Rey's sense of dread gathers like a darkening stormfront in the days leading up to the next attempt to assassinate Kylo Ren.
Inwardly she churns while outwardly she says and does all the right things. She participates in planning meetings. She critiques the holographic models of different attack scenarios. She even practices flying an X-wing with the squadron who will provide cover fire while she lands on Ben's ship. Throughout the process, Rey is the consummate team player. In the end, the collaboration yields results. The Republic settles on a mission plan that is flexible for several contingencies. Finn wants to be nimble for how to kill the enemy leader as the battle unfolds. We might not get another shot at this, the General reminds everyone. Let's make this count.
And what if it's a trap? The question in an open meeting earns Rey a sharp look. Finn doesn't like being challenged before his command team, as usual. If it's a trap, we do as much damage as possible and then jump to lightspeed in as many different directions as we can. They can't track all of us at once, Finn sighs. Everyone in the room knows the subtext of the exchange: the First Order's hyperspace tracking capability has lost the Republic far too many ships recently. Fleeing to lightspeed is not the clean escape it once was.
Finn will not participate in the actual mission. He will be monitoring from his flagship nearby. And that's at least some comfort for Rey.
When the day for the attack finally arrives, she is a nervous wreck. As she privately bids goodbye to Finn in the hangar bay, she raises again the possibility of a trap. "I have a bad feeling about this," Rey whispers urgently. "I don't think this intelligence is good. Finn, search your feelings. You will know it to be true. Listen to the Force, it will warn you of danger," she urges.
But yet again, her concerns fall on deaf ears. Her friend gives her a quick hug for encouragement. "Don't get cold feet, Rey. You've got this."
She gulps.
"May the Force be with you," Finn says solemnly.
She gulps again.
The Force is not with the Republic. Today, the Force is with Kylo Ren and the First Order. And today, the Force is Dark. The mission goes every bit as badly as Rey fears. As soon as the Republic emerges from hyperspace to surprise the waiting First Order star destroyer, they find themselves surrounded by enemy ships jumping in from all directions simultaneously launching TIE fighters. It is a swarm of death and destruction.
"Holy shit! This was supposed to be our ambush, not theirs!"
"Is that an interdictor? And a dreadnought? Green Team, we're fucked!"
"Cut the chatter, Green Two. Green Leader, please advise."
Rey states the obvious which was always a foregone conclusion: "It's a trap. Take evasive action."
Ben is in a TIE, as promised. The bond is open, of course. This time, she can't actually see Ben. It's almost as if the Force doesn't want to distract her in the midst of deadly combat. Rey is beginning to think Ben is right that the bond is a heavy-handed intercession of the Force designed to keep them from killing one another. It brings them together—no matter how awkwardly—and it protects them from one another's worst impulses.
"Nice of you guys to drop by." Ben's voice is in her ears, not in her head. That he can be so glib about all this imminent death incenses her. In the moment, Rey hates him for it.
I'm on an open channel to my squadron.
"Are they hearing me?"
No. They only hear me speak.
"Good. Then you are my captive audience," Ben gloats.
Her wingman Green Three is starting to panic, "That's a lot of TIEs . . . "
Ben has the gall to actually chuckle. "This is where the fun begins. Your friends are going to die in a blaze of glory. Heroes all for the glory of the Republic."
Rey scowls and makes a snap decision. "I'm on the leader. The rest of you start taking out the surface cannons on that dreadnought and the star destroyer. And someone go blow that interdictor. We need a way out of here."
"Green Leader, that's not in the plan—
"It is now. Finn said that if it's a trap, then do as much damage as possible. Green Squad, stay on offense and let the next wave we launch handle defense for our ship."
"But Rey—"
"I'm on the leader alone. That's Ren!" she reveals.
"Ren? Wait-what? Are you sure?"
"He's mine, Green Five. That's an order. No one interferes!"
"Come and get me, baby." Ben peels off from formation and rushes aggressively at her ship.
Rey rushes back headlong, firing as she goes. And now, it's a game of chicken in space, a risky contest of wills. At the last second, Rey blinks and swerves away as her shots bounce harmlessly off his front shields.
"Did Han Solo teach you how to fly? That was reckless!" Ben objects.
But now he spins right at her, firing away. "Whoa! That was close!" Rey careens off to safety. Her adrenaline is racing from the near miss.
"I can be reckless too," Ben boasts.
"You're enjoying this!" she accuses. His cavalier attitude stokes her sense of outrage. Because this isn't a game. This is war and there are people's lives and the future of the galaxy at stake.
But yet again, Ben is gleefully nasty. "I've been counting the hours until you came to kill me, Jedi. This is the highlight of my day."
He makes another attempt to engage that Rey easily evades. It's a neat trick. "That roll was nice," he compliments. "Very nice."
She snarls through gritted teeth at his implicit condescension. "You'll find I'm full of surprises."
"I already knew that." He leans on the throttle to let his ship open up. As she gives chase, Rey realizes that he's drawing her away from the action.
He reads her thoughts through the bond. "I'm keeping you safe. I didn't bring you here to kill you."
"We're here to kill you!"
"You'll have to catch me first."
Beside them, the main battle rages. It's not going well. Rey keeps seeing quick flash fires from disintegrating ships that instantly evaporate in the oxygen-free void of space. She dodges careening debris that looks like a wing of a downed TIE. But sadly, most of the hit ships appear to be Republic X-wings. Their twisted metal carcasses float by in silence.
"Green Leader, there's too many of them!" someone wails. Simultaneously, the open channel reveals the sounds of an explosion as another Green squadron member dies. Before long, this could become a full-fledged rout, Rey fears.
