Chapter 55: Damned Bloodlines

The next morning after going late into the night of our love making, the others were gathering to begin to clean the house of pest after breakfast. Sirius went to assist and I remained in the room, feeling tired and something was tugging at my gut. I remembered mumbling about wanting to marry Sirius. Yet he hadn't brought it up or given us a chance to talk about it again. Had he truly changed his mind? Being with me was one thing, tying his heart and soul and family with mine was another. Now knowing what family I would be bringing into our lives…was that the deal breaker for him?

It was late that evening when I heard someone call for me to come down and I entered the dining room and saw Sirius sitting at the table with Remus, and Dumbledore. I joined them and asked what was going on. "Phoebe, there's a few things I would like to discuss about your father." I blinked, they all knew I knew nothing of him or his plans. What would I be able to tell them? I nodded and waited, unsure of what they were going to ask me. "I know you are able to use the mind spell, to look inside of the mind of someone." I nodded, I had been taught hundreds of spells in my years at school and on my own. "Do you think you would be able to look into Harry's mind?"

I blinked, why would I do that? The mind is a private thing, I always thought, but what was going on in Harry's mind? "His scar has been causing him more and more pain since the Dark Lord's return." Remus said and Dumbledore eyes met mine as he spoke, "I fear he is trying to use Harry's mind to get to us." I realized that my father must know that I was with Harry by now, having felt and seen flashes of the graveyard when he returned. Would he really use Harry to get to me and Dumbledore? I could understand Dumbledore, I mean, my father fears him more than anything…but why me?

"I will not go into Harry's mind searching for the dark lord. It may cause an opening for him to slide into Harry's mind if he isn't there. I won't risk him getting to Harry like that. I'm sorry." "Don't be. I merely wanted to ask. It is not expected of you. However, I must ask that you distance yourself from him, the less the both of us are close to Harry, the better. It may make him less of a target if we do this." "What makes you think my father is going to try to come for me?" I asked and Sirius stood up, answering instead. "Blood, Phoebe. You are his blood, you are connected even if you don't want it to be true. He may try to use you against the order. Or he may try to use the order to get you to do the things he wants. Neither can happen."

Dumbledore excused himself soon after, telling me to return to my home when I needed a break from the order and to not write to Harry that much during the school year. I scoffed, did they truly not trust me just because I was the dark lord's daughter? I left after he did, not bothering to stay to talk to Sirius or Remus and I went to the room that was made up for me, I hadn't even stayed in it once because Sirius and I were always in his room. I was staring out the window when I heard a knock and glanced over my shoulder to see Sirius coming in, closing the door behind him. "Are you alright?" I shook my head and looked back outside, it was raining and I was still feeling heated at the words.

"Sirius, how would you feel if everyone still talked to you like you really did murder people like you were imprisoned for? Treat you like you deserved to be locked up. Would you really like it? Feel like a part of the order? Or would you feel like a pawn being moved around?" I vented to him as his fingers began to kneed the knots in my neck and shoulders. "Phoebe, you know it's not like that." "But it feels that way. I hate the looks I get when everyone talks about my father and me. I hate the tones of their voices when they ask about his plans or what I know. It drives me insane!" I hissed and shrugged his hands off, facing him. "I hate the way you do it too! You are supposed to be my love, the only one that knows me for me and is always there! Yet even you can't hide your voice and looks when you speak of him and of me."

I moved away from the window and sat on the bed, my head was pounding with pain, my body felt so tired and achy. "Sirius, just leave. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to sleep." I knew I was being rude and short for no reason, but I just wanted to get some rest. He sighed and nodded, kissing my head before leaving. "Goodnight Phoebe. I hope you sleep good my love." when he closed the door, I leaned back onto the bed, leaving drained. That was the perfect time to talk about marriage…yet I had to go and make him feel bad and leave. No wonder he was having second thoughts about marrying me.

I climbed under the covers and groaned as I knew I would have trouble sleeping, I slept best in his arms. But soon it was too much and my body drifted off, finally giving up and letting me rest. Sirius seemed to avoid me for the next few weeks as Harry's court date drew closer and I was getting cramped, I hated the darkness in this house, the screaming of the portrait of Sirius's mother always going on. I longed for my own home, the brightness, the warmth…the space. Maybe I could offer it for the order…but I quickly shook my head, I didn't want people coming and going at all times. Finally Sirius and I were the last couple of people at the dinner table, Molly and Remus being the other ones.

"Is everything alright Phoebe?" Remus was asking me as I was watching Sirius looking over some papers as Molly cleared the table. "I'm fine…just missing…home." I mumbled and saw Sirius's fingers go stiff at my voice. "Phoebe, could you grab those last few dishes and bring them in the kitchen for me, please." I nodded and stood up, collecting the last of the plates and going to the sink to place them in the soapy water. "Thank you." she said and I went to walk back when she placed a hand on my shoulder. "My dear, you need to tell him." I blinked, turning to face her. "What?" I asked, completely confused. Her eyes went from soft to shock as her hand left my shoulder and went to her mouth.

"You don't know?" I stared at her, what the hell was she talking about? She smiled and pointed to my stomach. "Phoebe. Do you not know that you are pregnant? I can tell just by looking at you." I froze…what the fuck did she just say?! "I guess it's just easier for me since I've been through it so many times, I can see the signs so early now." I grabbed her hand and held it so tight she let out a cry of pain. "Is everything alright?" I heard Remus's voice and I looked around, feeling the memories rushing back, the painful memories filling my mind as I began to cry, what was I going to do? I released Molly and whispered for her to stay quiet about this and ran through the hallway, avoiding the dining room where Remus and Sirius was, up to my room and slamming the door, bolting it shut and spelling it to stay locked. I was breathing so hard, in short panting as I tried to slow my heart and mind.

This couldn't be possible, this couldn't be happening again. I had suffered so much pain the first time, the memories alone were almost crushing me as I sank to the ground and gripped my chest tight, it hurt so much already, I couldn't go through this again. I couldn't lose anymore…I wouldn't be able to recover, I would die for sure. I felt like I was dying right now. I couldn't calm down, I could barely breathe as I cried and held myself close, it was all too much. Then the door was blasted open and Sirius was holding his wand out, scanning the room before seeing me laying in a ball on the floor, crying and hyperventilating.