Chapter 23: The Holidays Begin
She took one look at my hand before pulling out her wand and began to conjure up things she would need to begin the healing of my hand. "Forgive me, I am to blame, I surprised her and the magic got away from us both." Dumbledore explained, but I could see his eyes searching me, trying to see why I was so shocked…I wasn't easily surprised. She placed a thick smelly ointment on my hand before carefully wrapping it up, from my wrist to each of my fingers being separately wrapped. She gave me more of the cream and told me to change it at least twice a day.
"After the Holidays, I would like to see how it is healing. Let us hope you don't have any nerve damage in it. It could cause issues with spell-casting and control of magic. Are you leaving the school for the holiday?" I nodded and she shook her head, but told me a bunch of rules that I was to follow while gone. When she took her leave, Dumbledore spoke in a gentle tone. "I was not aware that you would be leaving for the holidays." I smiled and gave him a shrug.
"I got a letter from my mother, she has asked that I return home for the holidays to visit with her. Very last minute, as it everything with her. If I could avoid it, I would… but she has been very direct that I must return." he thought for a moment before giving a glance around and then replied to me, "Do you believe it is about your father?" I blinked, confused. "Headmaster…my father is dead and will never be coming back. If the reason she wishes to see me is about that man, I will leave and never speak to her again. She knows how I feel about him."
He seemed to believe me and excused himself and I went back to my room without meeting anyone else. I gathered up some clothes and other things I would need to keep up the charade of me visiting my family. I let Rain from her cage and she gave me a sharp peck on my shoulder for keeping her cooped up. "Forgive me girl. But I'm leaving for the holidays and won't be back for a couple weeks. Would you like to come along? Or be free for a while?" I opened the window and stepped back, allowing her to decide for herself.
She rubbed her beak against my cheek before flying out the window and disappearing into the fading light. I chuckled, of course, she would be a bit angry with me because of this. But I knew she would return when I did, she was always there for me without fail. I grabbed a last few things and locked my door to my room, along with a few extra protection charms to keep everyone else out. I had my bag across my back and chest, big enough for a extended stay at a family, but not too big as I wouldn't be hindered by it.
I was almost free to sneak back to the willow when Remus's voice found me. "Phoebe, hold on please." I sighed and turned, unsure of what to tell my friend about Sirius and where I was going. "Hey Remus, caught me before I left I see." he walked over to me and smiled, "I didn't know you were leaving for the break." I nodded and explained about my mother wanting to see me. His face changed to a grim look as he asked, "Is it about your father?" I scoffed and shook my head. "I've already been grilled about him by Dumbledore. I don't need it from you too. Only three people know about my father and I don't want to have to explain myself to all of you." "Three?" I blinked, had he forgotten that Harry also knew.
"Ah, yes, you've explained it to Harry. How it slipped my mind, I'm not sure." "Remus, you have a lot on your mind and shoulders always. It's alright." I turned and we fell in step with each other as we continued to talk. "I'm sorry for jumping to your father instantly. It's just a big adjustment." "How do you think I felt when I was first told about him." he waited for me to speak about it, but I gently shook my head, stopping. "I know you understand and accept that I'm not like him. However, I'm not quite ready to be so open with speaking about him. Forgive me."
He waved my apology away and bid me farewell before he left and had to get ready for his transformation. I turned and waited for him to leave, the sun was gone now, it was pitch black, clouds blocking the stars out. Once I was sure I wasn't being watched, I disillusioned myself and went for the willow. I dodged and weaved through the swinging branches until I dropped into the hole. Silently I made my way through the path and into the shack.
Sirius wasn't waiting for me there as I quietly made my way upstairs to the bedroom. I paused, unsure of what I was even doing. This was Sirius Black, a known murderer…but I didn't believe that. My heart was telling me that he was telling the truth, that he would have died before giving them up. I peeked through the hole in the door and saw Sirius pacing the ground, mumbling to himself. I strained my ears, listening hard to catch his words.
