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"They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now."
The next morning, Zell was caught sneaking out of Garden by one of the disciplinary committee, who forced him to go to Instructor Aki's class.
'Man, Selphies gonna think I lied about goin' to see her. I wonder how she is?'
"Mr Dincht!"
Zell snapped his head up and came back to the present to be faced with an irritated Instructor Aki.
"Would you kindly pay attention!"
Zell said nothing but slumped back into his desk and stared at the empty seat next to him. He didn't feel like arguing today. All he wanted to do was go and see his friend.
Some how, half of Garden had already heard about what happened to Selphie. People treated it like a piece of juicy gossip waiting to be spread around.
Zell yawned, tired from last night, and looked around the class. Squall was sitting at the back with a couple of other people he didn't know. Up at the front were Celia, Amber and Nichi pretending to pay attention and be good, when they were really reading fashion magazines under the desk and laughing at other people.
'How childish . . .'
Zell was tempted to put his head down on the desk, but he knew that would only earn him another written warning for being 'rude', which at the end of the year added up and got points taken off tests and field exams.
Before he knew it, the lesson was over and he was free to do as he wished. As he walked out of the door and down the hall, he spotted Irvine crowded by none other than Celia and crew.
As Zell stomped towards him, he realised that Irvine wasn't actually talking to them; in fact, he was trying to get away from them.
"What are you doin' around these prostitutes, Irvine?"
Celia turned around and placed her hands on her supermodel thin hips.
"Who do you think you're calling prostitutes, Dincht?!"
"Erm, let me see . . . you perhaps?" he retorted mockingly.
Celia's mouth hang open for a second before she closed it back up and flicked her long blonde hair behind her back.
Turning his attention to the other two girls, he frowned at looking up at Irvine whilst giggling and talking about people.
Irvine rolled his eyes at Zell and mouthed 'help'.
"Look, girls, I really don't need this. Don't talk about people, it's not nice, and it'll come back to you three times as worse," he stated, trying to edge his way out of the circle they'd locked him in.
"Don't be ridiculous! No one would ever talk about us . . . unless of course they were saying how beautiful and talented we are . . ."
Nichi laughed and linked her arm through Amber's, who was swirling her tongue around on a pink lollipop and looking up at Irvine.
"Besides, Irvy," Celia continued whilst giving Zell a filthy look, "It's fun to talk about people."
Celia turned to Zell and strutted nearer to him.
"Heard what poor little Selphie did to herself. For a moment I almost felt guilty . . . almost. Ha!"
Zell turned on his heel and began to walk off.
Celia looked exasperated, "Well, aren't you going to react?!"
Zell continued walking but shouted out, "Nope . . . Irvine, come on . . ."
Irvine pushed Amber and Nichi out of the way, much to their annoyance, but Celia grabbed hold of his wrist.
"Where do you think you're going, Irvy?"
"None of your business. Get off me, would'ya?"
Instead of waiting to her to release her grip, he simply yanked his arm free from it.
"Ow! You broke my nail you idiot!"
"What tragedy!" Irvine shot over his shoulder, feigning horror.
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Zell and Irvine stopped outside the door the Selphies hospital room.
"Erm, should we knock or just go in?"
Zell bit on one of his fingernails, looking unsure.
"Let's just go in."
Selphie was sitting up in bed with a magazine on her lap. She looked much better than she did last night, but dark lines surrounded the underneath of her eyes and her hair looked un-brushed. She was also dressed in a regulatory pale green hospital gown, with a slit down the back, although that was concealed by her lying back on the propped up pillows.
"I thought I heard you two out there."
Zell smiled and pulled up a grey padded chair to the side of the hospital bed.
"Sorry I'm late."
"Are you?"
"Yeah, I said I'd come first thing, but I got caught sneakin' out and had to go to Aki's lesson."
When Irvine was looking away, Selphie pulled Zell close to her and whispered, "What's he doing here?"
"I thought you'd want him to come?"
