*Crawls out of a shallow grave* I liiiivvvveee...

There is indeed a tangled web of connections I am weaving.

Shisui gets tipsy and makes a friend through the power of epic bitching, Itachi is disturbed and Yuyu is confused.

Mild Body Horror!~

Poison: Buried Connections

"Izumo, Kotetsu," the tired and worn shinobi nodded politely to each of them in turn.

"Sorry, he's Izumo, I'm Kotetsu," Kotetsu sighed with a slight grin. "You're getting senile in your old age, Shirakumo-jiji."

The border guard chuffed in poorly concealed amusement. "Not that old, and strong enough to plant both your asses in the dirt if you're going to keep giving me lip. Am I in or not?"

"Grey hair, Shirakumo-san, it's the grey hair. Yeah yeah, you're in," Izumo countered, passing the documentation back. "Why'd you get called back though? You're supposed to be up Northwest for another five months still, according to schedule."

A snort. "Hokage-sama called me back via first-class messenger hawk, citing Clan Business."

"Oh great, you're Senju, aren't you?"

"Half," he growled bitterly. "And not the better half either. Careful you don't stab yourselves with those overly pointy noses of yours, whelps."

"Whoa, whoa, easy," Kotetsu blustered, pulling Izumo back. "We're just saying that trouble with the Senju is the last thing Konoha needs with Kakashi Hatake nearly getting assassinated."

Hayama Shirakumo froze. "What."

His voice was flat; simmering with disbelief and anger. Not waiting for a reply or confirmation, he broke out in a dead run for Hokage tower.

"That is...," Itachi fished around for words that accurately described what he was seeing. "...discomforting."

The morass of bone the size of a melon bubbled and twisted like a slow, viscous liquid just on top of Kimimaro's bared chest. Sweat beaded on his brow, a tenseness to his shoulders as he took shallow breaths. "S'fine...uunnhh!"

With a definitely unnerving stretchy-wet sound, the bone retreated beneath his skin and he gasped in a deep breath. "Yep...never doing that again...maybe I should scrap this idea...'"

"Liquidizing your own skeleton, is not a good idea, in any way, in the first place!" Itachi insisted. "I think maybe you need to find something else to do."

"Nonsense," Kimimaro waved him off. "It's not that much different to when I make sculptures and figurines. Those are done by forming the shape inside my body and pushing it out at the same time. For this, the trick is to keep the molecules apart far enough for liquidation, outside the body; it's far easier to compact them for density."

"But why?"

Voice slightly muffled as he pulled his T-shirt back on, "Couldn't figure out how to induce rapid abnormal excess bone growth in another lifeform. But since that's already hard-coded into my own chakra, I figured I could just pre-load a seal with some of my own bone as a starting point?"

"Are you actually okay? With all this that's going on?"

A loaded pause.

"I think I'm coping? But I'm still worried sick."

"Yeah, okay. But you're...reckless now. Self-sacrificing. I know you know what you're doing, but I think it's the wrong emotions driving you."

Kimimaro groaned loudly, pulling Itachi closer to lean his head on his shoulder. "Right. Okay. To me, before? Kakashi was always this distant, mythic figure you were somehow privileged to have information on the personal history of, coming in at the last moment to turn the tide, maybe a little broken but hey, aren't we all? Then I got my Kakashi-Shishou, who's a bit more put together, more open and genuinely likeable. My actions had, somewhat unintentionally, helped him. And now this. My actions have, unintentionally, nearly killed him."

"You are not omniscient, Ani-chan, nor omnipotent," Itachi soothed. "You did good things with good intentions. You cannot be blamed for how others have acted. Also, please stop punishing yourself; your body is your own, but it is not an object to be tinkered with. It's unnerving to see you have so little regard for yourself. Please." He clutched one of Kimimaro's hands in his, holding up the slowly-healing bite-marks on the fingertips.

"Okay. I'll try my best. But I'm still panicking, by the way."

"It was an Uchiha, Yashiro, a coup supporter," Itachi said slowly, in an undertone. "Used his Sharingan to place a Compulsion in one of the bartenders, and he's been missing since. Yamanaka-sama knows about the coup now; he and Shisui are working on the investigation."

Kimimaro let out a deep sigh. "I'm glad I married you, Itachi."

"We. Are not. Fucking married. We have a chakra bond that a select few cultures view as equivalent but not the same as marriage! Aaannnd, you're just teasing me, aren't you?"

"Oh, this joke is never going to get old."

