We own not the miraculous works of my hero, C.S. Lewis. Nor Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Phantom of the Opera, Toilet Tag, or J.R.R. Tolkien's overuse of the awesome quote "and no mistake". But we do own Arturo, Bobo, and Andy so you can't have 'em. I have decided to say that Fanfiction is DUMB when it comes to banning people. DUMB. Thanks for alla reviews, please keep them up because we thrive on them.

Hey, CATCHCAT, I dunno about writing a serious story. I am more of a humor person and even when I tried angst, it turned out kinda funny. Well, not funny in a normal way, but in a weird way of, dude-why-the-heck-is-Glorfindel-killing-himself? But, thank you for a most flattering compliment blushes.

Now, everyone can clap because I am finally done with this huge-mongas, long-winded, author's note.

"No interviews without 'pointments 'cept 'tween nine 'n ten A.M. second Saturday, every month." The diminutive postern stated.

Max whipped out her wristwatch and glanced back at the mingy man. "Er. It's 9:03 and 37 seconds on the second Saturday of June."

The postern blinked and squinted some more and then pulled out his pocket book calendar from his back pocket.

"Right." he mumbled. "Aherm." He cleared his throat and then yelled "INTRUDE!" sounding distinctly like Count Olaf. He stepped aside to let the party pass. The gates where still closed, but the Postern didn't notice until about five seconds of the shiny figures not moving but staring expectantly at him. He looked around questioningly and found the gates to be closed.

"Oi! Gate keeper! We gots guests. Right shiny ones, and no mistake!"

"Wot's this all 'bout?" came a sleepy, grumpy, cackley, voice.

"House keeping!" Called Jack.

"OH! 'Old on, we've been 'specting you. Laundry's over-due an' no mistake!"

The gates opened quickly and the possession proceeded. Some guards tumbled out of doors, wiping their mouths on greasy hands. There came calls of "'ouse keeping's 'ere."

"Oh wonderful! There's algae growing on my bathtub, an' no mistake." They all hustled out doors and gathered in front of the "'ousekeepers".

"They're right-shiny an' no mistake!"

"I sure HOPE it's not a mistake," muttered Jack, sick of all the un-mistakes.

"Yeah, the new company, Merry Maids, new uniforms."

"Where's the captain?" Pregunte Caspian.

"Sa voux me somme," Jack sang, unrepresentatively, in French.

"I am, more or less, if you know what I mean." the guy with the algae in his bathtub stated and bowed.

"It is our wish," said Caspian, "That our royal visitation to our realm, the Lone Islands, should, if possible, be an occasion of joy and not of terror to our loyal subjects."

"What's up with all this 'our'?" interrupted Jack. "I mean, this is not my island, I am not royal. You are the only king here. No more 'We are the king of Narnia.' because we are most certainly not. It is a frightful habit you have developed!"

Caspian shot her a rather nettled look and continued. To Jack and Max, it was just rambling till they noticed that the Captain was leading them in. Caspian turned to them and hissed at them to stay. Jack was about to protest, but Caspian didn't give her a chance.

"I mean it stay here!" he commanded in a commandish like voice.

Max puckered up her lips, half closed her eyes, made her voice go as deep as possible, and slurred together: "I mean it stay here!" and bobbed her head like the little Chihuahua on the dashboard of her master's car. Weeeell, not on her master's car, but somebody has one. GOSH.

Jack lifted an eyebrow in annoyance and said in her best you're-stupid-but-I-have-to-listen-to-you-but-wait-no-I-don't-but-I-will-anyway-voice, "Yes, my lord." The group entered and Jack and Max plopped down leaning against the wall.

Max began to vow solemnly that Jack's decision to obey Caspian was gooselike. "Jaaaaaaaack." She began. Jack ignored her, pulled her legs to her chest and began picking at the ground. Max sighed. Jack began making a pile of grass. Max sighed even louder. Jack, without looking up from what she was doing, said:

"Do you remember how long we are going to be here?"

"Nope," replied Max. "To be honest-"

"No. I want you to lie." Jack said sarcastically.

"Alright, I'm lying. I haven't read the book for long time."

"Hmmmmmmm. Intriguing," commented Jack.

"What's intriguing?"

"Nothing. I just like the word." Jack continued making the pile of grass.

A long silence followed, which Max broke by saying, "You wanna play Toilet Tag?"

