"William Lewis"
He really hadn't known. All these years she'd tried to convince herself that he hadn't known, that if he had he would have come to her. But, deep down, she thought he had to knew. How could he not? It was national news!
"Liv? Who's William Lewis?" Elliot said, bringing Olivia back to the moment.
"He was a serial rapist and murderer and overall sadist."
Elliot's eyes implored her to continue. He reached for her hand and held it tightly. "What happened, Liv?"
"He got off on a technicality. Cragen sent me home to take a couple days. When I got home, Lewis was at my apartment...with a gun. He knocked me out. When I came to, there was tape on my mouth."
Elliot took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever Olivia might say next.
"In my home, he made me drink vodka, forces pills down my throat, and burned me - with cigarettes, my house key, and a wire hanger."
Elliot shut his eyes against the image of what the monster had done to her. Olivia slowly began to unbutton her blouse further.
Elliot looked at her quizzically.
"I want you to see the scars, what that monster did to me. When you touch me, I don't want you to be thinking about how I'm damaged-."
"Liv, I could never see you as anything less than the most beautiful woman - inside and out - I've ever met."
Olivia nodded and gave a small smile. After unbuttoning her blouse, she shrugged it off her shoulders, revealing a black, lacy bra. While this certainly hadn't been how she'd imagined it would go if Elliot were to first see her topless, this was something she needed to do. So, she unhooked her bra and let it join her blouse on the floor. Her breasts had born the brunt of Lewis' brutality. There were more cigarette burns and a key shaped brand on her left breast. She could still smell the burnt flesh and shuttered.
"My house key. He heated it up on the stove," Olivia explained, tears falling on her cheeks.
Elliot stood and wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. Then, he gently kissed each scar that marred Olivia's breasts. He did the same to the line of singed skin on her abdomen.
"He took me from my apartment to his lawyer's parents' house. While I watched, he raped her mother. When I flinched, he commanded me to open my eyes and burnt her with a cigarette. Then, he took their car, dosed me with more pills and vodka, and drove to Long Island."
Olivia pulled her blouse back on and buttoned a few buttons.
"You said he was, he's dead?" Elliot asked.
"Yes," Olivia answered with a nod.
"You killed him?"
"No, he killed himself and framed me for his murder."
Elliot's eyes widened, "How? And when did this happen?"
"Eight years ago."
Olivia watched the expression on Elliot's face change. She couldn't find the words for how he looked but stricken seemed about right.
"Noah, is he -."
"Noah is adopted, El," Olivia said softly.
Elliot breathed a sigh of relief.
"I wasn't raped. He was interrupted by the maid. If she hadn't come...," Olivia shuttered at the thought.
Elliot squeezed her Olivia's hand.
She continued, "He took me to a beach house and cuffed me to the bed."
Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. The scene flashed through her mind - the feel of the metallic cuffs cutting into her wrists, the smell of Lewis' breath. It all came rushing back.
"Liv, you don't have to-," Elliot said.
"No, I do. You need to know."
Elliot nodded, and Olivia told him about how she beat Lewis within an inch of his life with the metal bed post.
"How long did he have you?" Elliot asked.
"Four days."
"Four days?!" said Elliot, feeling like he'd been punched in the stomach, "Jesus, Liv."
"No one came looking for me until Cassidy showed up at the precinct two days after Cragen made me take some time."
"Cassidy?" Elliot questioned.
"We were dating at the time."
"This Lewis, how did he frame you for his murder?"
Olivia sighed, "He escaped prison because of some stupid bitch - you know the type who write to serial rapists - who dosed him. They took him to the hospital. He killed the guard, stole a car, and raped a teenage girl. He took her little sister, said he'd kill her if I didn't tell the truth."
"The truth? The truth about what?" Elliot asked.
"At the trial, I lied on the stand. I said that Lewis lunged at me, so I hit him with the bedpost until he was subdued. I had really hit him when I had him cuffed to the bed. I wanted him to suffer, El."
Elliot pulled Olivia to him, "I'm glad he suffered. If it were be, I would've broken his neck."
"I know, I told him you'd know what to do. You wouldn't hesitate like I did."
Olivia remembered what Lewis said, about thinking about someone she'd give anything to see one more time. He was correct, of course. Yet, here that person is, seated beside her, clutching her hand.
Elliot dropped his head to his chest, "Liv, I'm so so sorry."
Olivia just nodded in response. She raked her fingers through her hair before continuing.
"I went on TV and made a statement that I'd committed perjury. It didn't matter. He didn't give up the girl. I knew I had to go to him, that was the only way."
"Wait, you did what?"
"I slipped my protective detail. He told me where to meet him."
"Jesus, Liv!"
"He had a 12 year old girl, El! I had no choice! He said either he could rape her and I'd watch or he'd rape me and Amelia would watch. I couldn't let him rape her."
"I thought you said you weren't raped," said a crestfallen Elliot.
"I wasn't. When I didn't put up a fight, he 'lost interest'. He made me play Russian roulette - five chambers - one bullet."
Tears streamed down Olivia's face as she recounted holding the gun to her head, not knowing if it would go off, not knowing how if Lewis would make her end the life she'd fought so hard to build.
"In the end, he shot himself and made it look like I'd done it."
"Olivia, I had no idea. I - I don't deserve to be with you right now, to even be back in your life," Elliot stated before dropping his head into his hands.
"That might be true, but it doesn't change the fact that I want you here."
Elliot looked up at her, his blue eyes meeting her brown ones.
"I know I can never make this up to you, but I swear I will die trying."