Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. :p

A/N: Wow. Guess what people...I didn't abandon you! I just got too lazy to write. Sorry...oh! And HAPPY FIFTY REVIEWS! I'm...so...happy. YOU PEOPLE ROCK!

Raven: 'I hate myself for losing you.'

RaexBBxTerra. Rae's POV. Raven feels that it is all her fault that the love of her life left. Now she sits alone on the roof of Titans Tower and reflects on bitter sweet memories. Beast boy is off in a distant place, with no one knowing what he's doing. But Raven senses that Terra is involved. Will Raven ever get the chance to tell Beast boy her real feelings before Terra has him wrapped around her finger forever? Or will she give up hope?

WARNING: Hi. This chapter has no happiness whatsoever. Okay, maybe a little, but don't flame for the big happiness drop.

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I guess its true; you don't know what you have until its gone. I wish I had known that before he left. I really do. I feel responsible for him leaving. I was always being rude to him, and I guess he might have gotten fed up with me. I don't really blame him though. But now, all I can do is cry dry tears that won't stain my cheeks. I've never cried before, but I think that I'm close to it. I just can't believe he's gone. But I'm getting to far ahead of myself. Maybe I should look back and see why he left me like this...

I walked into the living room to get a cup of herbal tea, but this was three years ago. And I can still taste that sweet mint flavor of the tea. But that morning it tasted especially sweet. I think it was because Beast boy made it. I don't really know why it tasted so sweet when he made it, but so bitter when I did. I guess that his personality must have dripped into the tea...or maybe he just added a lot of white sugar. My tooth ached that day. So yeah, defiantly the sugar. I don't exactly know why he made me tea that morning. My mind keeps saying that he was trying to reach out to me. But I can't even trust myself anymore. After all, I am half demon. But still, if he really was trying to reach out, then why did I walk away?

I can still hear Cyborg yelling at the TV screen when he lost his video game that day. He had never lost one before, but he should have realized that there's a first time for everything. He must have tried to beat that game for six hours straight. My head pounded from all of the crashing and screaming sounds that echoed throughout the tower. I think he turned up the volume though. It drove me crazy, but I miss it. I wish I could go back to that day and stop myself from what I did. Because now, I wish I had stopped that Garfield from being yelled at by me just because he argued with Cyborg over that stupid game. That's probably what drove him away. I would love to hear his voice again.

I can still see Robin grunting at the punching bag while he kicked at it. He had sweat trickling down his face like a river. His hair was flipping ever which way, his breaths became deeper, and he seemed rather amused and proud of himself when he ripped a hole into the imaginary Slade...a.k.a. the torn punching bag. I even gained a small smirk when I saw him punching the air with his fists and cheering about how well he was going to do in battle next time. I still don't understand how Starfire found Robin's idiotic one man cheering squad cute. Its probably like how I found Beast boy's weird jokes semi-attractive. Whatever. Anyway, Starfire had obviously watched too many soap operas. Somehow she found the perfect opportunity to kiss Robin. At some point in their training session, one of them got their face too close to the other's...you get the idea. But what really had me was when Beast boy saw this performance and video taped it. I can still hear his amused laugh exploding into a volume so loud that it filled the entire tower. They certainly heard this, and went chasing after him for about an hour or so. I wish I could listen to his footsteps stomping through the hallway once more. I can't believe I let such a person go.

But this isn't about the others. Its about him. I always hated his pointless jokes, I hated his victory dances, I hated his tofu breath, I hated just about everything about him. Now, I hate myself for losing him. I always read his mind. And what I saw horrified me. I saw the emotion that only popped up when I was near him. I saw love. And I wish I hadn't ignored it. I felt the same for him. For one reason or another, I still do. I feel incredibly guilty for his quitting the team. He got fed up with me, I'm sure. I'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with. And I'm not saying he was either. Tofu arguments, video games, green penguins, you name it. If he could annoy me with it, he would.

But I would always criticize him for every little thing he did. I just didn't think that it would drive him out of my life like that. We hit a bump in the road, and I was the one who crashed. I'm not physically bruised, but emotionally I am. I could feel his love towards me and I sent it away curtly. Now all I can do is sit on the tower and think. Think about every move he made and every laugh he sounded. Robin and Starfire are so lucky. They're so happy and in love...and it could have been me.

"Raven?"

I turned around slowly, only to see Robin and Starfire holding hands and forcing smiles. I've never seen two people so happy before. They don't have a totally serious relationship...even if they have been going out for a long time. I'm so happy for them though. I can't show it, but I am. And I have to reply to them at some point.

"Yeah?"

Robin frowned. "You okay?"

"Yes," Starfire joined in. "Ever since Beast boy left, you spend large quantities of time here." Robin sushed her.

"I'm okay." I answered. "I just never knew how nice it was up here. But I know that sunset is coming up, and its time for you to make out or whatever you do up here." I snickered. "I can take a hint."

Robin's face turned beet red. "We don't make out!"

"But we do kiss." Starfire chimed. He smacked his forehead.

"Aliens." he muttered.

"Oh, Robin." Starfire pouted. I brushed myself off and headed toward the door.

"Have fun." I said bluntly before exiting their paradise. The sunlight was dead inside; darkness engulfing my entire world. There wasn't even a small trickle of light in there. It kind of reminded me of my room. And as depressing as my room was, I needed to go there.