She's not the only one worried that the mission is failing fast. "Get those last two surface cannons so Rey can get onboard that ship!"
"Negative! Negative!" she responds to the battle chatter. The latest Republic reinforcements apparently aren't clued in to what's going on. It adds to the chaos. "I'm not sneaking aboard. This is a trap! Ren's not onboard. He's in a TIE."
"Ren flies a TIE?" someone in a newly deployed X-wing yelps.
"Yes!" another voice responds emphatically. "He's not on the ship. Repeat, Ren is not on the ship. Mission to land on the star destroyer is aborted."
"Rey, can I get some help here?" It's Yellow Leader, whose squadron is defending the Republic cruiser.
"Negative. She's chasing Ren in his ship."
"Which one is Ren?"
"Let Rey worry about Ren. She is doing her job. Let's do ours." It's Green Two taking charge.
But it's dawning on Rey that she is doing exactly what Ben wants. She's letting him monopolize her attention while his men pick off the Republic fighters and pummel their capital ship. So, she changes tactics. "On my way!" She abandons the chase for Ben and starts hammering every TIE she passes with laserfire. "Green Team, protect the cruiser so it can jump to safety. Then, let's all get out of here. We're not getting Ren today."
Her guns are blazing as what's left of Green Squadron joins her to assist in the defense of the cruiser. But their efforts make little headway. They are a handful of X-wings against a slew of TIEs and a dreadnought that has opened up its full arsenal.
"Why is no one firing back?" she wonders aloud as the swarm of enemy fighters cedes her ground again and again. They obliterate her wingman Green Two, but no one so much as aims at her.
Ben supplies the answer. "They know you're our spy come to spring the trap."
"But I'm shooting at them!"
"They think that's only to make it look good."
"You're letting me kill your men?"
"You're letting me kill your men," he points out.
The situation is one part ludicrous farce and one part tragic betrayal. Because all around them, good men and women on both sides are dying fighting for their respective causes. That their leaders are callously deceiving them makes a mockery of their sacrifice. Rey feels horrible about her role in what's happening and deeply disappointed in Ben for engineering today.
It keeps getting worse. The Republic cruiser that was supposed to be her backup is listing to the starboard side with minimal functioning shields and one engine dark. While she's busy scattering TIEs, the disabled cruiser succumbs. The battle is lost.
Who is left other than her? Not many. Rey counts five X-wing survivors. "This is Green Leader. Disengage and jump. Repeat—disengage and jump!" There's no point in lingering to be killed as well. There's nothing Rey or anyone else can do for those left alive on the cruiser.
As she prepares for her own jump to lightspeed, she hears Ben issue orders, "Track the others and finish them. Kill them all. No quarter. Let it be a lesson to the Republic to think twice before they come for me again."
Rey cringes with guilt she knows she deserves. She reaches for the lever to engage the hyperdrive and hears Ben's voice between her ears. See you on Jakku, my love.
It's a short jump to her homeworld. That means rattled Rey is still a mess of emotions as she lands on the familiar desert sands. Opposite her, Ben pops out of his TIE cockpit looking very overdressed for the Jakku heat in leather gloves and a heavy cape. Kylo Ren may have ditched the helmet but the rest of him is basically the same young Darth Vader cosplay. She too is sweltering in her baggy orange thermal flightsuit that was designed to retain body heat to protect against the cold of space.
They stand sweating opposite one another for a long tense moment. He knows how guilty and angry she feels. She knows how concerned Ben is for her. For when they are in close physical proximity now, it seems like the bond is open by default. Their two minds are one. There are no boundaries. There is no privacy. Their dyad has grown to obscure those limitations.
Time to get this over with before they both get heat exhaustion, Rey decides. She's no longer accustomed to the desert like she once was. "Where's my droid?"
Ben ignores her. He's looking around at the desolate wilderness. It's late afternoon and purple shadows are forming as twilight creeps closer.
"This is where it all began for you." His lips twist and she can feel the pity her past arouses in him. Ben knows Jakku embarrasses her, so he doesn't express it. Instead, he goes a completely different direction. "You're just the latest orphan in obscurity to find a droid carrying dangerous information. You know that, right? The droid leads you to a wizard and to a cause. Soon, you are awakened to a power you didn't know you have as you take your first steps into a larger world. Nothing is ever the same again once you understand your true importance."
"Luke . . . " He's talking about Luke. Rey can feel the emotional pain leaching out of Ben as he recalls the uncle he once admired and loved. Ben is arresting in his aggrieved sense of utter abandonment. That night at the temple changed everything and he still can't get over it.
"You see the pattern, right? The Force didn't get what it wanted in my uncle. So it's trying anew now with you."
She shakes her head. "I'm not Luke."
"I know that," Ben answers firmly. "I would never have bonded us unless I thought we could come to agreement. I didn't do this to ruin your life or mine."
She is here for the droid, not a lecture on the Force. "Ben, don't make me another offer." She's not in the mood for another 'join me' speech. Not after what just happened. She's far too angry.
His eyes flit over the sword that hangs off her belt. His resentment shows. "I won't make you any more offers. I've had enough of your rejection."
Fine. Good. "Where's my droid?"
He ignores the question. "Luke was supposed to balance the Force because his father didn't. And since my mother mostly fled the Force for politics, the burden fell to my uncle alone. It was a great burden that he could not bear."
Rey nods impatiently. "I know the story. Luke hid from the Force and the galaxy until I found him."
