at her red curls and closed her eyes and wished they were blue black sheets of hair instead, but when her eyes opened again, there was only herself, eyes red and puffy, staring back at her.
She waited in her bed one warm night that had suddenly turned cold while he went off on another adventure. She'd seen the Three silently sneaking away and she squeezed her eyes shut and wished the thunder would come to drown out the sound of her heart beating. She told herself that he was sure to come back, that he had to come back because there was a girl back home that was waiting so patiently for his return.
When he did come back, victorious, she smiled and added her silent cheers to his. She wished she had been a part of his victory, but she was happy all the same.
Year three.
They'd had visitors that year--young ladies that looked as if they belonged in storybooks and boys that could win over the world with a smile…but she only had eyes for him. She sat quietly to one side while he battled dragons and mermaids and while he sat sullenly and unhappily at the ball with another beside him. She wanted to go to him, oh how she wanted to, but he might tell her No, and she didn't think she could bear the rejection.
She bit her nails and covered her eyes in fear when he disappeared into that wall of green and she prayed that he would come back to her. And when he did, scarred and torn but still whole, she stood quietly to one side while he rejoiced in the company of those who mattered more.
She'd wanted to tell him then, but he was grieving for the gray eyed boy, and so she held her emotions in check and waited.
Year four.
When he decided that the raven haired princess wasn't the one, she felt guilty about feeling happy and spent hours wondering if she deserved his love. And when he grew increasingly darker over the term she sometimes sat in front of the fire long past it had gone out wondering if it was something she had done.
When he again tried to play the hero, she set her mind and tagged after with him, feeling like a flea that he had no choice but to bring along. She felt so proud that night, fighting beside him, but in the end it made no difference because she had been useless.
Year five.
One day, one cold happy glorious day in winter she tumbled down the slopes in her coat, laughing and crying, not sure which one she was doing more. She fell at the base of a hill and lay there amidst the snow in a giggling heap, trying to get up but laughing or crying too hard to do so. And he tumbled down after her and laughed with her and he sprawled right next to her. He turned to her, looked her right in the eye, and finally, finally, finally gazed into her eyes and told her Ginny, I love you.
And suddenly the snow was so beautiful and so was the sky, the trees, the birds. Everything was so beautiful and he was so beautiful. She felt like screaming it to the world, but of course she didn't. Instead they danced and laughed and sang, forgetting the snow and the cold and the loom of the darkness. Then Hermione came to bring them lunch and when they told her she screamed right along with them and danced right along with them. And then there was Ron, hiding a grin as he pointed at them and laughed at them, but she didn't mind. She pointed right back and laughed right back at him and told him Ron, just bugger off.
Afterward they went inside and sat by the fire for hours, doing more sitting and gazing than talking. They drank butterbeer and afterwards she swore that it was the best butterbeer she had ever drunk. The boy with the jet black hair laughed and took her hands in his. He smiled a breathtaking smile and told her Ginny don't forget me because I wont forget you. With tears in her eyes she grinned back at him and begged him to Stop, please stop, Harry, because I wont ever ever forget.
Sometimes she would dream that they were married and that they lived in a house with a neat little white picket fence surrounding it. She would be a healer and he would be an Auror and they would both be in love and very happy. They would dance and laugh and sing with their two little black haired boys and two little red haired girls.
At these times she would smile and laugh and clench his hand tight. Once he'd seen her secretive smile and laughed without knowing why he laughed and offered her two knuts for her thoughts. She'd grinned a bit sheepishly but she'd told him all the same and he'd hugged her and promised her Someday, Ginny, someday.
When the headmaster died she felt that their world was being turned upside down, but she didn't let it break her because she had him and she knew they would be together forever. Yes, she worried for him as he grew more and more haggard and feared for him when he went off on his mysterious excursions, but she knew he would come back because he had promised he would.
And right before the funeral he turned to her and shattered her heart.
She nodded along, telling him that he was right, smiling bravely for him while her soul screamed at her and her body begged her to just grab him and never let go.
But she had to, and in the end she did.
Year Six.
He'd changed, she was sure of it, but he was still Harry, her Harry, and they still shared a secretive look now and then. He was gone more than half the time now, and every disappearance he made she feared he would never come back. She went to her classes and tried to memorize dates and charms like a good little girl. And whenever her gaze met his, she saw in his eyes that he still cared, and it was enough.
Just before term ended he went off to fight the darkness. Left her to go and fight and hunt and conquer the darkness. Before he left he surprised her by pulling her into a private alcove. He gave her a rose and kissed her one last time, promising that he wouldn't die. He wouldn't die and he wouldn't forget her and he would come back when it was all over.
And hiding her tears, she let him go.
Year Seven.
Afterwards she sat alone at home and cried. She let no one into her room and only ate when she would die otherwise. She watched the summer rain fall like rivers down her windowsill and oh how she wished she could go to him and save him. But she couldn't, and even if she could she didn't know how, and so she just sat there by herself wondering where he was and how he was and Oh Harry please be safe. When Hermione or Ron came to see her she pushed them away and told them she was okay. Of course I'm okay, Hermione, I just need some time alone.
When term started again she boarded the train sullenly and bid goodbye to her parents like a good girl. It was the same Hogwarts, but Gods, it wasn't the same without him, and though the professors tried to shield them as much as they could, she could feel the darkness seeping in through every crack. Just the same, she sat alone in the common room every night pining for him. She felt so helpless, sitting there safe and secure when he could be dying, but what could she do?
Post Hogwarts:
She didn't go looking for a job like she should have as a graduate; she had no heart for it. They understood and let her stay at home, where she wasted away even more. Visitors who came to see them often commented on her new self. Ginny had been such a vibrant youth, they'd say over their teacups, What happened to her?
