Writing Oblivious-Dad!Kakashi is life. Because he hasn't yet realised what he's doing and thinks that this is how anyone would treat their Apprentice, right? Ri gh t ?

And Itachi gets a holiday. Just not in the way he expected.

Interlude: Cat Eggs and Tall Tales

"Kakashi, what-"

"It's fine, he's just tired, not injured," Kakashi excused hastily, then promptly apologised. "Sorry for interrupting you, Hokage-sama."

At the mention of the Hokage, Kimimaro let out a sleepy mumble from where his face was buried in Kakashi's shoulder blade, the rest of him held piggy-back. Feeling the weak stirrings, Kakashi reached back a hand and gently pressed the boy's face back into the collar of his flak jacket. Kimimaro returned to sleep.

"I...may have pushed him a little harder than I meant to on the way back," Kakashi explained sheepishly. "I just wanted to get home to Konoha so we could report in before everyone turned in for the night."

Hiruzen couldn't stop his old heart softening just a little at the sight they both made. "I think, Kakashi-kun, just once, we can leave the report for tomorrow morning. The both of you need a good night's rest. Go put Kimimaro-kun to bed, Kakashi; I'll see you both tomorrow morning."

"Thank you sir!" Kakashi sketched a hasty bow, mindful of his burden, and vanished.

Not too far away, he reappeared in a darkened hallway and, using the chakra-infused key Kimimaro had given him, unlocked the door to the boy's apartment. Pulling back the bedcovers and laying him down, he pulled off the sandals and socks and carefully tucked in the precocious little brat who was dead to the world right now. There were sleepy stirrings, but not much more.

He placed the scroll containing the various baked treats Kimimaro had obliviously charmed off of a lady on the ferry on the bedside table and, after a few seconds of thought, put the stuffed wolf toy the kid had gotten so attached to in his arms.

Kakashi hovered in agonizing indecision

blood on his hands, filthyfilthyfilthy

before reaching out his hand

tied to a tree with a mouth full of blood, so small

and tentatively resting it on Kimimaro's head

Wasn't I good enough for you to stay, Father?

"Sleep well, puppy," he said gruffly. "You did good. You did good."

A turn of a heel and a rush of air, and he went.

Not noticing that his tongue was sticking out of his teeth, Naruto very carefully scratched down his answer in the box at the bottom of the page, below the map of Hi no Kuni.
There, perfect! He was done!

"Alright, pens down, down, not 'one more answer, sensei' Inuzuka-kun," Iruka-sensei said. "That's it for the day, pack up, give me your papers as you go out the door, don't run off with anyone who isn't a parent or guardian. Yamanaka-chan, don't forget your bento-box...'"

Naruto was already out of the door, his test paper fluttering down onto Iruka-sensei's desk. Seeing the dark, looming figure in the corner of the playground all of the other parents were not-so-subtly avoiding, he pounced. Strong arms caught him in mid-air and heaved him up to chest height.

"Oof! Ah, how's my favourite trouble-maker then, hm?" The almost-feline bear mask seemed to smile as Naruto crawled onto his shoulders to hang off his back.

"We had the geo-gra-phy test and I finished on time!" Naruto whisper-yelled into Tenzo's ear. "An' I think I got them nearly all right!"

"See, I told you you could do it. You'll be planning mission routes and ambushes like a professional before you know it if you keep this up!" Even as he offered the words of encouragement, Tenzo sent several warning side-eyes at people who looked about ready to open their mouths and say something Naruto wouldn't wish to hear. They quickly turned their attentions elsewhere.

"Hey, Naruto-kun, do you mind if we wait and meet up with some of the big kids? We've got a mutual friend coming back from a mission and he's going to meet us here."

"Aww, but you said we were going to get ramen! For doing good on the test?"

"We will get ramen, promise, just not now. Besides, he's probably got a really good story to tell; it was a dangerous mission, after all."
As he'd expected, the promise of excitement and tales of derring-do were enough to grab Naruto's interest.

