Over 100 reviews! I know, that's a small feat, but it's a huge victory to me, considering the fact that it's taking longer than I expected to write this story. Again, sorry for the delay between chapters, and thank you all so much for reading!
Sun and Claire approached Kate's tent, ready to pull the flaps back and check in on their friend, who had been cooped up in her lonesome for four days now. Claire was the only one who really knew what Kate was going through, why she left the beach everyday and what not having Jack around was doing to her, but it was killing her to keep it all to herself.
When Kate came back the last time, it was after dark, and the beach was lit with firelight. She had hoped to just get to her tent without being stopped, but Claire had been waiting up for her. She approached her and saw the tears in her puffy eyes, the rabid fear poking through them. She tried to console her, but she mumbled something about needing to be alone, and disappeared into her tent, never to be seen of or heard from again. Claire couldn't take it anymore. She had been bombarded with questions from those close to Kate, especially Sun, who started to notice that Claire knew something that she wasn't saying, something that Kate had trusted her and her alone to know. Claire, cracking under the pressure of Sun's scrutiny, finally told her everything. Shocked and worried, Sun wanted to go to Kate immediately, but Claire stopped her. Two days later, they're back to where they started, wanting to reach out to their friend, but unsure of if she would accept it.
Claire wrapped one hand around Sun's wrist, stopping her in her attempt to pull Kate's tent open to enter. "Wait."
"What are we waiting for this time?" Sun asked, irritated.
Claire shrugged, letting go of Sun's wrist slowly. "I don't know, I just don't think that we should be doing this. Maybe she doesn't want us disturbing her."
"She's been in this tent for four days, Claire. We have to do something." Sun reasoned. "And besides, this was your idea."
"I know, I know. I'm just…I'm having second thoughts okay?" Claire huffed, just as frustrated with herself as Sun suddenly was.
"Hey." They heard Kate's voice say. Sun and Claire froze. They turned back to the tent, where they believed her voice was coming from.
"Uh, hey," Claire nearly shouted towards Kate's tent, like she had gone deaf in her hibernation. "It's me and Sun. We just wanted to come by to see how you are."
"We've been worried about you, Kate." Sun said. "Is it okay that we come in?"
"I don't think that's gonna help." Kate said.
"Well, why not?" Claire asked.
"Because I'm standing right behind you." Sun and Claire turned, startled, meeting her green eyes and freckled cheeks illuminated in the sunlight. Her face was freshly scrubbed, her hair slightly damp, frizzy from the wash she must have just taken. She wore a fitted orange t-shirt and loose jeans, her hiking boots tied tightly.
"We thought you were…inside." Sun said on a chortle, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. Kate chuckled lightly at her girlfriends and moved past them, entering her tent, and tying the flap back so that they could see inside. She sat down on her small cot, tying her hair back into a loose, messy bun while Claire and Sun stood in raptured silence.
"I just came from cleaning up." Kate said while reaching for her pack, filling it with what she thought pertinent to take with her. She pulled Jack's watch from her hiding place and stuffed it into her pocket, mentally reminding herself to put it someplace safer once she set out.
It was obvious that she was ready to move again, on another mission, the same one from before, or a new one, Claire and Sun weren't sure. They were a little startled by her behavior. Just days ago, she was distraught, quiet, invisible and now, it was like that hadn't happened at all. It was like they were staring down at a new woman, a new Kate, or the old one at least. She had twinkles in her eyes. This wasn't the same woman who was struggling with what was happening to her. There was acceptance in the place of uncertainty, excitement where dread and confusion once resided. She burned with confidence.
She zipped her backpack halfway and stood, moving past Claire and Sun towards the communal kitchen. "What's going on?"
"Kate, we're worried about you." Sun admitted, trailing behind her with Claire doing the same. "You haven't been the same since coming back from the jungle a few days ago, and well, if I'm being honest, since coming back from rescuing Jack," she sighed, sure that failing to bring him back with her was still a sore issue, "but whatever you need to find out there, is it really worth your life?"
Kate stopped packing items from the pantry into her bag abruptly, her eyes moving towards Sun. "Claire told you about what's been going on with me." She eyed Claire then, scoldingly, like that of a big sister who just caught her little sister in her panty drawer, fishing for something scandalous. She figured Claire would crack one day anyways. She wasn't known for her talents of keeping secrets, even though she asked her to keep a pretty big one.
Claire shrugged, the guilt raining from her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I had to tell someone."
"I'm a little disappointed that you didn't tell me yourself, Kate." Sun admitted, sadness in her voice. "I thought we were closer than that."
"Sun, I'm sorry. It's not that I didn't want to tell you, it's that I didn't plan on telling anyone." Kate confessed, feeling really terrible for making Sun feel abandoned and anything less than the close friend she became very early on. She didn't have any girlfriends growing up, and very little in adulthood. She was awkwardly tomboyish and still was in many aspects, but Sun had become a friend seamlessly. It was so easy talking to her; there was calmness about her presence that made things easier, lighter sometimes.
Kate shrugged her shoulders, shy suddenly. "I don't know where I stand with anyone anymore."
Sun scoffed lightly. "How can you say that, Kate? You're my friend, and you always will be, no matter what. You've helped me with Jin so many times, listened to me talk about my mistakes, and held me when I cried. I don't understand what's out there that's got you like this, but I support you if this is what you have to do. I want to be here for you, Kate. Please let me."
