AU- If Harry had said goodbye to Ginny before facing Voldemort. Hope you enjoy!
The most surprising thing, Harry supposed, was that this feeling, or lack thereof, was not surprising. Aside from the heartbeats that were surely audible to anyone close by, a sort of numbness had washed over him, granting him the clarity of mind to be able to go forward and face his fate. Somewhere in the back of his mind though, there was something wrong, something missing, something that refused to be named. Walking through the castle, he tucked his cloak inside his jacket, anxious to be properly seen off by his only home.
Suddenly, his chest and body were hit by an incredible force. The light from her hair glowed, and after a moment it all came to him alongside the floral scent that could never be perfectly replicated in his dreams. The unnameable feeling was worry about Ginny, and the force wasn't her body suddenly crashing against him. It was the tsunami of emotion that had consumed him along with Ginny's embrace. It took a minute to understand it all. Resting his chin on the top of her head, Harry tried to think through what this meant, what he would have to say, what he would have to do to be able to break away from her, to walk away, to not look back. The past nine months of stress and worry, of fear and anxiety, had all finally caught up to him. Harry bent down further to burrow his face in her hair and neck, filling his lungs with the smell of her, trying to inhale enough of that flowery scent to carry him through the rest of his life. He wasn't prepared for her to pull away first, and it took all the strength he had left to not whimper in disappointment at the admittedly small space she had put between them.
"Where are you going?" He expected her voice to be loud or angry. The softness of her voice was worse, in a way. It would be easier to fight with her, to argue. But now he would have to comfort, to soothe, to walk away when she needed him. Unable to answer, Harry ran his finger tips over her cheek and down her jaw, avoiding eye contact. "Harry?"
Hearing his name broke him of the stupor he was in, snapped him back to the reality he was in versus the reality he wanted. Placing his hands on either side of her neck, he brushed his thumbs along the line of her jaw and forced himself to look into her eyes. This was a good thing, he supposed. He never planned on making it very long, never planned on a long life, but none of his visions of his own death included a chance to say goodbye. A mercy, in it's own way.
"Please understand Gin," He had intended for his words to be stronger, steadier. Instead, they came out as a plea. "Please. Please understand. I don't have a choice Ginny."
"No!" She broke away from him, stepping back and this time Harry couldn't stop the cry coming from his throat at being separated so suddenly and completely. He'd be wrong. It wasn't going to be easier to have her be angry. "No, there's always a choice. You showed me that, there's always a choice and you're picking wrong! You're letting your stupid guilt kill you instead of continuing to fight!"
Didn't she see though? Didn't she see what a fight it was going to be to take those steps towards the forest, to walk away from his home, from her? Checking his watch, Harry realized he had an hour left before the midnight deadline. That was enough time, enough time to explain enough to make her see. It's something.
"Hear me out. You're right, maybe there are other choices, but this is the right one. Just please let me explain." Reaching for her hand, Harry led her into the first unlocked classroom he could find. Sitting down on the table in the furthest corner, Harry tried to determine exactly what she needed to know while she sat across from him, her eyes red with tears and arms crossed stubbornly.
"When Voldemort tried to kill me as a baby, he accidentally left a part of his soul in me. I know it sounds crazy and complicated, and there's more to the story. But the only way to make sure he dies is to make sure that I do too. Because as long as I'm alive, then so is he."
"No." Ginny's face softened at the explanation, but that was little improvement.
"You of all people know what it is like to have him inside your head Ginny. I know it's different, but is there anything you wouldn't have done to stop him? Even at 11 years old?" At this, her arms dropped to her side and she leaned into him. Grateful to have her back in his arms, Harry stroked her hair, leaning close to speak again. "You're right, there are other options. I could pretend this isn't true, I could try to live out my life as normally as possible with him hunting me and killing everyone around me. But that's not a life Gin. And if I did that, those people he hurt in an effort to get to me would be on my conscience. Please, please understand Ginny." His last words were little more than begging, and in waiting for a response Harry could feel the front of his shirt dampen with her tears, her hands balled into fists on his chest.
"No," her voice broke, and Harry knew that this time she wasn't telling him not to go. This time she was saying it to herself, denying this reality that neither of them wanted. Wrapping her tighter against him, Harry could feel tears of his own falling down his face.
"It's okay, Gin. It'll be okay. I promise, okay? It's going to be fine." Pulling back slightly, Harry cupped his face in his hands, tilting her head up to look at her again.
"I hope you know that I love you. You mean the world to me Gin. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you. I'm sorry." He kissed the tears on her face, which only seemed to spur a new batch. He kissed her forehead, her nose, her lips, trying to make up for his past and future absences and hurt caused and time wasted in years past. Even as he showered her in kisses and 'I love you's', he knew it could never be enough.
"I love you too, Harry," she said through thick, hot tears. She buried her face in his chest once more, her arms wrapped firmly around him. Hating himself as he did it, Harry checked his watch again. Disentangling him from Ginny, firmly holding her wrists in one of her hands and her face in the other, he steeled himself.
"I have to go now, sweetheart. It's going to be okay, alright? Go back to your Auntie Muriel's, please. I know you don't want to be protected, I know you can defend yourself, I know how strong and capable and independent you are. But please, for me, please just go home and be safe. Please, just give me that peace of mind. Please." It was a low blow, he knew. But it was the only thing he wanted anymore.
Ginny's eyes widened at the request. In a way, she was angry. The audacity of such a request! To lecture anyone about the sanctity of life while he's walking towards death! But mostly, she was heartbroken. She was certainly not going to go home after the death of her ...ex boyfriend? And her brother. But she also couldn't deny Harry the only thing he'd ever really asked of her.
"Can I come with you?" She could see Harry's eyes widen in absolute immediate panic. "Not to see him, I know I can't go even if I don't think you should be alone. Just, can I walk with you to the edge of the forest? Please?"
Harry's mind raced with potential risks that he would be exposing her to, weighing those risks against what it would cost him to say 'no' to her at this moment.
"Will you go home? If I say yes, will you go home?"
The lie stuck in her throat. Hoping to pass the moment off as any emotion other than guilt, Ginny nodded her head and tried to be happy at the relief the spread across Harry's face.
This was it, they both knew it. It was their final goodbye, with just moments left. But what more was there to be said? There were no more explanations, no more questions, no answers. Throwing her arms around his neck and standing on her tiptoes, Ginny spoke first.
"I love you. I'm going to miss you so much." She nuzzled her face against his neck, just as she did in happy times. She held back tears this time, determined to be able to see him clearly in these last moments together.
"I love you too, Ginny. I'm so proud of you. I'm so… So unbelievably proud of you."
Tightening his arms around her before letting go, he kissed her once more before walking away without another word.