After a few minutes, a second bell rang and the older, elective years poured out, most of them old enough to make their own way home, or head round to the younger years' playground to pick up younger siblings and relatives.

One in particular, however, was not going home unsupervised.

Yuyu Aburame fumed where she stood next to Ibiki Morino; her short, stolid form bristling with a tangible aura of loathing and comically offset by the immovable monolith of the Head of T&I. A fleeting first glance would give the impression that she had donned bronzed mail, only for a second to see the thousands of metallic kikaichu deterring anyone from even thinking of touching her.

"I'm really hoping this will be the last of her Mood," Erumi Nara sighed, the capitalisation very clear in her voice.

"She cannot be that bad," Torusuke queried wearily, still groggy from cramming for project deadlines. Erumi shot him a tetchy look.

"She has said a grand total of twenty words this past week. Twenty. None of her usual idle threats or anything! I think she was devouring birds, but Tori-ue-sama found out and now her kikaichu aren't allowed to leave her clothing. Now I feel the cold grip of death on my spine every time I try to talk to her."

"Sorry I'm late!" Toshiki yelled, skidding to a stop beside them, before his momentum and dodgy foot landed him on his face. "Oooww."

With a long-suffering sigh, Erumi reached down and, taking hold of him by the collar of his shirt, hauled him to his knees. He tenderly poked at his nosebleed, dabbing at the trickle with a hankerchief.

"Wasn't expecting you to be able to make it," she said, mildly surprised. "What with...you know. You are related. Or is it 'were' related?"

"S'uck out," he mumbled. "'Ot like 'm 'ecessary to proceedings."

"What did I miss?" Torusuke asked blearily. She leaned into his shoulder to whisper more securely; "Clan Head's wife died. Toshiki's related to her, as well as Main House, whole Clan in mourning...'" To divert attention, she looked around dramatically. "Where is Kimimaro? He said he'd be here. And I doubt T&I-san over there will want to stay out here for nothing much longer."

"I have cake."

She whirled around, kunai in hand and stabbing him in the guts, but fortunately his now-armoured hand blocked the blade before it could scratch his flesh. "I didn't know you hated cake that much, Erumi-chan," Kimimaro smirked, adjusting the large box held under one arm. "Didja miss me?"

She snorted, returning her kunai to it's pouch; "like the plague."

"So you don't want presents then?"

"Presents? Gimme gimme gimme!" She made little grabby motions toward the box.

"Did somebody say cake?" ANBU Bear asked, wandering over with a spiky mop of blond hair peeking over his shoulder. "Hey, Kimimaro. Any for us?"

"Sure!" He said, sitting down and opening the box. The others joined him on the ground. "I don't actually like cheesecake, but I couldn't say no to that lady on the ferry. And it's strawberry."

Toshiki's battered nose wrinkled in disgust. "Eurgh. No thank you; I don't like strawberry. The blond-chibi can have my share." Naruto's eyes widened.
"F' me? Really?"

He scuttled down Tenzo's back and made a beeline for the cake that Erumi was slicing with a kunai, only to be pulled back. "You can have your slice after dinner which will have double vegetables," Tenzo said firmly. "Or," he added at the sparkling blue puppy eyes, "you have it now, but you get your ramen tomorrow, and it's vegetable ramen."

The boy froze, frantically turning over the two options in his head and looking longingly at the sweet pastry. "After dinner," he finally said, defeated. "Stupid vegetables."

"Ask your ANBU what scurvy is, then come back and say that," Kimimaro muttered. "A little trauma is good for the soul. And speaking of trauma, why is Yuyu-chan being Death Of All Things over there? Hey! Yuyu-chan! Come over here! You want cake?"

The diminutive Harbinger of Terror prowled over and sat herself behind his shoulder like a malevolent shadow. Or maybe just an angry little girl.

"Yes," she muttered, her kikaichu lending a chilling buzzing undertone to her voice, even though they were calmer now. Her golden armour was slowly retreating back under her coat now that she was in contact with him. He grinned guilelessly at Erumi.

"See? Someone missed me. Although, why've you got Tall, Dark and Scary playing chaperone?" He nodded towards where Ibiki was looming a little way off.

