REVAMPED CHAPTER!

Nothing belongs to us. Except for some things.

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Not even Caspian was listening in on the debate; he was ordering spiced wine for himself and the Pevensies. The wine made Eustace retch, again. Jack had a better idea than wine; she ran frantically around the ship.

"Mr. Stubbly!" she yelled. Some of the sailors looked around very confused, but they were used to this kind of behavior from Jack and Max. She obviously didn't find Mr. Stubbly so she ran to the bow and scrambled to the galley.

Eustace recovered from puking the second time started rambling on about vitaminized food and fat kids made to do exercises. He stopped mid-sentence to yell:

"Oh ugh! What on earth is THAT? Take it away, the horrid thing."

They followed Eustace's gaze and Max screamed louder than Eustace, and that's saying something. Max's riot caused Lucy to squall for no apparent reason. The three screeched till Edmund slapped his hand on Lucy's mouth, and Caspian grabbed Max and Eustace in head locks.

Jack popped her head out of the galley, and yelled, "AHA! Magic beans and spider horses! I found it." She held up a suspicious can that was commonly used to hold tar. She was grinning from ear to ear as she made her way to Eustace, "Here Useless, have a go at this stuff!" She un-popped the cork and handed it to Eustace.

He took it gratefully and chugged the contents. Well as much as it took to taste it. Then he started to blow it out of his nose, coughing like General Grievous and puking again. A few of the sailors started chuckling as they knew what the 'stuff' really was.

"Good stuff, eh?" Jack patted/slapped Eustace on the back, "Mr. Stubbly makes it. It's good for two things: de-greasing engines, and killing brain cells." Jack reported.

Edmund and Lucy sneezed at exactly the same time.

"TARTUFFLE!" yelled Max, "Lucy, perhaps you should give Useless here some of your cordial," she suggested. Lucy did.

"We have no women's clothing, but I can lend you mine," offered Caspian, later. Lucy did.

"Come have a tour of my grand ship," suggested Caspian, much later. They did.

"Let's admire how BIG this Narnian craft is!" exclaimed Jack sarcastically. Everyone did... not.

"What a poopy little boat." admired Eustace. Lucy, Max and Jack nodded their heads in agreement. Edmund gave Lucy a dirty look.

Just then, the bell rang for First Dog Watch (4:00-8:00 pm) and all the sailors sprang to life, some going to bed, others coming from their hammocks below deck. Through all the commotion, Reepicheep flew past Edmund's head and into Max who jumped back, "Gettedoff, Gettedoff, Gettedoff!"

Reepicheep sprang up and started after Eustace in a mad dash. It was splendidly amusing to watch an enraged mouse of unusual size chase a howling Eustace with a tiny rapier. Maybe even more amusing than seeing Max put Vicks Vapor Rub in her eye, but I can't decide which is funnier.

"Fiend! Foe! Insolent brat! Take that!" and here he reached Eustace and thwaped him. "To teach you manners! And respect! Due to a Knight! And Mouse-A mouse's tail!" And with every exclamation came a series of blows rained down upon Eustace's popo, (popo: 1 the hind part of the body of a mammal or the lower back of a bird. 2. a person's buttocks. -ORIGIN probably Scandinavian.)

Finally, Caspian, who was stooped over, clutching his knees, stopped laughing enough to look up and sputter out, "St-Stop! Oh, haha, stop, Reepicheep. Stopit!" Reepicheep obeyed reluctantly.

"Yes, you little brute!" cried Eustace. "I insist on it being kept under control! I could bring in action against you, Caspian! I can order you to have it demolished."

"Demolished!" yelled Reepicheep

"Now, now, let's not get carried away" laughed Caspian, still giddy with mirth. Then, calming down a bit, "We have time-honored traditions for this sort of thing: a duel."

"A duel!" shouted Max and Jack, profoundly cheerful and eager.

"A duel." Eustace looked stark distraught.

"I can lend you a sword, Eustace," volunteered Caspian.

"But I don't want a sword! I'm a pacifist! I don't believe in fighting!"

"Do I understand you do not intend to give me satisfaction?" demanded Reepicheep, pointing a finger at him. A paw. A small part of his paw that resembled a finger. Well, if Reepicheep had one, he would have pointed it at Eustace here.

"I don't know what you mean! If you don't know how to take a joke, I shan't bother my head about you!" responded Eustace.

"You refuse to duel?" piped an incredulous Reepicheep.

"If I haven't made that clear, I don't know what will. This is not fair!"

"You're right." Drinian pointed out. "We definitely would have to handicap Reepicheep."

"The only way out is to apologize," chimed in Lucy. Eustace folded his arms in response, glowering at Reepicheep.

"All-RIGHT!" Max and Jack exchanged high-fives. "A duel it is!"

"Wait! No. I...I'm sorry." Eustace spat it out, not at all looking like he was really sorry.

"Will that suffice, Reapicheep?" asked Caspian.

"For the moment," replied Reepicheep, sheathing his mini-rapier.

Max and Jack's faces fell. "No duel then," Max said with a huge-mongus sigh. "Perhaps I should pull someone's tail so that I could duel."

Caspian gave a nervous laugh and pulled the conversation away from the preposterous young lady. "We can talk about this later, but for now, I thought I heard the dinner horn."

"We don't have a dinner horn," said Drinian, "It's a bell."

Caspian let off another burst of nervous chuckling, a high-pitched sort of giggle.

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AgentRusco, Wally, Samantha, Jerrilynn, Louie, Vid, Jesse: THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!