"In the end, Luke was forsaken by the Force after it gave him every chance it could. Luke was stubborn, like you are stubborn." Ben shoots her a look full of pouty frustration. "Rey, you cannot rebuild the Jedi Order. The Force won't let you."
"Where's my droid?" Her tone is increasingly clipped and curt. "I didn't come to talk. And it's hot. Give me my droid!"
But Ben persists in his talk of the past. "Luke wanted to be a great man-"
"Luke was a great man compared to you!" she jeers.
"He might have become me had he not cut himself off from the Force," Ben retorts. "I see now that there was much fear in my uncle and my mother. They dreaded failure as much as they dreaded the Dark Side. It's why they kept their parentage secret . . . it's why they insisted on me becoming a Jedi . . . they were so afraid of what I might become."
"And you did become it!"
"Yes." Ben gives her a look of intense indignation. "I did."
"You're a monster!" Rey rages back. "Luke was many things—depressed, unhappy, frustrated, angry, guilt ridden, even wrong . . . but he was never a monster! He was never as bad as you!" Luke Skywalker would never have plotted today's sham ambush that cost far too many lives and accomplished nothing in the larger scheme of things.
Ben answers her plainly. "I don't feel like a monster. I don't feel like the bad guy. I feel like a person driven to extremes by circumstances I cannot control." He shoots her a peevish look, adding, "And by people like you who refuse to be reasonable."
"You are the bad guy!" Rey is angry, so very angry. Angry at him, angry at the situation, and angry at herself. All that anger finds its focus on Ben, which is where it mostly belongs. "What you did today-"
"We're at war! You came to kill me and I fought back in self-defense. That doesn't make me the bad guy."
"You didn't need to obliterate that cruiser!"
"You think I should let my murderers get off easy? You think your friends should be pardoned? Don't take me for a fool, Rey! 'No quarter' is designed to be a deterrent for the Republic's next foolhardy attempt. Perhaps they'll think twice before they come at me again. That's really what you want, right? It will save that uneasy conscience of yours from a repeat of today."
She doesn't want to talk about this. It's far too fresh. And she doesn't even want to think about a repeat of the defeat that just happened. "Where's my droid?" It's time to get BB8 and go.
This time, Ben responds to her request. He gestures behind him to the ship. BB8 drops out of the parked TIE fighter and rolls over to her.
"Are you okay?" The ball shaped droid issues a series of gurgling beeps that reassure her. After kneeling a moment to straighten BB8's perpetually bent antenna, Rey rises to her feet. "Alright, then. I'll be going."
"Don't leave yet."
Ben's whine and slightly pathetic look set her off. "You just killed hundreds of people! So forgive me if I don't feel in the mood for a nice chat!" She's heard enough. Ben needs to stop blaming his family for his current problems, pretending that he's some perpetual victim and not a full-fledged victimizer at this point. Listening to him excuse his misdeeds with his fatalistic version of the Force has grown downright irritating.
"Those people came to kill me."
"Yes, I know! And I couldn't stop them! No matter what I might have told them about you and me, they were always going to come!" This is the utter frustration of her predicament. For confessing the truth to the Republic wouldn't have solved anything. Finn was determined to take this opportunity despite the risk, and Poe and others backed him. No one believed her that it was a trap. Even had she revealed everything, it wouldn't have stopped the attack. If anything, more people might have died because the Republic would had added more manpower to compensate for the absence of a Jedi.
"Today was the Force at work, not me."
There Ben goes again blaming the Force and not himself. And suddenly, he's blaming her too.
"I never wanted this for us . . . but you insisted on this."
Rey hollers back, "This is your fault! You were the one who ran back to the First Order—"
"After you announced you were returning to the Republic—"
"You're prolonging the war! It won't solve anything!"
"It might!"
Is he serious? He's serious. Rey schools him as their shouting match continues. "More war is simply more death and more pain! Ben, you eavesdrop on the Republic leadership enough to know how angry people are at you. There is no compromise to be had for the Rim issues. The more your people riot in the streets, the more unreasonable they look and the fewer accommodations they will get."
"And so, for yet another generation, the Rim has to suffer? Because they deserve it for the effrontery of wanting something different from business as usual? All those far-flung worlds and flyover systems have gotten uppity again, haven't they?"
Rey lifts her chin at his sarcasm. "I don't speak like that about Rimmers and neither does Finn."
"Yes, but a lot of your friends do. We're the deplorables of the galaxy who cling to our guns and to our—"
"Stop it! Stop pretending the privileged Prince of Alderaan can empathize with—"
"—the drooling subhuman cretins on the edge of the Unknown Regions? Oh, you'd be surprised, Rey, how well I know my people. I know their resentment and their sense of betrayal well. I understand their violence and their independent streak. I respect their willingness to speak truth to power as they tell the moralizing Republic to fuck off and get off their lawn."
"I am not blind to the shortcomings of the Republic," she grinds out, "but I think things will be better for everyone if the war ends soon."
Ben looks down that long nose of his. He is the picture of righteous indignation as he vows, "I will never surrender. War is Dark and Darkness is my tool. I will use war to bring the Republic to its knees if I have to in order to bring balance."
"War is not balance—"
"The Force is with me, Rey! Don't say you haven't noticed."
"Where was all this politics on Zakuul?" she exposes his hypocrisy. "You were fully prepared to turn your back on your cause and your people then!"
"That's right," he nods. "I would have done it for balance and for us. I never wanted this, and you know it."
"I didn't want this either!"
"Liar! You know the history as well as anybody! When Skywalkers fight, there is civil war. This only ends when we unite or one of us dies."