"Not here," Yuyu whispered in his ear. "Clan secrets. Now presents, or I hollow your kneecaps for ocarinas."

He patted her hand. "Aww, you did miss me." He pulled a sealing scroll out of his kunai holster. "Let's get Toshiki's present out the way first; how is your knitting coming along?"

The Hyuuga tapped his fingers nervously. "Good...but I haven't had the chance to do much since...Oh, right; you wouldn't know! Hiashi-sama's wife died a few days ago, while you were away. Kaa-san's been a little out of it, seeing as they were related and all. I had to sneak out just to be here."

"Oh man, that's sad," Kimimaro said awkwardly. "But anyway, I got you some new wool. It's from mountain goats in Rai no Kuni, mixed with silk fibre. Really soft. Here!" A net bag full of skeins of brown wool landed in Toshiki's lap.

"Did I miss anything?" Itachi greeted as he poofed into their midst via a Shunshin. "Hi, Ani-chan! Heard you got back late last night!"

"Yes, I got you a present too, you scrounger," Kimimaro huffed, before his face broke into a grin. "I think you've met Ruto-kun, right?"
The small blond child in question peeked out from where he had dived behind Bear for safety. "Huh?"

"Ruto-kun, this is Itachi Uchiha. Sasuke's big brother. Sasuke's in your class, I think; he's a bit older than you but not much."

A blank, disbelieving look. Kimimaro sighed. "He was half-naked in my apartment when you barged in after Shisui broke your balcony and I subsequently chucked us out the window."

Recognition dawned. "Hey, you're that pretty girl!"

Opening his mouth to gape like the rest of them, Kimimaro suddenly paused and stared with narrowed eyes at Itachi. "Huh. Well, you did have your hair down. Are you sure you don't have any androgyne genes?" The subject of his attention squawked and flailed at the sudden probing interest.

"No! We are not talking about this! Bad Ani-chan, bad!" thwack

"Did- did you just hit me with a rolled up newspaper!?"

Erumi sighed, leaning against Torusuke as the two boys tried to strangle each other. "These two. Lauded as genii of our generation, but in actuality they're two idiot dorks. Why, dear kami why, did I go over and talk to him that fateful day? I'm going to have white hair before I'm thirty."

Both Itachi and Kimimaro returned to their seats on the ground, hair mussed and faces streaked with dirt.

"Thank you very much for the wool," Toshiki took the chance to say. "I...I'm going to save it for something really nice though; I'm not that good yet." Kimimaro waved it off.
"Eh, that's fine. It's yours now, after all; you can make whatever you like with it, whenever you like. Now, Erumi...'"

She caught the brightly-coloured volume in mid-air, and it only took her a second to read the title. A squeal escaped her. "Ohmykami, it's the new one in the series! Yes yes yes!" Only after a second item landed in her lap could she bear to tear her gaze away from her new precious, and she unfolded the scrap of tissue paper to see one of the super-collectable netsuke's she'd wanted since forever but could never get a hold of.
"I take back every negative thing I've ever said about you," she whispered loudly, cradling her presents to her chest and resisting the urge to bolt back home and read it now, find out what happens next!

"Ah," Kimimaro coughed at Erumi's glazed over expression. "Now, for the bane of my existance, Itachi-" "Oh hell, what did you get me?" "You better be grateful, you cat-faced shrimp, now take the paper bag."

Itachi riffled through the tissue paper, caught a glimpse of the gift, and promptly shot a horrified look at Kimimaro, whose lips were smugly pursed. "You little sh-"

"Small ears!" Tenzo reprimanded, his hands clamped over the ears of a confused Naruto.

"I presume this is because of the Benisu fashion, and not my definitely-not-feminine appearance?" Itachi groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Because that's the only fact that's going to salvage my reputation when I start wearing it, which I will, because it's amazing and I hate you with the fury of a thousand suns for making me like it." He unwrapped it and lifted it out the bag for everyone to see as he spoke, the pheasant-feather bira-bira tinkling merrily and the steel blade glinting in the sunlight. "At least I can stab Shisui with it."