Selphie shrugged and let go of her friend just as Irvine turned back from whatever he was finding so interesting.
She gazed up at him and smiled sweetly.
Irvine, not being able to resist, winked at her.
"How are you then Sef?"
"Urgh . . . tired . . . and sore."
Selphie looked at her bandaged wrist and sighed. When she glanced back up at Irvine, he was staring at something with a weird look in his eyes.
She followed his gaze and realised he was focusing on the results of her previous cutting sessions. Her arm looked awful so she quickly pulled down her gown sleeve.
Irvine hadn't ever seen them before and was rather shocked when he did. He couldn't believe that one person could harbour the emotion to turn a razor against themselves.
Zell noticed what had happened and decided to draw the attention to something else.
"So, can we bundle you outta this place or what?"
Selphie turned her head slowly to look at Zell and silently thanked him.
"The doc said I've got to stay in for a few hours more to check the stitches and change the bandages and have a talk with me."
Irvine pushed into the conversation.
"A talk? What about?"
Selphie glanced at her wrist and looked back up with a renewed sadness in her eyes.
"Probably about why I'm in here."
Zell stroked her hair, then realised that Irvine might get the wrong idea again, so he ruffled it up in a playful manner in an attempt to cheer his friend up.
"Hey!"
"What? It was already messy anyway."
"Yeah, but I've gotta get back to Garden looking like this."
"So you gonna walk back there in that oh-so-trendy green gown with your ass hanging out the back?"
Irvine began to pay attention again upon hearing this; he always gave his full concentration when anything rude was being said, especially anything involving naked women.
"You wish Zell. The doc said he'd bring my clothes in when I'm due to go."
Selphies mind began to wander as quietness filled the stuffy room.
'Why did I do it? I didn't really want to die . . . did I? Nothing's ever that bad . . . is it?'
Her memory took her back to last night, the very moment before she had tried to take her life. She saw in vivid detail the razor slicing through her skin and hitting the veins . . . and then the blood spilling from her, her life source draining away.
Selphie clamped her eyes shut and brought her hands harshly up to her face, as if they would hide her from this horrible flashback.
Irvine looked at Zell as if to say, 'what-the-hell-just-happened?'
Zell reached up to Selphies hands and pried them gently away from her face.
She had been silently crying, her eyes filling up with tears, then spilling over and filling up again.
"Are you okay?"
Zell felt like an idiot as soon as he asked that question.
'Of course she's not okay, you dumbass!'
Selphie nodded her head up and down, making the tears that had collected on the bottom of her face, fall off and make small wet patches on her gown. She didn't want to talk about what just happened in front of Irvine; afraid of what he might think of her and who he might tell.
Selphie dried her eyes as a nurse with short red hair and a fair complexion came into the room, with Selphies clothes bundled in her arms.
She smiled as she handed them over and said that the doctor would be there soon.
Irvine and Zell waited outside the door as Selphie changed back into the clothes she came in wearing.
Selphie rooted around in her pocket for her yellow glittery compact mirror.
'Oh god I look awful . . .'
She fingered the bags around her eyes and challenged her sticking up hair by smoothing it down with her hands.
'No wonder Irvine was staring. Oh, why do you even care? He's still been an arsehole to you . . . I know, but I need him . . . stop thinking like this!! Argh!'
Selphie walked out of the confining hospital room, still arguing with her conscience.
"Miss Tilmitt?"
The doctor who had been monitoring since her stay was standing with Zell and Irvine, clipboard in hand.
"I'll need to check that the stitches have stayed in before you leave. Would you please follow me?"
"We'll wait for you here, Sef," Zell said, shuffling a little on his feet.
Up the corridor was another small room, but it was painted blue and had fresh lilies in one corner.
The doctor told her to take a seat and told her to hold out her wrist.
He carefully began to un-wrap the bandage that had been applied last night.
Selphie winced as the layer closest to her skin pulled a little at her cut, but finally came off with ease.
