Ok, I'm hoping that some of you are still with me. My last chapter went over like a lead balloon! It got a bunch of hits, but only a couple of reviews. Was it that bad? Maybe I don't want you to answer that! Anyway, thanks to those of you who reviewed. I hope there are others of you who will at least give me another chance and read this chapter.
One thing I want to make clear is that in my 24, S5 world, Tony and Michelle are alive and well and living in some suburb of LA or maybe they moved some place safe like Cleveland. I love the show and always will but since this is fanfiction, in my stories I can change the storyline any time I like.
The Debriefing: Epilogue
12:55
Audrey
Jack was sleeping so peacefully that Audrey hated to disturb him. His face was scraped in a couple of places and he desperately needed a shave. She couldn't help but think about how handsome he was. She preferred his hair a little longer, but the close cropped looked made him rugged and sexy. She couldn't help but remember what it had been like to be with him; to make love with him. Despite his strength and his ability to torture and maim and, yes, even kill when the situation warranted, he was a gentle and tender lover. She smiled when she remembered their first night together. It had all started so innocently. He was driving her home and the next thing she knew they were waking up together the next day. She was an aggressive lover and that didn't seem to bother him. She had learned years ago that only men who were really secure in their masculinity would allow her to be in charge of their lovemaking without challenging her, even Paul challenged her. It was one of the things that really bothered her about him.
Audrey took a step closer to Jack's side. She wanted to touch him but something was holding her back. She didn't know what it was. She didn't know why she was so afraid. Jack still loved her. Diane had told her that and he admitted it. What had he said? "I never stopped loving you, not for a second." That was pretty heady stuff. To think that over the last 18 months that he hadn't forgotten about her and moved on told her something about this man. If nothing else, he was sincere. Eighteen months ago, when he told her that he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he was serious.
Unfortunately, Audrey wasn't quite sure that she loved him back. In point of fact, she wasn't sure that she had ever really loved him. This morning when he told her that he still loved her, she suddenly was very sure that she loved him, too. That was when she was also sure that by this time today, Jack Bauer would be back in hiding, living under an assumed name. It was safe to love him knowing that he wasn't going to be anywhere near her. Now that the matter with the Chinese was cleared up and Jack had his life back, Audrey was going to have to make some decisions. In fact, she had already made the decision. If Jack spent the last 18 months in hiding thinking about her and loving her, then she was going to love him back. If he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, then that was what she was going to do. It seemed the least that she could do for him after all he had sacrificed for everyone else. And it wasn't exactly going to be a hardship. She could certainly do worse. Jack was a wonderful man and she cared deeply for him. She suspected that she would learn to love him. On top of it all, her father would be thrilled. He loved Jack like a son and had taken his "death" very hard. He was ecstatic when he learned that Jack was alive and couldn't wait to see him.
Her decision made, Audrey reached out and touched Jack's arm. "Jack," she whispered. "Jack, it's Audrey. Can you open your eyes?" The doctor had warned her that he would probably be pretty sleepy since he had been given the pain reliever just a little while earlier. "Jack, can you wake up for me?" she asked. This time she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it. Jack opened his eyes slowly.
"Hey," he whispered. "What are you still doing here? I thought you'd be getting some rest." The fog was beginning to clear from his mind and Jack sat up a little straighter. The pain in both his side and his leg was considerably less that it had been.
"I just finished up and I wanted to see you before I went home. We really didn't have a chance to talk."
"No, I guess we didn't," Jack said. "When are you leaving for Washington?"
"I live here now, in LA," Audrey told him.
"Really? When did you leave DC?"
"About a year ago. An opening came up for the Inter-agency Liaison here on the west coast so I decided to take it."
Jack looked confused. "You were your father's senior policy advisor. Why would you give that up?"
Audrey shrugged vaguely. "I'm not totally sure. I had a couple of reasons. Maybe I just needed a change of scenery. I guess there's more to it than that but I can't explain it."
"Are you at CTU a lot?"
"No, this is the first time I've been here since… since that day. I work with agencies all over the wet coast so I'm not always in LA. I live here but I spend a lot of time traveling. Most of my contact with CTU Los Angeles is through Division."
There was a lull in the conversation and the ensuing silence was awkward.
"I talked to Dr. Ingram. He said you wouldn't need any surgery. That's good news," Audrey said as she looked for ways to fill the void.
