Disclaimer: I do not own Star Ocean or its Characters.

Note: rice – your last review made me drop my jaw! You're on to something, and I'm not talking about Fayt here… But I won't say anymore, I would hate to give it away (even if it's a small detail).

I guess you can call this a 'filler' chapter, but I was happy with it. And I'm trying to at least touch more on how Albel feels. I did more of that at the beginning of this story and I need to try and bring that back.

Dialog – "Blah"

Thoughts – 'Blah'

Bitter-Sweet Motivations

Chapter 12: Winding Roads

"Albel?"

"Humm?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

He blinked at her. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He grunted lightly and crossed his arms. For a split second she bit her lip in frustration. He was stalling and she felt he was torturing her.

"What does it matter what I want?" he asked dryly.

She issued her own light growl more to relieve her frustration. She wanted a straight answer. She had hoped for a 'yes' or a 'no'. She didn't understand why he could not be direct with her. Why did he have to dance around like this?

She had half a mind to go back to the ruins and stock up on some water.

"It matters to me."

She received another grunt from him. "You're not a child. You should be able to do what you want with no dependence on someone else. Make your own decisions, girl." His voice held a small level of frustration.

She shook her head. "I'm not asking anyone to decide anything for me. I just wanted to know about you. How do you feel, Albel? How do you feel…about m-me?"

She lowered her gaze and watched as his chest rose and fell. She hugged herself; fighting a chill from both the cold and apprehension. Her heart thumped at a steady pace, but each beat echoed in her ears. She was sure he would say what she wanted to hear. After the incidents with the water and the first kiss they shared without the water's help – she was sure.

He licked his lips. "I don't…" He paused. An irrational fear swept through him and he was unable to finish what he wanted to say. He saw her shift uneasily and worked fast to change his words. "I don't understand why you have to be so damned persistent." He almost wrinkled his expression at his own words. He had to think fast to change his original sentence, but this was the first time he had done so and made no sense.

"Huh?" She met his eyes. "Persistent? But this is the first time I've asked."

He mumbled something under his breath. "Can't you show some confidence girl? You wonder about obviously in doubt."

She frowned. "Yeah, well it's not easy you know. Here I'm having feelings I never imagined and you think it's easy? You said one time that I wore a mask and you were right. I do. But you wear one too."

He gave her his traditional response. "Bah."

"There!" she announced. "You're hiding again. Albel, I'm scared too."

He scowled at her. "I have no fear." He spoke in a tone that made her wince.

Her frown deepened causing her forehead to wrinkle. "You are a terrible liar," she said accusingly.

"And you're nothing but trouble."

She just stared at him. They were clearly having an argument, but he had been calling her trouble quite often since earlier that day. He said the word, but his tone always softened when he did. It was strange and confusing. She had no idea if he meant it as an insult or not.

Why did he have to be such an enigma?

"Why can't you just give me a straight answer?"

He bent over slightly to look her in the eye. "And why can't you see what is clearly right in front of you?"

She took a disappointing step back. "I know what I see but…" She swallowed hard. What was he doing? Was he testing her or waiting to a reaction? She felt tears swell in the corners of her eyes. She was scared to tell him what she saw. She was scared she would be wrong – that her perceptions would be false.

She was scared that the truth would hurt. But could it hurt more then the uncertainty she was copping with now?

"But what girl? Spit it out."

Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Was there anything she could say that would make him understand? "But sometimes it's nice to be assured that the things I see are real and not just my imagination."

Albel turned to the side. "Bah. That just shows stupidity."

Her heart sank. "It's not stupid to me. Oh, never mind – sorry I asked." She turned her back to him and faced the direction of the inn. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Her voice held a thread of hope. "Right now I better get to the inn and get some sleep."

