Naraku's Phoenix: Unfortunately, this chapter marks the end of Marvin's Hogwarts adventures. This chapter isn't all that long, but fear not! I have an epilogue that will make everyone happy, and perhaps give those of you who don't want it to end some closure.
Disclaimer: I don't own HP or Hitchhikers.
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Chapter 8: Beam Me Up, Eddy
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Marvin sat alone atop a rolling green hill. The wind billowed about pushing loose pieces of grass and rustling the tree leaves that hung above our hero's head – if you would like to call him that. There was plenty of sun, and the hill which Marvin had chosen to rest, peacefully overlooked all of Hogwarts' grounds. The android had his shoulders hunched over and stared at the site before him…until a bit of newspaper came along and smacked him in the face.
"Had to happen sooner or later," He said. Marvin pulled the wrinkling page off his face and straightened it out in front of him to read it.
The Daily Prophet
HEADLINE: MINISTER DECLARES VIKENTRAWL
After what was supposed to be a harmless and peaceful gathering of the magickal community – to hear the translation of Trogdologwikt's Text – all hell broke loose when Minister Scrimgeour declared a second Vikentrawl. The one who broke and delivered the Text late yesterday afternoon, Hogwarts' Ancient Runes Professor Maria Sinistra, is the primary source to blame for this abominable fiasco. Had she respected the Ministry's wishes and waited until her own translation had been interpreted further, this whole mishap could have been discarded and saved the public a lot of pain. It's as if the Second War with You-Know-Who doesn't already have our underwear in a tight enough knot. Speaking of which, after Vikentrawl was re-declared the Dark Side immediately took advantage of it and has gained allies alongside the fairies. In accordance with the Minister, the Light Side can expect to receive immense help from our vampiric brethren.
Story continued on page A4
Marvin eyed the article up and down.
SCANNING DOCUMENT
ACCESSING INTERGALACTIC DICTIONARIAL DATABASE OF WORDS
SELECTING EARTHANOID SECTION
SEARCH: Fairies
DEFINITION: Tiny supernatural beings.
CONTINUING SEARCH: Vampires
DEFINITION: (in folklore) corpses that are said to be reanimated and to suck the blood of living persons.
CLOSING DATABASE
ACCESSING SHORT-CUT TO DOCUMENT DATABASE
SELECTING DOCUMENT TITLED: Teleportation Screw-Up Q-27(Hogwarts)
SEARCHING DOCUMENT FOR SPECIFIC/PATTERNED KEY WORDS…
SEARCH COMPLETE
KEY WORDS SELECTED: centaurs…giants…broomsticks…giant squid…ghost…merpeople…Theighadorei…brain wave…Earth…
CLOSE DOCUMENT DATABASE
Marvin mulled these words around his mind and pulled his thoughts together upon tossing aside the crumpled newspaper. And then it all clicked.
'These different creatures, the unpleasantly wacky encounters I've endured, Earth, Arthur Dent's brain wave pattern…oh great…I'm in someone's head. Okay, I'm ready to go now.' And then, as if someone had actually heard his thoughts, out of nowhere flashed a brilliant white light for a split second and out of it appeared a tall, wooden stool. 'Well, if that's the best they can do…what am I talking about? Of course it's not.' But nonetheless, Marvin went ahead and climbed upon the stool, and the second he was settled, the white light flashed again…and from there he was miraculously transported back to the Heart of Gold.
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Naraku's Phoenix: Well, not as long as I would've originally liked, but, then again, it's not bad. Next chapter…my final chapter to this thrilling tale…is a compelling epilogue that hopefully everyone will find amusing enough to tell more than one friend about it when it's over.