She fumes, "I hate that you think like that! You say you want to let the past die but you're a slave to the past! Forever blaming Luke and Leia . . . always emulating Vader . . . promising some economic renaissance in the Rim like you're some Separatist Viceroy. You are mired in the mistakes of the past and you seem determined to repeat them." Kylo Ren is like some vainglorious anarchist hellbent on self-destruction for himself and his followers. That he has made her unwillingly complicit is horrifying. Rey now outright wails, "Why couldn't you have just walked away? Why did you have to start the war up again?"
It's Ben's turn to lift his chin with disdain. "I don't walk away. If you nothing about who I am, know that! I am not Luke!"
They're back to Luke Skywalker again. Conversations with Ben are always the same rehash of blame, ideology, and grand promises for the future. He's a bitter optimist and a cynical dreamer. A ruthless warlord who claims god the Force is on his side and so she should join him as well. It might all be laughable except it is deadly serious. He—Ben Solo—Kylo Ren—is deadly serious. This morning's events could not have made that more clear.
Rey has had enough. "This—us—you and I—this is a disaster in the making! One of these times we are really going to kill one another . . . with swords or in a ship or with the Force . . . I did not survive Jakku and Darth Sidious for this! Ben, this is beyond dysfunctional! We are . . . we are . . . "
"Totally fucked up."
"Yes! This is toxic and unhealthy for each of us! We are enemies and yet we can never be free of each other!"
"You're not my enemy."
"I came today to kill you!"
"You came to pretend to kill me. That's different."
He's right. Rey looks down and complains, "I feel so manipulated. I have allowed you to twist my mind until . . . until I am betraying my own cause to protect you . . . and why? You're not worth it!"
Ben steps forward. "If you will only stop condemning me, you will see the good in me. You can see the good in Luke but not in me—why not?" Ben feels misjudged. Unfairly condemned by his parents, by his uncle, by the galaxy, and by her.
And there is the crux of her hurt. Because all along, she has seen the conflict in Kylo Ren and done her best to lead him back to the Light that he keeps refusing. "I did see the good in you! That's why I surrendered to Snoke . . . that's why we . . . on Zakuul . . . " She stops, refusing to put words to that mistake. In hindsight, going to bed together has only deepened the pain of their relationship.
But not for Ben. He steps forward again. "I live for memories of that night."
She throws up her hands as she feels her cheeks burn. "Don't talk about it—"
"That won't mean it didn't happen."
"I know . . . " Oh, how she knows. Rey covers her face with her hands and mutters, "I never thought life could ever get so complicated." And the stakes are so high! She's so hopelessly torn between what she wants for herself, what the galaxy needs, and what Ben wants her to be. The pressure has been building for weeks now and it culminates today. To her dismay, she starts to cry.
It brings Ben to her side. He hovers over her. "Everyone wants to be the hero because they don't know how hard it is."
"I don't feel like a hero," she hiccups.
"You're a hero to me. You took on Darth Sidious."
"I didn't kill him."
"But you beat him."
"That's not enough. I failed."
"Next time, we'll do it together . . . with balance."
Ben talks about balancing the Force with such reverence, as the ultimate quest to be achieved. But Rey thinks they are far, far way from balance if today is any indication. "We'll never do it . . ."
"We will." Ben wraps long, strong arms around her and this is the hug she desperately needs. Her life has largely been devoid of touch. There was never a parent to hold her close and kiss it better. Never a friend to kiss hello and hug goodbye. At this point in life, Rey knows she's unusually standoffish. And since the business handshake is not a custom among the Republic military and no one high-fives the intimidating Jedi woman in the room, long periods go by without Rey touching another person. It's nothing like the isolation of her Jakku days, of course. But now that she knows the enjoyment of touch, she craves it in a way she didn't before.
"Those days are over." Ben is in her thoughts again. He promises, "Anytime you need me, I will come for you. I will give you a kiss or a hug or more . . . whatever you need to feel loved. I need this too," he adds as he strokes her hair.
He's sincere. Ben is often sincere. That's the most confounding part of his personality. For their relationship has a deep underpinning of care despite the deceit, disappointments, and betrayals. This man truly is toxic, and yet she can't seem to quit him. Something about his heavy soul feels like a mirror image to her own.
"Stop overthinking things and come home with me now," Ben promptly reneges on his promise not to make her an offer. "We don't have to be apart. Send the droid back with the ship on autopilot."
Rey chooses to ignore this latest pitch as she sheepishly revels in his embrace. It tamps down her considerable anger. He's grounding her, she realizes. The familiar Jakku setting helps too. Just for a moment, she can turn off her mind that has been reeling with recriminations the whole way here.
That the man who put her in this untenable situation is also the source of her comfort bewilders Rey. All along, Ben has been her tormentor. But then quite unexpectedly on Exogol he also became her self-appointed savior. She doesn't know how to reconcile those roles. He calls her 'my love' and yet he manipulates her. The bond he rekindled is the tool of an obsessive stalker. Is that what it means to love on the Dark Side? And what does it say about her that she is clinging tightly now and not pushing him away? Is she so desperate for love that she will accept his treatment? He tells her she's his weakness when, in fact, maybe he is her undoing. It's just that the raw intensity of this man is hard to resist. What is it about him, about his Darkness, that she cannot break free from? Ben has long held a powerful spell over her that has prompted all sorts of impetuous, foolhardy risk taking on her part.
She knows she needs to stop. She has to put an end to this embrace, to their hot-and-cold love affair, to his eavesdropping through the bond, and to her ongoing treasonous deceit. She and Ben just aren't sustainable in this war context. It has her compromising her ideals and losing herself in the process. So, resolutely she thrusts him back.
