We own not the miraculous works of my hero, C.S. Lewis. Nor the song In Love With The 80's by Relient K, Star Wars, or Charmisjess's awesome "Commander Cody/General Kenobi/women's malfunction" quote-y thing, or Pirates of the Caribbean. We're really sorry for the delay. Review, my pretties!
Sarcasm noun the use of irony to mock or convey contempt. -Oxford University Press.
The next few days were delightful. Lucy thought she was the most fortunate girl in the world as she woke each morning to see the reflections of the sunlit water dancing on the ceiling of her cabin, and looked round on all the nice new things she had got in the Lone Islands-sea boots and buskins and cloaks and jerkins which could either be sweaters or a close-fitting, collarless, coat or jacket, usually of leather having no sleeves but often extended shoulders, belted and worn over a doublet by men especially in the 16th century. We will never know. The sea was getting bluer and bluer and the skies were getting clearer and clearer and the air was getting warmer and warmer. She spent her time playing chess with Reepicheep. Yes, delightful. Just delightful.
The next few days were delicious. Caspian thought he was the luckiest king in the whole world. He woke up one morning to find that a) his head was about to burst, b) they had left the Lone Islands without his consent, and c) the only justification anyone could give him of leaving while he was asleep, was Jack and Max continuously trying to assure him that he a caught the dreaded 'Wet Bone', and while he was in a sleep-walking-fit he told them to tell Drinian to leave the Lone Islands right away. The provisions were running out quickly and he became temperamental.
During one of the many chess games held on the poop deck, Max decided to see about some background music.
"And I'm only gonna pierce my left ear, and I've been working on this mustache all summer long. And my favorite band will always be Tears For Fears, and I'm gonna wear a pink tux to the prom! A Pink tux to the Prom! DO, do, do-DO DOooooo! Pink tux to the proooom!" She sang from the bow of the ship as loud as she could, off key. Jack joined in nodding her head to the imaginary beat. "I. AM. GONNA. WEAR. A pink tux to the prom! Live without a caaaaare... what could poooossibly go wroooooo- "
"SHUT UP!" shrieked Caspian springing up, agitating the chess board. "JUST SHUT UP, can't you! You're always implausibly obnoxiously BARBARIC! I can't TAKE it anymore, I swear! JUST SHUT UP!" Caspian finished, breathing very heavily and rather red in the face. Lucy looked shocked. Reep looked like he agreed and that he was proud of Caspian for finally standing up to the girls.
There was panoptic muteness.
Max slowly, but deliberately slid her hand up to her mouth, made a guttural sound, and kind of yelled, "Ah, Commander Cody, we bear a malfunction..."
Jack scooted over to the juxtaposed, muted sailor and hid behind him. "Commander Cody speaking, we copy you, General Kenobi. What seems to be the problem?"
"King Caspian seems to have a woman's problem...PMS. Do you copy that Commander Cody?"
"Loud and clear, Kenobi."
Yes, bewailed Caspian to himself, deee-licious.
To top it off, there was one of the most tearing, thrashing, horrible, rainy, boat-capsizing, mast-cleaving, man-overboarding storm in the history of all the tearing, thrashing, horribly rainy, boat-capsizing, mast-cleaving, man-overboarding storms. It lasted for twelve measly days. Twelve bloody days of creakings, groanings, snappings, clatterings, roarings and boomings. Twelve wretched days without rest and warm food and dryness.
On the thirteenth day the sun came out. The storm was over, but most of the food was gone, the waters were dead, it was stinking hot, and worst of all:
"Why's the rum gone!" Max threw up her hands in despair.
Jack coughed and in a low whisper murmured, "It was the water, not the rum. The water caskets leaked."
"Right, why is the water gone!" Max tried again.
Eustace mumbled something like, "Narnian efficiency."
"We must work with what we were given, food for 16 days and a pint of water a day," declared Caspian.
"Your mom gets a pint of water," Max declared back.
Caspian sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Your mom's green sour patch kid gets a pint of water," responded Jack.
"Yeah, well, it would probably dissolve," Max pointed out.
