Chapter 35: Cursed

Harry waved his friends to go without him and he walked over, adjusting his bag when he reached me. "Yes, Professor Ice?" A blank was all my mind could form, so I just stared. He was so much like his father in looks, yet those eyes…all Lily, my best friend. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "How are you feeling? Any pains?" I asked, looking away from his eyes and to the sky. Sirius had said his scar was hurting…which meant something about my father. He touched his scar and shrugged. "It comes and goes sometimes." I reached out and placed a finger on the mark, but recoiled at the such shock of pain that ran through me. Harry stepped back, holding his head also and I was frozen in fear.

There was a vision in my head, a graveyard and mist everywhere…a light flashed before me and I close my eyes, trying to block the blast. I blinked when I felt no pain and opened them to see me blocking my face from Harry standing in front of me, still holding his head. "Are you alright Phoebe?" I felt the cold chills all over me, I felt his touch on my soul. I shook my head… "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I have to go. I'll see you later." Without waiting for a reply, I turned and walked off as fast as I could without drawing attention. I finally stopped, settling at the edge of the dark forest. I sat on a stump, staring into the trees, wondering if I was ever going to be able to feel safe and not feel his presence inside of me.

I wished I could see Sirius, I wanted him to hold me and warm me, chasing away the chills. But I was alone now, I would have to do this myself. I stood back up after about an hour and headed for the great hall for dinner. The rest of the night went by without much happening and I retired to my room, feeling drained after the vision. I slept with a feeling of dread all night, but no dreams or vision came with it. I taught my class as usual, only feeling like I was flowing through without really being there. It seemed to have days pass before anything interested happened.

I was walking to the great hall when I overheard a student speaking of Moody's class. "Which one was the worse for you? I hated the cruciatus curse. Made my skin crawl." I held out my hand, stopping their chatter and making them look at me. "Repeat that now." I demanded, and then I rushed to Moody's classroom, there was no need for these students to learn those spells. I opened the door in time to see him using the curse on a enlarged spider. Neville was horrified as he couldn't look away from the scene and I surged forward, placing my hand on his shoulder as Moody raised his wand and the spider stopped.

"What is the meaning of this?" I asked, my eyes hard and lips tight. Moody didn't say a word as he asked for another curse. I watched Hermione raise her hand, it was shaking slightly. "Avada Kedavra." she whispered, her voice trembling as I shook my head, knowing he was going to do it. "Moody, don't do it." I said, stepping forward as he grabbed another spider, placing it on the desk. "Ah, why not? They need to see what's in the real world is like." he paused and made sure every student was staring at him as he shouted the words and the green flash of light blasted out of the wand and hit the spider before I was able to react.

Moody continued the lesson, stating that it was unblock able and can not be countered. I stared at the corpse, not believing that he was showing all of the students this stuff. I held my wand tight by my side as I took a step forward, I couldn't believe he was ignoring me and not taking into the account that the students were horrified at this. "Only one known person has ever survived it, and he's sitting right in front of me." Moody stated, stopping before Harry. I found myself staring at well, but only because there was a chance that I could've saved them if I had spoken of my true heritage back then. I should have spoke up years ago, no more.

I stepped in front of Moody, locking his eyes with my own. "This is not for the students to learn just yet. They need to be six years or 7 years. It is not appropriate. Dumbledore would not approve of it." he smirked and shrugged. "Dumbledore lets me teach what I want. This is for their own good. If they can't handle this, then they should not be witches and wizards." "Are you trying to prepare them for war at 14?! They are children! We are not at war, there is peace. No need for this brutality." I shouted, not realizing that we were so close that I could smell something odd about him.

"Girly, there's war everywhere. Only a fool would think otherwise. They need to be ready for the real world. One that can change with a single sentence. So easy to start a war, then we will need everyone to fight in it! You're a scared little girl that knows nothing of true war." I lifted my wand, not breathing the words but meant them with all my heart as the light flashed from my wand, hitting him in the chest and he fell to the ground, shouting in pain. The Cruciatus curse made me feel powerful, but I felt a hand on me and I turned to see Harry staring at me with horror in his eyes.

I released the curse and Moody gasped, but found his footing and leaned against the desk heavily. "You know nothing of me…so don't think otherwise. Distance yourself from me from now on, Professor Moody." I tightened my fist together, to quell the shaking and turned, pulling from Harry's fingers and left the room. I went back to my room and locked the door before falling to my knees as the tears left my eyes. I liked that power over the aura. I liked him at my feet, in such pain he had not known. And I hated the fact that I liked it so much. I cried for my own weakness, unable to control my temper once again, unable to prove that I'm not like him.

I wrote a letter to Sirius, explaining everything, my true heritage, my ties to Voldemort, my complete past and how sorry I was for never telling him the truth and never telling the others, begging for forgiveness for not speaking these words in hopes of protecting Lily and James. Begging that he not change the way he feels about me because of who I really was. I sealed it up and put extra charms so that only he would be able to open it before calling for Rain to return. Once she did, I paused before I could attach it to her leg…there was no way I could tell him this way. This was something that needed to be told face to face.

I sighed, I needed to see him, I wanted to tell him before I lose my nerve. I lied to him once before about something important and it took a while before I was able to face him alone. I apologized to Rain and sent her off again, sliding the letter into my pocket before fixing my face to look normal and then left my room. I would go to Sirius and I would tell him the truth…and hope with all my heart that he still loves me after.