The two women stared into each other's eyes knowingly. Kate smiled humbly, tears threatening to flow. She pulled Sun into a tight hug, grateful for her loyalty in a time when she didn't know if anyone still thought of her the same as they had before. "Thank you." Sun caressed her friend even tighter in response.
"Well, since you're both here," Kate said, while pulling out of the hug, "I have news." She took a deep breath, rubbing her sweaty palms against her hips nervously, her baggy jeans sitting against her tiny waist comfortably. "I found it."
"Well, what is it?" Claire asked immediately.
Kate took a deep breath. "It's a cabin. Last time it took me about a full day to find it, I plan to get there in half the time." She confessed, greeting Sun and Claire's wide-eyed reactions.
"A cabin? Who does it belong to?" Sun asked, confused.
"I don't know, it's abandoned. Whoever lived there hasn't for years. There's this big circle of black ash surrounding it, like someone's trying to protect it." Kate struggled to say what she wanted to reveal, she couldn't get it out.
"What? What happened?" Claire asked, sensing that there was more to the story, completely intrigued.
"I heard someone," Kate whispered, not sure if she should tell her two best friends this, in fear of freaking them out even more, "I heard someone whisper my name."
"What?" Sun asked.
"Who was it?" Claire asked, she and Sun speaking simultaneously.
"I don't know," Kate shook her head. "For all I know, I was the only one there, but this voice, it sounded so… familiar, I—I just couldn't place it, so I ran away."
Sun still wasn't sure about this. "What if it happens again?"
"That's why I'm going back. I'm hoping it does, so I can figure out what it all means." Kate admitted. "There's a presence there that I'm drawn to, maybe this voice, whoever it is, is the source of that." Sun and Claire looked at each other, their concern mirror images of each other.
Claire turned back to Kate. "Are you coming back?"
"I don't think so, at least not for awhile." Kate confessed regrettably. "I honestly thought I was chasing a ghost, something that didn't exist, but I wasn't. It's tangible, it's out there and I have to go back" She sighed, catching the sadness in her friends' eyes. "I get the feeling that the answers I need aren't gonna be staring me in the face. I have to figure it out on my own and staying in the cabin is the best way to do that."
"Well, since we won't see you for while, I have some news of my own." Sun looked over at Claire, who visibly encouraged her to spill already. "I'm pregnant!" She broke into a smile, tears coming to her eyes.
"Oh Sun, that's great!" Kate cheered, wrapping her friend into another tight, thrilled hug. Sun pulled out of the hug, still embraced with Kate, but pulling Claire into their circle.
"We're gonna miss you." Claire said with a pout, as her head came up from leaning on Sun's shoulder, emotion choking her voice.
Kate laid a hand over Sun's belly, happy tears in her eyes. "I'll be back, you couldn't possibly keep me away."
Nearby, but far enough away to look inconspicuous, Sawyer stood leaning against the trunk of a banyan, peeling at a ripened mango with a paring knife, taking the bites into his mouth as if that were all that his attention could capture in the moment. He looked from the ocean blue and turned his head slightly, watching as Kate departed from Sun and Claire, having heard everything that was said between the three women. He supposed it was his cunning talents as a conman that made it so easy to get close enough to listen but seem far enough away that it looked like he could care less. He cared very much, more than he thought he would given that Kate's inattentiveness towards him had hurt his feelings. He was right there, and she still longed for the Doc.
Sayid walked across the sand a few yards away, looking as busy and occupied as ever. He went along with his chore, throwing fresh firewood into the stack that had burned out the night before. His eyes met Sawyer's, who nodded curtly towards Kate leaving the beach. Sayid nodded back, indicating that he was aware of her departure.
They would give Kate a pretty decent head start, and then they would execute their plan.
Jack sat behind the wheel of his truck, his fingers tapping to the beat of the smoky but jubilant rhythm and blues melody that blared from his speakers as he turned into a parking lot on the northwest side of the University of California-Los Angeles campus. He found a parking spot relatively quickly for the time of day he decided to drop in and after cutting the ignition, he looked down at the business card that Faraday left on his dining room table before leaving four short days ago. He had no idea what he was doing here, why he trusted some guy he barely knew, but he really didn't have a choice did he? A way to find the Island literally knocked on his door. He had to take advantage of the opportunity.
Each hallway looked the same, each door looked like the last one, he thought as he walked down the hallways of one of the buildings. Eventually, after many detours and stops to ask how to get to where he needed to be, the golden nameplate hanging next to a heavy oak door told him that he was in the right place. 'Daniel Faraday, Ph.D.' was engraved in neat lettering, staring back at him.
Turning the doorknob, Jack encountered what could only be considered a research lab, a very cluttered, messy and unorganized lab. He stepped inside, his eyes taking in the details of the space. A high ceiling made the room spacious, overhead lamps hanging in all four corners and in the very middle, but only three of them worked properly, illuminating the disorderly room. An opening into another room sat to the far left. Chalkboards lined three of the four walls, numbers and symbols melding together into something that he couldn't decipher even if he tried. On the fourth wall was a long bookshelf, full of bookends that seemed stuck together.
Walking onwards, he noticed that in the middle of the room was a custom-built maze, framed by a few machines with knobs and buttons at the far end. Something that looked like an overhanging lamp sat nearby, somehow attached to the equipment. On a table across from the elaborate experimental set-up, he noticed a cage, for a small rodent, a rat he supposed. Research journals were scattered on a nearby table, some open, notated with tabs, some closed, but of obvious long use. A corner of a worn, brown leather-bound notebook caught his eye, so he pulled it out from under the pile. It looked important, overused but durable. He hesitated for a second, wondering if he should open it and pry. Curiosity soon won out over Faraday's right to privacy.