"Ahh good, the stitches are okay. Right, you'll have to come back to get these taken out in a certain amount of weeks. There's a letter being sent to you soon with all the details, you know, when, where, how to keep the wound clean etcetera . . ."
Selphie couldn't stop herself from looking down at her wrist.
She grimaced at it. It looked red and sore around the edges, until you came to the stitches, which made it look like some sort of weird form of Cornish pasty. You could tell it had leaked in the night because there was a little dried blood and other substances around it.
Selphie looked away.
"Will this scar me for life?"
The doctor pushed his glasses back up his nose and offered a sympathetic, almost trained look.
"I'm afraid it probably will. But no need to worry, people aren't as judgemental these days. I am rather concerned with what drove you to do this . . ."
"I . . . don't know," Selphie half lied. She knew it had something to do with Irvine, but she still didn't know why she had gone so far.
"We have trained counsellors here, and psychiatrists if you ever-,"
"I'm not crazy!" Selphie interrupted him.
The doctor looked a bit startled as he finished bandaging her wrist.
"No, no of course not, I was just-,"
"Well don't! Can I leave now?"
"Erm, by all means, yes."
"Good."
Selphie left the room in a huff as she walked her way back down the where Zell and Irvine were standing.
"I wanna go," she stated, standing in front of them, clearly moody about something.
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As soon as Selphie got back to garden, she was greeted by Rinoa, who gave her a huge hug and held her hand tightly.
"Oohh, I missed you!"
"I've only been gone for, like, a night and half a day."
Rinoa screwed up her face a bit, "Yeah, but I care you know! Who else can I talk to about girly stuff . . .?"
Selphie sighed but then smiled, "You can always go to Zell. He loves hearing about women's problems and what you get up to with Squall."
Zell turned his head and pulled a disgusted face.
". . . What?! Ergh! Get away!"
Rinoa laughed and poked him in the side whilst still clinging to Selphie.
"Hey, I'm goin' to the training centre. Catch ya later ladies."
The two girls walked down the hallway, looking back when Zell shouted out, "Sef, I'll come by your dorm later!"
Rinoa nudged Selphie and winked.
"Huh? NO!!"
"Only joking! Are you telling me you don't find him cute?"
"No! Well . . . He is cute, but not in that way, plus I . . ."
She stopped talking as she noticed Irvine walking down the hall towards them, stopped in front of them and tipped his hat.
"Feelin' good, Sefie?"
" . . . Er, I guess I'm alright. Are you?"
"Yup."
An awkward silence followed, until Celia and her friends came running down the hall, squealing and cooing at Irvine.
He sighed and looked sheepishly at Selphie.
"Uh, save me," he said under his breath, "Sorry, gotta run."
Rinoa frowned at the advancing blondes and one ebony haired girl as they ran after Irvine, who was clearly trying to get away from them.
As Celia passed the two girls by, she shot them a look to make them feel as if they shouldn't be there, then continued running after Irvine with her friends.
Rinoa tutted, unlinked from Selphie and stood staring down the hall at Celia's running form.
"Who does she think she is?!"
Selphie sighed and began to miss Irvine again. She remembered when they used to chase each other down the halls of Balamb garden. Sometimes they would get caught by passing instructors and get told of for not acting their age.
'Irvine was running away from her though . . .'
Rinoa was still at her side, getting herself into a tizzy over how rude Celia was to fellow students.
"Rin? Can you please calm down for a bit?"
The young girl flipped her black hair, tinted with a few strands of honey blonde, furiously behind her shoulders.
"I'm sorry Selphie. It's just . . . Argh, I hate that Celia so much! I can't believe Irvine even looked twice at her!"
Again, Selphie sighed. It was becoming as instinctive as breathing to her now.
"That's the problem Rinoa . . . he didn't look twice."
The two girls linked arms again and continued walking down the near empty corridors, lost in thoughts only they would ever know about.
A/N: Okay, so Celia didn't get what she deserves in this chapter, but that doesn't mean she'll get off easy. Hehe. .
