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Liv knocked on the door of her spare room. "I know you're not asleep Elizabeth." Liv said coming into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Your mom has gone now. You can tell me the truth. How's your pain?" Liv asked tenderly. "You knew I was lying?" Elizabeth asked and Liv smiled and nodded. "Everything hurts, like it even feels like my hair and nails are hurting, even though they have no nerves in them. I'm just aching, like everywhere."
"I'm guessing the painkillers the hospital gave you have worn off. I have some Tylenol and Advil, the doctors said that hopefully that should take the edge off." Liv smiled and gabbed some pills for Elizabeth. "Here you are honey. I know Maureen is coming over tomorrow, but I was planning to pop back in my lunch break. I could bring you something? I know you love those sandwiches from the deli a couple blocks away from the precinct?"
"That would be great, thanks Liv."
"Did you want to watch a movie or something before bed?"
"I think I'm gonna have another shower. I feel like I just can't get clean. And mom got me a book so I think I'll just read." Lizzie told Liv.
"Elizabeth, feeling like that is totally normal in this circumstance. You can take as many showers as you need. I've got some lovely lavender shower gel in my ensuite I can get for you."
After taking a very long and too hot shower, Elizabeth tried to read but she ended up re-reading sentences over and over. She was in pain the too hot water irritating her skin and injuries. Around 9.30 Olivia came in to say goodnight to Elizabeth. "Liv, could I maybe. Urm, maybe stay in your bed again, I really don't want to be alone. I'm sorry." Elizabeth stammered. "Of course sweetie, you don't have to apologise. Come on."
Elizabeth struggled to get comfortable the grazes on her back didn't allow her to sleep that way and if she curled on the her side the bruised ribs hurt. "Are you okay Elizabeth?" Olivia asked after feeling the mattress move as the teen tried to get comfortable. "Just trying to get comfy, my ribs and back hurt. Sorry if I'm keeping you awake." Elizabeth whispered. "Don't apologise Elizabeth, it's okay, is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" Liv asked. "No sorry. I had some more painkillers an hour ago. I'm okay." Elizabeth replied.
Eventually Lizzie drifted off to sleep as did Olivia. Olivia had always been a light sleeper. Needing to get up and be alert anytime her phone rang so when Elizabeth started talking and thrashing Olivia woke. "Stop! No! What! Stop!" Lizzie was shouting then screamed out, Liv tried to wake Elizabeth but didn't want to touch her and startle her if it could be avoided. "Elizabeth, can you wake up sweetie? Elizabeth? Wake up honey." Then she said loudly and more forcefully. "ELIZABETH!" Elizabeth woke with a start and sat up still half in her dream screaming and fighting off an invisible assailant. "Elizabeth, listen to my voice. It's Olivia focus on my voice. You're safe and your in my apartment." Liv said loudly but calmly "Liv?" Elizabeth shouted loudly her eyes still tightly closed. "I'm right here honey, just open your eyes." Liv encouraged. Elizabeth opened her eyes and her fear turned to tears and she leaned into Liv who hugged her close. "I'm scared." Lizzie sobbed. "I know sweetie, and it's okay to feel scared."
"I can't stop thinking about it even when I'm sleeping." Lizzie sniffled then bit her lip and continued. "In my dream, it was happening all over again. Like I was right there again..it was horrible." Liv could feel the teen shaking against her and could feel her heart racing. "What do you need right now Elizabeth. Do you want to try and sleep? Or we could go out onto the sofa and watch some tv? I could make you some hot cocoa or tea?" Liv asked.
"I...I don't think I can sleep right now...tea...would be nice...do you have peppermint?" Elizabeth asked still trembling.
"I think so, I'll go and make us some." Liv smiled. "Can you maybe turn on the big light...I don't think I can walk right now...I feel kind of wobbly." Lizzie closed her eyes momentarily as Liv flicked the light on. Elizabeth suddenly felt very alone, she wanted to shout for Olivia to come back but she'd asked her to make tea so surely she couldn't just ask her to stop. Tears started streaming down her face again and she had to stifle her sobs. She could feel the heat rising to her face and a pain in her chest. Was she having a heart attack, great Aunt Mary had had a heart attack 3 years ago, maybe it ran In the family. But she was just 15, Aunt Mary had been over 80. Can 15 year olds have heart attacks. Her pulse was increasing and she was starting to hyperventilate. She brought her hands up to her chest and realised they were shaking. She should call out for Olivia but then found out she couldn't. She was going to die right here in Olivia bedroom, she was sure of it. Her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Oh God please help me, please help me Lizzie thought.