Once he opened it and thumbed through the pages, Jack realized that it was a field diary, and the lined-paper that filled it was full of observations, numbers, and experimental hypotheses written in what he presumed to be Faraday's handwriting. The familiar octagonal symbol of the Dharma Initiative was sketched out on a random page he'd turned to, greeting him like a ghost.
"What the hell?" Jack whispered, looking up from the notebook, his mind reeling. Who was this guy? He trailed his finger over the page's narrative, skimming over the words. Faraday had written with such excitement, enthusiasm. He couldn't quite grasp what he was writing about per se, but he continued to skim. The last sentence made his breath hitch in his throat as he read it, reading it over again to make sure he hadn't made a mistake.
'What this Island is capable of is nothing short of miraculous. The possibilities for time-travel are endless.'
Just as confused as ever, Jack shook his head, his brows knitted. Trying to get more in-depth information, he shuffled through the rest of the notebook, but what was left of the journal was gibberish, the same scribblings of numbers, equations and expressions that covered the chalkboards. The only thing that mattered was that Faraday has been on the Island, that was the only explanation, and he never told him that. He wanted to feel betrayed, but counting on his memories from the other day, he really didn't give the guy a chance to explain much of anything.
Someone had walked into the room just then. Jack looked up, catching the surprised look on Faraday's face, at least what he could see of his face from behind those oversized safety goggles he was wearing.
"Jack?" Faraday asked, pulling the goggles from his eyes to get a better view of him.
He looked demonstratively better by his estimation. His hair was still lengthy, but combed into submission with parts of it blown by the wind, a light bang tickled his forehead. He had shaved away the heavy stubble from his cheeks, jaw line and chin, his face now fresh and awake. The leather jacket he wore caught the rays of sunshine that peeked through the room's one and only window. He looked so much younger than he had days ago, decades shed off of his appearance by simply using a comb, a razor and shaving cream.
Jack hid the journal behind his back, feeling like he had been caught snooping, which was exactly what he was doing. He stood completely still, trying to figure out how to explain his unannounced presence. "I tried calling, but you didn't answer, so I thought I'd stop by."
"I, uh, haven't exactly seen my office phone in a year or so, least of all heard it ringing." Faraday admitted with a light giggle, shrugging himself out of the radiation vest he was wearing.
He left his card because he was hoping that Jack would come to him. He was beyond happy that he had, but he wanted to make sure he asked the appropriate question before he assumed anything.
"What are you doing here, Jack?" Faraday asked.
Jack shuffled awkwardly, not ready to admit why he had come, but finding that he had no choice. "I thought long and hard about what you said, about this being the only opportunity I might get to find the Island again," He looked down at his feet, this man who hated asking for help suddenly at the mercy of it. "I have to take it."
"Good," Faraday nodded with a smile, "I'm glad that you changed your mind."
"So, how are you gonna help me find the Island?" Jack asked.
"That's a very involved question Jack, with a very involved answer." Faraday admitted.
Jack nodded in response, ready for the challenge. "Well, lets not waste any more time."
"Right." Faraday said, clapping his hands together, ready to get down to business. "Uh, follow me."
Jack followed him through the frame of the opening to the adjoining room, feasting his eyes on what had to be Faraday's office, a very cramped office. Jack felt like he had to fold to even fit into it. Faraday moved behind his desk, sitting down in his chair, watching as Jack followed suit, sitting in the chair on the other side of his desk.
"Everything I told you Jack, about it being a miracle that you and your friends survived, I meant every word of it. You should have died, you all should have."
"Comforting." Jack said, sarcastically.
"I saw the maps and the atlases in your apartment." Faraday observed. "And it's completely normal that you would look for the Island that way, that's what people do when they want to find something. They use what they know, but in your case, you don't know the half of it."
Jack listened intently. "What do you mean by that?"
"You couldn't find the Island on any of those maps or in any of those books, because it doesn't exist outside of my mother's inner circle, you and your fellow survivors." Faraday confessed.
"Because people like your mother want to protect it." Jack elaborated.
Faraday nodded. "Exactly."
Jack leaned forward, interested. "How did your mother get involved in all this?"
Faraday took a deep breath, bracing himself almost. "Years and years ago, before I was born, she was a large benefactor for this special project, headed by a group of scientists who were interested in finding these places, places that were different scientifically, places that were…special, but after years of finding a few of them, only one in particular peaked their interests."
"The Island."
"Yes, precisely. Anyway, they built this room that was centered over a unique pocket of unlimited energy, right here in Los Angeles. They called it the Lamp Post." Faraday recalled. "This energy powered an apparatus, a sort of compass that allowed the scientists to map and pinpoint the Island's location."
Faraday paused, and Jack straightened, the tension in his shoulders tightening. "I feel like there's a 'but' coming."
"But, this is when they discovered that the Island's location," Faraday took a breath, "kept changing."
Jack laughed nervously, shaking his head, already denying the information. He considered his words carefully so as not to have misconstrued what he just heard. "You're telling me that the Island can move?"
"Not that it can move, Jack, but that it does move." Faraday pointed out. "Why do you think you and the rest of the survivors were never rescued?"
"Really bad luck?" Jack guessed, making Faraday laugh.
"There were always new coordinates popping up in a sporadic, random fashion and there was no way of extrapolating where the Island would end up next, just where it was at any particular time, so they would have to run this apparatus over and over again." Faraday explained.