"How in the kami did you even pay for that?" Torusuke murmured. "You don't earn that much."

"I paid one part cash, traded the rest," Kimimaro shrugged.

"Traded what?" Itachi asks, only half-listening as he examined the blade.

Kimimaro grinned, but in a guileless way that only Yuyu picked up on, feeling the light vibrations of anticipated laughter through his shoulder blades.
"My body, of course."

Tenzo spat out his cheesecake. And he wasn't the only one. Itachi wheezed violently and even Ibiki Morino, still listening in surreptitiously from a distance, whipped his head around.

"My bones, my bones you pervs, get your minds out the gutter," Kimimaro chided gently as they recovered, Yuyu shaking in silent laughter against his spine. "Kanzashi can be carved from true bone, but that's hard to obtain. I just happen to be able to make my bones solid at will."

"What's a perv?" Naruto's innocent question sent panic racing around the group.

"Naruto-kun I'll tell you when you're older," Tenzo interjected hastily, despite Naruto's pout. 'Or maybe I should at least tell him what to stay away from, but on the other hand I don't want to be the one to explain sexual deviancy as opposed to just the birds and the bees...damn it! Why is parenting so full of second-guessing?!' "Well, I'll tell you a little bit now once we're home, but you won't know everything until you're older. And remind me to show you some new moves with kunai later."
"Yay!"

"Ani-chan, you...'" Itachi gasped. "No. Bad...bad words. Stop it. I hate you; I will stab you."

"You're smiling though."

"I am and I hate it!"

"For Sage's sake, knock it off you two!" Tenzo yelled, slapping them both upside the head. "Ah, no, don't you stick your tongue out Itachi, you're both above this sort of behaviour-stop it!"

"I'm eleven and a bit, Itachi's twelve and a half," Kimimaro pointed out. "We are exactly on board with this sort of behaviour."

Tenzo let out a strangled scream through his mask. "You two! You'll drive me into an early grave, I swear!"

"And speaking of early graves," Itachi hissed, "for the love of mercy, tell me you got Aburame-chan a gift, because she's been even more terrifying than usual while you've been away!"

Kimimaro looked down where Yuyu was now sitting at his side, taking a bite of her cheesecake with an adorable little nom sound. His brow creased in confusion. "I don't see it."
"But," he changed the subject even as Itachi rolled his eyes in despair behind his back, "I did manage to get you your present, Yuyu-chan, after a lot of thought. And I asked the Tsuri-ou of the Wanitei for the leather especially and he helped me put it together." Ibiki choked slightly in the background, but Kimimaro didn't notice. "I think he likes me for some reason, but I'm not sure why; it's probably because I'm Kakashi-shishou's Apprentice and I look like a Hatake so much."

The sealing scroll poofed smoke again and a carefully folded bundle of pebbled leather and buckled straps appeared. He held it up. "It's an open-fronted skirt and shoulder harness, laden with pockets and detachable pouches for you to keep all your different experimental hives and specimens with you; I know how much you like all your different experiment breeds. You can wear it under your coat and that way enemies won't have any external gourds or bags to try and destroy. What do you think?"

He passed it over and Yuyu took the item in her deceptively small and slim hands, laying it out in her lap. She ran her hands over the tough leather and it's sandpaper-like texture, utterly speechless. And since the mask that usually covered her lower face had been pulled down to let her eat, those around her could see the blush beginning to stain her cheeks.

"Oh dear kami, hell has frozen over," Erumi breathed hoarsely in disbelief. Only for her aghast comment to snap Yuyu out of the daze and stoke her anger.

"Shut up," she buzzed, shoving her mask back up hurriedly. Erumi's mouth promptly and audibly snapped shut.

Both thankfully and not, Naruto's gasp of fear distracted everyone.

"Ah, yes," Tenzo muttered awkwardly. "Naruto, this is Yuyu Aburame. She is very scary, but she is not going to hurt you." He shoved the trembling six-year-old towards her and there was a tense moment of silence as they both stared at each other.

