April 1993
She lies on her side, her heart pounding as she pulls the cover up over her body and closes her eyes in an attempt to ignore everything going on around her.
'Carla, why didn't you tell me?' Michelle asks glancing over at friend curled up in the hospital bed.
'I didn't know.' Carla replies quietly.
'Oh come on, Car... You're not stupid and you seen me going through it all, how could you not know?' Michelle asks.
'Did I look pregnant to you? Do you think I would've been drinking if I had known? I wasn't like you clearly.' Carla replies biting her bottom lip.
'I can't wait to see her and Ryan together... I can just picture them growing up together.' Michelle says smiling as she makes her way over to the little plastic crib.
'I'm not keeping it.' Carla replies.
'What? What do you mean?' Michelle asks.
'I can't keep it, Chelle. How can I raise a baby? I can't. I don't have a job, I don't know how to raise a child. I'd be a shit mum.' Carla says.
'You will not be a shit mum, Carla. No one knows how to be a mum until they are one. Do you think I knew how to be one before Ryan came along?' Michelle replies causing the brunette to sigh.
'Do you want to know the different between you and me? You have parents who love you, you have Dean and you have a family who will support you no matter what. I've seen the way you look at that little boy, I can see how much you love him. I don't feel that.' Carla says.
'Not yet. You don't feel that yet. Another difference is I knew about Ryan for my whole pregnancy; I had the chance to freak out and then get used to the idea. You didn't get that chance. There are so many people who will support you and help you with her... Please just don't make any decisions just yet, not while you're still in shock.' Michelle replies sitting on the edge of the hospital bed.
'I need to go home. I can't leave Ryan with my mum any longer but I'll be back in the morning, okay? Promise me you won't do anything stupid, not until I'm back tomorrow.' Michelle says and Carla sighs. Her eyes flicker over to the plastic crib where the baby is beginning to stir.
'Go home to your baby. I'll see you later.' Carla replies quietly.
She hears the hospital room creak open and footsteps make their way towards her bed causing her to glance up and sigh at the sight of him standing at the bottom of the bed, his eyes flickering between her and the baby in the crib.
'So it's true then.' He says and she nods her head.
'Why didn't you tell me? We could have sorted things out.' He asks.
'I didn't know.' She replies quietly.
'How could you not know?' He asks.
'I don't fucking know but I didn't know, okay?' She replies glancing away from him. Taking a deep breath, he sighs and sits down on the edge of the bed.
'I'm sorry. I just-It's a shock, isn't it?' He says.
'What now? What happens now?' He asks and she shrugs her shoulders.
'T-They'll find a nice family who want it, a family who will love it.' She replies shrugging her shoulders. He reaches for his hand and watches her close her eyes as her head rests back against the pillow.
'W-Would it be such a crazy idea if we were to keep her?' He asks glancing over at the baby.
'I-We can't. How would we even? I can't bring another life into my messed up family.' She replies.
'We could be different. We could make a difference and bring her up differently from how you've been raised. We could do this differently.' He says and she shakes her head.
'And where would I live? I can't take a baby home. It just wouldn't work. It can't work.' She replies and he gently squeezes her hand.
'Stay with me.' He says.
'Because your family would just love that, wouldn't they?' She replies.
'We'll work something out, Carla. Look at her. She's our little girl, our daughter. Can we really live knowing she's somewhere out there in the world with no idea who we are.' He asks.
'What is wrong with me?' She asks quietly causing the nurse to turn around and glance back at her direction.
'What do you mean? There isn't anything wrong with you.' Julie, the nurse, asks causing Carla to sigh.
'Why didn't I know? Surely I should have known that I had something growing inside me.' Carla asks.
'Oh, sweetheart... There isn't anything wrong with you.' Julie replies making her way back over to the bed.
'You probably think I just didn't want to admit that I was pregnant.' Carla says.
'Don't be silly. You're not the first person I've helped who didn't know they were pregnant... And before you say anything, they haven't all been young either.' Julie replies smiling slightly.
'I-I don't even know how to look after her. I don't even think I love her.' Carla almost whispers.
'Not every mother loves their baby straight away. You've had a shock and it'll take you some time to process that so don't worry too much about how you feel towards her just yet. As for looking after her, we can deal with that. We can help you find your feet.' Julie replies.
'Is the dad going to be involved? Have you spoke to him about what's happened?' Julie asks.
'I-That's complicated.' Carla replies biting his bottom lip.
'I'm going to ask you something and it's something that is quite personal but I need you to be honest with me, Carla... Was the sex consensual? Did someone hurt you?' Julie asks and Carla shakes her head.
'No. Absolutely not, it was something we wanted. It just- Things are complicated with the dad, he's my best friend's brother and it was only supposed to be a one time thing.' Carla replies quietly.
'Is he older than you, Carla?' Julie asks.
'Mmm... Only a year older. He wants to keep the baby, be a family but I just don't understand how we can make that work.' Carla admits shrugging her shoulders and Julie nods her head.
'I can arrange for someone to come talk you through your options with you tomorrow. You don't have to make a decision right now.' Julie says.
'Thank you.' Carla replies quietly.