Olivia came in with 2 cups of peppermint tea but put them down on the dresser as soon as she saw Elizabeth. Her knees up to her chest and her head resting on them struggling to breathe. "Elizabeth. Can you hear me? I need you to focus on my voice... can you hear me honey?" Liv asked and got no reply. Elizabeth knew Liv was there. She sensed her. Liv was saying something but Elizabeth couldn't get her brain to understand. "Elizabeth I need you to let me know if you can hear me." Olivia asked and Elizabeth managed to slightly nod her head. "Okay, you can hear me that's good. I need you to listen to me. I know you're scared but you're safe. Focus on my voice Elizabeth." Olivia said trying to ground the teen. "Try and uncurl yourself a little, put your legs down flat, you'll find it a bit easier to breathe...good girl. Try and breathe out like you're blowing a bubble. Breathe in one...two...three and hold it and out." Liv tried to guide Elizabeth's breathing but she just couldn't get her lungs to fill with air. She was dying she was sure. "Heart...attack.." she wheezed "dy..ing"
"Elizabeth you're not having a heart attack, you're having a panic attack. You're not dying, you're completely safe. I'm going to take your hand okay." Liv said and took Elizabeth's hand and placed it on her own abdomen and put her own hand over the top. "We're going to breathe in." Liv said exaggerating the breath and making the hands on her abdomen move "hold it, then out." Again she exaggerated it making the hands move down. "I'm going to put my hand on your tummy and I want you to make it move okay" she did and Elizabeth flinched. Olivia quickly moved her hand away "sorry Elizabeth. I should have asked. Look around and think about 5 things that you can see" Olivia said trying to ground Elizbeth. "You...bed...door...wardrobe...curtain..." Elizabeth whispered "good, can you tell me 4 things you can hear Elizabeth?" Olivia asked. "You...me breathing...cars outside...sirens.."
"Well done, can you smell 3 things?"
"Mint tea...the shampoo In my hair...you..I think you Have a different laundry detergent"
"Feeling a little calmer?" Olivia asked and Elizabeth nodded and Olivia handed her the tea. "What do you need right now Elizabeth." "Olivia, can you just talk?" Elizabeth asked.
"What do you want me to talk about?" Liv asked confused. "Anything, I'm just tired and want to think about something else." Elizabeth explained. "I can tell you about the first time I looked after all 4 of you? Your mom and dad were going on a date night and your babysitter flaked last minute. Your dad and I were working and he found out and was really frustrated so I said I'd watch the 4 of you. You were really tiny. I think you and Dickie had just turned 4. So I thought we could all make cookies. I bought the ingredients and it started really well, you were all very well behaved, until Dickie dropped an egg on the floor so Kathleen threw flour at him and it turned into a food fight. I calmed you all down and we eventually made the cookies and I let you guys eat some and then I was trying to control 4 under 10's all on a sugar rush."
Olivia continued to talk as Elizabeth finished her tea and then lay down, and Liv didn't stop until she was sure that the teen was asleep.
A few hours later Elizabeth started thrashing again, she woke with a start and ran to the bathroom with her hand pressed to her mouth. Liv was woken too and followed Elizabeth into the bathroom. She was kneeling, slouched between the bathtub and the toilet. Retching over the toilet. "Hey Elizabeth? Can I touch you?" Liv asked. Elizabeth nodded in reply still on her knees over the toilet. Liv rubbed circles on Elizabeth's back for a minute or so until she relaxed. "Done?" Olivia asked. "I think so, I think my body was trying to throw up. I Did throw up a bit of tea but my stomach is pretty empty so it's just bile mainly." Elizabeth explained slumping backwards in exhaustion. Liv grabbed Elizabeth's tea mug and rinsed it in the bathroom sink before filling it with water. "There you go honey, just take little sips. Okay?" Olivia soothed. "Thanks." Elizabeth whispered. Liv wet a washcloth and asked for permutation before wiping the teens face. "Can you tell me what happened sweetie?"
"I had a nightmare." Elizabeth explained the exhaustion evident in her voice. "He...he had his penis in my mouth and I couldn't breathe and I think that's what made me sick...I...I...have no idea...if it even happened...because I was unconscious." Elizabeth whispered tears in her eyes. "Oh, honey, it's over, you're safe now." Liv said coming to sit on the floor next to Elizabeth. "Yes, when I'm awake I'm okay. But not when I'm asleep... I'm too scared to sleep."