Chapter 45: FINALLY!

**Past Still**

I waited until the courtyard had emptied again, before standing and walking along the lake. I felt a chill and went back to the common room, seeing Remus reading a book by the fire. He looked up and smiled at me, patting the seat beside him as he closed the book. I joined him and turned to the fire, holding my chilled hands out to warm them. "It's good to see you up and about again…how are you feeling?" I shrugged and sat back, glancing over at his face. The full moon was coming, his face was showing the wear, the change would be upon him soon, and they would all go to the shack and protect each other.

"Remus, you need to prepare for the moon…it's showing already." I brushed my fingers across his face, tracing the small scars he had barely visible. He shuddered under my touch, leaning into it, closing his eyes. I pulled my hand away, turning back to the fire. "You and the others need to be careful alright. I worry about all of you around this time." I spoke in a hushed tone, worried someone may overhear. "Even Sirius?" he joked and nudged me. "I know you can't stand each other. You fight like cats and dogs." I didn't speak and sighed. "Yeah, we can't get along no matter what." I stood and walked up to the stairs, bidding him goodbye.

I went up to my room, seeing a letter from Dumbledore with another meal waiting on me. Reminding me of my promise to him, I sat and ate as much as I could without feeling sick. I sat in the bed, working my way through the homework I had been brought by Lily at lunchtime. I was getting a headache staring at the papers and rubbed my eyes, I needed to stretch my legs and give my eyes a break. I went into the common room, seeing it empty and did a few yoga stretches before looking out the window. Still day time, but school had to be over by now.

I left the room and walked down the halls…then I heard the sounds, students shouting and something happening. I moved quickly toward the noise and saw a large group of students gathered around something. I wedged my way into the crowd and froze when I heard a voice, "Shut your mouth about Phoebe! You don't know jack shit!" it was Sirius's voice…and it was filled with rage. I peeked through and saw a seventh year student under Sirius, he was trying to block the punches that Sirius was pounding down at him. Sirius's teeth were gritted, his eyes burning with anger, his fist already bloody.

"Come on! You don't even like her, she's just Lily's friends and James is yours! It's just normal that you hear these things! Bugger off!" he was shouting between dodging the punches and shoved Sirius off, rolling and punching him in the gut. "I'm just saying I heard it was her moaning in a classroom and a bathroom! She's been seen dating quite a few guys, man! Come on, she's gotta be a little bit of a slut! All I said was I might take a shot at her if she is easy like that!" it didn't take long before Sirius recovered and speared the guy into the ground, knocking the breath out of him and began to hit him again, harder this time.

I was frozen…had people truly been talking about me like that? Sirius didn't seem like he was going to stop and I forced myself into his view, calling his name, "Sirius! Stop it!" I rushed over, stopping his fist from taking another punch at the guy. His eyes met mine and I realized that he was too angry to stop, he was furious that someone was talking bad about me. I placed his fist between my hands, "Sirius…stop. Please." "Phoebe…he was saying-" I shook my head. "I don't care. People can say what they want. I know what I do and I know what I don't do. Gossip never ends well and you getting in trouble because he is a jerk is stupid. He may think he is talking about me, but I have never done anything he has said…so it's stupid to get worked up over nothing."

My eyes were begging him to let it go, his teeth were still gritted as he got up, allowing the guy's friends to help him up. "Phoebe…Sorry." Sirius breathed out and then turned and walked away, people jumping out of his way. I sighed and turned to the guy who just took a pummeling for bad-mouthing me. His face was swollen and his eyes were black, it also looked like his nose was broken and maybe broke a tooth. I reached up with my wand and reset his nose, then fixed his tooth and eyes. The swelling disappeared last and I used my robe to wipe the blood off his face. His face was filled with shock as I finished and he spoke, "Why did you do that?" he asked and I huffed out a breath.

"I didn't want you and Sirius to get into trouble for fighting. This way you don't have to go to the hospital wing to get fixed." I said simply and went to walk away when he spoke again, "But I was saying those things…" I glanced over at him, shrugging. "Sirius has a temper, but he's somewhat of a friend. We may not get along, but that's no reason for him to beat you up for saying something about me. Rumors are never a reason to fight. If you choose to believe those things about me, fine. However it's just rumors. I mean, you wouldn't like it if a rumor got started that you were a terrible boyfriend…or couldn't do the simplest spells. Words can actually hurt if they aren't true. So I would take care of what you say in the future."