"I am not the best person for this, Sarutobi-sama," Hayama Shirakumo protested blandly. "I appreciate your prompt summons, but I have little authority in this."

His back to the shinobi sitting in perfect seiza on the small dais, Hiruzen sighed. "I know; your words already reveal that your stubbornness has not faded, Shirakumo-san."

"You are Head of the Sarutobi Clan, and I address you as such. You lost your title of Hokage the moment you let Orochimaru run past you."

"Every time we meet, must you add to my own flagellations over that decision?"

"You stood amidst the butchered and perverted bodies of children, his own hands stained red as he gorged his abominable curiosities on another, declaring all those around him as pawns to be sacrificed for his own impossible goals, and yet that was not enough for you to renounce him? I shudder to think what horrors would have to be paraded before you in order for you to strike him down within your heart."

The Sandaime pinched the bridge of his nose in grief and rising anger. "Enough! Memories of Hashirama-sama and Tobirama-sensei already call me twenty kinds of fool and six kinds of murderer, and now you echo his manner of speaking? And again and again, like a mutt with a bone!"

"As always, I am honoured to be compared to a man who even as a corpse is worth five of you! Because of your complacency, the traitor has twisted children to his own ends, the Uchiha are tearing themselves apart and my Clan Head lies insensate and possibly crippled! I say to you, be glad that I am not of the Main Line, or it would not be just my words striking at you!"

"…?!"

The sudden opening of the door and the air of mute surprise that followed made them both turn.

"I can come back later," Shisui protested meekly.

The tension popped like a balloon by the sudden interruption, both men settled back. "It's fine Shisui, come on in. This is Hayama Shirakumo, an…old acquaintance of mine."

Shisui dipped his head in acknowledgement, but as he straightened up, he found himself locked under the dark scrutiny of a somewhat familiar face. "Uchiha."

"Shirakumo-san."

A scarred mouth twitched a brief smile. "Ah. Exactly how drunk are you, Uchiha-kun?"

The boy shrugged. "Enough to not care, not enough to lose control. Not to be rude, but do I know you from somewhere?

"I share a family resemblance with my Clan Head, whom I believe you are acquainted with?"

The metaphorical gears in Shisui's slightly-dulled brain, clicked into place. "Oooohhhh. Well. Well. I'm sure we can lift the restrictions on visitation hours briefly if you want to see him, or do I have to worry about Hokage-sama's life first?"

"Sarutobi-sama's life is quite safe; this is merely an old argument getting some air. It's why I'm on Border Patrol most of the time."

"No, because you asked for it, for the flexible schedule?" The Sandaime huffed irritably. "Go on, shoo, go visit Kakashi. Shisui-kun will take you, we shall speak later."

"Oh, we certainly shall," was the ominous muttering. "Come, Uchiha. We will talk on any other recent goings on since I was last here as we walk...'"

The Sandaime was left alone, in the small, private room he often used for contemplating lighter things, such as poetry and the changing of the seasons. There were no portraits of the former Hokage in here.
Sometimes the relief of not having their eyes on him, felt a little like cowardice.

"So, Uchiha," Hayama broached conversation first. "Tell me about my newest nephew; did Kakashi actually adopt the Kaguya properly, or is it still undecided?"

"Um," Shisui stuttered a bit, forcing himself to be as respectful as possible. "Kimimaro is Kakashi-san's Apprentice. They just work well together, there's no talk of any adoption at all on either side."

"Good."

Shisui couldn't help but bristle a bit at the curt remark. Kakashi had changed for the better ever since meeting Kimimaro and if Kakashi was this guy's Clan Head, then this guy had no right to question his decision to take an Apprentice. "What exactly do you mean by that, Shirakumo-san?"

The ambient noise suddenly muffled, from the simple Privacy jutsu now wrapped around them. Hayama hadn't even broken step, had only used three handsigns; he used this jutsu often, then.
"I mean, that adoption into the Clan is not all that simple. It requires the approval of the majority, and is only bestowed on those who hold promise, or have proven themselves invaluable allies.
I waited for any missives from Kakashi, but none came. Then I was summoned by Sarutobi-sama."

Shisui relaxed a little. "Right, Clan politics, got it. Sorry, but Kimimaro's a good kid, and they've been good for each other. I won't hear anything bad about him."

"Good."

This time, the remark was still curt, but a little gentler.

"Sarutobi told me what you did. Never be afraid to protect what you love, Uchiha. There's enough hate in this world already."