"Come on man, she won't be returning. Look at yourself, what does she even see? I'm a fugitive, set to receive the kiss, I'm not going to live long enough for her. She is beyond my reach, she's probably run back to the others and they will be on their way here to lock me up." he paused and sat on the edge of the bed, shaking his head. "She would never turn me in…not after what happened here. It was amazing, the greatest feeling I've had in 12 years. I haven't been this happy since the last time I saw her…before it happened."
I smiled to myself and knocked on the door, hearing him shuffle to rush to open it. "You're back!" he grinned at me and pulled me into a tight hug, as if he was really worried I wouldn't. when he finally released me, I could see how happy he was by the twinkling in his eyes. "Yes, I am. I'm still not sure why though." he frowned and backed a few steps away. I held up my hands to stop him before explaining. "Please, let me explain." he gave me a small nod and I was happy he was at least giving me the chance. "I do believe you are telling the truth about not betraying us. However, I'm unsure as to why I came back when you have no intention of allowing me to help you."
"I told you why I don't want you to help, Phoebe." he repeated and I rolled my eyes, pointing my wand at him. "In case you had forgotten, I am not a little first year to push around. Not that you ever did that, even then you couldn't handle me." I smirked and the twinkle in his eyes met my challenge. "Anyways, I have a wand, I have access to the castle. I can be helpful for proving your innocence. Just please, let me help." I crossed the room and took his hollow face in my hands, "Sirius, please. I don't want you to receive the kiss. Even after all these years, all the bad things I have thought about you, things I was told you did….I still care about you deeply."
His hands find mine and he pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. "Oh god, to hear those words from your lips is so unbelievable. I fear I may be dreaming and awake and you'll be gone." I pressed my lips to his in a short kiss before taking a step back. "Sirius, I'm not a dream, nor will I be leaving for anytime right now. I am staying…under the condition that you allow me to help." he finally gave in, saying as long as I stayed out of danger, I could assist. I took out some snacks from my bag, remembering to grab them as he was so skinny.
"Aren't you eating?" he asked and I shook my head, pushing my plate to him. "I ate before I left, this is for you." he went to protest but I held up my hand, pressing my fingers to his lips. "Please, don't fight. Save your strength and just eat, silly." he nipped at my fingers before turning back to his food, but the smile was gone from his face. "I know I must look horrible. That place doesn't care about your well being. It's awful. 12 years, I've waited for this chance, to prove my innocence, to get revenge for James and Lily." I shook my head and rubbed his shoulders as he continued to eat.
I rubbed his body until he had his fill of the food and turned to face me, sighing deeply. "You are so beautiful, Phoebe." I smiled and pulled him against me, noticing how boney he was against me, it caused my heart to ache. "Sirius, are you going to let me be your eyes and ears in the castle?" "Phoebe, I already have that covered. Plus I can get in also." "Yeah, as a big black dog that sticks out. I am a Professor, I can go just about anywhere." I explained and he sighed, looking up at my face from my lap.
"If I can't do it myself, or with my help I have already. Then yes, you will be the person I call." I blinked, he had help already? I tucked that question away for now and continued, "And you're not going to tell me who really betrayed us?" he nodded and I blew out a breath. "Well what can I do then? I feel useless." I whispered and he sat up, turning and taking me into his arms and wrapping me tight against him. "Phoebe, you are never useless. Never think that. It's just not your problem. You have a great life right now. A professor, a powerful witch. Why would you want to mess that up by getting involved with me? I mean, you could've just went and seen your family like you say you are."
I sighed, I needed to tell him, about my family…but I just couldn't. It was my father that is the cause of our friends deaths, of the reason he was locked up for 12 years, my blood was the same as my fathers, cold and evil. I was just a coward for not trusting them sooner and then I could've protected them, helped save them all. "Phoebe?" I blinked, not realizing that I was crying as Sirius wiped my tears away. "What's wrong?" I shook my head so fast that my hair flew all over, hiding my face from his eyes and I pulled away from him.