Title: And I'm Alone.
Author: Maggie Cohen
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Roger has noticed a change in Mark. Eventual Roger/Mark. Please R&R.
Disclaimer: I do not own RENT - RENT and all its characters, settings, and plot-points belong to Jonathan Larson and so forth.
And I'm Alone.
Chapter One
Roger woke up with a start.
He had had such dreams before - dreams that he assumed never meant anything and were just the manifestations of his daytime stress and frustrations. But this was different. Because the painful shriek he had heard in his dream did not cease as soon as he had woken up. It took him a minute or two of taking long dragging breaths to realize that it was his roommate who was screaming from across the loft.
He was instantly on his feet, rushing over to Mark's side of the loft. He hesitated at the door, however. He felt like he was crossing a boundary, walking into a territory that he shouldn't be. But he needed to make sure his roommate was all right.
Opening the door to Mark's room, he saw his best friend on the bed, sitting up and panting heavily. His eyes were darting around the room frantically and his face looked deathly pale illuminated by the moonlight.
"Mark?"
Mark didn't say anything at first, he just let Roger stand at the doorway. After a while, he looked away. He could tell Mark didn't want him there. Didn't want him to see him while he was exposed and raw. He must have had one hell of a nightmare.
He had seen Mark in such a state of distress only twice before - the first being after he was jumped a while back ago, when he first arrived in Alphabet City, and the second was after April had died. Mark had never meant for Roger to see him that way - he never wanted anyone to see him displaying such emotion…and as far as Mark knew, Roger had never seen any of it. But Roger knew. He knew that underneath that camera he always hid behind, he felt. And he hurt. Of course, he did. Moments like these proved that. And they served as a painful reminder for Roger, who always began to forget after a while that his friend suffered just as much as the rest of them did.
Roger didn't want to stay in his friend's room any longer. He would go back to his own and he and Mark would pretend that the whole thing never happened. But he couldn't leave. He didn't want to leave his best friend in such a state.
Roger sighed, turning to face Mark before asking, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." He spoke. "It was just a bad dream."
"Oh."
Roger now remembered why he never attempted to confront Mark about his emotional life, he never knew how to get past this point. The awkwardness was making both of them incredibly uncomfortable and the silence stretched for a very unpleasant minute.
Finally, it was mark who broke the silence, "You…You should go back to sleep, Roger. You need to rest."
"Um…Yeah, okay." Roger mentally slapped himself as he walked out. He should have at least asked what the dream was about. Mark always knew exactly what to do and say to make Roger feel better. He stayed up with him for entire nights when he fought with Mimi and understood him on a level that no one else did. Roger was worthless. It was just pathetic.
Roger sighed as he threw himself on his bed. Slowly, his thoughts turned back to the nightmare he himself had been having before Mark's had woken him up. He shut his eyes, suppressing the memory. It was going to be a long night, he decided.
x
Author's Note: I'm probably going to edit this later (I wrote this drabble in the last five minutes) but I just wanted a running start with this fic (lest I get lazy and have a draft sitting in my computer for months). So yeah. Next chapter will be longer and more insightful than this one, I swear. Thank you in advance for taking the time and reading this (and to all those who review).