A/N: To reviewers- Some of you said this was depressing, and yes, this part will be. At the beginning i said i would be dealing with very real life issues cloe to my heart, and this is an issue that, unfortunately, people in the world tend to ignore. I'm not trying to sound like some sort of serious advice type person, but it's about time people took notice of matters that can only get worse if they're brushed to the side and seen as 'attention seeking' or a 'trend' or things other silly people call it when they don't understand.
Asides from that i'll give a little away . . Yes i probably will get someone to kick the plastic out of celia, and no, in this story, Selphie has no other friends apart from Rinoa,Zell and Squall, oh and the tendons in your wrist aren't as tough, and you do it length-ways. I learnt that from a friend. Wow, i sound like a nutter. I'm not!! Pwease don't go!
Sorry if this chappie depresses you, i'll make the others happier in the future!! Wow, that was a long A/n.
"We have all made attempts to take our lives, or to tell without words, some with a knife or razor dividing the flesh ,making the invisible somehow visible...making themselves and everything they've been through disappear."
Selphie stared at the deep severe in her wrist which was quickly welling up with crimson blood and spilling onto the floor. She had felt no real pain whilst doing it, just a burning sensation and an odd feeling of release.
It was when she saw how much blood was actually coming out of her, and not seeming to stop that she began to panic and snap back into reality.
'What have I done?!'
Already starting to feel a little weak, she clutched hold of her seeping wrist, reached over to the heater and grabbed a towel that was drying on it.
Selphie forcibly wrapped the soft white cotton around and around her wrist, pulling it tight and holding it in place.
She was slowly beginning to feel sick and realised she had to do something instead of just sitting in her room.
Rising a little too quickly on wobbly legs, she stumbled towards her door and yanked it open, staggering across to Zells room.
Selphie was starting to feel extremely light headed due to the blood loss. Her mind was all fogged up and she couldn't think. She began to cry at the lack of answer coming from Zells dorm. Trying to walk away, she found she was unable to control her legs properly, and fell to the floor.
'This is it, I'm gonna die.'
Selphie moved in nearer Zell's door way and curled up, sill pressing the blood soaked towel to her wrist.
She willed herself not to let her eyes close and focused on the overhead lights, casting a glare so bright, it made her jerk open her eyelids every time they went to shut down.
Every muscle in her body screamed at her to get up, but she just couldn't.
Selphie began to give up hope and now just waited for death to envelope her in its cold embrace.
'So, this is what it's like.'
She heard a voice echo in her head, bigger than her own, which seemed to be getter louder as each word was spoken. Then she heard thumping footsteps, which seemed odd to her. It wasn't until she realised that it wasn't a strange voice, but in fact, Zell, running towards her and saying, "Selphie, are you alright?"
Selphie felt strong arms on her shoulders turn her around slightly, then heard an 'Oh my god' follow.
For a moment, this sight was too much for Zell. Selphie, sitting in his doorway with tear stained cheeks, ruffled hair and a blood covered uniform. Although he'd seen a lot of blood and people dying, they had always been enemies. Seeing one of his best friends like this made him panic and switch to 'off' mode.
'Infirmary,' he thought, 'take her to the infirmary.'
Zell whispered, "Selphie, stay awake, please don't go, hang in there."
He scooped her up in his arms, ran down the dormitory hallway and out into the main area of the first floor.
Irvine was walking along in the opposite direction when he noticed Zell carrying Selphie. At first, he thought they were just messing around, but then he saw the distraught look on the blondes face and the way Selphie seemed to be slumped in his arms, her eyes seemingly fighting to open and close and open up again.
A wave of terrible worry flooded over Irvine as he beheld this sight.
"Irvine! Help me, what do I do?? She slit her wrist!" Zell half shouted with worry.
Luckily, there weren't many students wandering around as they were all in lessons.
"Hand her to me and run to tell Doctor Kadowaki what's happened. I'll bring her in, but it'll be quicker this way."
All venom filled thoughts over the punch up were suddenly forgotten between the two, as Zell handed Selphie lightly over to Irvine, squeezing her small hand before running off into the small room where Dr Kadowaki could be found.
Irvine followed, but not so fast, being as gentle with the young girl as he could. He looked down at Selphie cradled in his arms. He couldn't believe that the girl once so full of life had now come to this: her breathing shallow and her iron will to live melting slowly.
Irvine held her tightly to him and kissed her forehead before going into the Drs room, where Zell was frantically explaining what had happened.