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. And finally, he came home.
Ron went to see her and tell her the good news and when she heard it, her heart soared and she felt as if she were alive again. With tears in her eyes she thanked him and thanked him and Thank heavens he's alive, Ron aren't you happy he's alive?
She went to meet him at the station, decked out carefully in her best robes that she had laid out the night before. She was smiling her best smile and her heart was full of love and her eyes said Harry, welcome home. As she looked around she wondered how was it that the world had seemed so gray when it was so beautiful. Because there he was, behind the man with the cobalt suitcase and next to the witch with the purple hair, handing the conductor his ticket to check off. It was him…but was it really him? His hair was different and his face was different and when she looked closely even his smile seemed a little different.
He had more scars to show than just the lightning scar and more tales to tell than seemed possible. He limped a bit when he walked and he was older and wiser, but she didn't care because to her he was still the same boy with the same messy hair and emerald eyes and the smile that sang. He was still the same boy who had once held her close and breathed in her hair and told her Ginny, I love you.
So she tried to catch his eye. She waved and jumped up and down behind the crowd but he didn't see her through the throng of girls who surrounded him and declared their love for him. And when she finally pushed past the witch who was already proposing to her Harry, he glanced at her and gave her just a shadow of a smile.
And she knew she stood no chance.
…And the Rest.
So she watched as he grew up and grew strong. She watched as he forgot and she watched as he stopped being the boy with the nervous smile. She wondered why he was no longer that boy and why he was no longer Harry and once again she wondered if it was something she had done. And she watched as he was admired and made out to be the world's deliverer. She watched as he fell in love with his prettiest fan girl, Ella, and again she sat in front of the mirror wondering what was about her that was so hard to love.
When she was near him she smiled like she used to and watched him carefully for any sign of recognition. But he had changed, that was for sure, and he was no longer Harry. There was no closeness, no endearment, until she wondered if his love had been a dream.
And so she sat through his wedding, even though it was painful. She smiled and told them Bless You and wished them a happy life but while they rejoiced she felt as if she were breaking apart. Her heart was weeping all over again, and her soul, and everything was weeping but her eyes. She let no tears fall as she gazed at the bride in her beautiful gown with her beautiful golden curls and she wished she were Ella.
But she wasn't Ella, and no matter how she tried she couldn't be. She couldn't be Ella; she could only be Ginny with the flame red hair and the clear blue eyes. Ginny, who, through it all, still loved the boy with the smile that sang, even though he no longer belonged to her.
What a beautiful bride, they said afterwards, and What a handsome groom and Weren't they just the perfect couple and Weren't they precious? She nodded along and pretended to be happy but her heart and her soul and her being screamed at her to Please don't do this, why are you doing this, Ginny, please stop before you do something brash. But she shook her head and continued smiling and nodding as if it didn't matter.
Then Hermione and Ron approached her, and so did the twins and Bill and Charlie but she brushed them away and told them to Go away guys, I'll be fine. But she wasn't fine and she wasn't alright and at this point she was beginning to think that she never would be alright. For she was slowing dying inside...how could she be alright when she was dying, and Harry, how could you forget?
Once she gathered up her courage and approached him. She wanted to get down on her knees to beg him to Remember Harry, you promised you would. She'd lose all her dignity and all of her pride if she had to, but she'd have him, and it would be enough. When she neared she saw him sitting comfortably with one arm wrapped around Ella and at that moment she hated Ella like the plague. And she couldn't talk to him, she couldn't, because he had Ella and he had his image.
Once he had approached her and her heart had beat like the wind, but when she looked into his eyes she knew something was wrong. Ginny, he said with only a hint of sadness in his voice, I know I promised you and I know I once loved you but I've changed. The battle changed me. I matured. I grew to love another. Ginny with the flame red hair and the clear blue eyes, I can no longer be your Harry. Maybe we can just be friends?
And she watched him walk away and slip an arm around Ella, who gave her an apologetic smile, as if that would make it all better. She wanted to scream and rage and hit him with her fists, but he looked so happy. She herself had nothing but she couldn't ruin his happiness because she still loved him. How could she ruin his happiness when she still loved him?
Besides, he was Harry, the Harry, and Ella was beautiful. She…? She was only Ginny, and she didn't deserve his love. She wasn't pretty or talented or smart…and she wasn't Ella.
So she tried to forget and to move on.
Soon she grew up as well and was married. She made herself forget about the boy with the green eyes and the messy black hair and the smile that sang. Her husband, bless him, was kind and gentle. He kept her happy and supported her and wasn't that enough? And she sang and she danced and she laughed because it was.
But she didn't sing like she used to. She didn't dance like she used to. And she didn't laugh like she used to.
She never had children. She didn't become a healer. She didn't get her nice house with a white picket fence around it.
Her husband told her Yes Dear and he told her No Dear and he told her Bless you and Why wont you come to bed Dear and Hurry up your supper's getting cold.
But he never looked at her like he had. He never kissed her like he had. And he never smiled at her and brushed the snow away and told her Ginny, I love you.
And the girl with the fiery red hair and the clear blue eyes…she never heard another Ginny, I love you.
Fin.
---
A/N: Thank you for the time. Sorry if I made Harry out to be a prat, but for the sake of the story, it had to be done.
If you are not currently in the process of being eaten by hungry walruses or will not be in the process of being eaten by hungry walruses within the next two minutes, do leave a review. Or send a message. I'm not picky (;
Oh, and do take a look at my other one shot, entitled A Rose is a Rose to the End. It's another Harry-Ginny fic (why I keep writing them when I hate the pairing, I'll never know), and it's sad, like this one. Feel free to review both.