Chapter 56: Surprising News

I don't remember much when he was speaking, my mind not allowing words to be heard nor air into my lungs, soon Molly appeared and ushered him out, shutting the door on him. Her face appeared in front of mine and was speaking, but my body wouldn't listen to me, I couldn't hear her, I couldn't calm down. I was being crushed by my memories and thoughts of darkness. "Phoebe!" finally I heard a familiar voice and my breathing began to slow…my ears weren't ringing anymore. "Lily?" I whispered, having heard her call my name. "Calm down, Phoebe." she wasn't really there, my mind said, but my memories were surfacing her voice, calming me down.

"Can you hear me, Phoebe?" that wasn't Lily, it was Molly that time. I opened my eyes and saw her concerned face near mine, she was holding me in her arms, rocking me like a child. "Shh…it's alright. I'm sorry…I thought you knew. Just stay calm. It'll be okay." she continued to speak in soft whispers, allowing me to hold her tight and calm myself down in my own time. Finally I lifted my head and wiped my eyes, my mind was much calmer now…I finally remembered that I wasn't a child anymore, I was a grown woman and had many options for myself now. This wasn't the same as before. She smiled at me, placing her hand over my stomach. "It's a beautiful thing sweetie. It's a blessing."

She paused and helped me stand up, repeating what she had said earlier. "He needs to know, Phoebe. After you ran off, he started after right, not bothering to ask what had happened. He was concerned, I had never seen that look on his face before." she sat me on the bed and brushed my hair down a bit and patted my shoulders. "Do you need some time before I let him in? I'm sure he's pacing outside. Worried sick the man." I shook my head, I had made that mistake in the past, keeping something like this to myself. He would know when I knew. "Alright, I'll let you two talk it out." she opened the door and sure enough, Sirius was pressed against it, almost falling over as she swung it open.

"Sirius, don't do that." she scoffed and walked off as he entered and she gave a small nod as she closed the door. Sirius rushed over and looked me over, trying to see for wounds or injuries. "What's wrong Phoebe? I felt you were upset and you took off running. Was it your father again? Like when he returned at the graveyard?" I had told him about the pain and flashes and I shook my head. "No…it's nothing to do with that. Molly just noticed something about me. That was all." I knew I would tell him, but first I wanted to talk about how he felt about me now that he knew the truth.

"Then what was it? I've never seen you so upset." I took his hands and kissed them both, he was kneeling between my legs as he watched my every move. "Sirius, do you remember when we were dozing off in your room? Do you remember what I said?" it took a moment but he nodded and told me, "You said you wanted to marry me. What of it?" "We never got to talk about it. I didn't know if you had changed your mind about wanting to marry me since you found out about my father." he sighed and I could see the stress melt off his face. "Is that all? Phoebe, you got upset about that? Of course I want to marry you, I just thought you were meaning in the future like you had said before. Did you mean sooner?"

I chewed my lip and looked away, "How much sooner woman?" he asked and I met his eyes, it was now or never. "I…figured it better be in the next 9 months or so…" "9 months? Why?" he asked, then caught on as his eyes went straight to my stomach and he fell back on his ass. I waited, having caused such a huge fit when I found out, it was best to give him time. "Right…are you sure?" "Molly just informed me…apparently she could tell by looking at me. I hadn't tested or anything." "Got it…should we?" "The woman has had 7 kids…I figured if anyone could know…she would. But yes." "Okay…what do we do?" I sighed, he was in shock clearly and still trying to take it in.

"Sirius, look at me." I made his eyes lift until they were staring into mine, "Relax…breathe…" I breathed with him as he blew out and breathed in. After a few minutes, he seemed a bit more like himself. "So…like how far…or when did it…" he was still stumbling over his questions when I gathered myself and sent a letter and money with Rain to town to get a test for us. It was an hour of silence before she returned and I went into the bathroom with Sirius on my heels, I closed the door on his face and locked it. Taking a deep breath I took the test and placed it on the shelf…waiting game now…

After the allotted time, I lifted the test and a bright pink plus stared at me, I felt happy and shocked at the same time. I opened the door and pulled Sirius back into my room, showing the plus to him as well. "That means…" "Yes. The plus is positive." I explained and he sank against the bed again, his face in his hands. "Sirius…are you alright?" I asked and he lifted his gaze to mine and shook his head. "I'm…not sure what I am right now?" I nodded, understanding completely as I sat beside him and took his hands in mine, tossing the test in the trash. We stayed there for a while, until Remus came to tell us that dinner was ready. "Right. You need to eat. For two now. Oh god. A baby…" he started strong and then began to panic as it set in on him.

"Hey, look at me." I said, forcing him to look at me, "Breathe. Sirius, it's going to be alright. It's no rush. We have time to prepare for all of this." "But we don't have the time. I mean, we aren't married…I'm still wanted…you've already lost our baby once…" "Shut up right now." I snapped and dropped his hands. I had been calm until those words. I knew he didn't mean them like that, but it didn't matter, they still were like knives in my heart. "Phoebe…I didn't." "I know. But it's too much right now. When I found out, the pain and memories almost crushed me. So that will not be brought up again."

He nodded and kissed my hands in apology, giving me a small smile. "It is amazing isn't it? There's a little you and me in there." he gestured to my stomach and I sighed, he was something else. "Stay here, I'll get some food for you. You just rest. Right, lay down and relax. Stay calm and breathe." "Sirius, I'm not in labor and I can go down and eat with everyone else. I'm not breakable like that. It's alright." he pressed me back and his eyes were soft, "I don't want anyone to know…just yet. I mean, only the order members know we are even together. It's just easier, for us to have this secret and enjoy it."

I nodded, he had missed out on the first child of ours…Remus had been more of that than he was, I would let him enjoy this and be excited. He brought up enough food to feed at least 5 people and said that Molly insisted on different things and I let him spread it out on the bed as I looked over it all. I understood what she meant by sending so much as some of the things that looked good, one smell and I was needing the bin to puke. "She whispered something about sickness of different foods." he explained as he held my hair back and I continued to test out what was going to cause my stomach to hurl.

Once I finally was full of food, Sirius laid on my stomach and traced my belly with his fingers, as if it was tickling the fetus inside of me. "How along are you?" I shrugged, we had been with each other plenty of times…none of which I ever thought about protection so it could be at any point. "Maybe Molly knows a spell to find out or something." he said and kissed my stomach before climbing up beside me and kissing me deeply. "This is the best news I have ever gotten my love. Thank you." I smiled, he seemed so much happier, he had been sulky and upset being cooped up in this horrible place in his life. If our baby gave him even a moment of happiness, it was perfect.