Chapter 13

Captain Blaine started pushing for answers not long after Tim began his physical therapy. Dr. Crittendon held him off as long as possible, but Capt. Blaine refused to be put off forever. He apparently called in a number of favors and Tim was forced to let himself be interviewed by Capt. Blaine for his actions during the undercover operation. More than once he implied that Tim was dirty, questioning whether or not Tim really remembered what had happened that night, pushing to know everything they'd found, why they hadn't contacted anyone sooner, why weren't they prepared to end the operation as had been agreed upon before.

He had shown Tim the bank accounts in Tony's name with large amounts of cash that no one could explain. He had shown the computer that supposedly all the work they'd been doing had been saved on and how Tony's log-in was the only one used just before someone had wiped all the data. And now, Tony was gone and Tim had nearly been killed. What other conclusion could there be but that Tony had been in someone's pay, had assisted in the murder of Ensign Reyes, had used the undercover operation to get rid of the evidence and absconded when he'd finished? And Tim was either the victim of Tony's duplicity or else he was an accomplice. So he needed to decide what he was going to be. Was he going to protect a murderer and smuggler or was he going to get justice for a member of the U.S. Navy?

Tim had tried to protest that interpretation, but he still wasn't at the top of his game mentally, and he knew there was no real evidence he could bring to bear on it, only his absolute conviction that Tony was the last person who would be a dirty cop. He just wasn't that kind of person. But Capt. Blaine was not to be deterred and he kept pushing and pushing until Tim was even confused by what was being asked and he couldn't think straight, but even then, it didn't end.

The interview had gone on and on until Tim was so exhausted and overwhelmed by it that he had almost been willing to admit to everything just to get it to stop. Fortunately, that was when Gibbs had come storming in to stop it, forcing Capt. Blaine out of the room and threatening to report him for his interrogation that violated far too many laws and had been little more than badgering someone still recovering from a serious injury. Later, Capt. Blaine had registered an official protest at Tim's lack of cooperation in trying to solve Ensign Reyes' murder, claiming that he and Tony were in on it together and the whole operation had been a sham. This had led to more investigations, more digging. Eventually, even Capt. Blaine had to admit that there was no evidence linking Tim to what had happened, so he turned his attention back on Tony. It was only the NCIS refusal to admit that the case was closed that stopped it from being ended. Vance had pulled some strings, but who knew how long that magnanimity would last.

Not long after the interview, Tim began begging to be allowed to come back to work. He said that he'd follow whatever restrictions placed on him as long as he could come back and start working on the case, trying to find Tony, knowing that only by showing that Tony wasn't dirty could they make any headway. All the data they'd collected was gone from the computer. There had been a flash drive that they'd been storing as a backup, but that was apparently missing as well. Tim knew that they had been planning on doing a major correlation of all the data to see if any commonalities popped out of it, but whether or not they'd actually done it, he couldn't remember.

All he knew was that he had to do what it took to find Tony and stop the accusations against him even as the voices got louder and came from more people. Tim wouldn't believe it until Tony himself said it was true.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Two months later...

"Tim, you're done for the day," Gibbs said.

"No. I'm fine," Tim said, not even glancing away from the screen.

"No, you're not. Your therapist only allowed you to come if you agreed to doing part time. The part is done."

"No. I'm not done with this file yet," Tim said. "It might have something in it."

He wasn't ready for Gibbs to grab the chair he was sitting on and spin it away from the desk, but that was exactly what happened. In a moment, he was staring at Gibbs instead of at his monitor.

"You can't do this, Tim."

"Do what? Work?" Tim asked, even though he knew what Gibbs meant.

"Ignore the facts."

"I'm not ignoring any facts," Tim said. "I'm ignoring people's interpretations. My interpretation is just as valid!"

Gibbs sighed. They'd been over this many times, but Tim had always been able to resist long enough that Gibbs had let him keep going. Ellie was sitting at her desk, pretending she couldn't hear any of it.

"Tim, it's been four months. Tony must be dead. It sucks but that's the way it is."

"No, it's not! You haven't found a body, have you? You haven't found who invaded the apartment, have you? No! So you don't know that he's dead."

"Then, where is he?" Gibbs asked. "You know that people are saying the only two options are either he's dead or he's on the run. Which do you want them to decide on?"

"I don't know where he is, but I know that I'm not giving up until we find him. And until I see a body, he's still alive. And I'm not letting Capt. Blaine put the blame on Tony when he's not here to defend himself," Tim said, hearing his own voice rising. "I don't care how many times he says that I was attacked by Tony, that there's no evidence of anyone else in the apartment. It doesn't change the fact that I know he didn't do that. Tony's not guilty of anything!"

"I know that."

