Naraku's Phoenix: Hello, again, everyone! Unfortunately for this time I don't have a solid intro to keep you unnecessarily occupied until the chapter begins, so I'll just say this: Only two more chapters to go; thank you for your support.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Harry Potter or Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Perhaps I'll find a way, one day. Maybe there's some kind of stock I can invest in…
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Chapter 7: Hieroglyphics
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'Which magick-infested being shall I encounter next,' pondered Marvin, not that he really cared, 'Ooh, where will this lead me, I wonder.' Marvin was a way's away from the Lake entirely by now, surrounded by a completely new landscape which was located on the other side of the castle. Imbedded in the large stone wall that dipped inside a reasonably sized ditch was a gritty wooden door with iron latches. It was as if someone had dug the hole especially for that. Marvin sauntered over to it and lowered himself inside where he kicked open the door. It hadn't been used in a while, that's for sure.
On the other side was a dim classroom lit by candles. Globes and tapestries were abundant as well as bits of yellowed parchment and scrolls that littered nearly every surface, even on the floor. Marvin walked out to the center of the room and scanned his surroundings. He didn't go far before a giant chiseled stone caught his eye at the front, resting against the wall with a messy chalkboard at its side. The chalky scribbles were strewn across in odd directions and then some, making no sense whatsoever at whatever was trying to be accomplished here. Whoever was trying to crack this code obviously didn't have an advanced enough brain for a task like this. Marvin walked up to the stone to analyze it.
SCANNING OBJECT
SCANNING TEXT
RUNNING DATABASE OF UNIVERSAL TEXTS AND LANGUAGES
SEARCHING FOR LIKENESSES…
TEXT SCAN REFERENCE COMPLETE
CONCLUDED SEARCH: 2,463 MATCHES FOUND
CLOSEST MATCH: Jegripsie
TRANSLATING FOREIGN TEXT THROUGH Jegripsie ALPHABET…
TRANSLATION COMPLETE
Marvin sighed and cleared the chalkboard of its confusing mishaps as the translation for the stone came up through his database. Life-forms always end up making things harder than they have to; that much is indefinite. The android lazily lifted his arm and picked up the chalk. From there, he transferred his findings onto the board and stepped back to get a good look when he finished. Naturally, it was flawless. 'I'm getting dreadfully bored now,' he thought, and he turned around and went back out the door from whence he came, only to go back to wandering around for the umpteenth time.
Not two seconds after Marvin had left the classroom; another door on the opposite wall opened and in stumbled a middle-aged witch with wine-red robes, long, curly, dark brown hair that hung down to her waist, and glasses that were slipping down her pale, sallow face. She carefully navigated her way across the room trying her best not to drop any of the new scrolls she currently had piled high in her arms. Dropping them on her desk, the witch gave a big sigh of relief and looked around her room. The House Elves have been slacking off lately, surprisingly. She groaned.
Eventually the woman decided that if she wanted to get something done, she'd have to do it herS-elf. In that conclusion she heaved a sigh and began to gather up the bunches of scrolls on her desk, rolled what needed to be rolled back up, and stacked them neatly side-by-side. As she turned to bend down and begin picking up the mess which inhabited her floor space, something caught her eye. Somebody had erased a great deal of her chalkboard, oh, and that someone would pay very dearly for this mishap, but wait! What's this? The little troublemaker left something behind.
"Goodness gracious…," whispered the astonished overworked witch. Slowly, she walked up to the board and shakily placed her fingertips underneath the yellow-dusted passage; then quickly reached her other fingertips down to stroke the stone. Back and forth she looked between the two scripts, until suddenly she jumped back inhaling a sharp gasp and snapping her hands up to her mouth while not daring to move any inch other than that. But she whispers almost inaudibly, "Someone's broken Trogdologwikt's Text…"
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The crowd was enormous. Professor Sinistra trembled violently in her seat on the stage from both overwhelming happiness and anxiety. The adrenaline was building up to a level she had never felt this excited about anything else in her life before. Today she would deliver Trogdologwikt's Text. She'd tried to find the little snot who was messing around in her classroom, but since the search was unsuccessful, Sinistra received all the credit for cracking the code. The Minister stepped up to the stage's podium to silence the overbearing crowd.