Jack nodded, still confused and befuddled, but trying to follow as closely as possible. "And how do you fit into all this?"
"I joined the project, as a consultant, a side assignment outside of my role as a professor at Oxford." Faraday said.
Oxford? Jack thought. He wondered what brought him from the private prestige of Oxford to the public fishbowl of UCLA. What was Faraday's story? Jack asked himself. Why was he doing all of this? Why did he care so much?
Characteristically spirited about his work, Faraday stood up from the desk and erased a section of his chalkboard and picked up a piece of white chalk, scribbling numbers and symbols as he spoke, his twitchy behavior raising Jack's eyebrows.
"I came up with this mathematical equation based on my own research, and discovered that not only could the Island be found with a higher degree of probability," he stopped writing, turning to Jack emphatically in order to show him what he'd written, "but that the Island's movements aren't random, they're a part of a grander scheme, a bigger and far more fascinating design, but I, to this day, have no idea what that design is and what it's based on."
"Did you ever figure it out?" Jack asked.
"No, I didn't, but in the end, the design didn't matter to what I wanted to know. Do you want to know what mattered, Jack?" Faraday asked teasingly. Jack smiled in response, his eyes begging for more, sure that he would tell him.
"Simple Physics." Faraday explained as if it were obvious to the naked eye. Jack knew to be careful, because their definition of 'simple' probably wasn't the same.
"Underneath the Island lies an immensely powerful hotbed of electromagnetic activity. Energy, Jack. The same kind of energy that helped us find the Island. With more calculations and research, I discovered something that changed the entire nature of the project, of everything."
"What was it?" Jack asked immediately, caught in the net of Faraday's ramblings.
"Not only does the Island move," Faraday sighed, "but it also travels through time."
Angling her rifle's strap over her shoulder more snugly, Kate continued to make way through the trees, stopping only if absolutely necessary. There was still so much about this that unnerved her, but there was a thrill about it, an edge that kept her going, thriving. She'd spent the past four nights in deep, penetrating thought, thinking through what was happening to her, what was leading her on this path, and if it were worth it to keep going. She saw this cabin in her sleep, felt the spider webs tickle her skin as she walked through them once inside. She could hear the whisper in the wind, her name, caught in some other world, some other time even. This place haunted her… It was just like her to run away in fear, but it was also like her to test the boundaries, to push limits. She wouldn't be able to move on, she knew it wouldn't let her even if she wanted to.
She worried for all of them now. With Sun pregnant, there was no telling what could happen to her between now and whenever Jack returned with rescue, which she still believed with all her heart was going to happen. She stopped suddenly at the sound of small rustling at her back, so infinitesimally minute that if it weren't for her rabbit ears she might not have heard it at all. It was probably a squirrel or some other small rodent, but her instincts told her that she was being followed. Quickly, she positioned her rifle in her hands, her finger poised on the trigger. Turning as she pointed it in place, where the sound had come, she screamed.
"I know you're out there!" Nothing but her thunderous echo and the squeaky chirp of scared birds greeted her, until they flapped away into the sky, squawking all the while. Could it be Rousseau? She thought. They hadn't bumped into her in awhile. Irritated with the lack of response, Kate gripped the rifle tighter in her hands for the perfect shot.
"Come out or I'll shoot!" She warned.
"Alrighty then," she heard in that memorable Southern drawl. Sawyer stepped into sight a few yards out, his hands playfully in the air as a sign of surrender, one of them waving as he smiled cheekily, his dimples in full bloom.
Kate lowered her rifle with a groan, grateful yet annoyed by the familiar face. "Sawyer?"
He walked down to her as if it were natural that she'd almost blown his head off, saluting to her with two fingers at his brow. "Hey Freckles, fancy meeting you here."
"Oh really?" She asked, her gun still lowered, but still tight within her fist. "What are you doing this far out of camp?"
Sawyer shrugged. "Oh you know, the usual. Takin' in some sun, gettin' some peace and quiet," his eyes turned on her then, "stoppin' you from getting yourself killed."
"You followed me out here?" She asked, obviously annoyed.
"Well, would you look at that, she finally gets the point." Sawyer said sarcastically.
"Unbelievable." Kate scoffed, placing her rifle back over her shoulder. "I don't need you to protect me, Sawyer, so just go back to the beach. I know exactly what I'm doing." She turned to walk away, but right on cue, he spoke up.
"Going back to some musty old cabin that you found in the middle of the jungle?" Sawyer pointed out, not giving up on his task. "I don't know, that sounds like the complete opposite of 'knowing what you're doing'."
Kate turned to him, eyes wide with disbelief and disgust. "Now you're eavesdropping on my conversations?"
Sawyer stepped into her, his temper nearing the surface. "You ain't really givin' me much choice, Kate." He was cornering her almost, looking down at her with hurt in his eyes. "You barely acknowledge my presence ever since you got back with Sayid, and dare I say, I'm startin' to take it personally."
"Oh, I get it. This isn't about me, this is about your bruised ego." Kate observed. "Well, I'm sorry that I have more things to do with my time than coddle your right to feel like you can tell me what I can and can't do."
Disgusted with her insinuation, Sawyer raised his voice. "You know damn well that's not it, Kate."
"Oh yeah? Then why is this such a big deal to you?" She looked him square in the eyes, her eyes penetrating straight through him. Her voice grew louder with her next question. "Why can't you just let this go?"
"Why can't you?" Sawyer yelled back.