"Quick, I'm going to have to get a water ambulance to transfer her over to Dollet central's hospital, we don't have the things to deal with this here."
Zell looked over at Selphie anxiously as the doctor phoned through for help.
"She's still breathing." Irvine said, quickly checking her pulse.
Selphies eyes still kept flickering open and closing again, but this time she focused on Irvine. He could see the fear in her eyes and felt it was his duty to tell her that everything was okay. But he couldn't. He didn't know for sure if things would turn out okay, and as much as he didn't want to think about it, he knew there was a possibility of losing Selphie.
Zell took hold of Selphies small hand and clutched it in his own.
"Selphie, why??? Don't leave us; I know you're stronger than this."
Irvine could see that Zell wanted to cry, but being a typical man, daren't let any tears actually come out of his eyes.
Doctor Kadowaki spoke, "Right, there's already an ambulance at the dock. NOW GO, quickly!!!!"
She quickly tightened the towel around Selphies wrist, applying a lot of pressure to stop the bleeding before they went.
Irvine and Zell ran out of the infirmary and out of the front gates, ignoring the angry shouts of the receptionist, who was unaware as to what was going on and probably thought they were just running out to skip lessons.
Selphie was still held tightly in Irvines arms, still breathing and still occasionally opening her eyes and glancing up at Irvine above her. He didn't know it, but that was what was keeping her going, just feeling him holding her again and seeing the concern on his face.
'Concern for me. He cares again.'
On getting to Balamb dock, two paramedics dressed in white and red uniforms rushed over and put Selphie onto a stretcher and slid her into the back of the small water ambulance.
Zell wouldn't let go of Selphies hand, for fear of her letting go of herself.
One of the paramedics, who was a tall man with brown hair, said; "Only one of you can come with her, I'm afraid."
Irvine looked over to Zell who clearly didn't want to let go of Selphie.
"You go with her, Zell. I'll catch the next ship to Dollet and join you soon."
The blonde nodded and stayed sitting in the back of the boat clutching at his friends hand.
Before they went, Irvine ran his hand along Selphies soft pale cheek, leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Don't go anywhere, keep fighting, I'll be here for you and . . . I'm sorry."
The boat sped away, leaving a trail of white foam in the blue ocean that looked like it was reaching for the sky each time a wave hit it.
One of the paramedics on the ambulance lifted up Selphies head to slip an oxygen mask over her face. In this brief couple of seconds, she was able to see Irvine standing on the dock alone, the wind blowing at his coat and his hair, flipping it this way and that.
That was the last image she saw before blacking out.
Irvine was too torn up inside with guilt and worry too watch the boat go very far. After about three minutes of standing at the dock side, he decided to go to the boarding point for the next Dollet ship.
As he was walking along, trying to make sense of what happened, he bumped into Squall and Rinoa, who were walking out of the entrance.
"Oh, hey Irvine. Whatcha doing out here?" Rinoa chirped.
She hardly gave him time to reply before she yanked on his sleeve and said, "Squall said I should get some air because I look terrible, he's so rude and blunt!"
Squall, who was standing beside her in his usual pose, sighed and rolled his eyes upwards.
"I just think she needs some fresh air, she's got a headache."
Squall stared more carefully into the sharpshooters face.
"You don't look too good either Irvine, are you okay?"
Irvine looked down to the ground and stared at his boots, avoiding his friends gaze.
"Something's happened . . ."
Rinoa cocked her head to the side and waited for him to continue.
"It's Selphie . . . she got rushed to Dollet hospital a few minutes ago."
Squall stood looking at his friend puzzled, and Rinoa's eyes bugged out as if someone had slapped her on the back a little too hard.
"What for?! Is she okay??!"
Irvine stared out at the sapphire blue sea, watching the way the sun reflected off the waves, making them shimmer as if a million diamonds were just beneath the surface.
"She . . ."
"She what?!"
Irvine fixed his hat onto his head tighter and brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, aware of Rinoa getting annoyed with waiting for him to talk.
"Irvine! Tell!"
"She . . . er . . . slit her wrist."
"Oh no!!" Rinoa gasped and flung a hand up to her mouth in shock, whilst Squall still looked puzzled.
Dropping the hand down from her mouth, she said anxiously, "Is she okay? Will she . . . I mean . . . she won't . . . will she?"
Rinoa couldn't bring herself to say the word 'die' as if the very uttering of it would bring about bad luck.
"I . . . don't know. Zell found her slumped in his doorway. She was still conscious and had a towel wrapped around her wrist, but . . ."
"But what?"
