Chapter 18:

I was told when Harry woke up, but I couldn't bring myself to face him. If I had been stronger, I might have seen the path Sirius was going down and could have prevented Harry from becoming an orphan and having to live such a hard life. If I hadn't tried to find Sirius on my own, I could've been at the match to protect Harry from the dementors. I tore at myself over and over, feeling worse with how much I failed Harry and failed Lily and James. I avoided Harry for weeks, but kept a close eye on the chain, waiting for the moment when he truly needed me.

Remus found me before the Christmas Holiday break and confronted me about not being around Harry. "Harry is hearing Lily's screams and her begging for his life when the Dementors attack him. It is beyond cruel for him to have to hear that." "Yes, it is the worse thing…" "You must not blame yourself, Phoebe, it is no fault of yours." "I should have told the truth back then, perhaps if I had, Harry's life would be so different." "What truth? Are you hiding something?" I blinked, I truly had never spoken of my past to anyone except Dumbledore. The others never knew who I truly was. "I guess it doesn't matter now, I just hope you won't blame me as I already blame myself." he touched my shoulder and smiled gently. "I would never blame you for something you had no control over."

"Remus, I am not who you think I am." his eyes shown he was curious, but also worried. "And just who are you?" "My name is not Ice. It's Riddle." his eyes went wide, he took a couple steps back, looking me up and down. "I am the daughter of the Dark Lord. My mother was crazy about him, but I believe she was just crazy. How could she care for that monster. I told Dumbledore about my past and he accepted me, regardless. Remus, I am not my father, I hold no love for him, nor do I believe in anything he believes in. I believe he is the worse possible human being, if he is that anymore. Please believe I never knew he was after James and Lily, let alone Harry. When I found out he was after them, I was so scared he would out me as his flesh and blood to you all, I didn't know what you would think of me once you knew."

The bridge was silent, he just stared for a while, his eyes giving away the betrayal. "You're his daughter? And you hid this from your friends from the moment we met? You have been lying to us since day one? Lily and James died because you were too scared to tell us the truth?" he stormed off, still mumbling to himself. I sank against the column, realizing that was how everyone would react to finding out who I was. I was truly cursed to be his child, forever alone and betrayer of friends. I was a spineless fool. I allowed myself to sit there, beginning to freeze until my eyes were dry and my head was clear.

I tried to find Lupin, but he had taken to avoiding me at all cost, Harry also seemed to be out of my reach and I felt more alone than ever before. I was poking at my dinner plate, it was the last weekend before the holidays, I would have a break from teaching, although I didn't feel like I should come back after the holidays. I felt so out of place, I was like a disease, a plague. I jumped when someone sat beside me, looking up to see if it was Lupin, but instead Severus was glaring at me. "Could you look more pitiful?" I shrugged and looked around, seeing Remus walk in, see me and turn to go to the other end of the table, not meeting my eyes. "I have a habit of driving away everyone who seemed to like me. Perhaps I should just resign and leave." I mumbled, not thinking Snape was actually listening.

"Don't be a fool. Act like an adult. Not a child." I blinked, he seemed like he was trying to comfort me…a tiny bit. "What do you want? We have never gotten along." he continued to eat as if I hadn't said anything to him. We ate in silence, but it was awkward, it was nice to be able to not have to answer questions, just eat and not feel like I didn't belong. When I finished, he waved his plate away and stood up, "I'll not be doing this again, so stop acting like an infant." and he walked away, leaving me sitting there all alone again. I knew he was just acting like that because he felt sorry, but it was nice to have company that didn't eye me like I was about to turn evil and kill everyone.

I noticed the red-haired twins outside with Harry as I left the Great Hall, I smiled, at least he had company since he wasn't allowed to go to Hogsmeade. I blinked, I was his god-mother, I could sign his form….but he isn't supposed to know that I am his god-mother. I sighed and turned around, walking another path so not to run into them, I didn't want to ruin his mood, he seemed a bit happy. I walked down to the lake, feeling worried about my place here, I knew Dumbledore would never ask me to leave, but I wasn't so sure it was a good idea anymore. I felt eyes on me and turned around, expecting to see someone headed for me, but it seemed I was alone.

I stared out into the water, thinking about how wrong I was about Sirius, he had betrayed his friends, sided with my father and helped murder James and Lily. I could still picture his face, so young and childish, turning into the man that stole my heart as a young girl. I was also hurt by his betrayal, it broke my heart and made it like a stone against him. Yet I found myself thinking of him often and wasn't sure how to handle it, I couldn't care for him as he was on the wrong side, he chose the Dark Lord over his friends and helped end their lives…he was unlovable. I was caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear someone calling for me, let alone heading straight for me.

I whipped around, catching the hand about to touch me, snapping out of my mind and held my wand at his throat. "Phoebe, calm down. It's me." I let my eyes focus and saw it was Remus, I released him and stood up, brushing my pants off. "S-sorry. I wasn't paying attention." "I can see. However, I would like to apologize to you." I looked at him, he seemed very tired, I could tell he was getting close to the full moon, to his transformation. "What is it you need to apologize for?" "For the way I reacted to you revealing your past, and for how I have treated you. I was just very surprised and didn't handle it properly." I shrugged. "I'm used to getting that reaction, it's understandable because of who my father is."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Still, I could have been more pleasant about it. I hope you aren't too angry with me." I shook my head, telling him I wasn't mad. "Harry reacted similar, until I tried to get him to understand that I couldn't face my father. He still isn't sure about how to treat or even feel about me. But you have known me for our entire school lives, even after. I was more hurt than angry that you thought I could ever hurt Lily or James. I cared for them as family, they were more my family that my father will ever be." we sat and talked for a while, until dust came and he excused himself, I went back to my room and just thought about what the future was going to hold for Hogwarts and Harry Potter.