A/n: To an anonymous reviewer, have you not heard of 'those' people that carry around implements to harm? Don't question. To whomever asked: I get the lines at the beginning of each story from songs, or quotes from various people(eg. philosophers..)
"I love you, and because i love you, i would sooner have you hate me for telling the truth, rather than adore me for telling you lies."
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"Do you wanna stay in my room for a bit? We can talk . . . if you wanna," Zell asked his forlorn friend who stood before him. Selphie shook her head in a 'yes' motion so subtle, if you'd blinked, you would've missed it. She was no longer crying, but the pain was still there. Zell knew that. He could see it in her eyes and the way she held herself. Opening the door to his room for her, she stepped in slowly and walked over to window, soft footsteps padding on the carpeted floor.
Zell switched on his small T.V and turned the volume lower. As the image on the screen flashed into view, he saw that it was a nature program about the wild chocobos that still roamed the continent. Knowing that Selphie adored the fluffy, yellow birds, he beckoned her over and tried to sound enthusiastic.
"Hey Sef, there's a thing on Television about chocobos . . . aww, this one has chicks!"
Keeping his eyes locked on the petite brunette, he noticed that she didn't even blink an eye or move a muscle, but kept staring up at the sky out of the window.
The time was around nine thirty, but the night above them was already as dark as midnight. The heavens were dotted with stars and constellations, some bright and twinkling, others less noticeable but still around. It looked as though someone had spilt a pot of silver glitter up there and Selphie appeared to be fascinated by it, absorbed into the galaxy above.
Or maybe that's just a façade . . .
Standing next to her closely, Zell didn't quite know what to say to her. He had seen Irvine's little display of affection upon Selphie in the club and it seemed genuine, but when he had found her in tears, he knew immediately that the sharpshooter had done something wrong.
"How did you know where I was?" Selphies voice sounded him out of his thoughts.
"Anna found me and told me you were upset . . ."
Figuring out that Anna must be the girl on the library committee, she decided to say no more, but carried on with her star-gazing. After around five minutes of silence, Selphie began to feel uncomfortable with Zells concerned eyes on her, so she spoke up.
"He . . . he said he loved me."
The blonde beside her turned his head and studied his friend's side profile. Her mouth was turned down slightly, her cheeks flush and tear stained, her usually sparkling eyes sore and red rimmed from crying.
"Do you think he loves me?"
This was a hard question for Zell, or anyone, to answer. Sure, he knew Irvine and could read him like an open book most of the time, but when it came to him and love, true heart rending love, Zell was stumped. However, he did know that Irvine had never said that to any girl in his entire life. One time, they had gone on a boy's only poker night, and they got onto the relationship subject. Zell distinctly remembered Irvine saying he would never say 'those three words' if he didn't feel it. Although it was supposed to be kept a secret, Zell felt it was his duty to tell this to Selphie.
When he did, her eyes fell down from looking up at the stars and rested upon his frame.
"Then . . . why did he do it again? Why does he always break my heart?"
"Sef, he was extremely drunk and-,"
"That's no excuse. He was probably just playing around. He probably did it for a bet or something."
"That's not true."
"How do you know it's not?"
"Because Irvine wouldn't do somethin' like that."
"Well, he's done just about everything else in the book."
Selphie turned away from the window and sat herself down in front of the glowing light of the television, making her shadow dance erratically on the walls behind. Zell sat down on top of his bed, resting his hands upon the smooth fabric of the duvet beneath him. He knew the brunette wasn't really watching the nature show that was currently playing. Far too much had just happened for her to calm down. What he didn't realise was that Selphie, was in fact, crying silently to herself. It wasn't until another five minutes of uneasy silence that he settled down on the floor next to her and noticed how upset she had become.
"Sef . . ." Zell wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. Once again, she watered his shirt with her tears.
"Don't cry over him . . ."
"C-can't help it. Everything was . . . getting better . . and now . . ."
Her unfinished sentence was cut off by another onslaught of fresh tears. Zell felt her grip on his torso tighten; almost to the point where she was digging her little nails into him like a small kitten.
"He always goes and bums things up . . . and I always end up crying over it. It's a vicious circle of patching things up, breaking it down and me trying to kill myself."
Zell closed his eyes and stroked Selphies silken chesnut hair, in an attempt to get her to relax. He hadn't realised that she intended to kill herself earlier and the thought brought him back down to the harsh reality of the world with a thud.