"There was a lot of blood . . . she was breathing really shallow and . . . she was having trouble keeping her eyes open."
Irvine shut his eyes briefly but opened them up again as fast as he could, because he kept getting images of Selphie gasping for air and hanging limply in his arms.
He looked over to Rinoa to see how she had taken it, and the answer was, not very well.
She was crying her eyes out onto Squalls leather jacket, as he stroked a gloved hand over her raven hair looking rather uncomfortable with what else to do.
A small ferry moved towards the dock, ringing its bell to signal its approach.
Irvine moved up the ramp and sat down on one of the wooden plank benches inside the boat, which were rather poor excuses for seats.
He looked over to see what his friends were doing.
Squall was still hugging Rinoa and appeared to be saying something to her. Shortly after that, she wiped her eyes and they both got onto the boat.
After around five minutes, the engine started and they began to move.
No-one spoke, no-one did anything.
The wind whipped against Rinoa's ivory face, making her cheeks flush a rosy red.
Her ebony hair lashed around her face, tangling it and messing it up, but she didn't seem to care. She was lost in thoughts for her friend. Finally she couldn't stand it and had to ask the one question that was nagging at her mind.
"Irvine?"
Irvine lifted his gaze up to where Rinoa was standing.
"What?"
She fiddled with her blue arm warmers and said uneasily, "Why did she do it?"
This question put him on the spot and he didn't like it. He knew Rinoa hadn't said "Was it because of you?" but he was in the frame of mind where he was blaming himself.
". . . Er, I'm not sure . . ." he lied.
"Oh."
Rinoa turned around and looked over the side of the ship watching it slice through waves and whip up ocean spray around them.
Irvine spoke up again, hating the silence.
"She was on anti-depressants."
Squall just looked at Irvine, but Rinoa turned around again and went to sit down next to him.
"She doesn't need them! Well . . . I didn't think she did. How do you know?"
"I heard the Doctor say earlier, when we were in the infirmary."
"I never guessed she was suicidal."
Irvine frowned a bit. He hated that word, suicide. It seemed so final and it didn't go with Selphie at all.
"I always thought she was so . . . so . . happy . . . I guess things change."
Rinoa didn't want to bring up the subject of Irvine being an asshole to Selphie over the past couple of months, as she knew that everyone was feeling fragile and arguing was definitely out of the question.
After another ten minutes of silence, the ship pulled into Dollet waters and docked at the side. The hospital was right next to where the ship stopped and had a modern looking exterior.
Irvine walked through the automatic doors, not bothering to look behind him to see if his friends were following.
Running up to the counter, he asked a rather snobby looking receptionist with large glasses half way down her nose, where he could find Selphie Tilmitt.
The receptionist gave Irvine a look, then proceeded to flick through a piece of paper before finally telling him she was rushed to the A and E department, down the hall and turn right.
Irvine thanked her and walked briskly up the corridor. Rinoa ran after him, followed by Squall.
Upon turning the right corner as told to, there was a small waiting area with one or two people, and a rather downtrodden Zell sitting with his head in his hands.
Rinoa jogged over to him, making his head snap up suddenly and look up at her.
"Thought you were a doctor," he mumbled.
Rinoa wrapped her arms around Zell and gave him a hug. She could tell he had been crying because his aqua blue eyes looked slightly bloodshot.
Squall and Irvine sat down beside him, eager for news of their friend.
Zell sat up from his slouching position as Rinoa pulled away and went to kneel in front of him.
"They wouldn't let me go in with her," he said quietly.
Irvine lifted his hat up and asked, "Do you know how she is?"
"She . . . she passed out in the ambulance just before we arrived here. They were saying all these complicated things, then I heard them say her heart rate was faint and slowing down by the minute. I asked one of the Doctors if she'd pull through, but he said he didn't know."
Everyone was silent for a few minutes, and then Rinoa began to cry again.
Through sobs she managed to say, "she . . . she . . . can't . . . die!"
Zell shook his head.
"Before they took her into that room over there-," he pointed to a closed door off to the left, "the doctors were talking about blood transfusions. But she lost so much . . . how can they find the right type and get it all back in her before . . ."
Squall spoke up, "Look, don't worry, they know what they're doing, and this is a highly advanced hospital, I'm sure they've got blood stored somewhere."
Zell sighed, hoping his friend was right. Waiting outside the room where their friend could be dying was frustrating. She was so near, yet they weren't allowed to go in to see her and hold her hand. All that was left to do was wait for news of her condition, whether it be good or bad.