Chapter 46: The Truth Is Out

I sat there, letting him pace and mumble out words, both confusing ones and angry ones. Finally his eyes met mine and I saw he had tears in his…just like me. He sank to his knees in front of me and placed his head on my lap. His hands shook as they lifted and gently touched my belly, where our child was all those years ago…gone forever. "Did you truly think I would abandon you…?" he whispered and I shook my head, lifting his face to look at me. "No, not once did I think that. Sirius, I knew what you would do. You would be happy, so happy. You wouldn't think of yourself and how this would have changed everything. You would want to be with me for real, start planning our life together. Without once thinking of what you would be giving up." "Giving up what Phoebe? I would give up the world if I could go back and change what happened."

I nodded, knowing him all too well. "Yes, I get that…but I would have left school…and you would have followed. You wouldn't have finished and been able to get a good job. You would have ruined your future for me…and I couldn't let you do that. I wouldn't be the cause of your regret later in life. You would have become resentful of me…and the child." he shot up, gesturing to the cave. "Look at my life now! Look where I'm forced to remain. Unable to help anyone! I could never regret anything that had you in it, but adding a child of ours…how could you think that I would resent you or it?" I stood up and touched his shoulder, but he jerked it away from me. "Sirius, I know this because…I would have."

He turned back to me and stared hard. "You would have resented and regretted me and our child?" I nodded, being truthful. "Not at first, probably not for years and years…but at some point…yes. I would have given up my goals in life, my mission for becoming the strongest witch I could. All my hard work would have been lost. I would have become lost myself. I would have become a person I would no longer recognize in the mirror. I hate myself for thinking it…but I know who I am and how I would react. Sirius, Remus has been nothing but one of my best friends…always there for me when I needed him and still there knowing I could never feel for him what I feel for you. To this day, no one ever knew I was pregnant except the nurse, the headmaster, and Remus."

He was quiet for a while, just watching me as I sat back down and wrapped my arms around myself. "Phoebe…is this…I mean…why didn't you tell me sooner? When we were together in secret after school? You could've told me then." I gave him a 'for real' look, "Oh really? After we were all done with school, you wouldn't have gotten royally pissed if I told you that I got pregnant and then let one of our best friends claim it as his, then lost it? How would you have reacted then? Seeing James and Lily getting engaged and readying themselves for marriage and family, how would you feel if you would have found out that I robbed you of that?"

He was silent, knowing that I was right and he would have been so crushed and heartbroken that he might have broken it off with me and hated me and himself. He huffed out a breath and sat beside me, taking my hand. "Okay…I get it. It's already done and over with so let's not worry about what could have been." I let the breath I had been holding out and smiled, giving his hand a squeeze. "Okay, thank you for understanding." "Phoebe, it's in the past. Now that I know…we can look toward the future…together…and not make our same mistakes of the past." he moved to the front of me and got on one knee…I shot up and backed away from him until I was against the cave wall. "Sirius, don't do that." I whispered and he looked confused but came over to me, pressing our foreheads together.

"Are you saying no?" his voice was low and it made me shiver with want. But I came to do much more than just tell him about our child… I wanted the whole truth out between us. I wanted no secrets. "Sirius, I'm not saying no…I'm asking you to not do this…at least not now. This is not the time, nor place I want us starting our lives together." I tried to not break his heart further by telling him I wouldn't marry him. But he needed to know the whole truth of who I was and where I came from before deciding that he wanted to be with me. His smile shown me he wasn't taking this that badly, that he was still planning for our future.

I sat him back down and went to open my mouth when a orange blur shot in and began to circle Sirius. "Oh, is that Hermione's cat?" I asked and he nodded, slipping out of his shirt and pants to turn into his dog form. I waited as they spoke in animal form, somehow understanding each other. Finally the furball ran out and Sirius changed back, not bothering to dress himself. "Phoebe, get back to the school. We are going to have to finish this talk later." "What is it?" "The second task is beginning shortly. And he can't find Ron or Hermione. They have disappeared in the night."

I blinked, how did Harry's two best friends just vanish in the night? I nodded and kissed him deeply before turning and leaving, hurrying back to the castle. I went straight to my room and found Remus just getting up, seeing the sun peeking out, I had stayed longer than I realized. "Oh, Phoebe, you're up early." then he saw the twigs and dirt on my robes. "…or returning late." he changed his answer and didn't ask much more as he walked to the bathroom. I let Rain out of her cage and opened the window, letting her go and spend as much time as she wanted out and about.

When Remus came out, he gestured for me to go clean up and he sat back on the couch, telling me he would wait before we head down to the task. "Remus, is there any way you can go on ahead without me? I'm going to take a hot shower and relax for a bit. I'll be down after it starts. Go support Harry for us both." he seemed like he wanted to object but didn't and left. I showered and dressed as quickly as I could before leaving and finding Dumbledore. He was heading toward the lake when I caught him. "Phoebe, how nice to see you out and about. What's going on?"

I explained that no one had seen Hermione or Ron all night and that I was worried, but he just smiled and whispered to me. "They are in the lake, part of the task. I briefed all the professors, but you weren't feeling up to it. They are perfectly safe." I sighed in relief, they were alright. I bid him goodbye and called for Rain, sending a letter to Sirius explaining the task and what Harry was supposed to be doing. She flew off and I looked around, seeing everyone heading for the lake, the task would be beginning soon. I waited for a little while, hoping Sirius would write back soon and tell me what he feels I should do. I looked around…I mean, I could easily go into the lake myself and watch from a distance.

I decided that would be interesting to see and rushed back to my room to get a suit that would keep me warm in the icy water. I spelled it to warm as the water got colder and wrapped myself in a thick robe before heading down to the lake. I heard the shot blast, signaling the beginning of the task and 4 figures go into the water. I hurried down and hid my robe behind a bush before sliding into the near freezing water. My suit began to warm up and I sighed, at least I wouldn't be froze. I did the bubble charm and went under, hiding in the seaweed to watch.

I watched as Krum tried to turn himself into a shark, however his spell work wasn't complete and only half of him turned. He swam off as Cedric and Fleur both used the Bubble Charm as I did and began to move into the dark. It was a while before Harry entered under the water and I saw his form change due to gillyweed and he became more fish than boy and disappeared with such speed in the water. I followed, sticking to the darkness and well from view. The Fleur girl got attacked by grindylows and she was forced back to the surface. I followed down, following the only boys I could still see, Harry having left everyone in the dust with his gillyweed.

I found a spot and I waited, seeing the boys enter the merpeople's domain. After a while, I saw Cedric tugging a girl along with him, the one from the ball. It wasn't long after that I saw the half shark Krum swimming with Hermione to the surface. Now where was Harry, he had to have beaten all of them there, why wasn't he already finished. I couldn't stop myself as I began to swim toward the ruins, there was no way I was going to let Merpeople have Harry. I heard screeching and saw the mermaids swimming back as Harry appeared, Ron and a little girl in his arms.

He wasn't able to swim all that fast with both of them weighing him down. I sighed, of course, just like his parents, unable to let anyone stay in harm's way. He must have waited for everyone to make sure all of the hostages got back safely. I surfaced back near my clothes and dressed in my robe, drying myself off as best I could. I could hear Bagman voice booming the marks out. It was Cedric, Harry, Krum and Fleur. I smiled, even in last place, he always does the right thing. I walked back to the castle, knowing that they would all be heading back shortly. The weather would send them all back inside to the warmth of the castle.