"Toilet tag?" asked a man. (We are not sure who this man is. But Jack thinks we should call him Arturo.)

"Toilet tag?" asked Arturo.

"Well a toilet is a porcelain..." Jack stopped to think for a moment.

"Throne," supplied Max.

"Ah yes. A throne. And you sit on this throne and...well it doesn't matter, but we are going to play a game."

"A game?" Arturo looked skeptical for a moment and then his face lit up at the prospect. "Did you hear that, men? A game!"

"Hear, hear!" yelled the rest of the men. Max moved ahead to explain the rules of Toilet Tag and as soon as she was done she yelled, "NOT IT!"

Jack smiled. "Well, good thing that it was 'Kiwi-Not-It', huh?"

"DAAAAAANG-iiiiiit." sighed Max and then started chasing the nearest man. She got the poor bloke. He froze, one knee on the ground with his arm raised slightly, parallel to the ground.

"Somebody sit on 'im!" ordered Jack as she pointed to the guy closest to him. The guy who we just named Bobo. "Bo! Sit on Andy! Do it! Do it now!" Bobo took one look at Andy and ran away yelling,

"I'm not sittin' on 'im! You're outta yer bloody mind!"

"Fine." Jack sat on Andy's leg and pushed his arm down to 'flush' him. Jack whispered, "You didn't make the flushing sound."

Andy rolled his eyes, blushed and went, "SSSHHHQQUUUUUAAAAHHH!" as brassy as he could. (To properly pronounce this bonzer word, you must stand in front of a dishwasher, turn it on and then imitate it to the scoop of your abilities.)

They continued to play for who knows how long. Max was 'it' THE. WHOLE. FRIDDEN. TIME. (Bitter moment). Just as she thought she was going to win, someone would make a flushing sound and they would be free. But her Master drilled it into her mind not to give up. (Thank you Master.) So here she was, rollicking wildly after Jack when, BAM! Suddenly, just outta NOWHERE, she collided with something unspeakably hard. Actually, the something happened to be someone, who happened to be a pretty pissed-off king, who happened to be Caspian, who happened to be actually the only king on the Island, which happens to be a lie because Edmund just happens to be a king also.

Max didn't give a second thought to the something and got back up and started chasing Jack again. But after about two steps, she just collapsed and gave up with a huge-mongus groan of frustration. (Sorry Master.) "HHHUUUUUGGGGGHHHHUUUUU!" But, really if you actually do try to pronounce this, you sound like a dying cow, which has nothing to do with what Max sounded like.

After picking himself up, Caspian objected. "We object!"

Jack peeked out from behind Quin, who she was using as a human shield, and exclaimed, "Does that mean we win?" Max was still on the ground groaning and she didn't respond. Jack perambulated over to Max and bent down so that she was right in Max's face. "Well? Do we?"

"You freaking win and you know it! BAAH!" Jack grinned and helped her whinging friend up.

As they rode into town, they drew a bombastic crowd. When they arrived at the slave market, the now Duke Bern shouted, "On your knees, every man of you, to the King of Narnia!" Then, as an afterthought he yelled, "Women too." They did.

"Your life is forfeit, Pug, for laying hands on our royal person, yesterday." said Caspian.

"Yes, aside from the atrocious usage of 'our', you are right," oriented Jack. Caspian coughed and continued.

"But your ignorance is pardoned. The slave trade was forbidden in all OUR dominions a quarter of an hour ago. I declare all slaves present free!" There was loud cheering to Caspian's extreme pleasure. "Where are my friends?"

"Why, they were snapped up at once!" Pug said this.

"We're here! We're here! CASPIAN!" Lucy and Edmund cried from one corner.

"At your service, Sire," called Reep from the opposite corner. Now we hug Ed and Lu.

"But where's Eustace?" squalled Max, very distressed. Pug jollied on about no one wanting Eustace for what seemed like ages and ages. But, really, all he said was,

"Oh. You can 'ave 'im." They brought out the sulking Eustace and Jack and Max grabbed him in a death-hug. Surprisingly, Eustace hugged back.

Then he turned to Caspian and remarked, "I see. As usual. You've been enjoying yourself somewhere while the rest of us were prisoners. I suppose you haven't even found out about the British Consul." There was a pause. "Of course not."

"Pleasant little blighter!" remarked Lord Rhine, who finally, for the first time in this story, decided to talk.

"I love him." sighed Max, dreamily.