Djeahnneaphpheuhr

AN: First, Djeahnneaphpheuhr is pronounced like Jennifer. It's a bit of an inside joke. But basically, my friends got bored and tried to spell Jennifer with the most possible letters. I just felt like using it here.

I also changed the title of the story to Djeahnneaphpheuhr.

And nothing here belongs to me.

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This was absurd. Her teacher had just stolen her cat. How could he? Hermione of course did not complain as this was a good excuse to visit her favorite teacher.

She head off to the dungeons where Snape lived and knocked on his door.

"Professor, I really would like my cat back!"

"You shouldn't have let you cat wander the halls then, Miss Granger!"

"BUT SHE MY KITTY! SHE MINE, BITCH! AN' I GONNA GET HER BACK!"

Hermione stormed in, and was greeted with a rather interesting sight. Snape was wearing only his knickers, and petting Crookshanks, who appeared to be enjoying the attention. Hermione had this urge to take off his knickers and mount her teacher. Instead she ran away. Snape had no noticed Miss Granger coming in.

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Class had just ended for Ginny, and this meant would get to see Kitty. Looking for her was not very hard, as Kitty found her immediately, with some apparently exciting news.

"GINNY! GUESS WHAT!"

"WHAT?"

"GUESS?"

"Uurm ... you're a lesbian?" said Ginny hopingly.

"No. You're Silly!"

"Then, what!"

"I legally changed my name to Djeahnneaphpheuhr Lynn Leanne Weasley-Sharkgirl-Government"

"Oh, what was it before?"

"Kathleen Smith"

"I see why you did that."

Ginny was very disappointed that Kit, uh... Djeahnneaphpheuhr was not a lesbian.

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NEXT DAY. DUN DUN DUN.

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Snape did not want to leave the cat alone in his office, but he had to teach. He was on the verge of calling in sick, but decided against it. He sighed, picked up his teaching things, and went to class.

Today was no different from other days - he let his class in, a few fights broke out, usually between the Potter kid and the annoying blonde kid. They settled down, and Snape started with attendance. Usually, attendance was easy, since he knew everybody. And then he was the name Djeahnneaphpheuhr Lynn Leanne Weasley-Sharkgirl-Government on his list.

"Which one of you is ... De-jeannie-fffhour Lynn Leanne Weasley-Sharkgirl-Government?"

"Right here and it's pronounced like Jennifer," said a voice from the back.

"What kind of cruel parents names their kid that!"

"No clue. That name was my choice."

Snape was sure she was crazy, to choose a name like that. Nonetheless, he kept on teaching.

"So, today we are going to learn to brew Felinitosis. If you drink it, you become a cat. So, um, don't drink it. Get into partners, by the way. Instructions are on the board."

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Harry was upset because he still had not talked to Kitty, who was now knows as Djeahnneaphpheuhr. Thankfully, she was sitting beside him, and she chose the first person she saw, which was Harry.

Harry, had no clue what to say to Djeahnneaphpheuhr, so he just leaned in and gave her a wet sloppy kiss.

"POTTER AND WEASLEY-SHARKGIRL-GOVERNMENT! THAT IS NOT APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASSROOM!"

Everybody was looking at them. Harry turned red. Djeahnneaphpheuhr giggled, and turned red as well.

There was a really awkward silence. Hermione dropped a pin, which made a sound like an earthquake. People started talking again; completely oblivious to everything that just happened.

"So, um, who are you?" asked Djeahnneaphpheuhr.

"Harry Potter." replied Harry.

"Sweet. I'm Djeahnneaphpheuhr Lynn Leanne Weasley-Sharkgirl-Government. Let's make out!"

"Good idea."

Everybody looked at them, yet again. And Hermione dropped yet another pin.

"Raincheck?"

"Before dinner, common room. Be there or be square."

"Deal."

Another awkward silence. The usual happened, everybody looked at Harry and Djeahnneaphpheuhr, and Hermione dropped a pin, and everybody started talking again, and forgot what just happened.

Harry and Djeahnneaphpheuhr finished their potion in half the time.

"Want to make out now?

"YES!"

Hermione was getting tired of dropping pins. She was also running out.

"Will you guys stop with all the silences - I'm running out of pins to drop here!"

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Ginny did not like Defense. Especially considering that it was now taught by Phlegm. She hoped that somebody, preferably Djeahnneaphpheuhr, would come and get her out of this dreadful class. Her wish came true, except instead of Djeahnneaphpheuhr, came Professor McGonagall.

"Miss Delacour, may I borrow Miss Weasley for a moment, please?" she said politely.

Ginny quickly ran to the door, without waiting for Phlegm to answer. They went to her office.

"Now, Miss Weasley, we have uh, matters to discuss."

"Care to explain?"

"As you know, yesterday, a few students drowned in your uuurhm, vaginal secretions. Unfortunately, the parents of those students are pressing charges. You will have to go to court. They expect you in court next week. "

"Do my parents know about this?"

"No - I spared you the embarrassment and awkwardness."

"Thank you Professor."

Ginny left the office feeling awkward. She did not go back to class, but instead went to Djeahnneaphpheuhr's last class - Transfiguration.