Chapter 63: Summer's Over
The months passed slowly, I felt time was trying to make my life so horrible, knowing it was hard to get out of the bed every morning, wishing his smell was still on the pillows. I had taken to sleeping in his clothes, even wearing them around the house. Remus stayed with me most of the time, I invited Tonks over whenever he seemed to be getting too sad or bothering me. She seemed to make him in a better mood, leaving me to sit with Caelum and wallow in my grief. Our baby grew as the time slowly went by, Molly told me that the baby was growing so good and was healthy.
"Would you like to know if it's a boy or girl?" I shrugged and listened to the heartbeat that was surrounding the room, it didn't feel right having this baby without him with me. My heart ached more and more for him, "Well, by the looks of this image, it would seem this child will be a girl. that's exciting isn't it? Caelum will have a baby sister to look after." I couldn't stop myself from muttering, "Yeah, great. She'll have a brother but her father is gone before he even got to hear or see her. Exciting." she cleared her throat and sighed, helping me sit up with my growing belly and letting Remus and Tonks in.
"Keep an eye on her, she's starting to sound depressed again." I heard her whisper to them as she was leaving. I bounced Caelum on my knee, he was walking now, just something else that Sirius missed and his first words, and so much more that he will miss because he's gone. Livy brought lunch for us after Molly left, we sat and she helped Caelum eat as I picked at my food. "Phoebe, you need to eat. For the baby." Tonks was saying, her eyes drifting to Remus every once and a while. I would never do that again with Sirius, sneak glances, share kisses and hugs, it was too much to have them here. I pushed my food away and walked outside.
I walked to the water and sat down on the beach, letting the water roll up and begin to soak my legs and dress. "Sirius…I miss you." I breathed out, letting the tears drip from my eyes as I let the cool water match the sadness in my soul. My father would be making his move soon, I had to end this before this baby was born, he would be coming for us. I sat there until Livy came out, demanding that I come eat before she starts force feeding me. I groaned as I stood and went inside, she heated my plate up and I ate slowly, not really tasting the food as I chewed, everything felt dull now, everything was so blank. Except the growing baby girl inside of me and the growing boy playing in the playpen in the next room.
They were the only reason I didn't follow Sirius to the grave, I couldn't forgiven myself for taking that path…not like my mother did me. I was more like her than I ever thought, I always thought she was a fool for leaving me behind since she couldn't have my father. Once he was gone, she became a shell of herself and it led her to killing herself to join my father in the afterlife, but here it was, he was still alive and she was a fool. I was acting like her, yet I was better than her, I refused to leave my children, they needed me and I needed them. They were my reason to life now, they were all that was left of my life and love with Sirius, I would have to be better from now on, for them.
By the time Harry came, I was feeling a bit better, knowing he was hurting also for the same reason made it easier to be around him. It was just us and Livy and Caelum, so as Livy chased Caelum around, Harry and I just enjoyed our grief together, not speaking but knowing that we were both suffering and feeling horrible about missing him. We didn't need to talk about him, just being around each other and sharing the pain of losing him made us both feel better little by little. He relaxed on the beach a lot like I did, he cheered with Caelum also, playing with him any chance he could.
"So it's a girl." he said, pointing to the swelling belly I was sporting now. "Yeah, Molly thinks she'll be born around February, if she is right about the timing. I haven't even gotten her a nursery together…it's just hard." he nodded, understanding. "Want some help?" I smiled, he was so sweet and young, we both missed Sirius more than anything else. Maybe it would help, take our minds off of it. "Sure, Livy has been bugging me about it anyways." we picked the adjoining room to Caelum's Nursery for her and Harry pulled some purple and pink paint by the door, "Which one?" I looked, they were from Tonks, having been told by Livy that I wasn't even trying to get the room together.
"Purple, I've never been a fan of pink." "Agreed." he joked, telling me about Umbridge and her office being completely pink, down to the sugar in her tea. He painted as I sent owls with orders for baby items she would need. Once the paint was dry, we hung photos, some of Sirius, some of me, some of Harry and some of Sirius and I on our wedding day. I was hanging the final one, the photo of Sirius, Caelum and I before he was killed. We are so happy, Livy had taken this photo shortly after we told her about the new baby. Sirius's hand was resting on my belly as he beamed at the camera, Caelum was giggling in his free hand between us.
"He would be so happy…" Harry said, making me look at me wiping my eyes. "Really, knowing you were safe and Caelum too. And knowing he had a daughter on the way, he would be over the moon." I couldn't stop crying, breaking down and sinking to the floor. Harry rushed to my side, apologizing for talking about him. "It's alright…it's-it's true. H-he would have." I stuttered as I patted his knee, trying to get him to understand that it was just hormones. Livy popped in, Caelum chasing her laughing and calling, "Li-Li." "Miss Phoebe, are you alright?" I nodded and smiled at Caelum as he noticed me and ran over.
"Ma-Ma?" his tiny fingers brushed my face, nearly poking my eyes to figure the tears out. I scooped him up and gave him a hug. "Mama's alright. Look at your baby sister's room, isn't it pretty?" he glanced around and reached for the photos, I moved so he could see them and he pointed to the one of the 3 of us. "Mama." "Right, that's you Caelum." I pointed to him in the photo and he reached for Sirius, "Dada…" I felt my legs shaking, I wanted to break down again, I wanted to just die right there, he would never know his father, only having the few moments with him before he left us forever.
Dumbledore came to get Harry before school was starting, saying something about him needing him for a mission, also saying he wanted to talk to us both. "It's about Sirius's Will." I blinked, because I was his wife, didn't I get his belongings? Was this about his family's home? "Phoebe, I didn't know if he spoke to you about this, but he left most of his things to Harry." I shrugged, I had more than enough already. "Harry was willed his family home." "I don't want it. Use it for the order or something." Harry said, clearly not wanting to ever go back there, too many memories. "He also split the gold in his vault between you both. Harry, I would like to see if you truly own the house, a simple test really."
Kreacher appeared shortly after, whining and fussing, saying he would not go to Harry, that he belonged to the house of Black. "Kreacher, Shut up!" Harry shouted and the elf was forced to shut up, choking on air. "I see, that clears it up, very good." I looked at the elf, Sirius never liked him, and Caelum came running in, laughing and latching onto my leg. "Ah, I was worried about the house and Kreacher becoming the little one's due to being the next male line heir of the house of Black." the elf stared at the little boy, and at me. I nodded to Harry, who told him he could speak. "House of Black? How?"
"I am Sirius's wife, and mother of his son, and pregnant with his daughter." I told him, lifting Caelum in my lap as the elf moved toward us. "Male heir of house of Black…" he was muttering and a smile appeared on his face. "House of Black survives, pureblood lineage prevails." he reached for Caelum when my words stopped him, "He is not pureblood, he is half blood. I am half blood, so are my children." he disliked that, but still seemed happy that the Black's weren't wiped out. Sirius was disowned and considered a blood traitor for not believing in his family's ways. "It seemed that Sirius got his wording and paperwork right for the transfer, Harry would you send Kreacher to Hogwarts, let him work in the kitchens."
Harry did as he was asked, Kreacher eyed me and my son as he tried to stay, but was forced to obey his new master. Dumbledore then took Harry away, waving goodbye as I sat there, Sirius left most of his things to Harry, which was fine, I didn't like his family home either, and the elf seemed to be more interested in my children than me. Once I was alone again, I tried to stay normal and happy, it was hard, but Caelum and feeling the little girl inside of me helped. Harry finished his mission with Dumbledore, he joined his friends at the Burrow.