TT

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. What's the use? I can't go on like this anymore." I whispered to no one. I opened my orchid eyes. Hot tears were welling up in them, but I would not cry. I couldn't. Not now. My body shivered sadly, and my head began to throb a little. I couldn't stand going on every day wondering where in the world Beast boy has pranced off to. I sensed that Terra is involved, and I wouldn't be suprised. She'd always tried to tear me away form him. She's pretty good at it, too. The whole nice act really sent Cupid after him. Even after the incident with Slade, he still loved her. And it Drove. Me. Insane.

Why couldn't she have just stayed a rock?

Why did I let him talk me into bringing her back?

Why do I sound like a cheesy love song?

Whatever the reason, I'm stuck. And I won't be able to move forward until he's in my arms. My life is constantly a red light...no matter how many times I hope for it, it just won't turn green. Why did I like him so much? Out of all the...um...people on the planet, I just had to pick him. I'm pretty hopeless right now. I'm in a accidental emotion and I can't get it off my chest until I meet him face to face and tell him. I mean, I would just call him on the phone, but he didn't leave a number or address. You'd think he would have left something for Cyborg. They were like brothers. And now they are complete and total strangers. Never calling or seeing each other. It must be a nightmare for Cyborg. They were the best of friends, and I ruined that for them. No wonder he hasn't talked to me much. No wonder nobody really has. I'm guilty of driving him away, and I'm getting away with it. But my conscience is still clouded. Its misty and I can't see anything. The fog in my mind won't clear up. There hasn't been one sunny, clear day up there ever since he left...and that way he did it still haunts me.

Flashback...

Beast boy stood on the roof of Titans Tower with a small suitcase in his hand. His eyes were sad that night. But he wouldn't cry. He was too brave for that. For once in his life, he didn't try to laugh or crack a joke. Beast boy just stood there; still and quiet. The midnight breeze made him clutch himself a bit...that was the most he moved all night.

"Beast boy?"

He turned around sharply to see me. I didn't really understand what was going on at first, but when I saw that suitcase, that pretty much said it all.

"Beast...boy.." I said weakly. "What's with the suitcase? Were you just going to leave before saying good-bye?"

He sighed. "Raven, I'm sorry. But I have to go."

"Why? We still have plenty of tofu in the frid-" He cut me off.

"No. Tofu has...nothing to do with it."

"Then what does?"

"Nothing." Beast boy grumbled. "Its nothing important."

"Just tell me why you're leaving."

"You know, things to do. People to see."

"Terra." I snapped. "You're quoting Terra!"

"Lots of people say that!"

"Where are you going off to? And where is she?"

"Its none of your business! Leave me alone! Its my turn to fly." Beast boy spat. "Robin, Starfire, Cyborg...you! All of you have had your chances to explore and figure out where you're all supposed to be! Don't you get it? I'm sick of playing the side kick."

"We're all side kicks, Beast boy. Robin is our leader, and we're all side kicks." I retorted. "We're all equal."

"No! I'm the youngest member of this team and everybody just thinks that they can push me around just because I'm younger and smaller." He paused. "Especially you."

Before I could even protest, he morphed into a hawk a flew off with a final word.

"Good-bye, Raven. I wish you'd felt the same."

End flashback.

We ended that with a fight. Out of all the nights I've ever had; stopping my father form destroying the world, defeating monsters from my imagination, knowing Terra had betrayed all of us, Slade trying to show me the prophecy; of all of them, the night Beast boy left was the worst. I felt weird that night. I'd never felt like that before. I think my heart broke. And only Beast boy can patch it back together. That's why I'm on my own trip right now. He had lied; I never did learn how to spread my wings and fly. So now, I'm taking my chance.

I've left the tower with a note behind, and I have no idea where I am now. I think its a forest...a really black one, no doubt. I hear owls and bats screaming insanely. Its eerie, and nothing like home. I miss Titans Tower already. Its warm and safe...surrounded with familiar things. And the total opposite of this forest...

...but I can sense his presence.

Beast boy is near.

I can feel his emotions. They're happy yet terribly sad. I don't understand why he'd be sad. Maybe he actually misses home. His old friends. Not including me, I'm sure. Why would he miss me? He probably hates me. But that isn't going to stop me from trying.

There he is...

and there's the traitor.

They're holding hands and making tofu dogs over a fire. Kissing. They are kissing. And honestly, its making me jealous. They look so happy together, and I know that there isn't a chance in the world for me. I know that Beast boy is twenty three now, and Terra is twenty-five. And a serious relationship has begun for sure. If he's been dating her since he left three years ago, something has certainly devolved. Beast boy turned his head around hastily, but I've already left.

TT

Robin and Starfire are asleep on the couch. Her head is on his shoulder and his head in rested on her's. A old movie is still running on the TV screen. I have nothing better to do, so I'll just watch it until it ends. Its kind of awkward sitting right next to their sleeping bodies, so I just moved to the other end of the couch. Its a black and white picture, but suprisingly calming. This movie has a happy ending and I don't really mind. Life can never be perfect. No matter how much you want it to. Maybe this whole Beast boy experience wasn't such a bad thing. I've learned that there's always more than one person, and that you can't wait to tell. You'll lose them other wise. Now I've lost him...

...because I waited too long.

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Author's Note: Bet that depressed you. Uh...sorry about that. I WAS going to write a happy ending, but they're too predictable. So I just made a sad story. Um...and really short too. If you people really despise it so much than I'll delete this chapter and write happy stuff, but, review anyway. No flames. Please and thank you!

PWG