Star Trek Voyager Characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

BEFORE THE DAWN
(PG:13)

Chapter Nine

Outside a window in Chakotay's quarters stars streamed by at warp speed. Dressed in full uniform, Kathryn watched them for a while, and then turned to look around the living room. The room was bathed in soft candlelight and soothing classical music was playing. There was a pretty tapestry on a distant wall, several comfortable looking chairs of an intricately woven fabric, and interesting artefacts were on display. As Kathryn looked around, it occurred to her how seldomly she came here. When she and Chakotay spent time together off-duty, it was always in her quarters, the holodeck, or the mess-hall.

"I'm sorry to bother you at this hour," Kathryn said as Chakotay made his way from the bathroom, wrapped in a brown bathrobe. He had been running a bath and had just popped into the bathroom to stay the water. "But I really have to talk to you."

"You're welcome here at any hour," Chakotay replied. He gestured to the window-couch. "Please, take a seat."

Kathryn did as he suggested, and tried hard to fight the urge to get up and pace the room. Instead, she fidgeted with the commbadge on her uniform.

"Can I get you a drink?" Chakotay asked. "Wine, coffee, juice?"

"No, thank you," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay picked up a half consumed glass of wine he had been enjoying earlier, and sat in a chair opposite her.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Kathryn moved her hand to her neck and rubbed their anxiously. "Something's happened," she began. "I mean, something's happened after something's happened."

Chakotay frowned, perplexed. "I don't follow."

"It seems that during one of the..." She coughed nervously, clearing her very tight throat, "holo-deck simulations that the Hirogen put us in, you and I we..."

Chakotay took a sip of his wine. "We what?"

"We did something that...that we normally wouldn't do."

Chakotay smiled. "If we believed ourselves to be the characters in whatever simulation they put us in, that goes without saying."

"I mean, really wouldn't do," Kathryn replied. Tears filled her eyes and her voice fell to a whisper. "I'm pregnant."

Chakotay's eyes widened. "Pregnant?"

Kathryn nodded. "And you're the father."

For a long moment Chakotay just stared at her, desperately trying to absorb this, then he put down his glass of wine, got up, and went to sit beside her.

"Are you sure?"

"Sure that this is happening? No. I keep thinking I'm dreaming or I've stepped into some kind of alternate reality. But I am sure that I've just been to sickbay and been told by the Doctor that I'm six weeks pregnant with your child."

Chakotay looked away, clearly dazed. "I...I don't know what to say," he said. "I can't remember any of the simulations, certainly not..." He turned back to her, tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn reached for his hand and held it in hers. "It's not your fault, Chakotay. We were who we were programmed to be. We had no control over our actions. We don't even remember them."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "I wish I did." The thought of having made love with the woman he loved, but having no recollection of it, hurt profoundly.

Kathryn squeezed his hand in return. "Me too."

They looked regretfully into each other's eyes for a moment, then Kathryn spoke again.

"But there's no point in us deliberating over what's happened. What matters now is where we go from here."

Chakotay nodded.

"I won't lie to you," Kathryn said honestly. "I almost didn't tell you about this. And the reason I almost didn't tell you was because I wanted to freeze the embryo and didn't think you would agree." She paused. "Knowing you aswell as I do, my guess was...my guess is...that you want us to raise the baby on Voyager."

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "I don't believe in choosing when a person will live anymore than I believe in choosing who will live and who will die." He paused. "But this isn't my decision alone, and I'm not the one who will carry the child. If freezing the embryo is what you want, then I will agree to it."

"It isn't," Kathryn answered. "It was at first, but then..." She let go of Chakotay's hand, reached into her pocket, and pulled out the Admiral's holo-emitor. "I had a visitor from the future. Suffice it say she was my voice of conscience."

Chakotay took the emitor from her hands and studied it. "A holographic you from the future?"

Kathryn nodded. "I've analyzed the emitor and it's components are dated 2389."

Chakotay handed the device back to her. "What did she say?"

"Mainly what my heart is saying. I don't want to freeze the embryo. I just felt it was my only option. She helped me to see that it isn't."

"And she's right. There's no reason why we can't raise this child on Voyager. We'd manage between us and there's plenty of people onboard to help." He paused. "If you want, we could even..."

Kathryn put her fingers to his lips as tears flooded her eyes. "No," she said quietly. "Don't say it. Raising this child between us is one thing, but to do it as a couple...it's impossible."

Chakotay gently took her hand in his as she released his lips. "We're a long way from the Federation, Kathryn. No one would condemn you for making a life for yourself on this ship. It's what we've encouraged everyone to do. It may be years before we get home, if we ever do."

