Chapter 1 - Olivia

I didn't write the letter.

The words reverberated through her head as she looked at the sleeping form of her former partner.

What we were to each other was never real.

She can't even describe how she felt reading those words, though the word heartbroken comes true mind. She never expected Elliot to be hers, but she knew their 12 years together meant something to him. What she wasn't quite sure.

In a parallel universe, it will always be you and I.

That's the only thing he ACTUALLY wrote.

And what the hell did that mean? He had looked her in the eye and told her he loved her.

Kathy had known all these years what she wasn't even sure Elliot himself understood. That was until he said those three words.

Olivia glances back at the man on laying on her couch when she hears a knock on the door.

"Liv? It's me."

"Ayanna, he showed up here drugged outside of his mind."

"Okay, I'll take him to my place, get a tox screen. I have EMS coming to transport him on the down-low for us."

Olivia nodded. "You have to pull him, Ayanna."

"Liv, you know how it is UC."

"Yes, I do, and that's why I want him out. His family needs him alive. They just lost their mother. I -", Liv trails off.

"You need him," Ayanna finished matter of factly.

"Look, Liv, anyone can see it. It's not my business but you two need -."

Cutting her off, Liv says, "You're right it's none of your business."

Ayanna looked the other formidable woman in the eye, "Understood, Captain."

A week later

Olivia answers the trill of her phone to the familiar number, "Benson."

"Liv, I know you are busy, but I called all of Elliot's hundred kids, and none of them are answering."

"What is it you need, Ayanna?"

"Stabler's mother has been in a minor car accident. She's no worse for the wear, according to the nurse I spoke with, but, because of her age, EMS took her to the hospital to have her checked out. She's fine but needs a ride home."

"What hospital?" Olivia says with a sigh.

"Mercy, room 615," Ayanna replied, "I really appreciate it, Denise is working, so I have the baby."

"No problem, I'll head over now."

"Room 615?" Olivia asks an orderly, who points to the right in response.

Olivia knocks softly on the door frame, "Mrs. Stabler?"

"Olivia! Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt your day."

"It's not a problem. Why don't you call the nurse, so we can get your discharge paperwork and get you out of here?"

Mrs. Stabler nodded, "Call me Bernie."

Olivia replied with a nod taking a minute to look over the older woman. She'd heard many stories about her during Elliot's childhood. Most weren't very flattering. Tales of depression punctuated by days of fun, trips to Coney Island, and of course, the disastrous car ride in the snowstorm when he was three. Olivia took a seat by the bed and wait for the nurse to arrive.

After almost an hour passed, Olivia was settling Bernie in at Elliot's place. Olivia draped an afghan over her lap and headed to the kitchen to make tea. She instinctively knew her way around Elliot's kitchen, despite only having been to his new place a twice.

"Do you take milk? Sugar?" Olivia asked.

"Milk, please, dear."

Olivia brought the tea for Bernie and sat down beside her. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

"She was never right for him," Bernie said, ignoring Olivia's question.

"Excuse me?"

"Kathy, she was never right for my son. They got married too young. I refused to consent to the marriage. He was only 17, a whole life ahead of him! His father insisted that Elliot had to 'do the right thing by Kathy', so I acquiesced."

"She was a good wife and mother," Olivia replied diplomatically.

"Mother, yes, wife, I don't know."

"Bernie, they were married for over 30 years, I'm sure they loved each other," Olivia said, though the thought pained her.

"In the beginning, yes," Bernie replied.

Olivia was at a loss for words. So many times, she'd told herself their marriage was platonic, they stayed together for the kids. What had started as love became only comfort and obligation. This vision of their marriage was shattered when Elliot told her that Kathy was pregnant with Eli. Then, being the one to deliver Eli felt like the universe was laughing at her.

Olivia's thoughts were interrupted by Bernie saying, "I see her how he looks at you. He hadn't looked at Kathy that way in quite some time."

Olivia was temporarily rendered speechless.

"I - I have to go," Olivia said hurriedly, "is there anything you need."

"No, dear. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's fine, really. I just -."

"I loved my husband, but he was not a good man, certainly not a good father. If I had it all to do over, I would have left him and taken the kids with me."

"Elliot has told me about his father."

"Yes, and you probably thought I wasn't much of a mother."

"I know he didn't treat you well either. But why are you telling me this?" Olivia asked.

Bernie sighed, "Elliot's my son. I want to see him happy. He loves you, and I suspect you love him."

Bernie's words trail off as Olivia is transported back to Elliot's hotel room. "I love you," he'd said, his ocean blue eyes meeting her chocolate brown ones. How she'd longed to return the sentiment, and maybe she would have if not for being surrounded by five other Stablers. She is jolted back to the present when she hears Bernie says her name.

"I am sorry, Mrs. - Bernie. I really need to get back to my squad."

"Oh, of course. Im sorry for keeping you. Thank you for bringing me home," Bernie replied, knowing she'd overstepped boundaries by more than a little.

"I am happy to help," Olivia said, grabbing a pad of paper from the counter and quickly scrawled her cell phone number on it, "This is my number, if you need anything."

"Thank you, Olivia."

Olivia smiled in return and left, wondering if her feelings for Elliot were truly still so obvious.