We own not the miraculous works of my hero, C.S. Lewis. Nor Star Wars, Princess Bride or old British gentlemen. Bravo to Rusco, our editor! Oh, you know what, we forgot to tell you "Mr. Stubbly's" real name. It's Quin. Quin Mr. Stubbly. This chapter is dedicated to...Louie the farmer! Cause he's cool. Yup.
The day broke with a magnificent sunrise and a faint, but urgent call of "Land in sight!" from the crow's nest. It had been a full day since the Pevensies boarded the Down Treader. Lucy and Edmund were clearly enjoying themselves immensely, but Eustace was seasick and miserable.
He whined at every opportunity and indisputably annoyed Caspian more than either Jack or Max ever could, which is saying something. Eustace had always been their champion, but he grew even more so in just one day. He had an impeccable way of twisting anything pleasurable into a nuisance to most, and a real frolic for Jack and Max.
For example, just as a beautiful sunrise embellished the grey skies of early morning, he tripped coming up stairs and got a splinter. "OWWW!" He howled and looked at his middle finger. He wailed again and stuck it in his mouth, whimpering and looking around for the nearest listener. The most unfortunate soul happened to be Captain Drinian, who was standing at the prow with a glass at his eye. He had been admiring the first light, testing the wind, and gazing at the far-off land-form of the Lone Islands.
Drinian heard footsteps and turned around to greet whoever it was with a "Good Morning." For a good morning, it was. Then he saw Eustace. A muscle twitched in his left eye, and his blood pressure rose significantly.
"Drinian!" Eustace ripped his finger out of his mouth and stuck it in Drinian's face. "Look what your ship did to my finger!" Drinian didn't even glance at it.
"Mm. That is unfortunate, isn't it?" He droned.
"Unfortunate! Unfortunate? Unfortunate my-" Eustace began to bellow but was cut off as someone snatched his finger out of thin air.
Max and Jack had heard the call of 'land in sight' and came running to see the Lone Islands. Instead they noticed that Eustace was sticking his finger in Drinian's face and generally being irritating. They smiled at each other; Jack and Max had never been known to give up a chance to vex someone. They quickly figured out, generally, what was going on as they scurried up to Eustace. Max snaffled his finger first.
"That's horrible! Oh how can you bear it!" She proclaimed, clutching the wounded finger to herself.
"I...I...I, ah," Eustace stuttered, trying to jerk his finger back, to no avail.
"Oh, let me see!" Jack snatched it from Max and inspected the red finger with deep concern. "Come with us." She commanded. Jack kept hold of his finger as she started to drag him to Caspian's cabin.
"But," he faltered.
"No buts, my inarticulate, poor soul," Max said. Inside Caspian's cabin, Jack sat him down on a small wooden chair, still holding his finger. She smelt it, made a thoughtful face for a couple moments, and then set it down on a desk nearby. Funnily enough, Eustace sat there, perfectly still, with his finger roosting on the desk. Jack turned around and she and Max had a short whispered conversation. Max turned towards Eustace with a sad, pitying look.
"Eustace, I'm afraid your finger has to go."
"What?" He didn't look like he believed them.
"Your finger has to go," she repeated herself. "I am afraid that gangrene has settled into the splinter and has moved up into your finger. Soon it will be up your arm. There's nothing for it." As she said this, Eustace's face, slowly but deliberately, turned from complete disbelief to shock and panic. His eyes bulged and his chin dropped. There was a pause and then Max and Jack burst into uproarious gales of laughter. Eustace started to scowl; he had never enjoyed being the butt of a joke. Jack clapped him on the back hardily.
"Oh, lighten UP, me lad!" Soon the laughter died away, but the grins didn't. Max pulled up a chair and sat down in front of him and whipped out some tweezers. The splinter was a tiny sliver of wood, but deep and evasive, and when Max got too rough, Eustace would yank his hand to himself and put up a big whinge.
"Eustace Clarence Scrubb! You are the most awful patient I've ever had!" Max rebuked after the fifth of theses episodes. Then she added, under her breath, "I wish you could just use the force to heal yourself."
"What was that?" Eustace reluctantly gave his hand back. "Why do you keep gassing on about a force?"
