Chapter 36: My Decision

I stopped before exiting the castle, realizing that it was late and I would have to wait until tomorrow. Dumbledore wouldn't like me opening the barrier at night, even for a moment. I wasn't going to make trouble for him, after what I did today. I went back to my room and tossed and turned all night, feeling restless as I knew tomorrow would be life-altering. Soon the sun began to rise and I showered and dressed, excited about getting to see Sirius, but also tense and stressed for what I was going to say to him.

I wasn't sure how I was going to find him, but I would not go another day with secrets between us. I made my way to the gates and paused, feeling fear seep into my heart. Would he truly accept me? Could he forgive me as Remus and Dumbledore has? Even Harry has truly forgiven me, not to mention that I will never forgive myself. I pulled out my wand, unlocking the gate and barrier and stepped out, I will not let fear rule my life anymore. I would just put it out there and hope that he is able to be the man I love. I took my time walking to the village, I didn't want to rush out, I wanted to have an easier wording with him, ease him into the truth and pray he doesn't hate me.

I was almost there when I saw Hedwig, Harry's snow owl flying toward the village, but slightly off to the side. I altered my course, she would know how to find Sirius, after all she always found him when Harry wrote to him. I kept out of sight of her as she traveled, also invisible to anyone else using a spell. She landed not to far from a cave and I watched as Sirius stepped out in his dog form and pulled the letter from the owl's leg gently. He turned and walked into the cave, he must have transformed because he didn't return to send another message.

I decided to wait until nightfall to go in, I wasn't ready at this moment. I didn't want to lose him so soon after we finally found each other again. I found a nice log to sit on that I could still see the cave and got comfortable, then smiled, if I was going to lose him soon, I would remember our first actual date together. We had been secreting dating for a while, as I had finally convinced him that it was better this way, that we would tell everyone after leaving school.

**Memory**

I laughed quietly as Sirius tugged on my hand, pulling me along with him as we ducked behind a wall. "I'm sure I saw her go this way Lily." We held our breath as they continued talking, looking around the yard for us. "Come on, she probably just went to get something. Lily, Phoebe would ever miss our engagement party. Everyone else is already here, we need to go be with them, she will show up." I heard a sigh and my best friend agreed, "Okay, I get it. But Sirius is missing too!" James just laughed as Sirius gave my hand a squeeze. "Oh come on! He's just out enjoying that new motorcycle! He'll show up after everyone else has left. You know how he is. He isn't going to change."

Soon their voices faded out and I let out a quiet laugh, pulling Sirius around the corner and kissing him as he pressed me against the wall. "God, you're amazing." he breathed after breaking away from me and I rolled my eyes. "You said you had a surprise for me. I left the party for it. It better be good. Otherwise I may get tired of hanging out with you." I teased and nipped his lip as he growled. "Oh? We only hanging out huh? Guess you don't want your surprise." I narrowed my eyes and he just chuckled, taking my hand and leading me to his new motorcycle.

"I'll never understand you boys and your toys." I said as I climbed on and we took off, speeding down the road. I closed my eyes and leaned onto Sirius, letting him whisk me away to wherever he wanted. When he stopped, I noticed all the loud noises and lights all around. He let me off and then led me into the gate, all the rides and booths filling the area. "I seen a flyer for this place the other day and thought we could come…together…and be on a proper date." I felt my heart skip a beat as I smiled brightly and hugged him tight. We could be ourselves, not having to look over our shoulder, not worrying about if someone might see us.

We rode rides that reminded me of flying brooms and Sirius played some game where you hit a stack of bottles to get a stuffed animal. He won a teddy bear and handed it to me with a grin. I walked along side him, loving the fact that I could smile at him, look at him with the love that I held. Here, this night, we were truly together, free to be together. No secrets, no hiding, only our love and company. I paused, seeing a couple come out of a booth looking so happy and I pulled Sirius over. "What's this?" I asked and he explained about it taking photos that don't move. "I wanna do it!" I was excited and hurried into the small area.

Sirius put some paper money into the machine and we settled into the seat together. Sirius stuck out his tongue and I followed suit, waiting for the flash of the camera. We only had a few seconds before the second one and I kissed Sirius's cheek for that one, surprise filling his face. He got me back with the next one. Grabbing my face and kissing me full on the lips. For the last one we leaned against each other, our faces smiling brightly as the final photo capture our precious memory together. We stepped out and 2 strips fell into a bin and we collected them, loving that we each had a copy.

We enjoyed the rest of the evening, eating food and playing more games and rides. Finally it was time to head back. I leaned against the gate, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my head against his chest. "I want to stay here forever. It's so nice to be like this." I whispered, Sirius pulled me close. "Phoebe, please, we have graduated. James and Lily are getting married. It's time to tell them. We deserve to be happy too." I nodded, giving in finally and he was so happy that he lifted me up into the air and spun into a circle.

"Phoebe, I love you so much!" he shouted, kissing me hard. We had never used those words since that first time together and I lost myself into his kiss. Things were getting hot and heavy when I pulled away. "We can't take away from their night. They are so excited to be getting married. We need to wait until after they are married. Let them have their happiness without us stealing it away." I explained and he went to object, but I stopped him with my finger. "However, I do love you too Sirius." that sent him over the top as he pulled me onto his motorcycle and took off down the street.

I went to speak, but he slammed the brakes, making me cough and look around. We were in front of an house. He pulled me off and led me into the house which was something called a B&B. The man handed Sirius a key and he held my hand tight as we went upstairs. I was so confused as he unlocked the door and covered my eyes in the same motion. He walked me forward and then I heard the door close, and he moved his hands. I blinked and saw a beautiful room lit with candles and rose petals everywhere. I was so shocked that I couldn't speak as Sirius smiled at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Phoebe? This was the other part of the surprise…if you want it to be." I looked at him, his eyes were boring into mine, I could see his fear of rejection and his worry that he had taken it too far. I looked away and stepped into the room more, smelling the roses and the soft glow of the candle made everything so pretty. I turned and smiled at Sirius. "This is so beautiful. I don't even know what to say." I sat onto the bed and lifted a rose up, smelling deeply as I met Sirius's eyes. "You are the most amazingly beautiful woman I have ever met. Ever since we met, I felt a pull toward you. I feel like I have loved you my whole life."

He was baring his heart for me, here in this room he surprised me with, after a wonderful carefree night. I stepped over to him, taking his hand and pressing it to my face. "Sirius, no matter what I tried to do, I could never stop myself from feeling this feeling toward you. I now know this is love…and I don't want to ever go back to hiding our love. This is what I want…from now until I die." I kissed his hand and pulled him down to meet me into a loving kiss. It wasn't our first time together, that was the classroom, but it was truly was pure magic… to me, this was our first time.

**End Memory**

I shook myself out of the memory, seeing it was completely dark now and I felt hot just remembering that night. We gave ourselves to each other fully that night and it was the best night of my entire life. I tried to get my thoughts together as I stepped out, walking slowly toward the cave, knowing I was about to either lose the love of my life or form a bond unlike anything else ever.