Chapter 51: My Father's Name

When I saw them, their faces were solemn, they had to have had been discussing my father and the whole war coming. When Sirius saw me, he rushed over and hugged me tight, making Remus stare in confusion. "I think there is a few things we need to get out in the open first…before another step." I cleared my throat, stepping out of Sirius's arms and giving Remus a quick hug. I conjured a table and chairs for us and we took a sit, Sirius taking my hand. "Ok, guess it's best to start with the easiest…." I started and Sirius gave me a smile, making my heart soar.

"Remus, Sirius and I have been in contact since we discovered him when you were a teacher at Hogwarts." "Phoebe?" Sirius poked my side and I shushed him. Remus's face was still confused. "Well, he was my secret boyfriend when we were in school. We hid it from all of you and I'm sorry for that. We stayed together even after school for a while until Lily and James's were murdered. When I found him in the shack last year…it was a surprise that I believed him so easily. But I knew him better than anyone, so we have been together since then…" Sirius just smirked, while Remus was silent as he stared between us… I could tell his question.

I nodded, leaning on Sirius for support, "Yes, it was Sirius's child I was pregnant with back then. I only told him only a short while ago." "Yeah, Phoebe and I have no secrets anymore." Sirius butted in and Remus met my eyes. "Everything?" "That's something I have yet to explain…but I was planning on it today." Sirius seemed to get the hint that I was still hiding something and pulled away. "Is this about your father? I've done said I don't care who he is, he is nothing if he abandoned you." I chewed my lip as Remus stood up, "I will let you two talk. Phoebe I'm here if you need me. Sirius, be understanding." and with that he gave us a smile and walked toward the house.

I turned and faced Sirius, knowing this was something that would either strengthen us or break us. "Sirius, I want you to understand that where I come from can not be known by others, only the few that already know." "Like Remus? Who else?" I sighed, "Dumbledore…and Harry." he stood up and began to pace. "You told Harry before me? He's a child." "He needed to understand before I even knew you had escaped and was innocent. Sirius, calm down." "Oh just get on with it. Who is your father?" I groaned and ran my hand through my hair, this was the hardest thing ever, now knowing he was back and trying to kill everyone. I grabbed his hands and made him look at me. "Remember what Remus said and what you just said, I'm not my father and you need to stay calm." he nodded and I opened my mouth, whispering the name of my father, "Voldemort."

"What about that bastard?" I looked up at him, my eyes begging him to understand and not go off the handle. I watched his eyes realize and he shook his head as he dropped my hands and took a step back. "No way that's possible. Phoebe, don't lie to me about this." I went to touch him and he recoiled, his face flashing with disgust. I froze in my steps and sighed, "I'm not lying. I truly wish I was…Sirius please." he huffed and turned taking off running down the beach and out of view. I groaned and sank into a chair, holding my head. How could I think he would be able to love me after finding out.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, but soon Remus appeared and led me to the house, nothing spoken as he helped me to the porch to sit down. "I take it he took off." I nodded, my throat hurting as if I had been screaming. "Phoebe, it's a shock. Let him cool off, he'll come back. If he truly loves you that is." I looked up at him, his eyes were cautious. "I would like to know how you two were able to hide it from all of us for years….that's amazing. I never thought you two even liked each other as friends." I let him talk about our past, trying to find hints or clues but there were rarely anything. I heard footsteps and stood up, surprising Remus as I stared at Sirius walking toward us, his fist balled up and his face hidden behind his hair.

"Lupin, please leave. Go somewhere else. Now." his voice was hoarse and strained. I nodded to Remus who excused himself and I walked out to meet Sirius. "You're not lying right. That's the big secret..your father is the Dark Lord…the one that murdered our friends, that tried to murder Harry…that is back and trying to take over the world." I nodded, letting him growl out his sentence, I deserved his anger, I hid this for our whole lives together. I told others before I told him. I didn't want to speak, I feared he would not be able to forgive me, would leave me. Would look at me like I was my father…I didn't even realize I had begun crying until the tears were running down my face, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

"Sirius, I'm sorry I never told you. I never even wanted this to happen. I didn't know he would go after Lily and James. I never knew he would get Peter on his side, I never saw it at all. I was blindsided just like you and the others. I didn't say anything because I didn't want anyone to look at me the way you are…like I'm a monster because I'm his daughter. I didn't ask to be his child, I didn't ask to be born. He told my mother to kill me, he wrote me a letter telling me that I could either join him or never tell anyone otherwise he would return and murder me and everyone I cared about. I didn't want you or the others to be hurt because you knew the truth. I didn't want to lose you! I can't lose you!"

The words poured from my mouth, all my fears blurting out and once I was done, I stared at him, his eyes were filled with betrayal and his teeth were gritted. I stood there, waiting for him to either take off running from me or to scream at me, I would understand. "Phoebe…" his tone was hard and he stepped over to me, lifting my face to look up at him, his mouth open to speak, but no words came out. We just stared for a while, both unmoving and not speaking as we faced off. Finally he groaned and leaned his head down on my shoulder and I blinked. I wasn't expecting this, it was so unlike him. "Are you alright?" I asked and he shook his head, rubbing it against my skin.

