Disclaimer: CSI:NY belogs to CBS, well that's a surpirse!

AN: Thanx to my beta Stella-Taylor, you made some wonderfull suggestions to this one, thank you. Also thank you so much to myrewievers,it is reallyinspieringwhen people like what you do. (Of coursemost of you know that, seeing as you are also writers)

I Knew I Loved You
by: La Suede

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend

-- I knew I loved you (Savage Garden)

It was a dazzling September morning, the sun filtered through the office windows lighting up the small dust particles lazily falling through the air. He carried a stack of files on his arm while balancing his coffee cup in one hand. He opened the door to his office, and promptly dropped his coffee and files on the floor; there was someone in his office.

At the sound of the shattering coffee cup the person turned around and was revealed to be a woman in her late twenties with the biggest, greenest eyes he'd ever seen. She gave him an apologetic smile before she got to her knees and started picking up his files. He bent down to pick up the remains of his coffee mug before going to the break room kitchen to get a towel.

She must have apologised at least a dozen times before finally introducing herself. She extended her slender hand and looked him in the eyes saying:
"I'm Stella Bonasera, I'm here for the job as a CSI"

He didn't know what to say; he was still too captivated by this woman to utter a word. Sensing his silence, Stella continued, "Sorry for surprising you like that Mr. Taylor, but the woman in the reception said I could wait in here and that she would inform you. I guess she didn't," she added as an after thought.

She sat down, uninvited, in the chair she had previously occupied and Mac rounded the desk and sat down facing, for the first time, Stella Bonasera. He fumbled through the files that were on top of his desk, searching for the file in which it would say he needed to hire a new CSI, and that that CSI would be Detective Bonasera.

She observed him for a while, letting him sweat, she thought, before handing him the file herself with the words: "You don't need to hire a new CSI, I just wanna become one".

He looked up, surprised, now that was a new one he thought.

Looking back at that moment now, he thinks that it was in that instant he decided that he would hire her - that he could always make room for one more CSI.

But he didn't let it show, he was very well aware that she had let him sweat for a while when looking for her file, so he felt that it was more than justified that he have his little revenge. So he brought out the whole procedure, asking about merits, graduation, recommendation as well as all the unimportant things he could think of. He loved every second of it.

And if Ms. Bonasera knew what he was doing, she didn't let it show.

Stella Bonasera officially became a CSI two weeks later, the first day in the tenth month, the first day of his new life. He believed now that had he not been married at the time of his first meeting with Stella, he would not have hired her, he would have asked her out for a drink instead.

But since he was married, it gave them the opportunity for a deep friendship to begin - a friendship in which he would find a much-needed strength in exactly two years later.

He can't help but feel that it was pre-destined that Stella would walk into his life at the exact right time, had it been three months earlier it would not have been a friendship, had it been a little later it would not have had the time to grow so strong as it needed to be when he needed it the most. That it was meant to be that he would feel somewhat bittersweet about his former favourite month.

EDEUSAL

But that is water under the bridge now, believe it or not, but he had gotten over his wife's death; he had gotten over the fact that he could not save her. It didn't mean that it hurt any less. And in a way it was the pain, that gnawing feel of helplessness that made him shield himself from the world.

His wife, Claire, had died in the falling towers one fine September day and he had never quite forgiven himself for fighting with her, which was the last thing he did that morning before leaving the house.

But he comforted himself with the knowledge that, perhaps, Claire knew how much he loved her despite the harsh words. He could imagine her sitting on her cloud in the sky looking down on him seeing how much he cared. He still brought flowers, pink roses like in her wedding bouquet, to her grave every anniversary, even though it's been four – almost five, years.

Every time he had visited his wife's grave Stella had been with him, unconditionally - supportive and caring only as a friend could.

He has only visited Claire's grave alone twice - the first anniversary without her, and now. The first time he came here alone, he had told Claire what a fantastic friend Stella had been to him, how supportive and kind she was and still is. This time, though, he tells her how much he wants Stella to be more than just his friend. Somehow Mac felt he needed Claire's permission to start dating again, but he was certain (Stella had drilled that into his head countless times.) that Claire wouldn't mind him moving on.

That night, after returning to his home he phoned Stella. He didn't quite know what to say to her when she picked up, but he hoped the words would come, and to his luck, they did. He really spilled his heart and soul that night on the phone to the woman of his dreams, but strangely, he didn't feel like a silly schoolboy. He felt stronger and more self-assured than he had done for many years, and the night couldn't have ended in a more successful way. He had landed his first date in many years.

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only a sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
Searching for
I think I found my way home

-- I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden)

Fini