He doesn't object. He merely takes the shove.
She starts babbling. It's not an apology but an attempt at an explanation. "I can't—we can't—this is—"
"This is the will of the Force."
Damn him for his sanctimony. It touches a raw nerve. All that pulsing rage from earlier comes rushing back to Rey. She blasts him with Force lightning before she can think to stop herself.
She shrieks as Ben goes flying into a sand dune.
Is she sorry? Not really. She's mostly aghast and embarrassed. This is what he has reduced her to—a tearful, angry, unhappy young woman. In the moment, she hates him for it. It's like he's dragging her down to his level.
Rey slowly backs away as Ben climbs to his feet. After a few stumbling steps, Rey turns and flees to the safety of her X-wing. She scrambles up the ladder to hop into the cockpit.
Ben doesn't give chase. He just stands there glowering on the sandbank and watches her ignite her engines. For her part, Rey departs equally disturbed by the hug as by the lightning.
Hours later, she's dozing in hyperspace en route to Coruscant in her X-wing when she gets an incoming call. Is it Finn? No. Worse. It's Poe. Rey takes a second to psyche herself up for a conversation she would rather not have right now. But she can't duck this call. Rey quickly wipes at her eyes before she answers. She had fallen asleep after crying her eyes out.
"Hold for secure transmission from General Dameron please." Seconds later, the familiar face appears on camera.
"Rey."
"Are we alone?" She doesn't want to talk in front of Poe's usual entourage.
Her wan face with puffy eyes must convince him. He nods. "Give me a moment. Let me clear the room and close my door."
She waits, wiping again at her eyes. She's fine to cry in front of Finn but Poe is different. She and Poe aren't close and are not likely to ever be more than respectful colleagues. That's partly because their involvement in the Resistance never overlapped. Their mutual relationships with Finn and Leia and their common goals are the basis for their professional rapport. But there's also a big age gap between them. Cocky Poe is twice her age and he tends to act condescending towards her at times. Hopefully, today isn't one of those times. She is upset enough as it is.
Poe turns his attention back to the transmission and frowns. "Rey, what happened?"
"Did you get my report?" She sent a terse summary of the battle back to Finn and Poe during her jump to Jakku. Finn, who was monitoring things from his flagship, probably wrote his own version as well. Rey didn't bother reading it.
"Yeah, I read your report. What the Hell happened?"
He wants her to tell him in her own words. Could he be suspicious? Rey is suddenly paranoid that her loyalty is suspect. She starts playing aggressive defense.
"It was a trap, like I feared. I told Finn that I had a bad feeling about this mission. But he was so certain the information was good. He didn't want to waste the chance for a shot at Ren . . ."
"Yeah, I know. He told me. He took full responsibility already."
"I didn't trust the intel but I went anyway. I didn't want to waste the chance either."
"We all know you want to bring Ren to justice."
She nods and gulps back her latest wave of guilt at her many deceptions. But she's in too deep now to remedy the situation. "There was a First Order star destroyer there and some patrol ships when we arrived. They were the lure. We began our ambush like we planned. Then their reinforcements arrived. The dreadnought opened fire and so did their other ships. We were vastly outgunned and outnumbered and there was no easy escape to hyperspace. They had one of those interdictor ships that project gravity wells to kick you out of lightspeed . . . "
"Go on."
She feels subdued and slightly numb as she recounts her experience. "There's not much to tell. They picked us apart ship by ship."
"How'd you get out alive?"
"I'm a pretty good pilot."
"Against those odds?"
"They mostly focused in our capital ship. They weren't interested in the fighters until it was disabled. Then, it was a dogfight and I survived. Once they blew our cruiser, there were only a few of us left. We disengaged. Poe, there was no point in continuing the fight at that point."
"So, you jumped?
"Yes. Someone finished off the interdictor at some point, so we were clear. When I left, there were five of us left."
"The others never made it back."
"Oh," she sighs, suddenly realizing that she is the sole survivor. "Hyperspace tracking, I guess."
He nods. "It was classic Ren. No quarter."
He saved his mercy for her. Rey squirms in her seat. "Poe, I feel . . . I feel . . ."
"I know how you feel. I was there when we lost our entire bombing fleet, remember? Survivor guilt sucks."
Her guilt is way more complicated than survivor guilt. Rey attempts to explain without betraying the whole truth. In a small voice, she confesses, "I feel like I am failing everyone."
"You're not."
"I am! I feel like Ren is my fault . . . like he is my burden. And yet, everyone else dies but me and Ren still lives . . ." They are the two reigning favorites of the Force, protected by one another and their godlike powers while the little people around them all suffer and die. The unfairness of it all beleaguers her. Rey wants to help people, not hurt them. She's in a terrible position right now and she can't see a way out.
"We never should have acted on that intelligence. It was a trap all along, like you feared."
To be fair, she admits, "I didn't give Finn anything more than my hunch to go on. I couldn't prove it was a trap. It just seemed like something Ren would do, I guess."
Poe twists his jaw. "I'm starting to believe that a lot of our intelligence about the First Order is wrong. They are feeding us what they want us to believe. We're paying credits to informants who are pocketing our cash and acting as conduits for Ren. He's playing us . . . he's playing us big time."
Yes, and no one is getting played more than she is. Rey agrees wholeheartedly. "He's on the Dark Side. Deceit and manipulation are his go-to tactics." She worries that Poe has no idea how wily his opponent truly is.
"It's like what's left of the First Order is smoke and mirrors and we're still chasing it across the galaxy. Wasting our resources while he regroups and ferments social unrest. He's making civilians his foot soldiers now."