"Well," started Jack, then proceeded to explain what midichlorians are and what the Jedi do, and who Yoda's mother was, and most importantly, how the force works. Eustace got very excited and asked a lot of questions, which would annoy Max a great deal because he would wave his hands around while talking, just like one of their teachers who they used to copy and make fun of. The splinter was finally extricated, and Max whipped out the bandages. She wrapped up not only his middle finger, but his hand and, indeed, his entire arm. She was about to make a sling when Eustace asked Jack if she would demonstrate the force.
Jack obliged; she tapped into the force and drew the said bandages to herself. Max scowled at being interrupted again, and just before the bandages reached Jack, Max started to draw them back; it was a full-fledged battle now. The bandage hovered in the air, inches from Jack's hand. Just then Jack jumped to her feet.
"Oh hello Quin!" She greeted. Max immediately shot to her feet and turned to the door, expecting to see the tall, curly-haired boatswain. But, alas, when she turned, she saw only a closed door. Max spun around and glowered at Jack who held up the bandages and smiled. "Oops. I was mistaken." Jack strolled past Max and opened the door. "You know, I think I am going to have breakfast." She walked out the door and began laughing. "Max and Quin! How funny!" Jack felt something tell her to duck. So she did and just in time for a medium-sized identified object to fly past her head. I say identified because Jack identified it as the very same candlestick that Max threw at Reepicheep not long ago.
Max came out of the captain's cabin, flipping and doing her awesome Jedi moves. When she landed in front of Jack, Jack began laughing. "Don't be silly." Max ignored her and put out her hand and a sword flew into it. She went at Jack just to hit her with the flat, but as Max brought it down, a sword flew into Jack's hand and she blocked Max's attempt.
"That was purdy cool," said Max.
"Thank you," Jack took the complement just in time to block another blow. Max drove her out to the deck with a series of thunderous blows. But soon she was thinking, Man. Swords are heavy! And her arms began to ache. As soon as they reached the deck, Jack used a force-push to throw Max off the edge of the ship. Max's eyes widened in surprise and she dropped the sword, then she gained control of herself and put out her arms to stop. There she hovered over the water. It was as if time stopped. Jack and Max looked around at the astonished faces of those who saw.
"Well done, Padawan of Rusco," congratulated Jack. Max beamed and then flipped back to the deck, drawing the sword to her hand as she went. When Max landed, Jack was upon her in a furious attack. Max retreated, loosening up her wrist. Jack took the opportunity to follow suit.
She had Max backed up to the bow of the ship, but Max didn't look too worried. In fact, she smiled. "I have a confession to make," Max said as Jack rolled her eyes, "I am not left-handed!" Max exclaimed as she threw the sword into the air and caught it with the other hand. They fought on, scattering sailors who were trying to mind their duties, follow the fight, and stay out of the way simultaneously.
"Why Quin?" asked Jack.
"Oh, I dunno. Curly hair, or tall maybe," replied Max nonchalantly. Jack decided to end it. She force-pushed her friend back so that Max was sitting down, while twirling Max's sword up the air and catching it. Jack pulled an Anakin-on-Dooku and crossed the two swords at Max's neck.
"You're dead." Jack announced.
"You threw off my groove!"
Quin and Edmund stepped out of the galley to see Max fly back and Jack stand over her, swords crossed at her neck. Jack said something, and Max answered. Edmund couldn't hear, but it didn't look good. He and Quin took one look at each other then ran over. Edmund grabbed Jack.
"Now, Now. I'm sure whatever she did isn't bad enough to kill her!" Ed soothed.
"But I wasn't killing her, I was dueling with her! Put me DOWN!" Jack squirmed, trying to get her elbows into his side.
"No use trying to argue, young lady. I know you'll both make up soon. Let's not do any thing that we might regret later, eh?" Edmund started to sound more and more like one of those old British gentlemen that talked their wives into having a spot of tea. Jack started to snicker at the thought, and pretty soon she was wheezing and yakking and cackling uncontrollably. Ed tried to scowl, but started chuckling, himself. Soon after, even though only Jack knew what was so funny, Quin and Max had joined in and they were all wiping tears of mirth from their eyes.
Thanks for Reviewing! (That means you too, Louie)