Chapter 62: Broken
Once I had calmed down, I sat at the table with Molly and told her of what had happened, explaining that the dark lord was my father. I told her about the pregnancy as well and she seemed happy, but concerned as well. "Have you heard from the others? That went after Harry and everyone?" I asked, my heart beating at realizing how late it was getting since Sirius had left. "No word yet. But let's get an ultrasound of that tiny one, just to make sure it's alright." I agreed and Livy stayed by the bed I was laying in as she held Caelum as Molly did her spell work.
The image appeared and a tiny bean like thing was all I could see as a rapid heartbeat was heard in the small room. "Ahh, look at that. It's still early. I would say about 6 weeks or so. But it seems to be alright and growing well." I nodded and looked for a minute longer before there was a knock. "Molly, it's Remus." I leapt up, running and swinging the door open, just knowing that Sirius was with him. He was alone however, his face looking rough and on the verge of tears. "Oh is Sirius with Caelum?" I asked and without waiting for an answer, I took off downstairs, barely listening to Remus call my name in objection.
Downstairs I saw Kingsley and Moody, both whispering and sending messages by owl by the door. I found Livy holding Caelum by the fire, her face solemn. "Where's Sirius?" I asked, looking around the room to see where he could be hiding. Remus and Molly appeared behind me and Molly was sniffling now, going over to her husband as I turned and faced Remus. "Where…is he?" I felt my mind pounding, my body shaking as he just gave me a shake of his head. "He…is…gone…" the words left his mouth and all sound faded away as my knees buckled and he had to catch me as I let out a scream. "NOOO!"
That was the last thing I remembered before my world went black. I shot up from the darkness, looking around to see if it was just a bad dream, it had to be. "Phoebe, how are you feeling?" I turned and my eyes focused on Dumbledore and Remus sitting beside the bed was I in. "S-Sirius." I choked out, my throat felt raw. "Give us a moment Remus." Dumbledore said and Remus gave me a pat on my hand before he left. I sat up, groaning as Dumbledore focused on me. "Please, rest. I will explain everything, but stay calm…for the child." his fingers poked my belly softly and he told me that Molly told him after I passed out.
"I placed you into a sleeping spell to let you rest, to give you time. Now you must bare this. Late last night your father made his move to get the orb, sending his followers and giving Harry a message that Sirius was captured and being tortured. Harry believed this and when he couldn't contact Sirius, he went with a few of his classmates to rescue Sirius himself." he paused as I sniffled and handed me a box of tissues before continuing, "They all fought bravely and when the Order learned of it, we sent for our members to go after and save them. I told Tonks to inform you and Sirius, but told her to not let either of you come. I assume that Sirius's worry got the better and he went. I bet you would do the same if it wasn't for Caelum and this baby." I nodded, it was the truth, we both would have gone.
"When they arrived, a battle ensued and I was a bit late, but I did see him battling his cousin Bellatrix. He was doing well until a surprise spell hit him and he fell back into the Veil. Phoebe, he fought bravely and we were able to save all of the kids with minor injuries. He died doing what he wanted, protecting the ones he loved more than anything." "He shouldn't have had to. I should have been there, protecting him. But I was useless." "That is not true. Molly told me what you told her, of your father appearing at your home. What do you think would have happened if Sirius would have stayed with you? He would have gone after the man that killed your friends, wouldn't he? Do you believe he would have stood a chance at protecting you, your son, your unborn child and himself without being hurt or killed?"
I didn't want to hear his words, no who knows what would have happened because he's gone now. Never coming back, he was dead and our family was broken now. I couldn't stop the tears from falling and he let me cry, letting Remus come in and hold me tight as he left to deal with Order business. I held Remus tight, we were the last of our group, it was too much for me. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I wanted to die. I wanted Sirius to come in, joking and laughing at my face, telling me I was a snotty crier. Finally I fell asleep in Remus's arms and he must have laid me back and left, cause I was alone when I woke up. Livy came in a bit later, holding a whining Caelum.
I took him from her and sat with him, seeing Sirius's face in his, the shade of his hair matching Sirius's, his bright grey eyes, brighter than Sirius's, but he looked so much like his father, it made my heart hurt more and more as I cried and held him tight. I knew Harry would be feeling the same as me, useless and wanting to end it all. We would have to be there for each other from now on, I was all he had from his parents and Sirius, he was all I had from Lily and James. I returned home the following day, refusing to stay with the Weasley's, seeing their happy family made me more sad, I would never have that now.
Livy stayed with me and Dumbledore put more charms and barriers up to help keep my father from breaking in again, I got a few visits from Remus and other order members, but I didn't want to be around people. I holed up in Caelum's room most days, only eating and sleeping in there unless there was someone visiting. I put on a brave face and talked with people, lying and telling them I was getting better and it didn't hurt as much. However I felt so broken and in pieces that I knew I would not be the same…ever. Sirius's love was all I had, he made me feel normal and whole…now that he was gone, I felt as though I would fade away into the dark hole inside of me now.
The only happiness I got was when Caelum would smile at me, when he laughed and played with me. It wasn't much, but it pulled me away from thinking of my life without Sirius in it. Molly came often, checking on me and the babies. When he came last, she invited me to come with them to get the kids from the train station and talk with his aunt and uncle. Livy urged me to go, saying that getting out of the house would be good for me and the baby. "Livy can take Caelum to the Burrow if she feels it is safer, although I can't see it being better than this place." "Actually Caelum goes where I go." I informed her and she agreed, knowing that I must be feeling alone and having him with me makes it easier. We traveled and greeted them with the other Order members. Harry came up to me and hugged me tight, tears in his eyes as he told me he was sorry he wasn't better and couldn't have save Sirius.
I returned his hug, careful of Caelum trying to get his glasses. "Harry, it's alright. It's just the way of war. We will see him again, just like your parents." I tried to comfort him but my voice was so dull and blank that I knew it was useless. "I have to go to my Aunts and Uncles, but please let me visit before school starts, please." I agreed, we could support each other and be sad together if it helped. I told him about the new baby coming and he was surprised, but happy and we walked over to his Aunt and Uncle. I could see a bit of Lily in her sister, but they didn't seem happy about the group of odd balls talking to them. They were explaining about their treatment of Harry being unacceptable and that it was going to change otherwise they would have us to deal with.
We waved them off as they stomped away, clearly upset at being threatened by magical folks, knowing they couldn't do anything about it really. The Order members left and the Weasley's did as well, leaving me and Remus standing there alone. I noticed Tonks took longer than she should have, her eyes on Remus the whole time. He wrapped his arm around me and pressed his head on top of mine. "Can I take you home Phoebe? Get you and Caelum settled?" I nodded and let him lead me away, I didn't want to leave Harry with them, I didn't want to go back to the home I made for me and Sirius, so big and empty now.
But I did, allowing Remus to stay as long as he liked, giving him a room for life, letting Livy take care of me and Caelum, my belly growing every day and Molly checking in to make sure everything was growing. My life was changed the day I met Sirius Black and my life was now forever changed since he was gone. I would end Bellatrix for taking him from me and his children, I would end my father for returning and taking so many that I loved. I swore it on my life as I rocked our son to sleep, his future would be bright, free of Voldemort's influence. I would make sure of it, no matter what.