"I saw that footage of riots on Dantooine."
"There is now copycat mayhem reported on Mandalore and Navarro. It's like Ren and his followers are prepared to burn down the Rim to make certain we can't control it. He's lost, but he's determined to leave us a mess of discontent to deal with." Poe worries aloud now, "We are never going to have free and fair elections on their worlds unless things change. Those people are never going to accept the defeat of their First Order candidates. Not with Ren's propaganda machine pumping out conspiracy theories and fake news on the holonet. Their PR game is surprisingly strong even now at the end," he gripes.
"Are we letting First Order candidates run for the Senate?" Rey asks.
"We haven't decided. The Chancellor thinks no. She says people who attack democracy don't get to participate in democracy."
"What do you think?"
"I'm inclined to let them run. The point of democracy is self-determination," Poe grumbles.
"And if the Rim elects the whole First Order command to the Senate?"
"It won't give them control. We've got it rigged so they can't get more than a minority. But if they do elect the First Order, then what did we accomplish in the end?" Poe is glum.
"We got them to buy-in to the democratic process."
"Is that a win? I'm not sure. Darth Sidious ran a democratic process, remember?" Poe sighs. He knows, like she does, that there are no easy answers to the galaxy's deepening rifts.
"I don't think you can exclude First Order candidates and then get the Rim to accept the Republic. Giving them Senators they don't want isn't representation."
"There are write-in ballots on a bunch of Rim worlds. Half of them are going to vote for Kylo Ren for Senate."
"That's not good."
Poe meets her eyes steadily. "You need to kill him for us so they won't vote for a dead man, Rey."
About that . . . "Poe, I need to tell you and Finn something."
His tired eyes narrow. "This sounds like more bad news."
"On Exogol . . . with Sidious . . . when the old Emperor exploded . . . well, it was too much for me. I passed out afterwards and well, this is going to sound crazy . . . but I think I died."
"You didn't tell us that. And you look plenty alive now to me."
She explains, "Ren was still alive. He brought me back. He used the Force to bring me back to life."
Poe looks incredulous. "You're telling me you were resurrected by Kylo Ren?"
"Yes. He was wounded at the time and the effort to revive me killed him. I saw him disappear into the Force. I felt him die . . . like I had died . . . it's why I was so sure he was gone . . . "
Poe's charismatic face scowls. "But if he could resurrect you, I guess that's how he resurrected himself?"
Rey sidesteps that question. "The point is that he saved me when he didn't have to. And the effort killed him."
"Not permanently," Poe gripes. "So, what you're saying is that you feel indebted to Ren? Is that what you're telling me?"
Rey takes a deep breath and plunges forward. "There is Light in him still."
"Leia believed that off and on. Of course, she was his mother."
"She was right. Kylo Ren is not all bad." There. She has said it out loud. Although, after today's events, Rey's not inclined to believe it herself.
Poe is skeptical as well. "This is Kylo 'no quarter' Ren we're talking about? I'll take your word for it. But he's still my enemy and we are at war. Don't go wobbly on me now, Rey."
She dares to go even further. In a small voice, she admits, "Poe, I don't think I can kill him."
He shuts her down just as her eyes flood with fresh tears. "Oh, no, Rey. Don't do this. You've had a hard day and a big loss. Take some time and regroup a bit."
She persists. Her voice is a hoarse whisper of inconvenient, inexplicable truth. "I don't think I can do it, Poe. I can't kill Kylo Ren."
He's angry now. "Then the First Order has won! You were our last hope now that Luke and Leia are gone."
Yes, she knows. "It's like I told you . . . I'm letting everyone down."
Poe is silent for a long moment. "This is why you left after Exogol, isn't it?"
"Yes. I was confused about what I wanted."
"But you came back. You know what? Take some more time. Go do whatever you did before and then come back."
"I went to Jakku," she sniffs. Like most of her explanations these days, it's technically true.
"Fine. Jakku or wherever. Anywhere that you can clear your head and think through things to get your priorities straight." Poe fixes her with a reproving look. "This is no time for scruples. Rey, we need you."
"I know. But I'm not sure I can be who you need me to be," she confesses.
Poe is having none of it. "Ren is a killing machine wrapped in a manifesto of rage. The First Order is chaos weaponized. His goons will do and say anything he asks. Ren can't be allowed to run loose in the galaxy for decades. Think of the body count that guy will rack up."
She says nothing.
Poe looks truly uncomfortable now as he warns in a quiet voice, "Rey, if what you fear is true and Sidious is still out there, we can't risk Ren teaming up with him again. You have to take him out for us. It will be justice for Hosnia."
"Does more killing ever bring justice?" she challenges.
"It will in Ren's case."
Poe is giving her a disappointed look that makes her feel even worse. Rey starts sputtering now. "I believe in the Republic . . . I believe in democracy . . . I believe in the Jedi . . . I just have a hard time squaring that with killing Ren." Because much as she hates it, Ben's a Chosen One who can bring balance to the Force. It makes him too important to kill.
"He's not going to turn to the good side. If his family couldn't convince him, you won't."
"I know."
Poe reverts to his earlier suggestion now. "Look, Rey, take some time and make peace with what happened today. It's still fresh." His words are compassionate, but they also smack of his usual condescension. Poe's acting like she's some upset, emotional young woman who doesn't know her own mind. If she will just calm down and think about it, of course she will come around to his point of view.
He must sense her reticence because Poe lays on the hard sell. "I really need you to step up to take out Ren. This is your role. We are all being asked to do things we don't want to do in this war."