He didn't say a word as he watched her walk away. He flinched as she turned a corner and was out of sight. He couldn't help but to wonder why she had to be so difficult. All she needed to do was go with it and let things run their natural course. Why did she have to analyze things when the answer was simple? What else could he do to let her know how he felt? All words did was screw things up. He didn't even know how to say what he wanted. She should just know and he shouldn't have to explain himself to her or anyone.

Why was she such an enigma?

He found himself walking into the mansion as his thoughts clouded his head. A voice broke through and dragged him from his daze.

"Albel, my boy. Do you know that if you keep this up you might lose her for good?"

He turned sharply and gave Woltar a flat look. "What do you know old man?"

Woltar ignored his harshness. "I know that a woman's emotions are like a flower. They need the warmth of the sun, the sweetness of the rain, and a solid foundation to live. Without that they will wilt and die."

Albel growled. "Stop using stupid metaphors, you coot and get straight to the point."

Woltar stood unflinching. "The girl is trying to meet you half way. The least you could do it give her what she needs to hold on. If not then she will let go."

"Bah, like I care."

"If that is the case, then you should let her go now. The longer you hold on, the more she will hurt." Woltar left him standing at the door.

Albel cursed under his breath as he made his way to his room. 'If she gets hurt then it would be her own fault. I've done nothing to hurt her… have I?'

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Sophia entered the inn quietly, looking far past ready for sleep. He watched as she treaded to the counter and had a brief exchange with the clerk. He knew when she cocked her head to the side she was repeating the clerk to be sure she had heard him correctly. The clerk smiled and pointed over her shoulder.

She turned and saw him as he stood and approached her. The look in her eyes caused his gut to twist. It was clearly a look of confusion and disappointment. There was also a hint that she had been crying.

"Hey, Sophia," he said simply. He didn't smile, but he didn't frown either.

"Fayt?"

"Come on, I'll show you where your room is."

He heard her feet shuffled behind him. Though reluctant, she was still following him and he couldn't help but to carry a little hope that she would listen to what he had to tell her. Needless to say he was nervous and unsure, but he couldn't allow her to sleep tonight until he had a few things off his chest.

He opened her door and took half a step inside. He turned only to see her looking at the ground between them. She looked so sad and it pained him. He didn't know why but at that moment he didn't care what she did or how things turn out as long as she would smile again.

He rested his hand gently on her shoulder and tugged her into the room. Once she was in, he closed the door behind him and cleared his throat.

"Sophia, I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was a real jerk."

She met his eyes. Her face was slack and showed little emotion. He knew there was something she was feeling she was reluctant to show. "It's okay, Fayt. Let's just forget about it 'kay?"

Fayt led her to the bed where she sat and he sat beside her. "No, it's not okay. You've always been there for me, and when it came down to it I returned the favor by throwing accusations at you without hearing the whole story. Woltar told us what happened with Millon. But, according to Albel the story wasn't accurate."

"I'm sure," she replied pushing her hair behind her ears.

"I… I knew Ameena and I should have told you the story but it was too painful."

Fayt told her the story of Ameena and Dion. As he talked he looked at the wall straight ahead of him. Sophia watched him curiously.

"And, her lungs finally gave out. I was there and saw them both die. It – it wasn't something I wanted to witness." He closed his eyes.

Sophia shifted lightly. "I don't think she died because of her lungs. I think she died of a broken heart."

"Why do you say that?" he asked turning to her. She sat still, staring at her lap as silent tears fell down her cheeks. "Sophia?"

She wiped the tears away. "Sorry," she responded. Her voice was shaky.

Fayt put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I don't know what's going on, but I don't like seeing you like this. Your smile has always been something I cherished. What can I do to get you to smile?"

She buried her face in his chest and released the tears that had built up. "I don't know, Fayt. I… I don't think there's anything you can do."

He gently stroked her hair. "Sophia. Lately you seem distant, like there's a lot going on that no one knows about. At first I assumed it was because of the Federation and all the mess going on there, but now I'm not so sure. Is there something you want to talk about?"

