Chapter 64: Birth

Caelum grew as my belly did, Harry wrote about his school year and his lessons with Dumbledore, Remus visited often, Tonks never came again and it made me wonder if something had happened. Remus was good with Caelum and helped me finish the nursery for the baby. It was Christmas when I felt more alone than ever, my swollen belly making it hard to take care and play with Caelum so the Weasley's joined me again, spending their Christmas with me again so I didn't feel so alone. Harry was eyeing Ginny a lot during the visit and I smiled, Young love, it reminded me of Sirius and myself.

I did enjoy them being here, the house was full so it didn't feel so big and empty, rather full of happiness and love. My father had begun more attacks on Muggles and Wizards alike, there just wasn't enough of the Order left to fend them off. Remus told me not to stress about that, being so close to giving birth in the next couple months. I was getting tired of everyone telling me to relax and focus on growing the person inside of me. I wasn't just useless like they thought, but I held my tongue and let them speak, not bothering to try to argue. Too soon they were all gone again and I passed the time raising Caelum and teaching him his words and numbers.

He had already shown his magic and I knew he would be just like his father, strong willed, rowdy and a powerful wizard. For his first birthday and Christmas he got several new toys and things to help him learn to control his magic as he got older. Although Sirius being gone made the time seem to go slow, seeing how much he had grown made me realize that I was the one stuck in the slowness. He was growing every day and it was going to fly by if I didn't get out of my grief and see it happen. I went and stayed at the Burrow in late January, Molly saying it was easier if I was there when I had the baby, and I agreed, happy to be around her family and have Livy and her to help me give birth again.

The baby came in February, on Valentine's day, early that morning. I felt the familiar pain before the water breaking happened in the kitchen as I was bending down to pick up Caelum. Molly and Livy rushed me into the prepped room as Fleur, Bill's soon to be wife, took Caelum into the den to keep him safe and away from the sounds of me pushing another kid out. I was huffing and puffing, wishing that I had Sirius here, wanting to squeeze his hand and hear his words in my ear, telling me that I could do this. I wasn't sure that I could without him by my side. I was struggling, Livy and Molly trying to get me to push, saying it was time.

"Phoebe, come on, my love. You can do this." I heard his voice as clear as day, I whipped my head around, but there was no one there. It had to be in my head, but it was so nice to hear him telling me, helping me through this. I could feel the ghost of his fingers in mine as I gripped the sides of the bed, pushing as hard as I could. "Yes, almost there. Just a bit more." I kept on, focusing on the memories of Sirius helping me push our son out, he may be gone but he was still here, helping me through this. Finally I heard the cry of our daughter and fell back against the sheets, drained completely.

**Couple Hours later**

I was laying in the bed, holding the sleeping baby in my arms, her dark hair matching her brothers and her fathers, but when those eyes opened, they were the bright purple shade of mine. I stared at the sweet face and sighed, I wished with all I was that Sirius could be here, smiling at her and telling me that she was so beautiful just like me. Caelum was wanting to see her, but I wanted to wait until she had a name, it was so hard to think about naming her without Sirius, what would he have liked? Finally I went into the kitchen, seeing Livy and Caelum sitting at the table, she was feeding him a snack. "Miss Phoebe, how are you feeling?" I sank into the chair, my legs were still hurting so much and it was painful to move.

I didn't want to use the wheelchair because it was difficult to roll it when I was holding the baby. "Mister Remus went out for a walk, shall I go get him?" I shook my head, Remus was doing well in the sun, he was looking better. I grabbed a few grapes and ate them as I made faces at Caelum, making him giggle and reach for me and the baby. "Caelum, can you say hello to your baby sister? I moved closer and lifted the sleeping bundle to him. "Say Hello Siryia." I let the name flow and it sent a flutter in my chest, I had debated with so many names but this one came so easier that it must be right. "Sira" Caelum tried and I laughed, pronouncing it for him, "Sir-ry-ah."

"That's beautiful." I jumped and turned to see Remus walking in, a smile on his face as he joined us, sitting at the table. "For Sirius?" I nodded, telling him it meant bright and shining, which was what Sirius was. "She is beautiful, and he would be so proud of you and her and Caelum." I smiled sadly, it was still hard to talk about him, but it was easier with Remus, he was my closest friend. "Remus, it's bad when I'm alone." I admitted, telling him how I was feeling when I was alone here, the kids were the only reason I hadn't ended it. "Phoebe, don't think that. You are never alone. Sirius is here with you, I know it. He watches over you and the children. Believe me."

I tried to cheer up, but having Siryia without him, my hormones out of whack, being without him every night, it felt pointless. I was just happy that Harry had agreed to spend a final summer with Lily's sister and then told me that he would be happy to move in here so I wasn't alone and he wanted to help with the children. He was happy for me about the baby in his letters, telling me about his lessons on my father with Dumbledore. It was hard to hear about my father's time at school, it reminded me of myself so much, I didn't want to believe that I was like him.

By March we had a small gathering for Remus's birthday with the older Weasely's that weren't in school. I invited the Order members that were able to come, Tonks came but didn't seem to be too happy that Remus was not speaking or even looking at her. I handed her Siryia and pulled Remus outside, telling him I was giving him his gift. "Phoebe, you didn't have to get me any-" I cut him off, banging him on his head. "Why are you ignoring Tonks? She is in love with you fool!" I told him, crossing my arms and demanding an answer.

He rubbed the spot and sighed, "Phoebe, I can't. No matter my feelings, I can't bring her down to my life, look at the life I live, why would I take her down with me?" "At least you have a life at all! Look at Sirius, he's gone. Never getting to know his children, never being able to hold me again! He will never see Caelum go to Hogwarts, nor will he see Siryia walk or talk! Life isn't long for some of us. Love is the only thing that matters Remus, you must risk everything for Love. Don't be such a fool to pass up the chance of happiness with someone who loves you. Any of us could be dead tomorrow!" I paused and sighed, patting his shoulder, "I would give anything in this world up to have him back with me…our family whole again. Don't ruin your life by missing out on love Remus. Live your life to the fullest, just like Sirius and I would have."

He tried to argue but I wouldn't let him, it was pointless to fight with me when I had made up my mind. We went back and enjoyed the party, he went off to talk with Tonks at some point and I smiled, maybe he would be the only one of our group to have a full life of happiness. He left with the order and said he would return in a few days and I was happy that he was making an effort with Tonks now. Livy and the kids and I lived our lives as best we could. Harry wrote that Dumbledore was taking him on a secret mission to try to get a piece of my father's soul that he had hidden and I was worried, anything could happen…