He didn't say anything as I bid him bye and walked away. Once I was out of view of anyone, I slipped into one of the secret spots Sirius and I used to meet at and sank to my knees, my hand shaking. Someone had seen or heard me and Sirius…someone had been running their mouth about me. I wasn't sure if it was rage or fear making me shake, but I didn't care. What if someone found out I had gotten pregnant. Sirius would find out and know for sure that it was his…and then what if someone found out I had I lost the baby and he found out…and then found out Remus had become my boyfriend and he would put two together and assume Remus knew about the baby and was claiming it as his own…none of this was going to end well.

**Present**

I woke up with a start, my memories fading slowly from my mind. I groaned and rubbed my eyes, feeling drained and so depressed. I was a child back then, I wouldn't make those same mistakes…I was determined now. I dressed and saw it was late, but I wasn't going to let anything stop me now. I was going to find Sirius and tell him everything. My mind was screaming at me to tell him, even my dreams were of my past mistakes and telling me not to repeat them. I slid into my thick dark robes and pulled up my hood, seeing Remus sleeping peacefully on the couch. I quietly ran down the halls and used the hidden pathways to get out of the castle and to where I could apparate. I appeared right outside hogsmead and I followed my previous path to where Sirius would be hopefully sleeping.

I entered the cave and saw Sirius…but he wasn't sleeping. He was pouring over papers, only a small candle to see by, completely engrossed into what he was reading. I kicked a pebble and his head snapped up, his eyes filled with surprise. "Phoebe? What's wrong?" he came rushing over and looked me over before searching my face for the answer to his question. "I haven't heard from you in a long time. I was so worried…but I couldn't come find you. Has something happened?" I nodded…then smiled sadly. "We need to talk…I've been having my waking and sleeping moments interrupted until I get this talked out. Please sit with me and just listen."

He nodded and we sat together on a small blanket behind some rocks. "Of course my love, just tell me." I took a long deep breath, readying myself to tell him everything. "Well let's get to the first thing…Sirius I made a lot of mistakes when we were younger and secretly together. I did things I am not proud of and I have to apologize in advance. I realize now that I was so scared and I panicked. Can you please forgive me?" he smiled, "Of course, we both did dumb things as kids. It's just how life works." I sighed, shaking my head. "I did some of the worst things ever. So…remember when I broke it off with you…then started dating Remus not too long after that?"

He nodded, his hands giving mine a squeeze, urging me to go on. "Well it was odd, you did notice that….but you didn't notice something else about me…a secret. The reason Remus and I started dating was for only one reason…he just happened to be the one I ran into at my weakest moment. It could have turned out to be way worse than it did if it had been anyone else." "What are you talking about?" he asked, his eyes staring deeply into mine. "Sirius…he ran into me the night I found out I was…pregnant." I whispered it, part of me hoping he wouldn't hear it. It was dead silent as his face showed his confusion and he started remembering back then…probably the math.

"You…pregnant…was it…" "Yours, yes. I'm sorry I never told you. I was just so worried and Remus was there, he seen the test. I didn't tell him it was yours. I told him it was a jerk and a mistake. He said he would be there for me…for everything. I was so terrified, I agreed. That's why we started dating." he looked down at my stomach and closed his eyes, I'm guessing to try to remember if he saw me with a belly and stuff. "I don't remember you having a baby…" he breathed out, his hands dropping from mine. I nodded, "Yes, a couple months later…I was starting to show, we were about to tell the professors…but I started having pains and was beginning to bleed…"

I trailed off, letting him finish it himself, I didn't want to hear the words again. "So…you got pregnant with my child…and then dated Remus because he was going to claim it as his own…and you were never going to tell me…and then you lost it…and broke up with Remus after that…" his voice was low but I could feel his anger in the air, I could see his knuckles tightening, his teeth gritting. "Did you not think I deserved to know? Did you not think I would claim it as my own? Phoebe, you can't be serious!" he stood up and began to pace, his words becoming faster and more confusing.