"Selphie, please promise me you'll never take that razor to yourself with the intention of ending your life."
The girl in his arms stayed silent.
"Hey, I said promise me!"
Selphie looked up at him with wide emerald orbs.
"What's the point? It'd be an empty promise. No-one would care if I-,"
"I would care. Quistis would care, Rinoa would care, Squall AND Irvine would care. All the other people's lives you've touched would care. Selphie, I know you're in a state of mind where nothin' seems to matter anymore, but that'll go in time. You'll get through this, and I'll be right by your side every step of the way. Now, please, Promise me."
With her eyes shut, images of that razor pressed to her wrist, crimson liquid spilling out and trickling down her hand flashed before her minds eye. Selphie nodded weakly and whispered, "I promise," before placing her head back down on his tear soaked shoulder.
Zell sighed, sending strands of her hair flying up.
"You're my best friend, Selphie."
"Why couldn't I have fallen for you instead of him? You're so much nicer to me. And I bet you wouldn't do half the things he's done."
The blonde let out a small laugh, "I'm not as much of an angel as you think I am."
"Yes you are. You're my guardian angel. You always seem to be around me, watching me."
"Shouldn't I be classed more along the lines of a pervert then?"
This earned him a giggle from the girl in his arms, before she halted.
He could tell she was thinking about Irvine again, by the starry look on her face.
A ruckus outside snapped her out of routing through the unanswerable questions in her mind. The kafuffle appeared to be coming from the far end of the hallway, if their trained ears were correct.
Selphie lifted her head up from Zell and looked up at him with a furrow in her brow, crinkling her delicate features in an adorable fashion.
"What's all that noise?"
Getting up, she started towards the door, but Zell got there first, pulling it open by its handle, ready to have a go at who was making the unnecessary din.
Poking his head just past the door frame, his eyes settled on two figures at the start of the dormitory passage, arguing and coming closer by the second. He recognised them almost immediately as Quistis and Irvine. She seemed to be yanking him by his sleeve and screaming something at him, whilst he simply kept on walking in Zells direction. When Irvine looked up and saw Zell looking out, he pried Quistis off his arm and started off in a slow jog towards the blonde.
Zell pulled his head back in and shut the door a bit too violently, turning to face a questioning Selphie behind him.
"Well? What's going on out there?"
Her male friend brought his hand up to the back of his neck, scratching uneasily, baby blue eyes looking down at the floor, as if searching for something to say.
"Zell?"
"Uh, its Irvine . . . Quistis was the one doin' the screaming, mostly. He's comin' this way."
As soon as the words left his mouth, there came three sharp knocks on the door in front of them, making Selphie jump out of her skin.
"Zell! I know she's in there with you! Please, jus' let me talk to her!"
This was a hard situation for the fighter to be in. He was currently stuck slam bang in the middle, literally, of two feuding friends. Selphie was on one side of him, begging him not to open the door, and there was Irvine, on the opposite side of the wall, begging him to let him in. Zell sighed, looking once more to the worried face of the small brunette on his left.
"You really don't wanna talk to him, Sef?"
Selphie shook her head vigorously from side to side, sending her butterscotch brown curls flying with the motions.
The blonde leaned against the door, speaking through it, "She doesn't wanna talk to you man, sorry."
Zell heard a thud and felt a vibration up his right side. Then again, then again.
By his calculations, Irvine was kicking the door vehemently.
"Zell! Fuckin' let me talk to her!"
Just before he was about to shout back a reply, he heard Quistis' voice from next to Irvine. She was obviously telling him to calm down. Looking through the peephole built into his door, Zell saw that she was also trying to pull him away again, a concerned look in her azure eyes. Once again, Irvine shook her off and sent her a cold, withering glare, before walking away, in the direction of his dorm room.
Upon hearing no noise for around 5 seconds, Selphie brought her hands down from their cupped position about her mouth and asked, "Is he gone?"
". . . Yeah."
Zell turned to his small friend and, noticing the worry in her jade eyes, pulled her into another firm hug. Selphie responded by putting her own arms around him loosely, far too tired and confused by Irvine's actions to return the tightness of the embrace. She pulled away, looking from Zell to the door, whilst fiddling anxiously with the index finger on her right hand.
"Does he make you nervous, Sef?"
