Stella glanced around the restaurant as they talked, waiting for their order to arrive. It was fancy, but not overwhelmingly so, with small sconces on the walls rather than large chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and a moderately priced wine list to go with food they would actually eat. Still, the place required semi-formal attire, and she had been surprised he had wanted to bring her here, since his taste normally ran toward the plain and simple.
He reached across the table and took her hands in his with a shy smile. "What do you think?" he asked.
Stella beamed back at him. "Excellent choice, Detective," she grinned. "This place really is great."
"Well, I'm glad you like it," he replied, the shy smile growing a bit more confident.
The waiter arrived with the wine they had ordered and poured two glasses, casting a disapproving glance at their clasped hands. Mac didn't notice, his mind having finally discovered a way to focus on something other than work when he was alone with Stella. But she noticed and raised an eyebrow at the server. He merely frowned and shook his head faintly when his eyes met hers, and with another brief glance at the couple's hands he turned away to check on another table.
Stella directed her attention to Mac's hands holding hers gently across the table. His wedding band caught the light just right and glinted up at her, making something click in her brain.
He's wearing a wedding ring, and I'm not wearing any kind of ring, she realized. It looks like we're having an affair…
She pushed the thought out of her mind and concentrated on what Mac was saying. Who cared what the waiter thought? She and Mac knew the truth and that was enough.
But the critical glanced continued all through dinner, and not just from the waiter. By the end of the evening the couple behind them looked ready to spit venom at the pair when Mac tenderly kissed Stella's cheek as he helped her on with her coat.
She sighed a little and took his arm, allowing him to escort her out of the restaurant and onto the street for the walk home.
"What's wrong?" he asked. His mind may have found a way to relax, but his powers of observation hadn't completely been turned off.
Stella leaned against him, taking his left hand in hers and playing with his ring. "Mac, it's been four and a half years," she told him quietly, trying to be as delicate as possible with the subject. "Why haven't you taken your wedding ring off yet?"
He frowned and looked away. "Come on, Stella, we've been through this. I'm not ready yet."
"It's just..." she sighed again, knowing her words were going to sound petty. "Did you notice the way people were looking at us in the restaurant?"
He shook his head. "How were people looking at us?"
"Like we were doing something wrong," she replied. "You're wearing a wedding ring and I'm not…it looks like we're having an affair…"
Mac frowned again, but met her gaze this time. "Since when do you care what other people think?"
"I don't," she told him. "But we've been seeing each other for a few months now, and you're still wearing your ring. I'm starting to feel like we're having an affair. I feel guilty, like we're sneaking around behind Claire's back…like we are doing something wrong, even though we're not."
"You just need to be patient with me Stella," he said softly.
She squeezed his hand affectionately. "I know…I'm trying. I'll wait as long as it takes. I just," she paused, wondering if she should really articulate her thought. We've always been honest with each other in the past… "I just need to know if there's a light at the end of the tunnel," she finished.
Mac felt himself becoming angry, and he wasn't sure why. "What do you mean?"
"Well, like I said, we've been seeing each other for a few months now, but you still haven't taken off your ring. If we're going to be together, you have to let Claire go eventually…"
"You don't understand, Stella," he told her sharply. "You don't have family, you've never had a boyfriend as close to you as Claire was to me…so you don't know how it feels to lose your soul mate."
His words stung her, and she released his hand. "I don't know how it feels?" she repeated quietly.
"You can't know…" he began.
She stopped him. "You're right," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "I don't know how it feels to lose someone that close to you. I never had a family that loved me, or…or a partner that was close to me…except you. I know how I would feel if I lost you, Mac. I don't know how I'd survive without you. So don't tell me I can't know how much pain you're in, because I can know. I understand what you're going through Mac, because if I lost you, I'd be going through it too. But if you and I are going to be together, you have to make peace with Claire's death. Otherwise," she looked into his blue eyes and lowered her voice to almost a whisper, "otherwise, we'll never make it."
She looked at him silently for a moment longer, then turned and stepped off the sidewalk, hailing a cab.
"Stella, where are you going?" Mac called, following behind.
The taxi pulled up to the curb and she opened the door. "I'm going home," she replied. "This will never work between us until you get things sorted out. And you can't do that with me beside you."
Before he could respond she ducked into the car and sped off, leaving him standing on the curb, stunned and angry…and alone.