"Because I can't!" She erupted, catching him off guard, causing him to back up a little. "I tried, but—" she stopped, noticing that she would just be wasting her breath. Sawyer was out to drag her back to the beach, he wasn't up for hearing her reasons why, he didn't even ask for them. He never asked. "You wouldn't understand."
Sawyer turned his back on her out of pure frustration with her lack of openness and willingness to help him understand. He combed his fingers through his tangled locks, the answer to any crazy thing this woman has ever done always came down to one person she lacked the ability to set free.
"Is this about the Doc?" He turned to her, his voice full of loathing and disdain. "The man who left you behind like trash for a spot off this miserable rock? It's been over a month, Kate. You still ready to fight for and defend his honor by getting yourself killed?"
And this was exactly why he would never get it, Kate thought. He would never see past the hurt in his heart that told him that she loved Jack more than she loved him. She knew that he knew, but there was still so much inside of him that wouldn't let go of her, that wouldn't admit to himself that this wasn't entirely about Jack, but the two of them and the mistakes he's not willing to face that they've made. He didn't see them as a mistake, but she certainly had and always would.
"I don't have time for this." Kate said, turning back onto her path, waving nonchalantly as she went. "Goodbye, James."
Sawyer shook his head as he watched her go, whispering, "I thought you might say that." She hadn't make it ten steps before another well-meaning friend made himself known to her, stepping out from his hiding place. Kate stopped and watched him wordlessly, their eyes communicating well before they spoke.
"Sayid." Kate said with the scathing squint of her eyes, not really shocked to see him going up against her again, but it still annoyed her.
"Kate." Sayid nodded, making eye contact with Sawyer, who stood back to watch their encounter.
She looked back at Sawyer over her shoulder, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her whittle and concede. "What? Did you think enlisting him was gonna strengthen your case?"
Sawyer shrugged his broad shoulders, his hands tucked into his jeans pockets now. "Couldn't hurt."
Sayid garnered her attention with the worry in his voice. "Kate, you need to think about this."
"Think about what?" She asked as she turned to meet his eyes, attitude burning within her tone.
"The fact that every time you step outside of our camp, you're giving Ben the opportunity to make good on his threat." Sayid revealed, catching all of Sawyer's attention.
"What threat?" Sawyer asked roughly, his voice pushy and impatient. Kate's eyes pleaded with Sayid not to continue, to lie or to spin what he'd just said.
"Sayid, don't—" Kate begged, but he spoke over her, now looking at Sawyer.
"When we were back at the barracks, after having been captured for trying to save Jack from a situation that he didn't need saving from, Ben and Kate had a little chat." Sayid confessed.
Angered that he'd actively betrayed her trust and confidence, Kate walked off with a hand cased over her forehead, staring into the distance, sure that this would make Sawyer more of an obstacle than he already was for her. She had never felt more undermined and belittled.
"Well?" Sawyer said, stepping up to Sayid now, begging for more details. "What the hell he say?"
"He said that if Kate ever got in his way again," Sayid looked over to her. She still stood with her back turned, not making any other effort to stop him, "that he would kill her."
"What?" Sawyer bristled loudly, turning his popping hot anger towards Kate. "And you're walking around in the jungle like you ain't got a neon target on your back?"
"I'm not headed anywhere near Ben or the barracks." Kate reasoned as she turned, glaring at Sayid over Sawyer's shoulder.
"And you think that makes a difference?" Sawyer yelled, still burning up over how she was so ready to disregard a blatant threat on her life after what they had been through together while held captive. "Do you not remember why he had Pickett on my ass every damn minute while they had us locked up like dogs?"
"Don't insult my intelligence, James." Kate spoke up; anger of her very own came spewing out. "I remember exactly what happened."
"The hell you do." Sawyer spit back, cutting Kate short of her defense. He stepped into her, careful to lower his voice, so Sayid couldn't hear, but he was still seething his point. "You act the cages never happened, like we never happened, so I have no idea what else has conveniently slipped your mind."
Kate wordlessly looked down at her feet, and then away, slinking back from him ever so slightly, a move that illustrated the growing distance between them, that she had initiated ever since. His eyes were pleading, soft but still firm and relentless. "It happened Kate, and it's about time we talked about where this is headed and I'd like for you to be still for more than five seconds so we can figure it out."
"There's nothing to figure out!"
Her voice came out harsher than she meant for it to, her temper flaring and her decision set in stone. The look of devastation on Sawyer's face was sharper than any blade she had ever encountered. He lowered his head as he looked away from her, ashamed, embarrassed for having held on for as long as he had, to something happening between them that was as real as his feelings had effortlessly become.
Kate, realizing that her words had finally sunk in and stung like a hornet, attempted to apologize. "James, I'm—"
"I guess I was right after all, huh Freckles? I gotta be a dead man for you to give a damn." Sawyer accused. Kate didn't know what to say, her mouth wanting to convey how sorry she was, but her head resolved with the notion that it wouldn't help, that it still wouldn't be what he wanted to hear, that it would only make letting him down worse. "You ain't gotta worry about me gettin' in your way no more."
It wasn't supposed to happen this way, she thought. She never meant to hurt him, but somehow, she always had. "Sawy—"
Sawyer turned his back on her, his cold shoulder in full effect. "Come on Sayid, this was a waste of our damn time." He stomped off from where he'd came, leaving Kate to wallow in her grief. She stared after him regrettably and eventually placed her hands over her face, rubbing her fingertips into her closed eyes.