"Are you angry with me? Do you hate me? I would understand." I whispered, my hands tightening as the words came from my lips, fearful that speaking them would make it true. He huffed and leaned back, pressing his forehead against mine. "I could never hate you Phoebe. You know that." "But you are angry?" he looked at me close, before nodding. "I am a lot of things right now. I need some time…but don't think I hate you." and with that, he leaned back and walked off again, I waited until I couldn't see him anymore before I sank to my knees in the sand. He didn't hate me…but he didn't kiss me, didn't hug me, barely touched me…what would become of us now?

Remus came and got me with Livy soon after, seeing me just sitting there with tears streaked down my face. They took me inside and made me lay on the couch. "I'll fix a sandwich for you." Livy's squeak called and Remus gave me a pat before saying he would help and they disappeared. I stared at the ceiling…the clouds white and lazily moving, looking so peaceful as my world was falling apart. My father, evil wizard was back and already murdering people. My friends almost gone by his hands already, my godson his target and my love fighting with himself over how he feels about all this.

I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't lay here and be helpless. I didn't work this hard in my life to fail now. I climbed over the couch and went downstairs, entering the code into the keypad at the bottom. Sirius. I knew no one would ever guess it, no one ever knew about me and him. Even then, I never could let my heart forget the way he made me felt. I closed the door and grabbed a tank and shorts, changing and walking into the room. After lighting it up, I looked around, it had been a while since I came down here. The room was simple, there were dummies along the wall, others hanging from the ceiling and hidden behind pillars. Some were on wheels, some on strings and others spelled to move like people.

There was a pile of stones in a corner, another had a huge fountain of water, the other side held a fireplace with a roaring fire inside and several windows along the far wall, allowing fresh air in from above. Another wall was filled with different styles of weapons from both wizard world and muggle one, knives, swords, nun chucks, staffs and others. I used to spend every moment down here, before I got teaching at Hogwarts and even then all of the free time, the breaks, I would be here. I pulled out my wand, making the place come to life once more, the dummies beginning to move, random stunning spells shooting off from different places. I countered and dodged, rolling and shooting off my own, basically fighting myself as I got back in the zone.

I was hit by a cutting spell and it left a gash along my arm, but I didn't care, it felt nice to not think about the outside world. This was my world, this was what I knew. I continued for what seemed like hours, tiring of my wand after a while and going for the weapons as the dummies continued their assault. Grabbing a staff and rolling out of the way of a reducto spell and slamming it into the dummies chest that appeared from the corner. It shattered under my strength, my anger and rage filling me as I spun around and whacked another from the wall onto the ground. I was disarmed by a spell and jumped out of the way just in time, running along the room until I came by the fireplace.

I felt the heat and used it, feeling the power filling me as I moved and forced it forward, taking out several dummies. I began to feel the draining of the power, without my wand to assist, it was difficult to use my elemental powers as much. I worked my way around the room, grabbing a set of sai's from the wall, but I didn't dodge in time before I was hit with a spell making me dizzy. I stumbled and leaned behind a pillar, trying to shake it off and finish them off. There wasn't many left. I groaned as I spun out of a the way of a moving dummy, the spell barely missing my head. I swept my leg out, knocking it off balance and stabbing it in the chest. The room was still spinning as I moved again, not as fast as before.

I never put a failsafe in place as I never thought I would need it. I was way out of practice, at least this was learning experience. I mumbled a spell under my breath as the water rushed around me and splashed my face a bit before I focused it on a flying target and taking it out. The power left even faster this time, it was almost painful. I groaned and spun around in time to block the wand about to shoot a spell at me before sinking my other sai into the face of the dummy. One more now. The room was spinning less now, it was easier to move and focus on the final one hidden somewhere.

It found me first as it blasted the pillar I was crouched behind, making me stumble in the rubble. It loomed over me, the wand held out as it prepared the final blow. My eyes blurred as I could see red eyes staring at me, the hissing voice speaking. "Daughter…" I felt a fear run through me, this would be it, he would end me, no matter what I did, I would never be able to defeat him….I would always lose… "NO!" I screamed as I forced myself up and knocked him over, burying my knives into it's chest. It wasn't enough, I began to slam my fist into it's head. I wouldn't let him hurt anyone else. I wouldn't let him murder anyone I loved. I would end him if it meant I was killed also. I wouldn't let him cause more pain than he already has!

"Phoebe!" I heard a voice call and snapped from my own mind, who would be here. I looked up and saw Sirius staring at me, straddling a dummy with two knives in it's chest and it's head bashed it. I looked down, seeing my hands were all bloody and I had several wounds on them…I didn't even feel the pain…I didn't even realize. I looked back up at Sirius, he rushed over and ripped a cloth, wrapping my hands as we stared at each other. "He's going to win…I have to stop him…I have to get stronger…better…so I can defeat him…I can't let him hurt you…I can't let him win…I'll die before that happens…" I was mumbling as Sirius pulled me away from the dummies and sat me on a bench. "Phoebe…"