"Tears"
By: Cubicle
"What is this?" She asked, touching his face. He turned his cheek towards her hand, relishing the feel of her warmth.
"I don't know." He said lightly. And he really didn't. He couldn't really think straight at that moment.
She pressed her forehead to his, looking down, thoughtful. "What're we doing?" She asked, almost pleading for an answer.
He laughed a bit, wrapping his arm around her waist tighter. "What do you want me to say?"
She bit her lip, something he loved. "I don't know." She said softly, something wholly uncharacteristic of her.
He kissed her lips lightly before admitting with a sigh, "Neither do I."
There was a moment of silence in which they held each other like that until…
"…So what is this?" He pulled away from her, searching deep into those eyes that he knew better than his own. He kissed her gently.
"Nothing." He said against her mouth, feeling his heart clench at the lie but knowing what she needed to hear. "It's nothing."
And when he leaned in for another kiss, he missed that fleeting look of pain that crossed her face.
She tried to cover her mouth to not make a noisebut found that her hands were shaking as she reached the door.
'Stupid.' She berated herself, shouldering her bag. Against her own thoughts, she looked behind her at the sleeping figure on the bed. Clenching her fist so hard that she could feel her nails digging into her palm, she felt disgust at herself well up inside. Fighting back something that felt suspiciously like tears, Lily forced herself to turn that knob and walk out.
Lily shook her head, stopping where she was as she tried to mentally block out that particular memory. Even now, months after the fact, her thoughts always managed to stray back to that. Sighing, she looked around and saw that the temple hadn't changed at all since she had last seen it.
At least some things stay the same. She thought wryly with a smile. The sweaty images flashed through her mind and she stopped smiling, closing her eyes once again to make it all go away. She'd been doing it a lot lately. She continued walking down the wooden porch of the temple, her bare feet sliding over the floor in sweet memories of the times she had spent at this temple since she was four years old.
Laughter around the corner cut off her thoughts and she pressed herself against the wall, feeling rather sneaky and foolish, realizing that it was a habit she had as achild, playing hide-and-seek at the temple. Rolling her eyes at her own behavior, she peeked down the corner.
…just in time to see Mina, her best friend, walk into the temple's Tea Room with a man (no, not even a boy) in tow. Lily's jaw dropped in amused shock. She pushed herself off the corner as the door closed, every devilish and embarrassing moment Mina ever had in mind, ready to be unleashed.
But she stopped short. Even with the dying sun, she could make it out.
Without really thinking about it, Lily went past the tea room, not really hearing the laughter and sounds from inside, her eyes focused on it.
At the only modeling shoot that Lily had been conned into, she managed to ruin her makeup, smudge her dress, and run away within half an hour. She was four, barefoot, and hopelessly lost once she managed to run off the set in the park. It was then that she came upon the funny-looking house with the strange roof and the screen doors.
An old man wearing a robe was sitting on the outside corridor, making silly faces at a small baby in his arms. He had seen her and, with a curious smile, had motioned her to come closer. Cautiously, Lily had approached him before her attention turned to the boy in his lap. The kind old man had asked Lily what she was doing at the temple by herself and she had told him that she was lost and wanted to go home. Sniffling, Lily wished aloud that someone would find her. The old man had smiled at her in his grandfatherly affection and pulled out a strip of paper and pointed to a pretty, pink tree closeby. He told her to write her wish on the paper and hang it on the tree's branches so that the heavens would see her wish and grant it for her.
At the time, Lily's four-year-old mind reasoned that, the closer she was to the sky, the quicker her message would reach the heavens. And so, she had climbed that great tree, snagging her pretty white dress on the branches on the way up. One particular snag, however, wouldn't let her go and Lily had slipped after tying a perfect knot in the highest branch she could reach. She remembered feeling the rush of the air beneath her as the ground got closer in her vision…
And then she had dislocated her shoulder landing on top of a little boy with dark hair and wet cheeks, surrounded by cherry blossoms. Lily had been very scared, thinking that she had killed him. Her little mind worked hard and quick and she recalled the fairy-tales her nannies told her about princesses that woke up when they were kissed by prince charmings. She wasn't a prince, and the boy definitely wasn't a princess but she had kissed him all the same.
And when he opened his eyes, he looked at her with a smile like he knew her… and Lily promised herself that she would never hurt the boy who had saved her. She also knew she would always be safe with the boy known as James when he touched her face and said, "I've found you."
The tree. The place it had started. The place where she met…him. Before she knew it, Lily was standing in front of that cherry blossom tree, its trunk gnarled and large from its years of age. Without thinking about it, she reached out a palm to the tree, feeling the rough veins beneath her fingers. Lily wasn't particularly spiritual, but she had always had a connection to this tree. This place.