She pulled away from him and pushed her hair back in place. She knew he wanted an explanation on what he had seen in Albel's room; but she didn't even know how to explain that without telling him the whole story. She didn't think he would like to hear that they had kissed twice before.

She gave him the best smile she could muster. "I'm not sure you're the right one for me to talk to." She paused at the look of hurt in his eyes. "I'm not trying to be mean, and I know we've always shared things with each other before; but this is something I think I need to talk to another girl about. It just feels too odd to talk about it with a boy."

"Oh," he replied unable to hide his disappointment. "I figured one day you would grow enough not to need me. I just never thought it would hurt so much."

"Fayt, I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't. Life just got complicated and things just… I don't know, they happened and everything's all a mess."

"A mess?" Fayt asked out of habit more then curiosity. After years of watching out for her he couldn't help it and cringed slightly at himself. He didn't want to make her feel he was trying to force her to talk to him.

"Yeah, well the mess is more me than anything. I just can't seem to get a good grip on my emotions right now."

"Tell me about it," he blurted. Realizing what he said was not what he meant he quickly set to making himself clear before she could react. "I mean that I know how you feel."

She gave him a scrutinizing look he recognized all too well as her look of playfulness. "That's quite obvious Mr. Leingod."

"Huh?"

"You seem to give off an air that you can't be nice to me or Maria without ignoring the other. You don't have to feel that way you know."

"Yeah," he replied sheepishly. "I guess."

"Speaking of Maria; you two were supposed to be in Greeton. I hope the Queen understands and will let you still go on your mission."

Fayt shook his head causing his blue hair to dance on his forehead. "She'll understand. I'm more concerned about you."

"Why? After everything we've been through, why are you acting like this now?" A small relief overcame her. She had finally been able to ask him a question that weighed on her heavily. She had tried to ignore the way he had changed since they were separated by the Vendeeni, but there was always something that reminded her. At times he seemed to be the Fayt she had always known, but for the most part he was someone she felt she had never met.

He hung his head shamefully. "I don't know. All I know is that I care about you…but every time I try I can't get a grip on how I care."

She reached out and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Then stop trying so hard." Her words echoed in her own mind. She felt that she meant that statement more for her own sake then his.

His eyes studied her. "How? When I saw you in the lobby, I knew the pain you carried was caused by me. I said things I shouldn't have said. I don't want to be the reason you lost your smile."

She gave his shoulder a squeeze. "The pain I carry isn't your fault. It is my own. It won't go away until I learn how to get rid of it."

"Still, I feel awful about what I did earlier. It's just that…" He shut his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I don't want to see you hurt, Sophia. I love you."

She could feel the tears swell in her eyes. She blinked, causing a few to flow free. "Fayt, I love you too; and I always will. You are my best friend. That's my love for you – as a friend. I know you feel the same. Please, don't try to force it into something it's not. I did and all it did was hurt."

"Hurt? But I never…"

"No, you never knew. I know. Though I don't see how you missed it." She gave him an honest smile as she used her free hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "And don't worry about if I get hurt or not. One thing I've learned over the past few months is that it's the way life works. Nel told me something and I think I finally understand what she meant by it."

He reached up and took her hand off his shoulder and held it in his lap. "What did she tell you?"

"She told me that in life you are faced with decisions. Sometimes the decision that appears to be right might not be the one that has a happy ending. What she meant was that the future isn't certain and no matter what we do, we take risk. To live is to risk and to risk can lead to pain. But I feel that what matters is how you deal with the pain. Do you give up, or keep going?"

He smiled. "I would like to think we keep going."

"Me too."

He hugged her and kissed her temple as he had always done when she had helped him in the past. He stood and moved to the door, pausing briefly. "Thanks, Sophia. I don't know how you do it but you always seem to know just what to say. If you need me, then let me know. I might not be able to help, but I will try. You can be so strong when it comes to helping others. I only wish I could help you as much as you've helped me."