". . . . . No, it's just-,"
Once again, three sharp knocks sounded upon the door, making Selphie jump. Deciding to be brave, she took a few unsure steps towards the peephole and glanced through it, holding in a breath. She let it out when her suspicions were confirmed; Irvine was back and currently a few inches away from her, with the aid of the wooden door in between them, much to her relief. Suddenly, his distorted image backed away from the peephole, seemingly lowering down to sit cross-legged on the floor.
What's he doing?
Still looking at him intriguingly through the hole in the door, Selphie saw that he pulled his tan and black acoustic guitar out from somewhere next to his side, she couldn't see where due to the small amount of vision that the spy-hole provided. The last time she had seen that guitar was a few weeks back, when, yet again they had attempted to patch things up and failed miserably. Irvine cherished the wooden instrument in his hands dearly. Matron had said she found it with him when she took him into the orphanage at a very young age, and though it was far too big for him back then, now, it was just the right size.
Selphie heard him twang a few strings, tuning it up, before Zell tapped her on the shoulder gently and asked what was going on, curious as to why she seemed so transfixed on not leaving the tiny vantage point in the door. For a second, Selphie turned back to her blonde friend in the room, studying his face which was etched with impatience for an answer to his question. She merely shrugged her small shoulders, before turning back to the much cherished peephole, continuing to watch the cowboy outside.
After fiddling around with the tuning keys on the head of the guitar a bit more, Irvine appeared to look up at the door in front of him, before he swiftly started strumming the instruments strings, moving the long fingers of his left hand upon the frets quickly and expertly, sounding out the beginning of a song, during which he opened his mouth and began to sing.
"If you could step into my head,
tell me would you still know me
If you woke up in my bed,
tell me then would you hold me
Or would you simply let it lie,
leavin' me to wonder why
I can't get you out of this head
I call mine
And I will say . . ."
Inside the dorm room, Zell looked towards his small friend, who was still transfixed to the hole in the door, looking for any kind of sign as to what she thought of this recent serenading.
You're Suave, Irv. . . No wonder he brings in the girls.
Zell had to hand it to him. Irvine sounded fantastic when he sung, which wasn't very often, and he sounded even better when he played the guitar, which again, only a select few got to hear. He wasn't one for showing off, believe it or not.
"Oh no I can't let you go, my little girl.
Because you're holdin' up my world
So I need you.
Your imitation of my walk and the perfect way you talk
It's just a couple of the million things that I love about you . . .
So I need you
So I need you
So I need you
So I need you . . ."
Through the peephole, Selphie could see that Quistis had come back and was currently standing off to the side of his, looking anxiously up and down the hallway, probably realising that it was past curfew and that she could get a serious warning if she let Irvine carry on the way he was. Just as Selphie saw the instructor try and reach for Irvine's hand, an odd feeling rushed over her and the only way to solve it was to pull open the door, as a result, stopping Quistis from halting the singing man.
Irvine continued singing, but looked up at Selphie, who was leaning against the door frame gazing down at him. He could've sworn a small smile graced her delicate features, if only for a split second.
"And if I jumped of the F.H Bridge,
Tell me would you still follow me
and if I made you mad today,
tell me would you love me tomorrow?
Please. Or would you say that you don't care,
and then leave me standing here
Like the fool who is drownin' in despair and screamin' . . ."
By the time Irvine was half-way through his song, a couple of students had opened their doors, looks of confusion upon their faces, wondering what was going on and who dared break curfew when the disciplinary committee would soon be patrolling this very hallway.
"Oh no I can't let you go, my little girl.
Because you're holdin' up my world,
so I need you.
Your imitation of my walk and the perfect way you talk
It's just a couple of the million things that I love about you . . .
So I need you
So I need you
So I need you
So I need you . . ."
Selphies mind was screaming at her, telling her not to get sucked into the romantic gesture, that it was just a cheap trick, but without further procrastination, she flicked the little voice away and concentrated on the words that Irvine was singing so beautifully to her and her only. She no longer saw Quistis in the background, sensed Zells presence behind her or even noticed the crowd of students that had gathered and were occasionally pointing and giggling.
"I'm on my own
I'm on my own
I'm on my own . . .
Oh no I can't let you go, my little girl
Because you're holdin' up my world,
so I need you.
Your imitation of my walk and the perfect way you talk
It's just a couple of the million things that I love about you . . ."