Sayid, who had watched on and heard everything, but resorting to it being none of his business, spoke up softly, "Kate..."
"Just don't." She said tiredly, but her eyes were fire and brimstone, staring at him with so much anger and betrayal he thought he'd spontaneously combust with it.
Sayid pleaded his case, rather meekly, knowing full well that he had crossed a line by telling Sawyer what he told him, but not feeling as sorry for it as she obviously wanted him to be. "I'm trying to help you."
"Help me?" She nearly screamed. "Like you did when we got back to the beach, when you went against me in front of everyone, like you're going against me right now? You revealed something that I told you in complete confidence. I can't trust you."
"'Something'?" Sayid asked, affronted. "You pass off a threat on your life like it's nothing. It's not nothing Kate, and of course you can trust me."
Kate shook her head, defiantly. "No, I can't, not when you're running behind Sawyer to make sure that I sit on the beach and knit a blanket like a good girl."
She resented how they were trying to manage her. She had always believed both Sawyer and Sayid understood this part of her, that adventurous, dangerous and impetuous side, more than anyone else had, even Jack, but they obviously hadn't, proving that they didn't trust her instincts or her ability to take care of herself. Despite the issues she and Jack had with her gravitation towards recklessness and his penchant for carefulness, he always trusted that no matter what, she could take on the world if need be.
"Haven't we lost enough already?" Sayid raised his voice, trying to get through Kate's petulant point of view. She stopped short, listening to him fully now. "Boone, Ana Lucia, Libby, Sha—" He turned his eyes from her then, cleared his throat, his hands hugging his hips.
"Shannon." He croaked out the word, his emotions caught in his throat. Kate could see the tears forming in his eyes. She knew that he still felt as though he failed her, that he should have done more to protect her, but everyone, even Sayid himself, knew how that story ended regardless of doing anything differently.
Kate approached her friend, the anger dissipated, compassion and empathy taking its place. "I know what I'm doing Sayid." He looked over at her, reading the obsession in her eyes. "I know it doesn't seem like it to you or to anyone else, but I know in my heart that this is what I'm supposed to be doing."
"I tried to let it go. There were more times than not where I actually thought I was losing my mind, and maybe I still am, but I have to see this through, all the way this time. No looking back." Kate said. There was a moment when she thought Sayid would continue to try to talk her out of this, but he only grinned lightly, the intensity in his eyes subsided, leaving warmth and trust.
"I believe you." He said, finally convinced of her dire need. "I apologize for trying to stop you."
"Well," she shrugged her shoulders, smiling, "Sawyer can be pretty dramatic, not to mention convincing."
"Right you are, but Ben's threat on your life is very real, you should start treating it so." Sayid warned.
"I know, but I'm not worried about it. Like I said, I have no intention of getting in his way anytime soon." She said. She cocked her head in the direction that Sawyer had gone. "You should catch up before you lose him."
"You should be careful." Sayid said, not ready to leave her out here all by herself.
Kate smiled. "And I will be. You do the same."
He slowly took her hand, bent to his knee and kissed it. It reminded her of when he left the beach after doing something he swore he would never do again, the guilt and self-loathing so palpable, she was willing to give anything to make it okay for him. Now she was the one leaving their nest, and there was nothing he could do for her. There was nothing she wanted him to do.
They stared at each other in another wordless trance, both speaking their heartfelt goodbyes and well wishes without having to say a word. He rose, letting her hand fall back beside her as he turned to leave. She smiled after him before she returned to her own path.
Jack rubbed a frustrated hand over his face, groaning loudly. "Through time…as in time-travel?" He asked, getting some reference point for what he read in the journal that sat under his arm beneath his jacket.
"Yes." Faraday confirmed enthusiastically. "I've studied relativistic Physics my entire life, Jack. This electromagnetic energy is the key to the design of not only where the Island moves, but to what time it moves."
"Time-travel?" Jack asked again, caught in his own little confused world, still in disbelief of that word and how it was suddenly a reality for him. "This is crazy." He admitted, rubbing the back of his head.
"I know it's a lot to take in, Jack, but it's the truth." Faraday tried to assure him.
Jack shook his head, still not assured or even sure that this conversation was actually taking place. "We've been on that Island for close to three months and we've never experienced time travel, or the Island having moved for that matter." Jack explained. What did it even look like, the Island moving? Was it seamless or would they notice? He wondered. "How do you explain that?"
"I can't." Faraday offered, a little stung by Jack's disappointment with that answer. "In that case, rescue should have found you. All I can say is it has to be a part of the Island's design. There's no scientific basis for it that I can clarify to you."
"Nothing about this is clear, Dan." Jack said in an aggravated and impatient tone. He knew that he was taking his anger out on Faraday, but none of this made even a little bit of sense to him. There was something else though, that was starting to make sense to him, that was beginning to connect for him.
"This project your mother funded all those years ago," He looked at Faraday with a speculative eye, "was it a part of the Dharma Initiative?"
Shifting anxiously, Faraday answered a question with a question. "How do you know about the Dharma Initiative?"
"While on the Island, Locke and I came across a hatch, buried deep underground, and inside that hatch was a man, Desmond. He had been there for some time, and he told us that he was told to press a button, and by pressing that button, he was saving the world." Jack said it with such derision and disbelief. To this day, pressing that button was just another chore that he and his friends were caught up in, that they had to plan things around.
"I didn't believe him, I still don't, but then we found these antique reels of a man in a lab coat, and he said that ever since some event, the new protocol had to be followed exactly as it was, punch in the code, then press the button every one-hundred and eight minutes."