It was then that she turned her head, feeling those eyes on her. And she saw him watching her…
He watched her through hazy vision as she tried to catch her breath. Lily caught his eye and, without even thinking about it, he leaned down on the bed, kissing her deeply as she wrapped an arm around his neck, sighing contently. When the kiss finally broke, he planted feather kisses down her neck. Wrapping his arm around her bare stomach, James pressed his face against her hair, whispering incoherent words that only she understood.
At that precise moment that he fell into a gradual slumber, James held on to her tighter, thinking that there truly was no other place he would rather be.
James had wanted to drop by to see Remus. He didn't come here as often, since he usually had issues to deal with at the Ministry but he made an effort when he could to see him.
Turning from his car, he tucked his hands into his pocket and headed for the steps leading up to the temple. He stopped and moved back however, when he saw a couple moving up the same stairway. He recognized little Mina Aino but the other person, a tall man with hair the color of silver, wasn't anyone he knew of. He was about to open his mouth and call out a greeting to Mina when the man let go of Mina's hand and bring his arm around her shoulder in a gesture that was anything but platonic. James quirked an eyebrow and decided not to speak, instead waiting until the duo was out of his sight to continue up the steps.
He didn't particular enjoy walking in on couples. When he reached the top, his eyes, as usual, fell on the cherry blossom tree. It was bare now, but, regardless it held so many memories for him that its appearance did nothing to hinder his reverence for it. Unfortunately, he became very distracted when he saw a head of red hair. She had her back turned to him but he knew by her stance, her body that it was her. And when she placed a hand at the tree's bark, she turned her head slightly, meeting his gaze…
Lily knew it was James before she fully turned around. She always seemed to know whenever he was around since that day they first met, when he found her. It wasn't always a welcome thing. Currently, he stood off in the distance for a moment, just watching her.
"See something you like?" She teased lightly, surprised at how jagged her voice sounded to her own ears.
His eyes seemed to flash something for a moment, before her replied monotonously, "Not really." James' facial expression didn't change but Lily only snorted and rolled her eyes.
"Ease up, James." She said, turning her attention back to the tree.
She heard his footsteps moving closer. "Why are you here?" He asked her back, finding it strange the he preferred talking to her shoulders than to her face.
Not turning around, she replied. "Mina needed a ride back." Not even thinking about it, she smiled. "However, she seemed pretty comfy with that guy so I figured I'd give her a couple of minutes on her own."
"How big of you." He said sarcastically. Lily turned to him sharply.
"I don't think I like your tone." She said lowly, narrowing her eyes at him.
"I don't think I really care." James shot back in a tone that would've shown composure had it not been for the burning bitterness behind it.
In their younger years, this type of banter would've been funny…comical. But, watching it from afar now, Remus couldn't help but shiver from the icy exchange. They had never been like this before. They were Lily and James: James and Lily. Never had a day gone by in the past that they hadn't exchanged words with each other. Even when their parents sent them to vacations on opposite ends of the world, they managed to contact each other and, somehow, someway, even found a way to meet each other up in the Hawaiian Islands...Remus had always wondered how the hell they managed to pull that one off. Looking back and forth between James and Lily from his hiding position, Remus couldn't help but watch…and wonder what on earth had happened to cause so much animosity between the two.
"James, what the fuck is your problem!" Lily suddenly demanded loudly, causing Remus to jump slightly at her tone. Remus shook his head in disbelief. This was so wrong.
"What's my problem?" James repeated, enraged as he stomped towards her. "What the hell is yours?" His face was dark and his forehead creased in a scowl.
"I don't have a problem." Lily retorted hotly. "Unlike some seriously disturbed bastard who seems to be PMSing more than I have in the last three years altogether, I am perfectly happy with myself and don't feel the need to piss off at an old friend."
"'An old friend?' " He repeated once more, voice shaking with fury. Remus watched his best friend close in on Lily's face menacingly. "Is that all I am?"
"Of course it is." She said firmly, meeting his close-range glare with the same amount of intensity. "What else would you be to me?"
"How about a lover?" He snapped. "That should qualify for something shouldn't it?" Remus' jaw dropped as Lily glared at James, furiously clenching her fists, ready to strike but he was still going on, taunting, "Or do one-night stands even count in your book?"
Llily felt her face heat up in frustration and humiliation. "Gee, I don't know James," She replied, voice laced with anger and sarcasm. "How do you rate your bitches?"
"Don't. You. Dare." He hissed harshly at the girl. "Don't you dare, Lily."
"Go to hell." She spat out, bringing her hands up to push back her hair. "It was ages ago, James!" Lily exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. Her face was flushed, her emerald eyes narrowed and glowing with hate and anger. "You even said it yourself." She struggled. "It didn't mean anything then, remember? So why the hell does it matter to you now?"
A vague expression of something passed his expression. Was that pain she saw? But it left as quickly at it came before she could say anything. He licked his lips, silent for a moment. "So you're telling me that it meant nothing to you?" He asked slowly and deliberately.