Jack nodded. "I'm happy about it. I wasn't looking forward to knee surgery," he said with a wry smile. "I should be able to leave later today. The doctor is just waiting on a knee brace."
"I saw Kim before she left. She said that you were going to stay with her for a while."
"Yeah, I am."
"That's great. I'm happy that she isn't angry with you. I know how much she means to you."
"We still have to work some things out, but I think we'll be okay," Jack said nodding knowingly. "I'm not sure what caused her change in attitude since I first saw her. Maybe she just needed to get past the shock, but whatever it was I'm glad that it happened."
"I think Chloe had a little talk with her. That was part of it. And I think at some point later on, when you were out in the field and we didn't know if you were going to come back, she realized what a gift she'd been given. She has a father who loves her more than anything in the world and even if she didn't understand your reasons and she was angry with you, she didn't want to lose you again. She wanted a chance to love you back."
The room was quiet again; neither one knowing what to say. For the second time, Audrey broke the silence.
"I just got off the phone with my father. He said to tell you 'hello'. He's so happy that you're alive."
"How's your father doing?"
"He's well. Thanks for asking. He's busy, as usual. He's hoping that he can get out here to the west coast next week to see you."
"That would be great. I'd love to see him. Your father's a good man, Audrey. I'm proud to have had the chance to serve under him," Jack told her sincerely.
"He was hoping that you might consider working for him again, but I talked to Bill a little while ago. He said you're going to come back and take over field operations."
"It was nice of your father to consider hiring me again, but this way I can stay in LA and stay close to Kim."
"Are you excited about coming back to work here?" Audrey asked.
"Yeah, I am. I wasn't expecting Bill to offer me a position. Before he came in and talked to me I was laying here wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life." Jack smiled at her. "How do you feel about my coming back here, Audrey?"
"Jack, you need to do what makes you happy. I told you before that you belong here, that it's what you do best."
"You also told me that you couldn't love me because of that. I think your exact words were 'it wouldn't work'," Jack reminded her. He wasn't sure why he decided to remind her of that and he wasn't sure why he had let such a cold edge to find its way into his voice. Maybe it had to do with how much those words had hurt him. For the last 18 months he had tried to forget those words, to forget that Audrey couldn't love him because of how she perceived him. She didn't understand that who he was and what he did were two entirely different things. He truly was the kind and gently soul that she claimed she loved. Unfortunately, circumstances made him do things that she didn't like. She didn't understand that it would never be his choice to torture someone or to let them die, as he had Paul. That wasn't in his nature. He did those things only when the circumstances warranted.
Audrey turned away and walked toward the window. "I'm not proud of what I said that night, Jack. I was angry and tired and, probably, in shock from everything that had happened. I said things that I wish I could take back. I'm sorry, Jack. I never wanted to hurt you."
"Are you sure of that?"
"Of what? Do you think I said those things intentionally to hurt you?" Audrey asked incredulously.
"I thing at that moment you were lashing out at me in any way you could. You knew that you couldn't physically hurt me so you used the only avenue you had open to you. It was an emotional hit that was carefully placed and it worked. I don't blame you for that, Audrey. You had every reason to want to hurt me. I just think you should be honest with yourself."
Tears filled Audrey's eyes. "Maybe you're right, Jack. At that moment I was so angry that maybe I did want to hurt you, but I regretted it as soon as I said it. God knows that for the last 18 months those words haunted me. It took me a while to understand what kind of hard decisions you had to make that day and how quickly you had to make them. If you want to know the truth, I don't think I really understood until yesterday. I spent all day yesterday watching Bill and Lynn McGill, for a while, and the president make some really tough decisions. Some of them I agreed with and others I didn't, but by the end of the day, I understood what it took to make those decisions. I think I understand you now better than I ever have before. "Jack, what I'm trying to say," Audrey started as she sat down on the edge of his bed, "is that I'm sorry. I know that I hurt you and I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me."
Jack reached out and drew her into his arms taking care not to jar his ribs. "I told you before, Audrey, I never blamed you for what you said. You had every right to be angry with me and hate me. There's nothing to forgive."
Audrey rested against his warm body wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms. She felt young and vulnerable and she wanted someone to care for her. The two rested against each other for several minutes without speaking. This time the silence was more comfortable.
"Audrey," Jack said quietly and he pulled away from her and lay back against the pillow. "Have you ever really thought about our relationship?"