"Yes, yes, of course." Faraday exclaimed, his voice rising in revelation, now pacing a hole into the floor, his mind racing, ticking. "The scientists that were assigned to the Island at the time must have figured out a way to discharge the buildup."
"I'm sorry?" Jack asked, not only confused, but annoyed that Faraday hadn't answered his question.
Faraday turned, his excited, enlightened temperament sparkling. "There was an incident in the summer of 1977. I had only read about it in old reports, but it had the potential of being pretty catastrophic."
"Catastrophic how?" Jack asked.
"The energy I talked to you about before, that lies underneath the Island, was tapped into by accident during an excavation project, and if they didn't figure out a way to keep this energy contained, the results would have been…cataclysmic." Faraday could read the confusion in Jack's eyes, the bemusement, and the worry.
"That is essentially the design of this hatch that was built right on top of it, like Chernobyl, to push that energy down into a sustainable form that was relatively harmless, inert. That's what your friend Desmond is doing down there."
"Was." Jack corrected him with a nod, his eyes travelling over the floor before he looked back up to him. "Was doing."
"What?" Faraday asked. Jack found it hard to admit this to him, especially after what he had just told him, but he had to know. Something inside of Jack knew that he had to know.
"The hatch blew, Dan. There's nothing containing this energy, not anymore."
"Oh no." Faraday whispered, the color in his face draining. He turned on his heel, pacing in one direction and then he turned back, his quirky mannerisms more pronounced, pointed. He looked stone-cold terrified, and the swift alter in the man's demeanor caught Jack somewhat off guard, a knot forming in his stomach. "When did this happen?"
Jack shook his head, confused, only relaying what he knew to be true. "I'm not exactly sure. I was in Ben's camp a week before I left and Locke showed up, tried to stop me from leaving, and told me that it was gone, that it had imploded."
Faraday dragged a nervous, shaking hand through his hair again, tousling it even more, a tiny sheen of sweat breaking out on his forehead, his complexion a ghostly pale. This wasn't good, this really wasn't good. His usual calm and smooth voice was now rushed and shaky.
"We need to get you back sooner than I thought." He started shuffling papers on his desk, desperately in search of something. He opened a drawer only to slam it back in place to yank open another, but still hadn't found what he was looking for. Desperation grew into frustration as Jack watched him scurry about, clumsily shifting things, muttering as he perilously searched.
"Looking for this?" Jack threw the notebook that he'd been hiding onto the desk, causing Faraday to stop. There was a lull in the room, with Jack looking at Faraday expectantly, and Faraday looking down and around, anywhere but in the eyes of the man who sat across from him.
"You've been to the Island before, haven't you Dan?" Jack accused, his voice leveled, not rising in pitch at all, just asking a simple question.
Faraday stepped back from the desk, his head shaking. "I'm sorry Jack, but this isn't something that I particularly want to talk about, so—"
"Well, with all due respect Dan, the topic of my father wasn't up for discussion either, so I guess this would make us even, now wouldn't it?" Jack pushed, not willing for his question to go unanswered this time. He would get an answer whether Faraday liked it or not.
He picked up the notebook, and smiled down at it, sadly, tears coming to his eyes. "The year was 2002," He started with a long sigh, rubbing his hands over his face after dropping it back to the desk, "two years before your plane crashed. I volunteered to go to the Island, to run some of my own experiments and collect actual data about the electromagnetic energy source there; it was my research that solved the puzzle after all."
"Anyways, Dharma set up a team to go with me, six of us total, including one Charlotte Lewis." The air in his lungs rushed out as he said the name, obviously of someone who meant a great deal to him. The emotion in his face was blatant, but he tried to push it down, play it off, but failed miserably. "She and I worked very closely at Oxford before I joined with the Initiative. I invited her to come along with me to the Island, because besides myself, she was the only one who knew my research backwards and forwards. She said yes."
"We get to the Island and we're exploring, trekking, trying to find the perfect spot. One day, we came across this stream, literally in the middle of everything and that was where the readings on our instruments were the strongest they had ever been." He began pacing again, slowly this time. "This was it, this was our big break."
Jack listened fixedly, not missing a word. "The next day, we decide to trek even further. But—", he stopped short, taking in another puff of air, "the terrain was different somehow, darker, and suddenly this noise started to echo through the trees, this chittering, very slight, but growing louder, like a ticking, and then it faded away."
Faraday looked conflicted then. "But I saw something in the distance, and I almost convinced myself that I had imagined it, because as soon as I blinked, it was gone."
Realization lit Jack's facial features. "Was it a darting haze of black smoke?"
Faraday nodded. "You've seen it before."
"Yeah." Jack affirmed. "Yeah, I have." He suddenly didn't want to hear the rest of this story now, because any narrative that involved this creature wasn't going to end well for anyone involved.
"Something in the air changed in that moment, and my gut was telling me to get as far away from that place as possible, even though my radiation readings were through the roof." He walked away from his desk, and then turned back while swiping another hand through his hair. "I was ready to turn around, pull back and wait another day or so to go on, but the members of my team weren't ready to give up yet, so they kept going."
His smile was sad, but illuminated by the memory. "Charlotte was right beside me. She could see the worry in my eyes and she put her hand….rig—right in mine." Choking up, he tittered on the edge of breaking down completely or continuing with the story. "I turned to her and she said in the warmest tone, 'Everything is gonna be alright', and I believed her." He could still see her smile, the sincerity and care in her eyes.