She watched the door shut and sat still for a moment. "If only I could be that strong at helping myself," she whispered before readying herself for bed.

After she was ready and in the bed, she found it hard to sleep. Resting her head on one pillow, she hugged the second. To her disappointment, it did nothing to sooth her. She knew what she needed to help her sleep. There was one thing she found that she liked and wanted desperately to have. But he was not with her and for once she didn't want to sleep alone.

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Morning came too soon for Sophia. She had gotten little sleep. Yawning the whole time, she got dressed and treaded to the inn's entrance. She was greeted at the door. Everyone was there, with the exception of one person. She sighed before yawning again.

"Rough night?" Cliff asked in a surprisingly concerned voice.

Sophia nodded lazily. "Yeah, I tossed and turned most the time."

"You don't look like you're up for traveling back to Aquaria," Nel said stepping to her side. "Maybe you should go back and get some more sleep. I have errands to run and can come back for you later."

Before she could respond to Nel, Maria was tugging on her arm; pulling her back to the front desk. "Come on, Sophia. I need to have a word with you anyway." She turned to the group. "Just give us a second."

Sophia didn't fight the girl's gentle tugging. Maria had a strong hold on her arm, but put little pressure in her grip. Once at the counter, Maria handled the business with the clerk and reserved the same room Sophia had just vacated for another day. When Sophia offered to pay, the blue haired girl turned her down.

Maria didn't let go of Sophia until they were back in the room. She softly closed the door and gave Sophia her best smile.

"First, please don't be angry," Maria said in her usual emotionless tone. "I nagged Fayt last night until he talked. I was curious about what happened yesterday because I was hurt a little at his reaction at the mansion."

She paused and waited for Sophia to nod. "He didn't tell me everything. I still don't know what's going on with you and Albel, or any other details. The only thing he would tell me was that you brought to light the truth of the relationship you two share. He let me know that you felt he was just a friend to you, your best friend and that he thought he felt the same way. He said he needed to take your advice and not try so hard."

Sophia smiled. "Yeah, I just admitted that to myself yesterday. I had realized it a long time ago, but never acknowledged it. I'm sorry if anything I did hurt you."

"No, don't be sorry," Maria replied with a hint of emotion. "You didn't do anything. All that time I blamed you I was wrong and childish. You never did anything to hurt me; I hurt myself. One thing I know is that no matter what happens between me and Fayt, I hope we can still try and build a friendship of our own."

Sophia lit up a bit in her tired state. "I would like that."

Sophia welcomed Maria's embrace. She felt her heart lighten. Given time, she was sure the girl could be like a sister and she was overjoyed. Maria broke the embrace and said her good-byes. Sophia wished her a safe and happy journey.

Once again alone in the room, Sophia collapsed on the bed. She remained fully clothed and on top of the bed she had made earlier in a sloppy attempt. She didn't have to fight sleep. It overcame her in one quick blink.

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Walking the streets, he had been holding on to a secret hope of not running into any of the maggot fools. He wanted them to leave…well not all of them but he had no control over what they – or she did. But when he saw the spy approach him, he knew there was no way to get out of an encounter.

"Nox, a word with you," Nel said just loud enough to be sure he heard her as she approached him.

He stopped and glared at her. "What?"

She gave him a sideways glance, puffing her cheeks slightly. "My errands have ensured my immediate departure to Arias. I must ask that you escort Sophia to Aquaria in my stead."

He raised his eyebrow. "And why can't one of those maggots do the job?"

He was trying to sound unconcerned. His tone did nothing to fool her. She had been studying him closely since finding the two in the garden. "They have already gone. It would seem that Sophia was unable to sleep last night and was in no condition to travel. Right now she is asleep at the inn. Within an hour she should wake. I do not wish to wake her so you will have to tell her I am sorry." She turned on her heels and walked briskly away before he could argue.

Once she was sure she was out of his sight, she ducked into the grocers and pulled out the device Mirage had given her earlier. She pushed the buttons as directed and it wasn't long before the blonde was looking at her from the screen.