"But—"
"Don't be Luke Skywalker. Rey, don't walk away from the problem only you can solve."
That argument hits home. Miserable Rey has no rebuttal.
Poe signals the end of the transmission. "I'll talk to Finn about what happened on Exogol. Let me handle him. Take all the time you need."
"Yeah, okay."
"And Rey?"
"Yes?"
"Killing Ren will honor all the memory of those lives lost yesterday. Do it for them."
She is noncommittal. "I have BB8 with me. I'm bringing him to you now."
"Yeah, okay. Good." Poe moves on. "Goodbye for now." The transmission fuzzes out.
The next day, Rey arrives at Coruscant. At the Republic's makeshift headquarters, she hands off BB8 to one of Poe's staffers. Then she ducks in to say hello to Rose Tico who is working round-the-clock with the political team planning the upcoming elections. There are probably others Rey should meet and greet while she's here, but she's too discouraged today. Instead, she takes a long walk to a pretty green space on the Upper Level adjacent to the old senatorial district. It's mostly deserted during a weekday. Relishing the solitude on this very crowded urban world, Rey takes a seat on a bench and mulls things over.
Poe's words are still ringing in her ears. Don't be Luke Skywalker. Ironically, that's a message both the First Order and the Republic can agree upon. Everyone, including herself at times, is willing to heap blame at the feet of the legendary Jedi Master. Ben faults his uncle for his devotion to the Jedi Order and for his narrow understanding of the Force. Poe faults Luke for abdicating his hero role in the fight against the First Order. And she herself faults the late Jedi Master for failing to train her and for omitting to divulge the truth of Snoke. All of those complaints have merit, Rey judges. And yet, she feels increasing empathy for the predicament Luke Skywalker found himself in.
Like her, Luke was tasked with rebuilding a religious tradition that had died out. He was the lone bastion of the Light Side burdened with standing stalwart in the face of threatening Darkness. He was the Jedi who knew in time he might need to battle Darth Sidious. Was Luke as scared as she is now? Did he doubt his abilities like she does from time to time? Did he ever worry that he would fall to the Dark Side in the process of safeguarding the Light? That he would lose all he holds dear because grappling with the galaxy's many problems would require too many compromises from him?
Depending who you are, the name Luke Skywalker is either a byword for courage or for infamy. You either honor his ideals or you blame him for the fall of the Empire. He's the hero or the villain to most in the galaxy. And for those who knew him best—his family—Luke is both. Rey has yet to wrap her head around what that means.
Might Luke have secretly resented his talents? Could he have ever wished he was born a normal person to a normal life? Could that have been part of his motivation for exile—the need to escape from responsibilities that overwhelmed and confounded him? And what did Luke Skywalker really think about the New Republic?
"Luke wasn't political. He left all that to my mother."
It's Ben. The bond has opened. That means he knows what she's thinking. Great . . . just great.
Ben looks around at her surroundings and recognizes where she is. "Coruscant. You're at the site of the old Jedi Temple."
"It's a park now."
"I know. My mother had it dedicated to the memory of all the Jedi killed in the Purge. Supposedly, Vader slaughtered younglings right where you're sitting."
"So like Grandfather like Grandson?" she retorts sharply.
It's a cheap shot. Rey regrets it as soon she says it. She feels the rush of pain through the bond as Ben recalls briefly the awful moment he lost control at his uncle's temple and accidentally slaughtered his classmates. Nothing was the same for him after that moment. But it was a far cry from young Darth Vader purposefully striding into the Coruscant Jedi Temple with an army of clonetroopers at his back. Really, there is no comparison between the two men and their respective misdeeds.
"Sorry," she mutters, looking down. Rey feels her face flush. Ben might have deserved that remark, but she's better than petty snark. This is the problem with hanging around with him—Ben brings you down to his level.
He changes the topic. "So . . . does this trip mean you returned the droid to Dameron?"
"Yes."
"And then you came to mull over the old Jedi Order and Uncle Luke afterwards?"
"Yes." The legacy of Luke Skywalker bedevils them both for different reasons.
Ben peers behind her. "I haven't been there in years. It looks the same."
"I was hoping I would sense something here . . . that I would learn something," she attempts to explain. But like the Dark Side cave on Ahch-To, this holy place yields no wisdom. It is completely silent in the Force.
"Luke went questing for knowledge after the Rebellion won. He scoured the galaxy looking for old temples and Jedi artifacts. Yoda and Kenobi were dead by then. There was no one left to teach Luke the ways of the Jedi. In the end, I think my uncle made a lot of it up. I know he felt pressured to come up with answers."
Rey nods. She understands that feeling.
"He didn't realize that the absence of knowledge and a teacher were intentional. The ways of the Jedi were lost for a reason. The Force was making it hard for him to reestablish the old ways. But Luke stubbornly did it anyway."
"Is this the lead up to another 'let the past die' speech?" she complains.
"Am I that predictable?"
"Yes."
"Are you listening?"
"No."
He cocks his head at her and squints. "You're not the first person to feel trapped in this life. You know that, right? Part of the appeal of running away with you to balance the Force was to leave all this institutional responsibility behind."
She shoots him a look. "And here I thought things were going so well at the First Order for Kylo Ren."
"You're still upset."
"Oh, so you've noticed?" she snaps.
"Traditionally, the Sith are the ones who hold a grudge," he smirks. "You Jedi are supposed to be the forgiving type."
His mocking expression causes her frustration to flare. For he's attempting to use her commitment to Light Side ideals to his own advantage. Is her compassion supposed to excuse his worst excesses? If she fails to forgive him, is she somehow less of a Jedi? Rey rejects all that. The Light is not weak and accepting. The Light is strong and principled.