"Good point," Jack turned to Caspian and Drinian who were trying to figure out what a sour patch kid was. "Now, OUT OARS for Dragon Island."
"What?" almost everyone said in unison.
Not having water was hard on everyone and to make things worse, poor Jack and Max were almost bored out of their minds (like the one time, okay maybe every time, they picked up the book they have to read for English class). I say almost, because they 'discovered' Eustace's diary, thing and they made all kinds of notes in it. And the following is an account of their "discovery:"
"Why on earth are you in this stuffy cabin, when you can be out in the fresh air? It is a lovely day." Jack said as she entered the cabin she shared with Lucy and Max.
"Yes, it is, isn't it?" said Max from her seated position at Caspian's former desk; she was hovering over something.
Jack walked stealthily over to the desk, "What are you doing?"
Max jumped and quickly covered what appeared to be a notebook, "Blast you! It's none of your business."
"Where did you get a notebook?" Jack exclaimed: both the girls had notebooks that they used to make all kind of 'notes,' kind of like the Pickwick Club, and Jack had to admit she was a bit put out that Max had one.
"It's, it's, it's not mine, but well, I borrowed it," explained Max.
"How do you borrow a notebook?" Jack gave Max a look, that reminded her (Max) of the way her Master looked when she knew she was lying.
Max began to sweat (is it getting hotter in here?), she had never been investigated by the police but this must be close. It felt as though Jack were boring holes in her (how does Orin handle this). Jack was waiting (what should I say).
"I discovered it in Eustace's room, and I, I took it," Max broke down.
"Oh. Okay, can I read?" Jack grabbed the note book and began reading what Eustace wrote for September 4th.
"Still becalmed," she read out loud, "Very short rations for dinner and I got less than anyone." Here Jack's eyes began to water.
Max looked at her very closely with a confungled look on her face. "What?" Jack ignored her and took a breath.
"Caspian is very clever at helping, and thinks I don't see." And then Jack exploded. She was doubled up, clutching the chair in front of her, laughing so hard, for what seemed like absolutely no reason. Max started scowling. She wasn't in on the joke.
"Whaaaat?" Max tried again.
When Jack caught her breath she continued with a slight hitch in her voice, "Lucy, for some reason, tried to make up to me by offering some of hers, but that interfering prig Edmund wouldn't let her. Pretty hot sun. Terribly thirsty all evening." Jack paused. "Oh. Man." she said very slowly. "I keep taking stuff off of Eustace's plate and giving them to Drinian, when he is not looking. I can't believe he thinks Caspian is doing it instead of one of us! Haha!" Max chuckled a little. Jack grabbed a pen and started writing in the notebook.
"NO! Don't write in it," Max reached for the notebook, but Jack held it just out of reach. Max stood up and (since she was the taller of the two and had the longer arms) grabbed the notebook.
"My notebook!" Eustace cried. Max and Jack spun around to be face to face with the boy (they weren't exactly face to face considering Eustace was at least a head shorter than Jack). Eustace went for the notebook, but Max held it up.
"Give it back!" demanded Eustace, as he jumped for it.
"No, no, no," Max shook her finger at him, "You must say please."
"It's mine, why should I say, 'please?'" Eustace said in a very aloof tone.
Jack frowned at him, "You have horrid manners."
Eustace rolled his eyes, and groaned, "Please may I have my notebook back."
"Most certainly," Max cheerfully said handing him the notebook.
Eustace looked at the last page and there was writing in the margin of the page. He was almost furious but he didn't understand what the strange writing meant.
"What does 'bra' mean?"
"Bra?" repeated Max.
"No," Jack grabbed the notebook and pointed to the writing, "It says: Dude-Man-Bro. Bro. Not bra."
"It does look like bra," Max said nodding her head.
"Stop nodding your head, and it says bro," Jack said defensively.
"No, it doesn't," said Max.
"Yes, it does, I wrote it, I would know," snapped Jack.
"You should know, but it, in fact, looks like bra," Max responded coolly. Jack shot her a glare, but the whole conversation was forgotten when they heard someone yell, "LAND IN SIGHT."