Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation…or the song 'What Hurts the Most'
Yuki sat on the couch in his dark apartment, staring at the open door, the door Shuichi had run out of a little over an hour ago. Still, Yuki couldn't bring himself to close it. They had gotten in a fight again, the worst fight they'd ever had. It was all Yuki's fault, and he knew it.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
Shuichi had been out late practicing with the band again, and Yuki didn't like to be kept waiting. So, when the young musician walked in, Yuki attacked him with questions. "What kept you? Why didn't you come home when you said you would? Why are you such a damn brat?"
Damn brat. Damn brat. Damn brat. Shuichi couldn't take it anymore. He yelled at Yuki, asking him why. Why he could never earn Yuki's love in return. Why Yuki never even tried to love him. He packed his bag and ran, and Yuki never once tried to stop him.
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
Now, more than an hour later, the effects starting hitting Yuki. Hard. He never cried. Not until tonight.
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though goin' on with you gone
Still upsets me
Why had he let him leave? Why was he so cold and cruel to not even care to stop Shuichi when he had the chance? These questions raged through Yuki's mind as he hated himself more and more.
There are days every
now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
Yuki didn't close the door to his apartmart, wanting…hoping that Shuichi would come back to him. He wanted to see Shuichi come walking through that door, telling him he never meant to run away. That it was all a joke. But it wasn't.
What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
There were so many things left unsaid. Things like "I love you" and "I need you". Things Yuki kept hidden because he never thought those things needed to be said. He thought Shuichi just knew them all along. Now it was all over.
And never knowing what could've been
Shuichi accused Yuki of never even trying to love him. But he did.
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
'I guess I didn't try hard enough' he thought. The rain still poured. The door still remained open and the doorway empty.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
Three days later, Yuki was walking through the park, trying to clear his mind. He wanted to clear his mind of Shuichi. Of that pink hair and that lovely voice. He wanted to forget, but he just couldn't.
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Yuki felt guilty. He felt regret and grief and shame. When Shuichi walked out that door, so did his happiness. So did his reason for living.
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
He went home then. His heart felt as empty as a drum. When he entered his dark apartment, he noticed a note on the kitchen counter. He picked it up and read it, his heart sinking with every word.
What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
It was a note left by Shuichi. It read:
Yuki,
I'm sorry I couldn't be enough.
-Shuichi
That was it.
And never knowin' what could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
He dropped the piece of paper and watched it flutter to the floor. He then walked to the door. He stood there a moment, feeling his cold heart finally break to pieces.
And then he shut the door.
A/N: Okay! So I'm not the best songfic writer. This is my first one so please, NO FLAMES. I'm still working on becoming somewhat of a good writer.