Title: Is It Enough?

Author: JadeHeart Gravitation
Warnings: angst
Author's Notes: These little thoughts are being triggered by Avril Lavigne's song, 'Anything But Ordinary'. The CD is playing in my car at the moment and I've been on the road a lot and I'm one of these people who really can't be bothered changing CDs very often! So every time this song comes on, for some reason I immediately think of Shuichi and Yuki. Thank you for the review Vipergirl and I hope you continue to enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

Chapter 2: Is It Enough To Breathe?

Yuki grimaced as he stretched his long legs. He hated flying. Not because he was afraid or any such nonsense as that, but simply because he found it a drag. The only thing in its favour was that he could afford to fly first class. If he couldn't – well, there was no way you would find him cramming himself into the 'cattle class'!

He shifted to ease his back, propping his chin on his hand, staring out the window. Not that he could see anything. It was dark for one, and at 30,000 feet there wasn't exactly anything worth looking at either. Viewing the scenery was not really an option when flying.

He would be home soon, thank goodness. He had been contacted by his editor to go on a quick book tour for two weeks and he had accepted grudgingly. He wasn't particularly fond of touring. He hated the constant moving, the packing and unpacking in different hotels nearly every night. He got tired of the continuous stream of people pressing in around him, the screeching demands, the pleas, the swooning looks. It all meant nothing to him, and by the end of the time, he would begin to feel that his face would crack if he had to plaster on the fake smile once more.

However he was also fully aware that it was through these tours that his popularity continued to be at an all-time high. The direct contact with his adoring public kept his name and face constantly in mind, and made him seem far more real than many other authors. From that, his readers couldn't help but link his golden good-looks to the romance of his novels and develop their own unique blend of fantasy. As a marketing tool, he had to admit that it did work. From a personal perspective – he despised it.

He reached for his drink and took a sip, feeling the alcohol burn down the back of his throat. Ah, that felt good! He took another sip then glanced at his watch. They would be landing in about half an hour. It would be so good to get off this flying metal can and put his feet back on terra firma. It would be even better once he could walk in the front door of his own apartment, and not another hotel. To finally be able to sleep in his own bed again. What bliss!

He ran a hand through his tangled blond hair. The brat should be coming home today as well. He hadn't told Shuichi that he was going on this book tour, he hadn't seen any point in doing so really. The youth was off on tour with Bad Luck so it's not like he was going to come home early to find an empty house. Yuki felt the hard lump in his jacket pocket that was his mobile phone. It was full of messages from Shuichi, at least one sent every day he had been away. Yuki rarely bothered replying to them, it was just Shuichi telling him what he was doing each day. It was almost as though the brat was talking to him in person, except he didn't have to actually hear the whining voice. There were advantages to this modern technology.

His hand dropped to caress the outline of the phone, fingers closing around the protuberance. He had the urge to pull the phone out and read the messages stored there, something which he did most nights as he lay alone on the bed in the numerous hotel rooms he had been in.

He resolutely dragged his hand away from temptation. He didn't think he could get away with doing it discreetly, and knowing his luck it would cause the plane to crash and then Shuichi would be suitably aggravated with him for dieing.

He smirked a little at the thought. He could just imagine the brat following him to what ever Hell was waiting for him, complaining loudly all the way that it was all Yuki's fault, and it was too hot, the blood would stain the clothes and be hard to launder out, and why couldn't he ever do anything he was told. A morbid chuckle escaped him. Oh, yes, he could imagine the moron doing exactly that!

It was sometimes quite scary just how much Shuichi loved him. He had other people who loved him; Tatsuha, Mika; he grimaced, Tohma. Those people loved him and cared for him – he knew that and accepted it. Probably took it completely for granted as well and wasn't grateful enough for their constant affection over all these years and through everything that happened.

He shifted in his seat, squirming a little at these uncomfortable thoughts. So he knew what it was like to be loved unconditionally, but he had never experience the kind of love that Shuichi showered on him.

He still couldn't believe sometimes that the brat was still with him. He remembered what it had been like at the start. He hadn't understood how or why Shuichi just suddenly seemed to appear in his life. It was completely bizarre. A chance meeting in the park, a comment made, that was it. That was the start of it all. What would have happened, he wondered, picking up his drink again, if he hadn't said anything about those lyrics? If he hadn't picked up that piece of paper? What would his life have been like if he had just walked right by it, right by him?

He stared out at the blackness again, seeing his reflection looking back at him steadily. If he hadn't said anything, then his life would have continued in exactly the same way it had been up till then. Working, playing, nothing would have changed.

But that's not what happened. He did pick up that paper, he did read those words, he did speak to that boy standing before him. And suddenly his life just wasn't the same anymore.

He let out a frustrated sigh. He wanted to get home! He wondered if Shuichi would be there before him or not. All he remembered was that this was the date they would be getting back from the tour. Judging from past experiences, they usually didn't roll in till late so he wasn't expecting Shuichi to be there yet. Then again, the unusual just might happen. It usually did when connected to Shuichi!