"I..." she ground out, "apologise for trying to eat you. You scared me."

Silence, as Naruto squinted suspiciously at her. Then, "Uh-huh. Hey, do you know Shino, from my class? He wears a big coat and glasses too."
Everyone internally face-vaulted.

"We are...cousins," Yuyu bit out, deciding to leave out the complexities of a family tree and intricacies of internal Clan status. His face lit up.
"Cool! He's been sick or somethin', 'cos he hasn't been at the Academy for a few days, do y'know when he'll be back? He promised to show me 'n Kiba some bugs from the Old Continent!"

"He'll be back soon," she said shortly, very much not wanting to continue the conversation and hoping that someone would pick up on it. Kimimaro did.

"Hey, Ruto-kun, didn't you say that Bear here owes you ramen?" He grinned cheerfully. "You better get going if you don't want Ichiraku's to run out!"

Abruptly struck by the horror of the thought of a ramen famine, Naruto grabbed Tenzo's hand and started pulling at him. "C'mon, c'mon, we gotta go! Ramen!"
The ANBU shot a final, good-natured glare at all of them, and gathered up Naruto's assigned slice of cake before letting himself be towed to the entrance of the playground, whereupon he scooped Naruto up in his arms and disappeared in a Shunshin.

"Children," Torusuke sighed exasperatedly.

"We are children," Kimimaro retorted half-heartedly.

"You and Uchiha don't count, because you're weird, freaky geniuses who've already graduated," he replied wearily. "Some of us still have exams to study for, and that kid's too young to really understand how the world works. Don't give me those looks, you know what I mean."

"Point."

"So!" Erumi clapped her hands together. "How was the mission? What are you allowed to tell us?"

Kimimaro took a deep breath. "Well, we discovered a hostile takeover that was going on, backed up by Kiri-nin, we went to the Wanitei to ask for support, the Kiri-nin burst in and started a fight, one died but I got captured. They broke my arm, but freaked out because the Henge I was stuck in made me look like Kakashi-shishou's kid, so they gave me to Gatou, the guy in charge.
Who threw me in the basement, so I organised his staff into revolting, but Shishou rescued me and we moved the bombs Gatou put in some ships to his own house. So when he activated it at the business party he threw, his house blowing up distracted everyone enough for myself and Shishou to get an edge over his Kiri-nin while the Wanitei took care of the thugs.
All of the Kiri-nin but one got killed, and we sent her back to Kiri with her comrades' bodies, and now the Harbourmaster of Benisu owes me a favour, to be cashed in at a later date." He wheezed, and sucked in a deep breath.

"Of course; your first mission outside the Village and you're tearing down corrupt regimes and screwing with people's minds." Toshiki's voice was flat. "Why am I not surprised?"

"I haven't been surprised since he made the power of brotherhood explosive and told me we were soul-brothers," Itachi commiserated. "No regrets though

"I still hate you, Ani-chan," Itachi complained as they both touched down in the ruins on the Northern outskirts of Konoha. "I would have been fine with a postcard, or a cheap keychain or something. And then you buy me this! I love it! Why do you have to know me so well?"

"Because annoying you into smiling and trying to throttle me warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart. Now why did you want to come all the way out here?"

"Welcome home, brother."

Kimimaro faltered, his heart missing a beat. The sound of spoken English in a voice other than his own sent a wave of homesickness crashing through him and he flung his arms around Itachi in a crushing hug.
"Oh god, oh god, you're finally fluent, you can speak, I can speak-" then a thought occurred and he smirked into Itachi's shoulder, tightening his grip until the older boy gasped for air. "I am going to get all the songs stuck in your head."

"Aaand, the moment's gone; it's dead," Itachi groaned, breaking free from the choke hold. Only to be smacked in the face by something soft.

"Oh! I got you a smaller present too. Your feet are always freezing, so I got you some bed-socks."

He sighed, tucking the woolly items inside his kunai pouch. "Thanks."

Kimimaro paused. "Did something happed with the Clan while I was gone? And you've lost a bit of weight; I could tell just now. You haven't been eating properly, definitely."