But therein lies the problem. For the person she's having the most trouble forgiving right now is herself. The guilt over yesterday's disastrous attack is killing her and she wouldn't have it any other way. Rey decides those people's deaths belong on her conscience, regardless of the fact that Ben plotted the trap and Finn made the go-ahead decision. That others made mistakes or were wrongdoers doesn't absolve her of responsibility for her deception.
Ben knows what she's thinking. "It's war. People die. It's not fair. It's not nice. It's often random. But it happens. Don't try to rationalize or moralize it."
But she does want to rationalize and moralize the galaxy's conflicts. She wants to fight a just war for a good cause where as few innocent people suffer as possible. But that's hard to do when your enemy is prepared to use the Starkiller Base superweapon against civilians. Worse still, it's becoming increasingly hard to distinguish between military targets and noncombatants as Ben enlists citizen mobs for his local insurrections and terror plots. Now every First Order sympathizer is a potential soldier. How will the Republic ever govern this mess?
"People like us . . . we cause a lot of collateral damage . . . " Ben isn't looking at her, he's looking at the old Jedi Temple grounds surrounding her. She knows through the bond he's thinking of the classmates he killed. For some reason, those comparatively few murders weigh heavily on his conscience years later even after his wartime body count has reached historic numbers.
"They were my friends," he explains simply. "I knew them. Plus, they were my first kills." Not like the nameless, faceless hordes he's callously killed since. He explains it all by chalking it up to war. Ben reiterates his earlier words now. "It's war. People die. You don't have to like it, but you had better get used to it. Compartmentalize, Rey."
No, she decides. She doesn't want to cheapen the meaning of life . . . to discount the suffering of the war's victims and the grief of those who survive to miss them. That Ben has enlisted her as his unwilling spy to further his aims is galling. She's allowed herself to become an enabler to the most ruthless, most disruptive political force the galaxy has seen since Count Dooku. Kylo Ren is brutally effective with his terrifyingly certain aggression that he uses without hesitation. She has to take a stand against him. For how can she call herself a Jedi if she allows things to continue as they are?
Rey stares down her nemesis through the bond. Her voice is low and slow with intensity, for she means what she says with all her heart. "I will not allow you to manipulate me like this. You are using my desire for balance and my empathy for you to prolong the war and to advance your political agenda. I won't be your tool!"
Her vehemence registers with Ben, but he rejects her argument. "That's not for you to decide." He gives her the same old line about fate that conveniently excuses his own actions: "The Force controls the bond." It's infuriating.
"I have been passive up until now, but no longer! I was trying to be neutral in the war politics and to stay out of the Republic military so I could focus on the Force and the Jedi. But I see now that is not an option. And so, I will oppose you going forward." She will oppose Ben and the First Order with all her skills and talents. She is a Jedi of the Galactic Republic, the latest in a long line of Light Side knights who pledge to uphold truth, justice, freedom, and democracy. That means she is better than this.
Ben's smirk is ugly. "Going to confess us to Dameron and the traitor?"
"No. But two can play your game."
He looks at her blankly.
She demonstrates. "The First Order has only three star destroyers and six dreadnoughts left . . . your fleet is meager but you hide it by positioning civilian transports around the galaxy using military transponders that project the electronic signature of warships . . . when we show up, we find a freighter and assume your ships jumped to safety when in reality they were never present in the first place. Shall I go on?" Rey invites, her face a sneer.
Ben says nothing, so she resumes. "Your ranking General is a pompous idiot but you like some old Colonel who tells it like it is . . . you'd choke the General but it would be bad for morale and you're insecure about your leadership. You purport to hate Finn but the truth is that you're green with jealousy over his charisma and goodwill. Your people respect and fear you, but they don't admire you and you know they never will. I know you, Ben! I'm inside your head. I know you fear that you will never be as powerful as Darth Vader. I also know that you fear you will never be loved. So when those crowds riot on Rim worlds chanting your name, it fills a deep void in your broken, Dark soul and you know it-"
"That's enough!"
Ben gives her the haunted, hunted look she remembers well from long ago on the Starkiller Base when she matched his mental intrusion and turned the tables quite effectively.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" he rages again.
Rey smiles at his mix of petulance and shock. She's enjoying this moment immensely. Has it never occurred to him that when the bond lingers open for an hour during a Republic briefing, she sees his own thoughts? Rey might not get to listen in on many important First Order discussions, but she hears the internal monologue of Kylo Ren himself. It reveals all sorts of useful information.
His thoughts betray him now: Fuck, she's good. How much does she know?
"I know a lot!" she crows triumphant. "And now, I'm going to start telling it to the Republic. Where are you now?" she wonders aloud. Rey concentrates hard.
Ben physically winces and reaches a hand to his temple.
"Mygeeto. You're hiding on the far side of Mygeeto," she deduces.
Fuck. Ben blinks and recovers.
"Guess I should get on my comlink to Finn," she threatens.
"I'll be gone by the time he jumps here."
"Yes, but I'll know where you'll be heading," she retorts, enjoying holding the advantage at long last. "You were right when you said this bond would keep us together forever," she gloats.
"Don't do this," he starts to warn.
She cuts him off. "I'm going to use your own tactics against you. All's fair in love and war, right?
No quarter," she hisses. "When it comes to this bond, there is no quarter, Ben." She refuses to be his victim any longer.
Fuck. "Don't do this! Rey, this isn't-"
He never finishes his sentence. The bond abruptly closes.