I should add that this is a Christmas story.

...

An image soon came to Roy in his half-asleep state. He had decided Hawkeye was wearing a corset and she wore it and her panties in their reflective-like red color. She laid on the guest bed on her back, with her back arched sexually. He imagined she was waiting for him to come and unwrap her like a gift. It was a perfect December month image. Roy's eyes shot open and he rubbed a hand across his slightly damp face. He then became aware of how hard he was. He sighed. He thought briefly of waking Amy, but no. He didn't want her. He wanted Hawkeye. No. He told himself and started to push back the covers to get out of bed. In doing this though, he inadvertently woke Amy.

"Roy?" Her hand reached over and grabbed his chest. "Hm. You feel so warm. Are you okay?"

Before he could grumble that he was going to the bathroom, she flicked on the bedside light. Amy's look became smug. "Still thinking about how the night could've gone had it not been for our guest?" She grabbed the sheets and put them back over him. "Don't think you can escape and please only yourself. Now come here..." Amy came over to him though as she spoke, climbing on top of him. She kissed him passionately.

...

Roy quietly slipped out of bed. Amy was fast asleep, deeply satisfied. He grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and slipped them on and put on his robe too. The hour was late, but Roy couldn't sleep. He wished he hadn't woken Amy up earlier. He had not wanted to please her.

Roy headed downstairs to get a drink from the kitchen. He hadn't had thoughts like this for a long time. The last time had been when he was dating Amy. Roy suddenly stopped on his way to the kitchen and did a double take. In the living room, not far from the couch where he had sat earlier, Hawkeye sat on the floor in front of the bright light of the Christmas tree, huddled under a blanket. Her hair, which she had let grow long, hung loose around her shoulders. Slowly, he walked toward her. How can one visit from her mess me up so bad? He sat down beside her and she jumped a little as if she had been startled out of her thoughts. Roy couldn't help wondering what she had been thinking about.

"What are you doing up?" She asked him.

"I wanted to get a glass of water. What are you doing up?"

Hawkeye looked over at him. "Where is your glass then?"

Roy was thrown off by the question. Of course Hawkeye would notice such a detail. He was too used to getting away with stuff with Amy, he forgot how easily Hawkeye could read him. He had forgotten how much she was so unlike Amy. He tore his gaze away from hers and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I was going to get something to drink until I saw you here. You should be up in bed resting. If you get sick..."

"Yes, your wife is very grateful for all of the work I do for you. She would be upset if I got sick."

Roy looked back at her. Those terms she kept using around him. Your wife. Mrs. Mustang. He recalled suddenly what it was Amy had said earlier to her. "Please, call me Amy." "You know, you can call her Amy. My wife-" Roy broke off. This didn't feel right. It didn't feel right at all. Telling Hawkeye about his wife, another girl. Hawkeye should be his wife. No, I made my choice. Roy told himself. Its too late now. Silence stretched between them for a moment. "You still haven't told me why you're up." Roy spoke at last.

Hawkeye let out a breath as if she had been afraid he'd press the issue. "I can't sleep."

He looked at her again and noticed for the first time the air of infinite sadness around her. How have I missed this before? It was obvious now. It made perfect sense. She loved him. And he had broken her heart. Yet despite that, she still loved him. Have I made the right choice? No, its legal for me to be with Amy. Was it really worth it though? Just one visit from Hawkeye and the life he had built for himself felt like it was falling into pieces. Amy is a lot like Hawkeye, I can love her. Except Amy wasn't Hawkeye and it was not her he loved. It was Hawkeye. I... I have made the wrong choice. He thought as he looked at Hawkeye. But... its too late now. The silence stretched on until Roy abruptly broke it again. "What was with that outfit you were wearing? Did you plan on coming here wearing that?"

Hawkeye's cheeks turned pink. "Do you really think I deliberately half froze myself to do that?" Roy didn't say anything and Hawkeye knew that it wasn't really what he thought. He was just trying to get an explanation out of her. So she went on. "Its ridiculous. You'll probably think I'm crazy for it, but I did it so I wouldn't go crazy." Hawkeye said and leaned her back against the side of the couch. The blanket she had wrapped around herself parted some to show she still wore the robe. "I- when you married, I decided to pretend you had married me. There's... little things I've done and do to try to help convince myself of this. One of those things is... I will wear things that I imagine you'd want me to wear."

Roy inhaled sharply at this. She certainly knows me well. What he had seen her wearing made anything Amy had ever worn pale in comparison. Though, it could have just been because Hawkeye was wearing it. Hawkeye made other women pale in comparison to her. "What... other things do you do?" He asked.

Hawkeye smirked a little, somehow managing to make it look sad. "Well, if you were my husband, you'd know. Wouldn't you?"

Roy reached over to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I could be your husband tonight."

She turned her head away. "No, sir. You can't. You have your wife. You have a son." She said softly, her gaze downcast.

Roy let his hand drop. Of course. It was so typical of her to always keep him on the right track.