"Is everything set?" Mirage asked with a small smile.

Nel matched her smile. "Yes. I will stay just long enough to be sure things go smoothly before trying to meet up in Peterny."

"Alright," Mirage replied before closing the connection.

Nel tucked the device back into her pouch and set to her mission. She found it amusing to be on a mission of sorts that was not a direction from her queen. Still, Mirage had been persistent and had a way of dragging details from the most unwilling of souls. Mirage had somehow convinced Nel to tell her everything she knew about the reluctant couple. Nel was glad the woman was a friend. Someone like her could be a deadly enemy.

Nel smirked from her hiding place as she watched the street from the window. She had assumed that the man wouldn't wait an hour before treading to the inn. She had been right.

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"What was that all about?" Cliff asked, hanging over Mirage's shoulder. He had started listening in on the conversation the moment the communicator had rung and was now hanging over her shoulder close enough for her to feel his breath. Mirage could swear he had a sixth sense that worked only for situations like these.

"Don't worry about it. You really are too noisy for your own good."

"Whoa!" Roger exclaimed bouncing toward them. Fayt and Maria, who had been out of hearing range, stopped and turned. "Look! Cliff's trying to kiss Mirage!"

Mirage simply shook her head and continued her walk with an amused look on her face.

"What?" Cliff asked innocently. He followed his questions with a few mumbling words – something like 'why didn't I think of that'.

"What are you up too?" Maria's expression only proved she knew that Mirage was up to something.

"Not to worry. Things will come to light within a few days." Mirage didn't wait for a response before walking pass the two teenagers.

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Albel didn't look around as he walked. Before, while stalking the streets he had no destination in mind. With a pending task, he didn't feel the need to stall. Hour or not, he wasn't going to wonder around town like an idiot.

Upon entering the inn, he surveyed the lobby before venturing to the front desk. To his luck, the clerk had stepped out for a short break, leaving the sign-in book vulnerable. Reading the text up-side-down, Albel was quickly able to find the room he sought.

He detested the idea of wasting an hour of his time. He had nowhere to be, nor did he have anything to tend to; but he wasn't fond of just drifting aimlessly either. In his self contradiction, our swordsman would not admit that prior to his run-in with his former enemy; he had been drifting with no destination. Now that he had somewhere to be, he grew impatient.

When he reached the door, he hesitated. He was sure she was asleep. He turned over the idea of waking her. A small guilt hid in his gut. He knew that if there was any reason the girl was sleep deprived, it would be his fault.

Being as quiet as he could, he opened the door and entered the dark room. The door creaked silently behind him as it closed. He stood still long enough for his eyes to adjust to the dark. Before long, her form appeared before him. She was soundly sleeping on the top of the bed, and she was fully clothed. Without a doubt the girl had been exhausted.

His feet found the edge of the bed and he stared down. Her lips were parted slightly to release every sweet breath of sleep she issued. Her eyes moved slightly under her closed lids. She was dreaming.

Her eyes clenched tight for a second before relaxing. She issued a soft moan of distress before rolling over to face his direction. One leg bent to meet her chest; the other remained straight. She shuttered before issuing one word. The word was one he heard clearly. It sent a chill up his spine. Her voice sounded desperate; indicating she was in trouble in her dreams. Still, that one word echoed in his head.

She had called out in her sleep. It was a call for help.

She had said…

his name.

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(A/N) Wow, that was a bit of a philosophical chapter. Seems Sophia, Fayt and Maria are dealing with their own personal pains – and well Albel's dealing with being himself. I admit, I like seeing Fayt jealous, but at the same time I didn't want him to keep getting in the way. And I can't take credit for the idea of Mirage and Nel working together on a 'special mission'. Nope, that was my editor's idea. (P.S. she hates to be called my editor…but hey, what good is family if you can't get under their skin every now and then.) :P