"You don't have to tell me that, I'm not a stranger to sacrifice. Or stupidity-induced headaches."

Hayama only exhaled at the weak segue. "I know. I also know what Sarutobi has planned for you. Why he asked something of me."

Even through the insulation of alcohol, Shisui visibly tensed. "I haven't given my decision on that yet." His voice was sullen, non-committal.

"He asked me to talk to you, nothing more or less," Hayama explained, softly now. "For all my sins, I am good with people. And everyone needs someone to set them on the right path. You need someone who doesn't fear you, or who is blinded by the trappings of rank. Which usually means kicking down their door, dragging them outside and telling them they're being stupid."

"I know what you mean; my cousin and Kimimaro have that sort of odd dynamic as well. Though less...vitriolic. Actually, scratch that, they are exactly that vitriolic when it comes down to it."

There was a brief pause in the conversation as they entered the Hospital and were put through security. By the time that was over, Shisui had had time to mull over the mystery that was Hayama Shirakumo.
"Why are you telling me all...this? And...who exactly are you?"

There was a physical pause this time.

"Because...you remind me of someone. Not entirely, but you do. I don't want another young life wasted by the same mistakes. As for me...I am but a humble Border Patrol Guard. I have also been a Friend, a Guide, a Judge, a Lover, a Hunter. I have walked many paths over the years, and the number of steps weighs heavy on my shoulders. Make of my words what you will. Now, this is Kakashi's room, is it not?"

It occurred to Shisui, as Hayama opened the door and his expression stiffened, that no-one had actually explained the severity of Kakashi's current condition. The pallor of his skin, muscles starting to thin from atrophy and the laboured mechanised breathing painted an almost nauseating picture.

Standing this close, Shisui could feel Hayama's chakra flex and quiver in agitation, but the feeling was lost as the man strode forward to the bedside.

"Why do we always meet like this, little one?" Tone weary, almost pleading as he took one limp hand in his, a thumb caressing the knuckles absently. "Please, be kind to this one; I cannot lose you too."

Yamanaka Inoichi let out an unholy shriek and jumped bolt upright as a book was slammed onto the table not centimetres from his head.

"Shikaku!?" He snapped, scrambling to reclaim his dignity. "What in the hells was that for?"

"For waking Kakashi up."

The dull, exhausted, yet triumphant tone was audible as Shikaku practically collapsed on the sofa, dark circles under his eyes. "Page 47."

The tome was heavy, cloth-bound with the Nara crest stamped on the cover. Inoichi quickly flicked to page 47, took one look at the entry and- "No."

"Yes."

"No, Shikaku! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? How much damage it does?"

"Well, if you'd actually read the fucking entry, you'd see that it has exactly the effect we're looking for. They've already tried other analeptics over at the hospital, but not this. Yes," he cut Inoichi off, "I know what it can do, but, I know what it can do. You can use it as an antidote, Inoichi, not just a poison. An antidote for Central Nervous System Depression; what Kakashi has. Administering will be the safest it possibly can; he's already in hospital and the dosage will be carefully calculated."

Inoichi could only stare at the illustration. The innocent-looking spray of rounded leaves and white berries. The neatly scribed lettering detailing cases, toxicity, methods, control, treatment, uses, results.

The Nara Clan knew plants, even more so than the Yamanaka Clan did, for all that they owned Konoha's flower shop. They were professionals, perfectionists, everything noted and catalogued in excruciating detail.

Inoichi slid the open book back across the table. "Kakashi is in your hands."

Shikaku bowed his head in acknowledgment. "I will begin preparations."

"What timing are we looking at here?"

"As I said, they already use it as an emergency antidote in certain areas. I can get a delivery from the Land of Medicines Protectorate in the Land of Mountains in two days."

"That's...awfully fast?"

"Some sort drama going on in Howling Wolf Village freeing up the trade routes recently. Oh well; harvest while the sun shines, and all that. And also, I know who to ask to fetch it from the border-crossing point...'"

Half an hour later, a bright green blur streaked out of Konoha's main gate, screaming something about 'doing it in one day' and 'with the speed of youth'.

"No, you have to put a valve-mark there; this isn't an Exploding Tag, it's got to channel the chakra from the primary receptors into the first-tier nodes instead of imploding the lot. And you need a Senten valve, because Yang chakra is different to the Elemental ones."

"Isn't it a bit risky, having two receptors? And one's tied to a Storage. Not to mention that Parasite receptors are unbelievably finicky; you'd be safer starting with an Ambient until you figure everything else out, surely?"