"First off, I'd like to welcome all the witches, wizards, warlocks, vampires, dwarves, goblins, pixies, and fairies and any other magickal entity I may have left out – forgive me for that – and thank you all for coming together as one magickal community! We have come here, banded together, to hear the newly unlocked Trogdologwikt's Text, in hopes that it holds ancient wisdoms – or at least some form of knowledgeable comfort – to help us in these coming hard times. The Second War has begun…yes…but now if you'll all turn your attention to Mrs. Sinistra, Ancient Runes professor at Hogwarts, the one who cracked the long-bearing code…perhaps we may all…learn something great." As Minister Scrimgeour completed his speech, the crowd before him erupted into unbelievable cheering. Seeing the applause for approval, Scrimgeour left the podium and offered a hand to Professor Sinistra, which she hazardously accepted, and escorted her back up to the podium where there he remained standing at her side.
"Wow…this is really big," she chuckled red-faced into the magickal microphone, the crowd silenced themselves and listened intently waiting for her to continue, "…Well…I guess that the first thing that I should tell you is that I didn't break the code, I just translated the text," she giggled a bit more before realizing that the crowd only remained silent and continued staring at her. Professor Sinistra cleared her throat, "Er, well then, even though I originally objected in sharing this with the world until we got a full meaning from my translation through the interpreters at the Ministry, I'm glad to say that I was persuaded otherwise!" The crowd roared and, again, quieted back down to hear what she had to say. "Then again," Professor Sinistra continued, "We might not even need those interpreters; let the Text be understood through the Common Sprite!" The crowd went wild. "Now then, I give you Trogdologwikt's Text!" The crowd shushed and she cleared her throat to begin.
"Pea soup, Chicken scoot
Hammered in our rose pink souls
Blackened coughs, in you face
Whoop dhere it is."
Professor Sinistra finished being quite pleased with herS-elf. Scrimgeour at her side, however, stepped sharply back and stared at her with a look of pure disgust. The entire crowd remained silent, until…
"OH NO SHE DIDN'T!" There was only one who made this remark; a vampire, and it triggered an uproar.
"Well I never!"
"You pixies have really got some nerve!"
"I thought we were over this! That stone is ancient; we don't mean it, honest!"
"Yeah, suuure you don't."
"Are you calling us liars!"
"Well we ain't calling you for dinner!"
"Bu-la-I-this means WAR, you fiends!"
Scrimgeour pushed Professor Sinistra out of the way and screamed into the podium's microphone, "IT'S ON, TWINKLE-TOES!" I, Rufus Scrimgeour, re-declare the ancient war between vampires and fairies; VIKENTRAWL! VAMPIRES, ATTACK!" And so they did. Soon every vampire and fairy/pixie in the crowd clawed, bit, shocked, and rampaged at each other as the others in the audience tried fervently to get away. Some who happened to be friends with one or the other, however, joined in on the battle and Scrimgeour, for some apparent reason, had Professor Sinistra pinned down to the stage floor strangling her with his bare hands. Her face was beginning to turn quite purple, now, and her eyeballs were trying to roll into the back of her head. Meanwhile, an inconspicuously hooded figure clumsily navigated his way out of the rumble until he was in the clear outside the stadium. Rolling his left sleeve up, the figure pushed a button on his nifty waterproof sports' watch and held it up to his mouth.
"My Lord, it seems that the Text has played in our favor, after all."
"Oh, has it now?" replied a raspy voice through the watch.
"Yes," the Death Eater continued happily, "and it's turned out better than we've imagined."
"How so; tell me more!"
"Well, the vampiric community was so appalled at the translation that Minister Scrimgeour has re-declared Vikentrawl against the pixies and fairies. I'm thinking we can use this as a personal pawn for the Dark Side. Naturally, the Ministry will get whiff of this as well and grab hold of all the vampires as soon as they can."
"…Which means we get those frilly sprites?"
"Yes."
"…"
"Well, think of all the advantages we'll have! Pixies are easily camouflaged and are in the top 10 mischievous creatures. Fairies are adorable and manipulative enough to get what ever they want. Also, some of them are so small we can plant them in the feathers of a Ministry owl. And what do vampires have? All they've got is sleep deprivation and a body full of organs that don't work."
"…Well, alright," agreed Voldemort convinced, "and would you mind bringing me that woman who translated Trogdologwikt's Text, too, if she's still alive? I want to thank her; maybe give her a hat with our logo on it."
"You got it, Boss!" The Death Eater then cut the signal off his watch, took a deep breath, let the workout theme from Rocky play, and jogged back into the stadium to pass out pamphlets and get some new recruits.
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Naraku's Phoenix: Coming soon to a computer near you, Chapter 8 will bring everybody home. But fear not! An epilogue has wiggled its way into my midst.