"Could have fooled me!" Tim said, knowing that he was crossing the line in accusing Gibbs of thinking Tony could be dirty. He knew that Gibbs and Vance were the only ones able to keep Tony's official record clean. He knew that, but he was wound up and he didn't care.

"With me."

Tim grimaced. He didn't want to stop for any reason, whether that be to receive a lecture or to be sent home. Reluctantly, he got up and followed Gibbs to the elevator.

He wasn't surprised when it jerked to a stop, but he was surprised at what followed.

"Tim, why are you doing this to yourself?" Gibbs asked.

Tim looked at him in surprise. That was not what he had expected at all.

"Doing what? I feel like I'm the only one who cares about finding Tony... alive or dead."

"No. That's not what this is. You know that we're all still working on it when we can, but we can't just ignore every other case and focus on this one. It's not possible. Crime doesn't stop because we want it to. What are you doing?"

"I'm not giving up on him, Boss. I can't. Not for anything. No other case matters to me except finding out what happened."

"You're running a risk."

"Of what?"

"Capt. Blaine going back to accusing you of being part of the corruption he says explains it all."

"So? I was implicated before, but nothing came of it. Why would that change now?"

"Because you're being too loud."

"I don't care," Tim said. "I'll quit before I'll stop. Maybe I should just quit now and save time. Then, you couldn't stop me from working when there's more to find. In fact, that's what I'll do. I quit, Boss." He pulled out his badge, dropped it to the floor and then flipped on the elevator.

Gibbs flipped it right back off again and gave him his first headslap in a long time. It wasn't very hard, but Tim felt it. He grabbed the badge off the floor and shook it in Tim's face.

"You can't get rid of the guilt you feel by giving up everything in your life," he said.

There was a pause.

"You're one to talk," Tim retorted and then turned away as his throat tightened.

It didn't help one bit when Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder (his right shoulder) from behind and simply squeezed it lightly.

"Tony being missing isn't your fault, Tim. If he's dead, it's not your fault either. This isn't your fault. Just because you can't remember it doesn't mean you did anything wrong."

Gibbs' voice was almost gentle and Tim struggled not to give in to the comfort and support being implicitly offered. He said nothing and didn't turn around.

"Tim, I won't force you to accept that Tony's dead and we just haven't found his body, but I won't let you quit. Not when I know you don't want to."

"I'm not giving up," Tim said, softly. "I can't. I don't know what happened. No one does... at least, no one who will admit it. I can't stop until I know. And right now, no matter what you say, we don't know. Maybe you're ready to write Tony off, but I'm not."

"I'm not writing him off. But I won't write you off, either."

There was a long pause. Nothing but silence in the elevator. Tim refused to turn around and face Gibbs again while there was still a chance of showing weakness. Gibbs' hand was still on his shoulder. Then, there was a sigh.

"All right, Tim. You can keep working on it, but be careful."

"About what?" Tim asked.

"Anything. Tony thought this was big. You never found anything to prove that it wasn't. We don't know who killed Ensign Reyes. We don't know who broke your cover. We don't know who's pulling the strings. This is dangerous."

"I don't care."

"I don't care if you don't, but you be careful anyway. You can't do anything if you're dead."

Then, the hand was gone from his shoulder and Gibbs turned the elevator back on. It went back up to the bullpen and Gibbs got off without looking back. Tim hesitated and then got off as well. He headed for his desk.

"You're still done for today," Gibbs said in a tone that brooked no argument.

Tim thought about protesting but then he nodded and grabbed his bag. As he walked toward the elevator, Ellie suddenly stopped trying to be invisible.

"Tim, you have your PT today, right?"

"Yeah."

"I think I'll have this analysis done in another hour or two. Maybe I can put in some time on those files you were searching."

Tim paused and looked at her in surprise. He knew Ellie assumed Tony was dead, just like everyone else at NCIS did. No one thought he was dirty, but no one thought he was still alive either. They all assumed that the people who had almost killed Tim had succeeded with Tony and just had been very good at disposing of the body.

"Thanks, Ellie," Tim said softly.

"You're welcome," she said, equally softly.

Then, he left and went home. He had therapy later in the afternoon, but for now, he sat on his bed and then let himself fall back. He stared at the ceiling for a while. Every waking moment, he had this feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. The longer they went without finding out where Tony was, the worse his situation was. If they took too long, Tony really would be dead, and Tim wasn't sure he could take that, not knowing that he had probably contributed to it in some way.

No. He wasn't going to accept that or even entertain the possibility. He'd said it over and over again and he wasn't going to change that now. In fact, he had some time before he had to go to his therapy. He could do some work here.

Tim didn't know if Gibbs was aware that he'd taken a copy of the case file home. ...but he was pretty sure he didn't care if Gibbs knew or not.

He was going to find something. Somehow, somewhere, he'd find something.

No matter what it took.