Both boys were too engrossed in the sealing diagrams scattered around, that they failed to notice the person approaching them. At least, until she was right behind them.

"My soul feels like it's about to be molecularly disassembled by a gravity well with teeth," Itachi stated calmly.

"Hi, Aburame-chan!" Kimimaro merely smiled brightly up at her diminutive form. "What can we do for you?"

"Please remove the 'we' from that question." Itachi's muttering was ignored as Yuyu stared pointedly down at the drafts littering the scraps of paper.

"Rats," she said finally, after a long pause, the non-sequitur startling both boys. "I shall obtain some for the testing of these seals. The results promise to be interesting. I shall observe."

A beat. "Okay," Kimimaro acquiesced. "Is there anything else you wanted to talk to us about?"

"The invitation has been expanded upon. You will join myself at the Aburame Compound presently. However, recent events have highlighted a security breach. Your safety could be at risk. You shall be staying within the Aburame Compound until further notice."

"Wait, wha-"

"It has already been approved by Yamanaka-sama," she steamrolled over Kimimaro's barely-voiced objection, before hesitating at his downcast expression.

"This is...not imprisonment," she amended softly. "More like a..." she visibly struggled with the word "...sleepover. An extended sleepover. Yes."

Itachi turned to Kimimaro, utterly deadpan. "You're on your own for this one."

Visible confusion in reply; "Well, duh. You're not invited."

Itachi felt his left eyelid twitch as he quashed the urge to correct his brother's perspective by bashing his thick skull against a tree.
Meanwhile, Kimimaro had turned back to the abomination in human form and smiled wanly; "Thank you, I'd be delighted to receive hospitality. I'll just fetch some stuff from home, and I'll be ready to go."

"Acceptable."

"Cool." He gathered up the papers in practiced speed. "Just wait here, I'll be back soon!" He vanished in a Shunshin.

Alone, Itachi and Yuyu eyed each other.

A long silence.

"You detest me." Yuyu broke it first.

"You unnerve me." Itachi countered.

"I am shinobi, as are you. I shall not be seen as weak."

"Since when has he ever treated you as such?"

That, gave her pause. "Never," she acquiesced. "But his general behaviour is...anomalous."

He snorted derisively. "Tell me something I don't know."

"It is!" She insisted. "Knowledge of my nature, my threats, these drive the weak-willed and self-serving away; I value those who endure and remain, as proven allies. But him, I cannot read! Every threat I devise, he receives as a compliment and every action I take he observes in amusement!"

"So you hide from? When he trusts you?" Itachi's tone was silken steel now.

"I protect him," she retorted, making him pause. "Unlike you, who drag him into your Clan's tainted blood feud simply by being with him."

"I suggest you tread carefully, and revise your steps," he advised. "Say what you will of me, but spare him your misguided machinations. Your façade of humanity is cracked; just let it fall already, and show him what you really are under the skin!" His Sharingans were active now, roused by his agitation yet skittering over her form as he avoided looking at her directly.

"You forget," she thrummed, a deep buzz underlying her voice as golden carapaces rippled and flowed around the edges of her coat. "Even when it fell before; he still stands with me."

"Because you didn't let him see," Itachi hissed.

Both of them immediately reined back their tempers, composing themselves flawlessly a second before Kimimaro landed back in the clearing, a sealing scroll in hand.
"Phew, packed everything I needed. Hope you two didn't get bored waiting for me."

"Just some idle conversation, nothing more," Itachi reassured, Yuyu nodding curtly in agreement.

He fairly beamed at them. "Well, it's nice to see you getting along." Turning to survey the clearing and check he hadn't left anything lying around, he did not see the static of tension crackling back and forth between the two of them. "So then; lead on, m'lady."

I kidnapped Hayama from a filler arc for Plot reasons. 'Canonically', he's actually a very calm and reasonable guy, it's just that here, he has a few buttons that are very easy to trample on.

Hence Hayama kicking down the door and going "LET ME LIST ALL THE REASONS YOU SUCK! AGAIN!"

Tsunade mentions that the Nara Clan's knowledge helped her treat Rock Lee's injuries, and you see that they've got a massive pharmacological encyclopaedia.

Next time: Chibi Shino, Surprise Headcanon, Things Get Trippy.

Also, I have been amusing myself with the mental image of Yuyu holding a large book of 'Human Behaviour 101', with a checklist full of crosses next to her and quietly muttering "What the fuck is he doing?"