Itachi groaned again, rubbing his eyes. "Don't start; I had my Summons out on a mission and they said the exact same thing. I'm fine, okay? I'm not starving, I'm just tired and having to eat quickly when I can-"

"You've been living off field rations, haven't you?" Kimimaro cut him off sharply. "That's it; you know what? Screw it; you're going to take a break for the next few hours, whether you like it or not!"

Itachi whirled his Sharingan into life at the sight of hand-seals, but only registered the danger when a hand slapped him on his breast-bone and the world twisted.

ANBU Bear, in full cloak and mask, was now a common sight at Ichiraku, along with his charge. Everyone knew enough not to bother a member of the Village's most staunch, if rarely seen, line of protection. And for those still with opinions about the Kyuubi, it mitigated their paranoia-fuelled ostracism. Nevertheless, it was still a curiosity when an ANBU turned and called out across the street in a friendly manner.

"Hey, Kimimaro-kun! Come join us!"

Obligingly, the child in question froze mid-step, before scuttling over. The ANBU was silent for a moment, then...

"What the hell happened to you?"

Kimimaro scowled, one arm and both hands marred with dozens of red scratches. "Funny thing about cats," he mumbled. "Five of their six ends are pointy."

Itachi fought the swell of vertigo caused by a brand new centre of balance, as he stared in disbelief at the sleek black paws currently bearing his weight. Then the fuzzy extra-proprioception and intense smells, courtesy of whiskers and a keen nose, respectively, crashed over him. He whined, pressing his muzzle into the dirt until, gradually, his brain caught up to the extra information.

But that didn't detract from the fact that he was now a cat!

A large cat, to be sure, given that he was just a little bigger than Karasutaro, but still a cat!

"It's a C-rank ninjutsu," Kimimaro's voiced boomed above him, loud and distorted to sensitive ears. "You're not actually a cat, it's just a powerful Henge that should wear off in about...eight hours; I'm not very practiced on extending and shortening the time span, but I least I get it right. Now you get your break from work and...I think you're glaring at me but it's kind of hard to tell- GERROFF AHHHH!"

"Kitty!"

Itachi snapped his head around at the voice, hoping- yes it was! Sasuke had stayed behind at the Academy to train on his own as he usually did. Leaping down from the wall, he loped towards his younger brother; who was overjoyed at a strange cat coming over. "Hello, kitty!"

But before Itachi could back away and start writing in the dirt, Sasuke put out a hand and started petting him and ooh, right there!

"Hey, kitty, are you lost?" Itachi shook his head, and Sasuke's jaw dropped. "Wow! You're really smart, aren't you? Are you a nin-cat? Or a Summon? Do you have an owner?"

He shook his head again repeatedly; no to all three.

"Cool! Do you wanna come home with me? We could be ninja together and Tou-san and Kaa-san will be so proud! And Aniki will finally be proud too!"
Stunned, Itachi nodded, much to Sasuke's delight. But inside he was screaming. He was proud of Sasuke, he was! Always had been. He would always...be...there?

'Sorry otouto, maybe next time.'

Oh.

Well, maybe he could do something about that. All he had to do was avoid his parents and a few others in the Clan, not get Sasuke too attached to his 'new pet' and...get food and some sleep, for a start. He had lost weight; no wonder his brother had so easily taken him for a stray at just face value. If he were any normal cat, he'd be suspicious of the owner...being...neglectful...

Oh.

...

Yeah, he definitely needed to start putting his foot down on some things.

"Sasuke-kun, you're home early?" Mikoto Uchiha called at the sight of her youngest son coming through the door and kicking off his shoes.

"We got homework, Kaa-san, I wanted to get it done before dinner!" He called, hastily making for the hallway and his bedroom.

"Ah! Wait a moment! Did you see your brother at all today? He got back from his mission after you left for school, did he drop by the Academy to see you?" The first part of the question made Sasuke's eyes brighten, before they dimmed again.