"Jack, the truth is that I've spent the last 18 months trying to forget it. It was too painful to think about it. It was too painful to think about you."
"I know that, but right now, if you think about it objectively, what do you remember most about our relationship?"
"What are you trying to get at, Jack?"
"I want you to think about it, about us. What was it like?"
"Our relationship?"
"Yes."
"It was great."
"What was great about it?"
"Is this some kind of game? I'm too tired for games, Jack. What are you getting at?" Audrey asked. Her tone more than hinted at her exasperation at Jack's line of questioning.
"I told you. I want you to think about our relationship. Tell me what was great about it. What do you remember the most about it?"
"I remember all the time we spent together. I remember watching movies in bed and making love. I remember the first night we spent together. Is that good enough for you?"
"Audrey, listen to yourself. You remember watching movies in bed and making love and our first night together. Everything you remember is physical. You don't remember spending an evening with friends or going to dinner and the theater or going on vacation and lying on the beach watching the waves and talking about our hopes and dreams for the future. You don't remember me comforting you when you were upset or laughing together over something silly. You don't remember those things because none of them happened. Our relationship consisted of spending the night at your place or mine. We'd order out food or cook something quick and then hop into bed. Sometimes we didn't make it to bed. We just had sex wherever we were at the moment."
"I don't remember you complaining about that at the time."
"Then you weren't listening. I wanted to go to your father and tell him about us so we could do all of those other things, but you refused. You were worried about how it would look and how he would perceive it. So instead of having a real relationship, what we had was an affair."
"Nobody was forcing you to stay in the relationship, Jack. You were welcome to leave at any time. I came home late more than once and found you lying in my bed. You seemed more than happy when I got in beside you in some slinky little piece of lingerie," Audrey snapped defensively.
"I'll be the first one to admit that the sex was great. And for a while, I guess I was confusing it with love. Yeah, you're right, I could have gotten out at any time. I probably should have."
"So you were using me?"
"Maybe I was. I didn't see it that way at the time. The truth is, Audrey, I'm not sure that we weren't both using each other. At that point in our lives, you needed me as much as I needed you."
"What about this morning? You told me that you still loved me. Were you lying to me?"
"No, part of me still loves you and probably always will. Part of me wants us to try again."
"Where do we go from here, Jack?"
"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I honestly don't know, Audrey."
Audrey stood and again turned to face the window. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," Jack answered almost imperceptibly.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I understand if it's too personal." Audrey stopped for a moment as if waiting for Jack to say something. When he didn't, she continued. "When I interviewed Diane Huxley, she said that you rented a room from her."
"That's true," Jack affirmed.
"I got the feeling that there was more to it than that. I got the feeling that the two of you had some kind of relationship. She referred to you and herself and her son as 'a family'."
"When I got the job with the oil company, I needed some place to live. The foreman gave me Diane's name and said that she sometimes had a room to rent. The room was available and I took it." Jack's eyes moved to some distant place that only he could see. "After I moved in, I started to help around the house and help Derek with his homework. Pretty soon I was eating dinner with them every night and sometimes Diane and I would watch a movie together or take a walk in the evening. We would go and watch Derek play baseball with his rec league team. A couple of times we took Derek and a friend or two to the beach. The kids would surf and Diane and I would just walk along the shore. She liked to pick up shells and interesting stones. Nothing exciting or romantic, just ordinary things. I guess we did become a family." Jack couldn't help but smile. He liked that Diane thought of them as a family. Deep down, in a part of him that he didn't allow to rise to the surface very often, that was what he wanted. He knew it was a pipedream, but he wanted for them to be a family, maybe even to have a family.
"So you did all those things with Diane that you didn't do with me."
"Yes," Jack said almost wistfully. "We were never intimate, Audrey, if that's what you're asking. We made a decision that we wanted to set a good example for her son. A friend of his had already been caught having sex with a girl down the street while her parents weren't home. We felt that it was important to show him that a man and a woman could have a good relationship without it becoming sexual."
"That was noble of you," Audrey said with a hint of sarcasm.
"It wasn't meant to be noble, Audrey," Jack answered without trying to hide his irritation. "It was the right thing to do. I've raised a teenager, remember. They have a lot of bad influences in their lives. Diane and I decided that we needed to be a good influence for Derek."
The previous awkward silence returned but didn't last long before Audrey braced herself and asked her next question. "Do you love her?"
Jack thought for a moment before he answered. "I never really thought about it. I knew that I cared for her."