"We will," Kathryn replied. "And sooner than you think." She paused. "There's a Borg transwarp hub...somewhere between here and the Alpha Quadrant. My holographic counterpart told me about it and said we'll reach it in approximately three years time. In fact, she did more than just tell me about it. She told me there was a file within the emitor containing information about the hub and it's exact location. I've extracted the file and it contained everything she said it would. We can use the hub to get home."

Chakotay pondered this a moment. "It sounds risky," he considered. "We'd have to fly into the heart of Borg space. The chances are we'd be assimilated."

"Not if the Borg can't detect us. There's information in the file how to create a cloak for Voyager. It will involve some degree of trial and error, but we've got plenty of time. In my counterpart's timeline we used the hub to get home, and we can use it in this one too."

"With a cloak it would certainly be a possibility," Chakotay responded, "but it's still only that, a possibility. If this transwarp hub is three years away, it's too far away for us to even verify its existence. And, even if it does exist and we do use it to get home, that's all in a future that hasn't happened yet, and has no bearing on our present situation. We're not even supposed to know about this hub."

"No, we're not. And I don't intend to tell the crew about it, not yet, anyway. I don't want them or Starfleet Command to know about my 'special visitor'. There's no need for them to know. I'll find ways and means of preparing for Operation Borg Transwarp Hub without anyone knowing we're preparing for it." She paused. "I've only told you because this concerns us both and I know I can trust you to keep all this to yourself."

"Absolutely. But it doesn't change the here and now. I love you, Kathryn. I know you know that. And I believe you love me. There's no reason why we can't lead a happy family life on this ship and get the crew home aswell. At one time a relationship between us may have been difficult, but we're one crew now, one family. The crew will accept us."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "It wouldn't be right, Chakotay. I'm the captain of this ship and you're my First Officer. We have to maintain some detachment and professionalism. I know it's only superficial, because we're all developed attachments to each other that could compromise professionalism, but I need to maintain at least some distance between us while I'm captain. And, let's remember that officially you're not even my First Officer. Officially you're in my custody. There's every chance you will be exonerated when we get home because of your services on Voyager, but if we compromise the command structure, it could negatively impact those chances. And, even if that wasn't an issue, us being a couple would change the whole dynamic of this ship. I know that us having a child together will change things too, but not as much as us being a couple would. The child will just be another mutual responsibility."

Chakotay looked at her sadly. "Shared custody?"

Kathryn nodded. "But," she said hesitantly, "it doesn't always have to be that way. If we get home in three years time, then..." She stopped, waiting for him to take the hint.

"You would like us to be a family?"

Kathryn nodded again. "If you're exonerated and we're no longer in a command structure,we could be together without guilt then. The child would still be young enough to grow up in a family environment and would already know us as mom and dad. I doubt he would even remember much about these Voyager years, and during them would be far too young to understand that we're not a couple in the romantic sense."

Chakotay couldn't help catch the word. "He?"

Kathryn bit her lip. She hadn't intended to let the gender slip, just incase Chakotay wanted it to be a surprise. But, it was too late now. "I asked the Doctor the gender, and he said we're having a boy."

"I see," Chakotay replied, absorbing this. "A son..."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "But I know that three years is a long time to wait and...and there's no guarantees."

Chakotay reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. "I would gladly wait three years if it meant I could spend the rest of my life with you. I just don't think waiting is necessary. We've got a long way to go and the future is a blank page."

"I know. And I'd never ask you to wait. I'm just 'hypothesizing' about what could happen if all goes to plan. Because I'm determined that it will, Chakotay. I'm determined that we'll find this hub and use it to get home." She paused. "I know it's not much, but it's the best I can offer. There's no way we can be more than friends while I'm captain of this ship. I just can't do it. I can't..." Her lip trembled and she looked as though she was going to cry.

Chakotay squeezed her shoulder. "Then I'll wait, Kathryn. I promise you I'll wait as long as it takes."

"No," Kathryn said sadly. "No promises. We could still have a long journey ahead of us and anything could happen. Let's have no promises, no commitment. Let's just have..." She paused for emphasis, "a hypothesis."

Chakotay understood her meaning. She didn't want them to make any plans or commitment, just to have a tacit understanding that a future for them as a couple was possible if they both felt the same way when they got home.

"Alright," he answered. "We'll have a hypothesis."

He gently withdrew his hand from her shoulder and smiled, his face glowing.

Kathryn questioned. "What is it?"

"We're having a baby," he replied, his eyes sparkling.

"Yes," Kathryn answered, his joy infecting her until she smiled too. "We are..."

Chakotay got to his feet and held out his arms to the side in a subtle invitation to embrace. Kathryn hesitated a moment, but then got to her feet and stepped into his arms. Chakotay wrapped them around her, and they held each close.

END OF CHAPTER NINE