"No, Kaa-san. Um...he might be staying at his friend's house, that Kimi-"

"Of course he is," Fugaku Uchiha growled, catching the tail-end of the conversation as he came into the room. "It's the only place you ever find him nowadays; that foreign boy's been a bad influence on him, making him lazy and clingy." He fixed his eyes on Sasuke, smiling. "Not like my Sasuke, right? You're back early from training, you got homework?"
Sasuke nodded, clutching his satchel to his chest.
"Good. I'm sure you'll surpass your brother in no time. And stay away from the Kaguya boy, he's insane."

"Fugaku!" Mikoto retorted sharply.

"What?!" He blustered. "It's true! Anyone who knows the boy will tell you! Not to mention when Itachi brought him home and he went Berserk at the sight of me; he was a savage animal!"

Sasuke took to opportunity to retreat, racing to his room and shutting and bolting the door behind him.

"Miaou?" The black cat that had come up to him sat on the windowsill, having snuck round the back. It leapt gracefully to the floor, twining round his ankles and looking up at him questioningly. Sasuke dumped his bag on his bed and sat down, absentmindedly stroking pointed black ears. "It's okay, Aniki's Clan Heir and really important, so they miss having him around. He just likes his friend better than us at the moment."

No no, that's not true! Kimimaro just gets me, and Tou-san and Kaa-san push too much! They push you too much! "Myaa!" Aaaand I have seven more hours to go. Great. I miss people actually understanding what I say.

"What." Jiraiya repeated. "The actual. Fuck."

He checked the loose-leaf insert again. No, the Emergency Update of the Bingo Book(there was usually one every month or so, not counting the regular biannual editions) had all the legitimate marks on it. It was very real.

Kakashi's picture was no different, even if it was about a year out of date, and the skill ranking hadn't changed either. It was the Accomplices section.

Child Hatake[Name Not Known]

[No Picture]
Description: Male. Estimated 4-6 years old. White hair, short, slightly spiky. Eyes dark brown/green. Red enji around eyes. Traditional Hatake mask not present.

Parents: Father strongly suspected to be Kakashi Hatake. Mother unknown.

Skills: Fuuinjutsu proficient. Extremely intelligent; probable genetic genius(see Kakashi Hatake). According to eyewitness, 'really f***ing annoying'. Prevalent in psychological techniques.

Weaponry: Neko-te and Fuuinjutsu.

Jutsu: Basic E-D, Shunshin and Henge. Others unknown. Raiton jutsu not displayed but cannot be discounted.

Encountered by a Kiri team on Benisu and briefly captured. Kakashi Hatake was extremely protective for the duration of the encounters and displayed marked aggression in retaliation. Slight possibility of being merely a close relative of Kakashi Hatake(see prior entries for Kumade Toriichi[deceased] and Hatake[Retainer Families]).

Verdict: Engage only under assured circumstances; the Child having backup nearby is almost certain(see Kakashi Hatake). Withdraw and observe if possible.

"I...wow," Jiraiya could only mutter, stunned. "Wait!...Actually, no. He...they...wow. Just...wow."

And hour or so later of walking, and a messenger hawk from Konoha swooped down.
"This better be an explanation," Jiraiya muttered as he took the letter from the pouch. He quickly skimmed through it, did a double take, and read through it again more carefully.

"They're alive?!"

This is the second version of this chapter; the second half needed a total delete-and-rewrite.

Naruto actually has a Designated Responsible Adult now, which can only be good in the long run.

And Fugaku Uchiha has no idea how to PARENT, only how to train and engender competitiveness. Which is not the same thing.

And every Hidden Village is internally screaming about Kakashi's (apparent)child. Because Mon from last chapter was little loopy from exhaustion, pain, terror and poison from the net she was caught in, and kind of conflated Kimimaro's real form and Henge form together.

And now we have the Poison Arc! aka, Things Get Done, By Everyone, Especially The Villains.

And I will get to the Hatake(?) Clan soon. Promise.
(virtual)Hands up who likes world-building lore?!

And Kumade Toriichi was an actual Konoha shinobi, who Zabuza killed(in a canon flashback).