"Then there was this big, loud roar and all this noise, like something mechanical had gone complete haywire. I could barely hear anything, least of all my own thoughts. The ground started to quake and we could hear them screaming up ahead, our team." His voice broke then, his hands nervously fiddled as he intertwined his fingers and cupped the back of his head with them, panic running through him.
"That…thing was attacking them, and I knew they were dead, I just knew it." He looked over at Jack and could see the compassion in his eyes, the pain, and the emotional camaraderie.
"So, I grabbed Charlotte and we started to run, we didn't get too far before something dropped out of the sky, right in front of us." Faraday could barely breathe at this juncture, sucking in air like a madman. "He was dead, barely recognizable, completely mangled like this thing had chewed him up and spit him right out. Charlotte couldn't stop screaming and that's when it started to come after us. So I pulled her up and we ran as fast as we could."
"I was right behind her when I tripped and fell." His tone bruised, bristled. "When I got back up, it was gone, like it had disappeared into thin air." He braced himself again, breathing hard, fisting his hands and balancing himself with them as he steadied himself over the desk's surface. "Somehow, I'd lost track of Charlotte. I was suddenly all alone, so I called out to her, over and over and over again, but nothing. It was like she'd disappeared too."
"Then, I heard those noises again, the howling and screeching, and," he covered his face then, wiping at the tears that had come down his cheeks. "I heard her screaming my name," his voice was completely strangled, hoarse, full of anguish and a pain that would could never been soothed, "she needed my help."
"So I ran towards it, towards her, but I was too late." Jack covered his mouth with his hand, muting the agonized groan that funneled from his chest.
"I found her on the ground, bleeding, shaking. Her eyes were so wide." He recalled. "She looked over at me and I'll never forget the look on her face. She knew." Jack bowed his head, his eyes closing in a solemn prayer that this story didn't end the way he knew it would. He didn't even know this woman, but he mourned her death like he, he mourned her for Faraday, who was suddenly an open book, pouring his emotions into the atmosphere.
"She knew." He repeated with a cry. "So, I bent down next to her, and brought her into my arms. I stroked her beautiful red hair and caressed her cheek. I just looked at her, tried to remember her the way she was."
"I told her I was so sorry, that I was so so sorry." He cried. "She said that I had nothing to be sorry for. She told me that she loved me, always had and always would."
"I had always been in love with her, from the moment I laid eyes on her," he said it with such heart-trending agony, "but I could never tell her, I could never take that leap." He shook his head, a sad, tearful smile marked his face. "I never in a million years thought she would ever feel the same."
Jack shifted in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose lightly. Faraday's fear of rejection, of his feelings never being reciprocated with the force that they were true and real, reminded him of himself and the mistakes he'd made with Kate. He was scared that she had never felt the same, and just resigned himself to never telling her that he loved her more than he loved himself. Now, it was too late to say anything at all.
"I held her for what felt like hours, rocking her back and forth. I told her that I loved her too, so much, but before I could get the words out, I felt her last breath leaving her body." Another tear moved down Faraday's cheek, but he wiped it away before it could get far, literally shaking himself now. "She was already gone."
Jack's heart felt like it had splintered into a million pieces. He looked up at him and then down again, shaking his head at the harrowing details of this inconceivable tragedy.
"Dan…I—I'm so sorry." Images of the last nightmare he had, of Kate running through the jungle, away from the Smoke Monster, caught up with him, and haunted him. Would he have to mourn Kate like Daniel mourned Charlotte? Why was he seeing what he saw? Was it real? These questions were even more hard-pressed for answers.
"I ask myself the same questions over and over again." Faraday said, breaking through Jack's wandering thoughts. "What if I hadn't asked her to go? What if I hadn't fallen into the urge to want her there with me? She would still be alive, and maybe we would have found a way to tell each other how we felt, maybe we would be together right now."
He realized what he'd just burdened Jack with, pain that he never wanted anyone to experience, for him or for anyone. "God. I'm sorry." Faraday laughed at himself, surprised that he had revealed so much, everything. "I've never told anyone this before."
"I—I shouldn't have forced you to. I—" Jack failed to find the proper words, the appropriate way to apologize. He felt riddled with grief and sorrow for him, and in that moment, he knew that every detail of his story was the God honest truth. He could trust this man to help him. While he had his guard up at first, he didn't have to anymore, not after this. He couldn't afford to.
"No," Faraday collected himself, reigning in his emotions, "you should know this, that I'm not someone who's trying to manipulate you, Jack, that my concern for your friends is very real. They don't belong there, they will die there if I sit back and do nothing, if I didn't do something to help. I couldn't live with myself if I let that happen."
Now it all made sense to Jack now, why he was so invested, why he hadn't gone back to Oxford and was here in LA. There was nothing to go back for. For his mother, it was about keeping her secrets a secret, but for Dan, it was about not letting what happened to Charlotte happen to anyone else.
Faraday was back in action-mode, Jack realized, his eyes moving from soft and emotive to an intensity he'd never seen before. "There is a very narrow, quickly diminishing window of opportunity to get to the Island before its next transition. We better get moving." He reached for his jacket on the nearby coat-rack.
Taken by surprise, Jack stood, a little worried about how fast Faraday had switched the gears. "Where are we going?" He asked.
Once Faraday had his arms through the sleeves of his jacket, he picked up his notebook and placed it in the breast pocket, as he looked over at Jack, nodding in his direction.
"To get you a pilot."