"She loves you," Audrey said matter-of-factly.
"Did she say that?"
"She didn't have to. I knew it by what she said. She knew you were keeping secrets from her but that she was willing to live because you were good to her. Any woman who feels that way about a man is in love with him."
"Men haven't been very nice to Diane over the years. I think she was probably just responding to the fact that I had been nice to her."
"No. Trust me, Jack. Diane loves you. I could see it in her eyes."
Jack looked away. He wasn't sure what to say.
"She's a smart woman. She knows a good man when she sees one," Audrey said with a wry smile. "Maybe she's a lot smarter than I am."
The room went silent again. This time the silence was nearly deafening and both Jack and Audrey found it almost unbearable.
"You never answered me when I asked how you felt about my coming back to CTU," Jack said quietly without looking up.
"Yes, I did. I said that you needed to do what made you happy," Audrey said softly.
"That doesn't tell me how you feel."
"It truly doesn't matter how I feel. It's your life. You need to live it the way you see fit and the way that it makes you happy."
"I just want it to be clear, Audrey, that I'm the same man who you said you couldn't love 18 months ago. I haven't changed. I will still do anything that it takes to do my job the way it has to be done."
Audrey looked down and nodded. "I know that, Jack." She turned away to hide the tears that were filling her eyes. She could hear Diane Huxley's voice from a day earlier. She remembered Diane asking if she still loved Jack and telling her that he loved her. She could hear Diane's gentle, sincere voice saying, "Do him a favor. If you don't love him, let him go."
Audrey turned back and sat down on the bed. She took Jack's hand and kissed it again. "I can't do it, Jack. I came in here fully planning on pledging my love to you for the rest of our lives, but I can't do it. It would be wrong for both of us. I would be lying to you if I said that your coming back to CTU was okay with me. I would be lying to myself if I tried to make myself believe that. I'm sorry."
Jack reached out and pushed some stray hair from Audrey's face. He touched her chin and lifted it so that their eyes met. "Thank you. I came to that conclusion a little while ago. I was hoping that you would come to the same conclusion. I want you to know, Audrey, that I love you and I always will, but it's not a love that can sustain us for a lifetime."
Audrey closed her eyes for a second. "I know. I feel the same way." She leaned in and kissed his cheek. She stroked his face lightly and then stood up and began walking away.
"Will you be alright?"
Audrey smiled slowly at him. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I think that I'm probably better than when I got up yesterday morning. You're alive and I was able to apologize to you for the way I treated you. We've made our peace with each other and both of us can move on. I think that's the best outcome I could have ever hoped for. How about you?"
"I feel the same way. It feels good not to have to live under an alias and wonder if today is the day that someone figures out who I really am. I'm glad to be Jack Bauer again. I'm happy to have my daughter and my job back. You and I have had the chance to clear the air. You're right. Now it's time for both of us to move on," Jack said. "Take care of yourself, Audrey."
"You, too. Good bye, Jack." Audrey turned and strode confidently through the door as an incredible sense of relief washed over her. She glanced back into the glass enclosed room at Jack. He had his head back and his eyes closed. He looked comfortable and peaceful and happy. He would go back to Diane. She knew it. It was as predictable as day following night. She also knew that they would be happy. She wanted Jack to be happy. He had had so much pain in his life.
As for herself, Audrey Heller Raines was a different person today. She was older and wiser and more mature than she had been just a day ago. She knew what she wanted from life. She would stay here, in her current job, but at some point she might consider returning to Washington. Her next love, if there was another one, would be different from the past two. She no longer needed to be a part of a power couple as she had been with Paul. And she no longer had any desire for the wild, illicit affair that she had with Jack. The next relationship would be about both of them, not just about her. It would be about love and sharing her life, not about ulterior motives and climbing the social and political and corporate ladders.
The last day had been hell but despite the losses and the pain and all the bad that had happened, Audrey was strangely happy. So many lives had been changed forever in the past 24 hours and hers was one of them. The difference was that hers was really much better than it had ever been before. It was a new beginning for her and she planned to take full advantage of it.
Author's note: The last and final chapter will be from Diane's perspective. Hope you'll stay with me. If you have a second, please review. If you don't write, you have no idea how much authors love reviews. Trust me, we live for them. There is nothing that makes me happier than lots of reviews in my mailbox. (And after episode 5.13…please, please, please send me some happiness!)