"I never said that." She snapped quickly. Too quickly.
"Oh? Is that so?" He demanded eagerly, catching her. "So you just felt like fuck-"
Any further crude and half-thought comments he was planning to make were cut off by the sharp slap the girl before him delivered against his cheek. He touched his injured face and glared at her through angry hazel eyes. She scowled back with hurt and pained emerald eyes. It wasn't until that he saw that they were filled with tears that had been unshed for almost a year did he realize he had crossed the line.
He backed away slowly, breathing hard, his dark eyes not wavering their gaze on her shaking body. He backed himself until he felt the bark of the huge tree and he slid down, collapsing until he felt the rough roots beneath him. James closed his eyes, breathing heavily and mentally counting to ten, trying to calm himself. When he looked up, he saw the red-head sitting down like him, knees gathered to her chest, wrapped in her own arms as she rocked herself slowly, shoulders shuddering.
For some strange reason, James found himself searching his expanse memory with this red-haired angel for a time when she had cried. In the thirteen or so years that he recalled her being at his side, he could only find one time.
It was at the accident years ago, when Sirius had been involved in the crash. They always referred to it as the crash; it was just that heinous. They were just stupid kids at the time, doing stupid things that they swore they would withstand. They were young. They were invincible.
But when they saw Sirius' body fly out the motorcycle, they realized that they were so wrong.
They were in the hospital together, waiting. They were waiting for Mina or Remus to come see if they were okay...or for Mr. and Mrs. Potter to arrive...or for some news from the doctors. Just anything to change the torturous waiting pace. They were sitting in the waiting room side-by-side, he remembered. His leather jacket hung over her shoulders as she leaned on him for physical and emotional support. With the happenings in the past hour, James was afraid she would've collapsed. However, she was still awake, leaning on his shoulder with wide and tired eyes that refused to close until any news was brought about her friend's condition. And then doctor came in. It was like an out of body experience as he watched the doctor deliver the news that Sirius had slipped into a coma. Lily suddenly turned into a rag doll right before his eyes.
She had slumped forward, losing her footing as her legs gave way and her head dropped lifelessly as he rushed forward to hold her up. She sobbed into his chest and they held on to each other for dear life. She held on to him, her pillar of support and protection.
He couldn't help but scoff at the memory. The only time he could remember the woman crying and he was the one comforting her in it. And now…
He looked over at the angel with tears rolling down her face. He had caused those tears. He had scarred that beautiful face with the liquid remnants of pain that she had been holding back for the longest.
James gazed at the vision of beauty that he knew for more than half his lifetime that sat a mere three steps in front of him. And yet...
He had never felt so far away from her.
When James had been much much younger, their mother had often taken him to his paternal grandfather's temple. She was often at peace in the temple and both children enjoyed the company of their robust grandfather who would've done just about anything to see them smile. And when they did come to the temple, James had always felt an affinity with that cherry blossom tree that had only grown with age. He thought it very peaceful, remembering his mother sitting under that tree with him. He thought it funny that he remembered her best that way, under the tree, only a few weeks before she died fighting.
Even then, although he had been a very young child, around five at the time, he had felt that something was wrong with his mother. When he had tried to confront her, she had smiled at her son's maturity and admitted that yes, she was in grave danger and that James would have to learn to take take of himself.
LeAnna Potter had smiled at her young son and, with a kiss on his forehead, promised to send him an angel to help him through whatever trouble he might have. After she died, James had gone to the same tree in a subconscious effort to try and reclaim whatever essence of his mother had been left behind in its bark. It was spring and the blossoms were coming off the branches in their prime. It was then and there at that point that he heard a cry from the heavens. Later in life, James would remember falling to the ground, blacking out, and spraining his wrist. And he would remember opening his eyes only to look into a pair of curious emerald orbs on the pale face of a young red-head who wore a pretty white dress torn at the hem, the after-noon sun hovering just behind her.
He came to the conclusion that she was the angel his mother had promised him. Her name was Lily. And he knew then and there, that he'd never love anyone else.
She was his angel, he was her prince. She promised to keep him safe and he promised to love her. But she hurt him when she was in pain and began to hate her for not loving him. They were each other's heaven. Their soulmate.
If only they'd catch each other.
Author's Note: I enjoyed writing this, despite it being a very mysterious one-shot. Also slightly AU. It's an interesting fic, emotional, hopefully heart-breeakingly so. I wanted to write a one-shot that was different, something no one else had written before, and I came up with this. Original, perhaps. Do review, please. I'd like to hear from you.
Dedication: To Joanna, my best friend. Rock on, girl! She's just so amazing. Without her, this would have never been written or posted.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Harry Potter. That belongs to JK Rowling and the many Harry Potter book publishers, including but not limited to Warner Bros and Bloomsbury Books.