Selphie continued staring at the vision in front of her. She studied Irvine carefully. The way his long, auburn hair fell into his face when he sung, the way his eyes lit up upon certain lines of the song, and the way he tapped his foot against the ground beneath his crossed legs. She noticed everything and realised she could never get tired of looking at him.
Does . . .doeshe really love me . . .?
"So I need you
So I need you
So I need you
So I need you . . ."
And does he really need me?
As if by coincidence, as soon as Irvine was singing the last few lines, Seifer, along with the rest of the disciplinary committee (all two of them) rounded the corner nearest to Quistis and walked up to the sharpshooter, who was still sitting on the floor.
Most of the students that were outside their rooms quickly turned on their heels and dashed back inside, as the bullies heavy footsteps fell upon thetiled floor and stopped, not far off from resembling a scene from an old western movie.
"Well, what have we got here eh?"
Seifer, Fujin and Raijin halted in front of Zells dorm room, where all the "commotion" was at. The large blonde's eyes rested rather lecherously on the form of the instructor in front of him, as she spoke up.
"I can handle this, Almasy. Continue on your patrols."
"I don't think so, dear Instructor Trepe."
Quistis folded her arms deftly over her chest and rolled her eyes, not in the mood for Seifers sarcastic nature. Alone, he would be rather gentlemanly towards her, but around anyone, he'd turn up the notch on the arrogance quota.
"Kinneas, you have breached rule 4.5 and 6.1 in the handbook . . . Care to quote those for me, cowboy?"
Irvine scowled up at the brute, after which he decided to get up, as the glare didn't have quite the same effect when they weren't on the same eye level.
Pushing himself up off the cold, unforgiving floor, Irvine made eye contact with Selphie, who had shyed away from the door frame a bit, but was still there watching intently with deep green eyes.
"Kinneas, my patience is wearin' thin!"
"Tch, keep your wig on. Rule 4.5 . . . You are not to make any unnecessary noise which may distract and/or irritate fellow students. Rule 6.1 . . . urh . . ."
"Come on!"
"Okay! Rule 6.1, All students must be inside their residence by 9.00pm. Upon the breaking of this curfew, a suitable punishment will be arranged . . . Oh great."
Seifers broad features folded up into a familiar smirk, before he looked towards Selphie hovering timidly in the doorway.
"You've also broken a rule, Tilmitt . . ."
The dark haired girl looked at Seifer with a hint of confusion in her eyes.
"You too, chicken-wuss."
Zell, who was standing behind Selphie, grit his teeth together and screwed up his face in anger, but kept his mouth shut in a tight, thin line. At this point, Quistis came out of her silent state.
"Seifer, I'll not allow you to punish Zell and Selphie. She was in his dorm room, breaking a rule, I agree, but Zell was simply comforting her in a time of need."
"Yeah . . . comforting . . . sure. I'm keepin' my eye on you, Dincht."
"Like you ever take it off me."
"Shut your mouth, chicken."
"You bast-,"
"Zell, Seifer, stop arguing! And Seifer, it appears you've breached a rule yourself by bullying your fellow Garden students, so if I were you, I'd move on now, or you'll be getting a strict talking to by Cid Kramer. Understood?"
The blonde simply stared at Quistis slack jawed, a look of defeat scattered across his face for a second, before it was replaced by the usual half sneer, half smile expression.
"Fine. Dincht, get to bed, Selphie, back in your own room, and Kinneas, you come with me."
Irvine looked towards Quistis, thinking maybe that she would stick up for him, as she had done with the two others, but to no such avail, as said instructor merely stood with her arms still folded and a solemn look across her soft features. Giving in, he slumped his shoulders a little and began to follow the disciplinary committee back down the hallway, but not before turning to face Selphie.
Taking in the vision of her tear stained cheeks and weary expression, once again guilt washed over his being, and he violently beat himself up inside for being such a heartbreaking bastard. She held his gaze, a small smile pulling at her lips, as if it was hard for her to achieve such an action.
"We'll talk later, Sefie. I'll make it up to you . . . I promise."
But she knew that promises were easily broken with an all too devasting affect.
A/n(again): The song i used in this chapter is by 3 Doors Down and called, 'so i need you' (surprise, surprise) Go listen to it. Oh and where i put the , it originally says 'brooklyn bridge' but i changed it to make sense.