He snorted at that thought. Unusual was far too tame a word to be linked with that idiot! How could someone like him end up in his life? It was completely mind-boggling. They came from completely different worlds, from start to finish. He hadn't exactly had a 'happy' childhood and his family could be called dysfunctional at the best of times. Shuichi had come from a normal, although somewhat loud, family, completely middle-class and average. No comparisons there.

He had already established himself as a popular author at the time of their meeting, Shuichi was still a high-school brat with big dreams of being a pop star. They hadn't even been signed up by NG at that point. They were nothing. Yet…..

On that one fateful night their two different worlds collided violently, and just continued to spiral out of control from that point on.

He remembered how dumbfounded he was at Shuichi's insistent presence in his life. Every time he turned around, the kid seemed to be there – all the time. It was chance meetings in the rain, requests to see concerts, being drawn in by the machinations of his family and friends. Hmm, he thought picking up his drink again, feeling the ice cubes clink against his teeth. Perhaps he should blame Mika for it all, and, of course, Tohma. Those two did make a good pair; they were so much alike, always interfering. Perhaps if Mika hadn't got so uptight about him avoiding her requests to return home she wouldn't have engineered that little bit of blackmail with Shuichi to get his demo tape heard by Tohma. That seemed to be the real trigger for everything that happened afterwards. That was when he realized that Shuichi would do things for him, at the expense of himself.

That had been a novelty for Yuki. He had been so used to meeting people who only ever wanted something from him. He viewed every person in that light from the moment he met them. And they never disappointed him. Except…

Except for Shuichi. He didn't want anything from Yuki, never had. He just wanted to be near to him. It was such a strange thing to see and experience. No matter how harsh he was, Shuichi still stayed.

Yuki rubbed his chin absently and pressed the attendant call button. His life had been so organized before. He knew exactly who and what he was, and his place in the world. He knew what people were like, what they wanted, what they expected, what they were after. He could go through life easily armed with that knowledge. He had enough money to live comfortably, he had no great desires or needs. He had no need for witty conversation, he found most people very dull. If he needed anything he could ask his brother or sister, or Tohma. Between the three of them, that covered pretty much all bases, from drinking partners to housecleaner, although Mika would be furious to know that Yuki put her in that bracket. Admittedly though, it was generally Tohma who did a fair bit of that, along with the cooking. He had never told Shuichi that he had learnt how to cook as well as he did from Tohma.

As for bed partners, well, that was never an issue. His unusual looks were enough to usually get them in the beginning, simply for the curiousity of wanting to know if he was a natural blond. He snorted in disgust. People really are so pathetically easy to read. Other than curiousity, he had his pick of who, or what, he wanted to bed due to his fame and fortune. He saw someone he liked, slept with them, and walked away. He made a point of never actually sleeping over, or letting them do so. Immediately after the act, he would excuse himself and leave, or insist they did. They didn't always go quietly, there were quite often tears and pleas but he could ignore those. They never made any great impression on him. There had been a few times when the dalliances ran for longer, a few weeks off and on, but never anything more meaningful. Even those were more for experimentation than really wanting to be with that person long term. He had been content to let his life continue in this way. He didn't have to remember names or faces. He could gain his gratification without those issues muddling things.

He didn't look up when the attendant arrived and silently whisked his empty glass away and replaced it with a full one. Oh, yes, flying first class did have its advantages.

So his life had been comfortably settled at that time. He knew exactly what he was doing in it - there were no surprises. He had made up his mind many, many years ago to never 'need' anyone. He would manage on his own, in his own way. He would live his life exactly the way he wanted to, and to hell with what society or anyone else thought, and that was the way it had been. Until….

Until Shuichi turned up. This idiotic, moronic, loud, noisy brat. Yuki had never had the misfortune of meeting anyone else like this before in his life. If he had, he would have made a point of making certain to not have anything to do with them! So why was it that Shuichi managed to squirm his way into his life, against all his wishes? What was it about that kid that made him want to be with Yuki, and continue to be with him? At first he thought the kid was just plain stupid to put up with all the crap he heaped upon him, but surely no-one was that much of a masochist!

He took another sip, feeling the pressure in the cabin change subtly as they began their descent.

Now, well, it seemed that he couldn't remember a single day that had gone by that he didn't think of that stupid idiot at least once. If it wasn't his music on the radio everywhere he went, it was a phone message, or just something he would see that would remind him of his youthful partner. In fact, nearly everything seemed to remind him of Shuichi!

His fingers twitched around his glass. He was dying for a cigarette! Come on, come on, land, for fuck's sake! He just wanted to get home, have a drink, a smoke and wrap his arms around a lithe body and suck up that warmth for a while. It had been three months and his body was demanding some release!

That one night in the park back then had changed everything for him. It had changed his life completely. Did he want his life back the way that it was? Did he want to go back to that?

He heard the chime and announcement to fasten seatbelts as they would be landing shortly.

He could go back to that life again. It was organized, calm, and he was completely and utterly in control of every portion of it. No-one, and he meant no-one, could control him. That was his life. He wouldn't have to deal with this chaotic, insane, roller-coaster of emotions all the time. He could have his life back to how it had been. He had been living it comfortably; eating, sleeping, breathing. That was his life. He had still been living – hadn't he?

Is it enough to just…..breathe?