If I saw Christine walking down the road,
I'd quickly whip out my notebook and pen
and ask her questions, hoping to goad
her to revealing her feelings on men.
"Christine," I'd say, in my reporter's voice,
"for once and for all, the fans want to hear
the reasons behind your final choice
that left their Phantom in doom and drear."

"Mary-Sues!" she'd shout immediately.
"He lets them latch onto him like leeches,
play his organ, and take off his breeches,
and still he has the nerve to accuse me
of cheating on him with Raoul de Changy!"

I'd gravely put my notebook to my heart,
promising her this knowledge I'd impart
to the creators of the evil force
that steered the E/C romance off its course.